Divorce from cheating spouse

[Captain1]

I am from Alabama,

I am in the U.S. Army currently on a deployment to a warzone. I was married to a woman 14 months ago and have been here for 12 of them. I have caught my wife cheating via facebook posts with pictures of them in bed as well as wall posts describing their activities. I also called at 4am her time and the man answered. Also, I have a friend who has texts from her stating she is in a new relationship. She filed for divorce (noncontested yet stating she gets the house and i pay) two days ago but the evidence is from a month prior to that. Additionally I have her cell phone records of texts/pics sent back and forth between her and the suspected man. When i confronted both parties on facebook they said they were just friends. Her EX-Husband (she was married once before) has told me that the man has been living there for two months and that my wife introduced him as the new "dad" to her kids (there are several kids they are also not mine). The only thing we have bought together is a house, and it is in my name yet i realize marital property is communal. She is insisting that she is not seeing anyone, she is also threatening to destroy all of my personal properties, car, uniforms, computer, weapons, army records etc if I do not allow her to keep the home and pay for her to live there. Also, she has stated she will use whatever means necessary to keep the home to include telling my chain of command I beat her, as well as show them sexual videos we made during our marriage. My chain of command has already expressed they are not concerned about any videos or anything. I have several witnesses to attest to her adultery and drug use as well. Here are my questions:

Should I contest her and take everything I own back and do I have a good chance of doing so?

Can I go into my home via someone else with a POA to get my stuff while I am here? (He has no keys but my POA authorizes him to use a locksmith to retrieve my items)

What punishment can she face for committing adultery if any?

Will I potentially owe alimony even though her new man is supporting her and she has just found a job?

I appreciate all of your help, I am very distraught about all of this.

 

[cyjeff]

Yes, you should contest.

It is difficult to take things out of a marital home. You may have a shot at things that are uniquely yours (your records, etc), but you really need to talk to an Alabama lawyer about that.

Adultery is not a punishable offense except through a divorce court.

After 14 months? Alimony is really not very likely.

 

[Bali Hai]

I am from Alabama,

I am in the U.S. Army currently on a deployment to a warzone. I was married to a woman 14 months ago and have been here for 12 of them. I have caught my wife cheating via facebook posts with pictures of them in bed as well as wall posts describing their activities. I also called at 4am her time and the man answered. Also, I have a friend who has texts from her stating she is in a new relationship. She filed for divorce (noncontested yet stating she gets the house and i pay) two days ago but the evidence is from a month prior to that. Additionally I have her cell phone records of texts/pics sent back and forth between her and the suspected man. When i confronted both parties on facebook they said they were just friends. Her EX-Husband (she was married once before) has told me that the man has been living there for two months and that my wife introduced him as the new "dad" to her kids (there are several kids they are also not mine). The only thing we have bought together is a house, and it is in my name yet i realize marital property is communal. She is insisting that she is not seeing anyone, she is also threatening to destroy all of my personal properties, car, uniforms, computer, weapons, army records etc if I do not allow her to keep the home and pay for her to live there. Also, she has stated she will use whatever means necessary to keep the home to include telling my chain of command I beat her, as well as show them sexual videos we made during our marriage. My chain of command has already expressed they are not concerned about any videos or anything. I have several witnesses to attest to her adultery and drug use as well. Here are my questions:

Should I contest her and take everything I own back and do I have a good chance of doing so?

Can I go into my home via someone else with a POA to get my stuff while I am here? (He has no keys but my POA authorizes him to use a locksmith to retrieve my items)

What punishment can she face for committing adultery if any?

Will I potentially owe alimony even though her new man is supporting her and she has just found a job?

I appreciate all of your help, I am very distraught about all of this.

You married a sleaze ball. Try to put this crap out of your mind as much as possible until you return. Deal with it then.

The warzone isn't the only place where you have to closely watch your butt.

 

[Banned_Princess]

I agree, forget about it until you get home.

Stop checking in, and stop hurting yourself.

you have a duty to be focused where you are, unless you want a fatality, then she gets everything. everything everthing.

 

[mistoffolees]

You married a sleaze ball. Try to put this crap out of your mind as much as possible until you return. Deal with it then.

I don't think I agree 100%. If he just ignores it, he could end up on the short end of a default divorce and she'd get everything she asks for.

What he needs to do is get an attorney back home to handle matters until he returns. For example, the attorney can ask the entire process to be stayed until OP returns (servicemen overseas are protected from some types of action). OTOH, the attorney may feel that it's better to get it over with - so OP doesn't continue to support a lying, cheating ex.

In any event, doing nothing at all is probably a big mistake. At least call a local attorney to get things put on hold until his return.

As for punishment for adultery, not really. He COULD use it as grounds for divorce, but that adds to the expense and time for the divorce. The more likely scenario is that it can be used to affect property division. Given her egregious behavior, he could possibly argue that she has given up any rights to the house and he should get more than 50% of other property. Whether that flies will depend on the judge.

As for the house-- very little equity has built up in a year. Who provided the money for the down payment? If OP provided the down payment money, he's got a strong argument for keeping the house (AL law gives the court a HUGE amount of discretion in property division), particularly considering her behavior.

 

[LdiJ]

I don't think I agree 100%. If he just ignores it, he could end up on the short end of a default divorce and she'd get everything she asks for.

What he needs to do is get an attorney back home to handle matters until he returns. For example, the attorney can ask the entire process to be stayed until OP returns (servicemen overseas are protected from some types of action). OTOH, the attorney may feel that it's better to get it over with - so OP doesn't continue to support a lying, cheating ex.

In any event, doing nothing at all is probably a big mistake. At least call a local attorney to get things put on hold until his return.

As for punishment for adultery, not really. He COULD use it as grounds for divorce, but that adds to the expense and time for the divorce. The more likely scenario is that it can be used to affect property division. Given her egregious behavior, he could possibly argue that she has given up any rights to the house and he should get more than 50% of other property. Whether that flies will depend on the judge.

As for the house-- very little equity has built up in a year. Who provided the money for the down payment? If OP provided the down payment money, he's got a strong argument for keeping the house (AL law gives the court a HUGE amount of discretion in property division), particularly considering her behavior.

He can invoke the Soldiers and Sailors Relief Act. However, that won't protect his "stuff" in the meantime. That would also require him to continue to support her (military rules) until they can divorce.

 

[ecmst12]

Get married and 2 months later your new hubby leaves the country for a year, possibly never to return. Sounds like a raw deal for her too.

 

[mistoffolees]

He can invoke the Soldiers and Sailors Relief Act. However, that won't protect his "stuff" in the meantime. That would also require him to continue to support her (military rules) until they can divorce.

True, but at least it would prevent her from obtaining a default divorce requiring 90% of his income in alimony for the rest of her life and her getting all of the marital property.

I'm not suggesting that using the Soldiers and Sailors Relief Act is the best choice. In fact, I suggested that his attorney might want to just go through with the divorce. My comment was that it would be a bad idea to just ignore it until he gets home - as was suggested.

 

[stealth2]

Get married and 2 months later your new hubby leaves the country for a year, possibly never to return. Sounds like a raw deal for her too.

Where did you gt THAT from?

 

[ecmst12]

I am in the U.S. Army currently on a deployment to a warzone. I was married to a woman 14 months ago and have been here for 12 of them.

Says it all to me.

 

[Rushia]

Says it all to me.

Not to speak for Stealth, but I'm leaning towards the fact that your comment was totally inappropriate. I know that I found it offensive.

 

[ecmst12]

Because there aren't 2 sides to every story on here?

 

[Rushia]

Because there aren't 2 sides to every story on here?

Sometimes. Your comment was inappropriate as it implies that he DESERVES to be cheated on because he's been gone so long. Our soldiers don't deserve or need to hear that.

I would like to take this chance to Thank our OP for his service to our country and apologize for the hijack but I don't much like it when I feel they are being picked on for no good reason...

 

[stealth2]

And I took "here" to mean with the wife. I was likely wrong. But, in any event - she married a serviceman knowing what that entailed. Probably knowing he was deploying in the near future. ecmst - your comment was unnecessary and crass.

 

[ecmst12]

No, not that he deserved to be cheated on. But maybe she didn't quite know what she was getting into when she married him. I was simply feeling some sympathy for her pain. Perhaps no one else feels it and you all just think she's an evil witch. I disagree. 2 sides.

No, he shouldn't give her all his money either. But the marriage wasn't exactly fair to EITHER of them, being alone all this time.