Divorce help in LA

[SJLA]

What is the name of your state? CA

My husband and I separated in Oct. 2005 after 5 years and 3 months of a hard marriage. We have 2 children, 2 and 5. Since we split I have become involved in an alternative relationship and our amicable relationship has turned ugly. He never wanted the divorce...I always did. My friend at work said I should seek counseling, but I don't want to. With that said, I wonder if you could help me.

I printed on line court forms to fill out, but not sure I have everything complete. This is what I want:

I want full custody with limited visitation with their father. We've had DV in the past, but I have never pressed charges. He has never harmed the kids. In fact, a couple of months ago, in an angry rage when he came over and saw me and my female significant other he beat me up. I did not press charges. I suspect he has been cutting himself to make me feel sorry for him, but I want out of this marriage. Again, he's always been a good dad. Currently he watches them almost every night since I work overnight shift. Should I ask for supervised visits or keep things the same? Will my working overnight work against me? We watch the girls around both our work schedules. My new GF works with me, but on nights she is off she stays with the girls. My husband is infuriated by this! The girls call her their 2nd mommy which I approve of.

I make a little more money than he does and he agrees to pay me $400 a month. That's what's been going on since October. I have no real worries about him and our daughters, but I don't know his family real well and worry he may take them out of state without my permission on a visit. Can we include that in the divorce paperwork? We both drive separate cars, but I was the one who paid for his and want him to pay me back. He owes approximately $1500 for it to me. Can I ask for this in our divorce or will it not make a difference since we were married and CA is a community property state? I also am paying taxes back at $60 a month for taxes we owed from 2001 to 2005 and want him to pay me back for 1/2 of it. Can I ask for this or will it be a losing battle. We own nothing between us but our cars.

What forms besides the OSC to file for disollution do I need to fill out? Can he fight for custody? Will we have to go to mediation? Please help direct me as I am lost.

Thanks!

 

[ceara19]

What is the name of your state? CA

My husband and I separated in Oct. 2005 after 5 years and 3 months of a hard marriage. We have 2 children, 2 and 5. Since we split I have become involved in an alternative relationship and our amicable relationship has turned ugly. He never wanted the divorce...I always did. My friend at work said I should seek counseling, but I don't want to. With that said, I wonder if you could help me.

I printed on line court forms to fill out, but not sure I have everything complete. This is what I want:

I want full custody with limited visitation with their father. We've had DV in the past, but I have never pressed charges. He has never harmed the kids. In fact, a couple of months ago, in an angry rage when he came over and saw me and my female significant other he beat me up. I did not press charges. I suspect he has been cutting himself to make me feel sorry for him, but I want out of this marriage. Again, he's always been a good dad. Currently he watches them almost every night since I work overnight shift. Should I ask for supervised visits or keep things the same? Will my working overnight work against me? We watch the girls around both our work schedules. My new GF works with me, but on nights she is off she stays with the girls. My husband is infuriated by this! The girls call her their 2nd mommy which I approve of.

I make a little more money than he does and he agrees to pay me $400 a month. That's what's been going on since October. I have no real worries about him and our daughters, but I don't know his family real well and worry he may take them out of state without my permission on a visit. Can we include that in the divorce paperwork? We both drive separate cars, but I was the one who paid for his and want him to pay me back. He owes approximately $1500 for it to me. Can I ask for this in our divorce or will it not make a difference since we were married and CA is a community property state? I also am paying taxes back at $60 a month for taxes we owed from 2001 to 2005 and want him to pay me back for 1/2 of it. Can I ask for this or will it be a losing battle. We own nothing between us but our cars.

What forms besides the OSC to file for disollution do I need to fill out? Can he fight for custody? Will we have to go to mediation? Please help direct me as I am lost.

Thanks!

You want him to have limited visitation, but you want him to "babysit" every night while you work?

IT"S NOT CALLED BABYSITTING WHEN HE'S THE PARENT!

 

[Ithildriel]

You're kidding right?

 

[ceara19]

You're kidding right?

Your not talking to me are you ?????

 

[LdiJ]

If he really beat you up then you should have pressed charges.

If you work nights and dad keeps the kids overnight every night....then dad has a strong case for primary custody himself.

 

[SJLA]

If he really beat you up then you should have pressed charges.

If you work nights and dad keeps the kids overnight every night....then dad has a strong case for primary custody himself.

He did! I just didn't want to press charges. I guess part of me understood his rage, but now that my friends are talking to me, I'm second guessing my decision not to. I don't want him to go to jail. And, yes, he does watch the kids at least 4 nights a week, but I do everything else. I knew this was probably a bad idea to ask on here, but a friend referred me to this site for answers. My husband doesn't want the divorce. I want it. I have the paperwork already, but I guess I just need to know if I can ask for payment for his car I paid for and 1/2 our taxes. I will just deal with the custody issue with him if he fights me on this.

Thanks!

 

[SJLA]

You're kidding right?

No, I'm not. I just want what's fair and I worry about our kids even though he hasn't done anything to them.

 

[stealth2]

He actions against you will likely not affect custody/visitation since you didn't report them at the time. To do so now will be a glaring red flag to the judge given you're in a custody battle.

The fact that you work nights will work for Dad. As will "my second Mommy" (same if you were involved with a guy and you had them calling him "my second Daddy"). Your lover isn't the kids' Mom. Period.

Look forward to a custody fight and likely for Dad to get at least 50/50 custody. And for you to pay support.

 

[LdiJ]

You REALLY need an attorney. This one has the potential to be a disaster for you without one....you are making too many mistakes.

A glaring one is the "second mommy" bit...as Stealth said. You have involved a lover (doesn't matter if its male or female) in a very intimate way with the kids when you aren't even divorced yet. Another glaring one is not calling the police when he beat you up.

On top of that he keeps the kids overnight 4 days a week....which gives him a solid basis for primary custody. If you encounter a judge with any bias at all (due to your sexual orientation) that gives the judge a perfect excuse to give dad primary custody without even having to address your sexual orientation, which makes it "civil rights" proof.

All in all you are NOT operating from anything close to a position of strength and you realy NEED an attorney.

 

[Ithildriel]

Your not talking to me are you ?????

No, I wasn't.

 

[SJLA]

You REALLY need an attorney. This one has the potential to be a disaster for you without one....you are making too many mistakes.

A glaring one is the "second mommy" bit...as Stealth said. You have involved a lover (doesn't matter if its male or female) in a very intimate way with the kids when you aren't even divorced yet. Another glaring one is not calling the police when he beat you up.

On top of that he keeps the kids overnight 4 days a week....which gives him a solid basis for primary custody. If you encounter a judge with any bias at all (due to your sexual orientation) that gives the judge a perfect excuse to give dad primary custody without even having to address your sexual orientation, which makes it "civil rights" proof.

All in all you are NOT operating from anything close to a position of strength and you realy NEED an attorney.

I have no money for an attorney. Will the FLF office help me?

 

[stealth2]

FLF? Is that Legal Aid? Not likely - they tend to be very booked up and have a long waiting list. I'd suggest you put your g/f on the back burner and focus on your kids, learning the law in your state, and fighting your custody battle.

 

[SJLA]

FLF? Is that Legal Aid? Not likely - they tend to be very booked up and have a long waiting list. I'd suggest you put your g/f on the back burner and focus on your kids, learning the law in your state, and fighting your custody battle.

It's the Family Law Facilitators office in LA.

 

[SJLA]

Not going to be stupid...PLEASE HELP!

I know everyone on here is probably irritated with me, but I still would like some help if you are willing. I spoke to a very good friend of mine whose boyfriend is involved in an ugly child custody and visitation battle currently (she referred me to this site) and she talked me out of the madness she called it, that I wanted. I have decided to just file for divorce on irreconcilable differences and not fight with my husband in court over our children. I've agreed to joint custody with myself as primary. He agrees too. He and I basically will live like we were when we were together, working and watching our girls around our work schedules. I really don't care about the money any more. Right now he gives me $400 a month to help with the kids even though he makes a little less than me. He is willing to draw up agreement. Will the LA courts allow this or will they simply award CS automatically after determining the percentage of time. I just want to be divorced. I don't care about the car and the taxes any more. PLEASE HELP! My friend helped me to see the foolishness in what I was doing and I don't want to hurt my girls. They love their dad and he loves them. I simply can't stand him. Thanks!

 

[Ohiogal]

I know everyone on here is probably irritated with me, but I still would like some help if you are willing. I spoke to a very good friend of mine whose boyfriend is involved in an ugly child custody and visitation battle currently (she referred me to this site) and she talked me out of the madness she called it, that I wanted. I have decided to just file for divorce on irreconcilable differences and not fight with my husband in court over our children. I've agreed to joint custody with myself as primary. He agrees too. He and I basically will live like we were when we were together, working and watching our girls around our work schedules. I really don't care about the money any more. Right now he gives me $400 a month to help with the kids even though he makes a little less than me. He is willing to draw up agreement. Will the LA courts allow this or will they simply award CS automatically after determining the percentage of time. I just want to be divorced. I don't care about the car and the taxes any more. PLEASE HELP! My friend helped me to see the foolishness in what I was doing and I don't want to hurt my girls. They love their dad and he loves them. I simply can't stand him. Thanks!

Good for your friend for talking you out of the madness.
What you were suggesting is stupidity.
This plan is a good one and it is allowed provided you state why you believe $400 a month is fair and why you are deviating from the guidelines.
What you want to include in the parenting plan is as follows:
1) Who claims the children -- do you each claim a child every year or both children every other year. Makes sense to each claim a child every year.
2) Who is going to cover the children on their insurance? Both? Just one? Is it based on whose employer offers insurance. What about out of network costs (include a clause regarding treatment should be by an in network provider unless an emergency situation)? How is the copay/deductible split -- 50/50?
3) Where are the kids going to school?
4) You have primary visitation time -- what time does dad have? Every other weekend plus one evening a week plus the ROFR -- if you are away from the kids more than 4 hours dad gets to watch them if he is available -- plus half of summer (every other two weeks) plus holiday breaks with holidays according to the county schedule? SPELL THE TIME OUT! Make sure the minimum time dad has is spelled out.
5) How are decisions to be made regarding extra curricular activities, day care, doctors, etcetera?
6) Who pays for extra curricular activities, summer camp, etcetera?
7) Who gets to transport the children? How will transportation take place? Where will pick up and drop off be? Its always good if transportation is split between the two of you -- mom drives one way entirely, dad drives the other way entirely or they meet in the middle.
Agreements can work but they need to be spelled out.