Interceptor 97
Member
What is the name of your state? CA - Solano County, the other party is in Yolo County
I am wondering if I have enough evidence for an ex parte case. We have shared legal and physical custody and we live 60 miles apart, our child went to transitional kindergarten in mom's town last year. I had her on weekends, single-day holidays and half of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Spring breaks. During the summer we agreed that I would have her 5 days a week. And she is dead set on her going to kindergarten in her town this coming school year. But here's the thing...
Trigger warning for violence and assault ahead.
Her and stepdad started going through divorce back in January and things suddenly started becoming very unstable. I got a call from her school one day that no one had picked her up and I had to drop everything and leave work to go get her. Mom almost immediately started bouncing between several different boyfriends in a very short amount of time following the break-up, and one guy she has been hanging around for much of the time since at least March is physically abusive. She first told me on the phone that he's slapped her and later texted me that he one time threw her on a bed, choked her out, and "did his thing" (her words).
Needless to say after that last revelation, I started becoming concerned about our kid being around this guy. Mom swears she isn't brought around him, but our kid recognized his picture and has met him. Fast forward a few weeks from that conversation and one of the times I drive our kid out there I'm requested to drop her off at a "friend's house" that mom is hanging out at, and on another occasion I'm told to pick up our kid there. Well after the second time there our kid reveals that that was the house of the violent abuser, and even said that that guy "slaps mommy", though it didn't sound like she had witnessed this but her mom at some point was forthcoming to her about it. Our kid is 5 now by the way.
After that I texted mom in the nicest way I could think of that I didn't want our kid at that house. Her response is along the lines of "I don't know what you're talking about, she's never witnessed anything and he's never done anything", essentially contradicting several things she's said before.
Well I'll try to wrap this up and fast forward to the summer... There are later conversations where mom admits physical abuse going on. She has established a pattern of lying and contradiction, and this isn't the first time but it's the most concerning. On top of that other little things happen... After the last day of school I find tobacco trash in our kid's backpack that was accidentally dropped in there (mom is notorious for doing bizarre, clumsy, absent-minded stuff like this). And when I read our kid's report card, she got good points in everything except turning in homework which I was never even told about throughout the entire school year. And going into summer, we agreed Mondays and Tuesdays would be her days to take our kid but she has flaked out most of the summer so far, having only taken her a few times, and at one point going 5 weeks without seeing our kid. Several of the times she was a no-call/no-show. The first time she flaked she was supposed to take our kid to a doctor because she had been complaining of stomach problems for over two weeks. The appointment was in her town and I texted her early where should I take her and when. She doesn't respond until the afternoon and says she's "sick" and I said don't worry about it and I took her to an urgent care doctor here the next day. By the way, later that day a Facebook post of her talking about partying and hanging around her abusive boyfriend the day before surface. So it's looking like she was just hungover or on drugs (which she has a history of).
So it's the beginning of August now and I'm really furious with all these events so far (and we had a lot more problems in the past, though we started off co-parenting a little better in the earlier years of our separation). I don't want our kid spending the majority of her time with such an irresponsible and unstable mom that makes so many awful decisions. I also did not like her going to school so far away (by the way they moved out there behind my back last year, we had no custody orders at the time) but now I feel like I have more compelling reason to do something about it. But I'm wondering if the continuous hanging around violent abusers is enough to warrant an ex parte case before school starts so I could register her in kindergarten here? Our only previous custody order was that she went to transitional kindergarten in the other town, but that's over now. And I have a neatly detailed and organized timeline and corresponding screenshots of everything I've described here and more.
I have no way of affording a lawyer otherwise I would've gotten one, I'm printing up all the forms to file my case tomorrow morning but want to make sure I'm not wasting my time. And also to be clear, I do not want to rip our kid away from her mother (even though she tried doing that to me last year), I want her to get her act together and make better life choices but I want to be in charge of medical and school matters, I am much more on things than she is and I'm in a safe and stable environment. Any and all info is appreciated.
I am wondering if I have enough evidence for an ex parte case. We have shared legal and physical custody and we live 60 miles apart, our child went to transitional kindergarten in mom's town last year. I had her on weekends, single-day holidays and half of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Spring breaks. During the summer we agreed that I would have her 5 days a week. And she is dead set on her going to kindergarten in her town this coming school year. But here's the thing...
Trigger warning for violence and assault ahead.
Her and stepdad started going through divorce back in January and things suddenly started becoming very unstable. I got a call from her school one day that no one had picked her up and I had to drop everything and leave work to go get her. Mom almost immediately started bouncing between several different boyfriends in a very short amount of time following the break-up, and one guy she has been hanging around for much of the time since at least March is physically abusive. She first told me on the phone that he's slapped her and later texted me that he one time threw her on a bed, choked her out, and "did his thing" (her words).
Needless to say after that last revelation, I started becoming concerned about our kid being around this guy. Mom swears she isn't brought around him, but our kid recognized his picture and has met him. Fast forward a few weeks from that conversation and one of the times I drive our kid out there I'm requested to drop her off at a "friend's house" that mom is hanging out at, and on another occasion I'm told to pick up our kid there. Well after the second time there our kid reveals that that was the house of the violent abuser, and even said that that guy "slaps mommy", though it didn't sound like she had witnessed this but her mom at some point was forthcoming to her about it. Our kid is 5 now by the way.
After that I texted mom in the nicest way I could think of that I didn't want our kid at that house. Her response is along the lines of "I don't know what you're talking about, she's never witnessed anything and he's never done anything", essentially contradicting several things she's said before.
Well I'll try to wrap this up and fast forward to the summer... There are later conversations where mom admits physical abuse going on. She has established a pattern of lying and contradiction, and this isn't the first time but it's the most concerning. On top of that other little things happen... After the last day of school I find tobacco trash in our kid's backpack that was accidentally dropped in there (mom is notorious for doing bizarre, clumsy, absent-minded stuff like this). And when I read our kid's report card, she got good points in everything except turning in homework which I was never even told about throughout the entire school year. And going into summer, we agreed Mondays and Tuesdays would be her days to take our kid but she has flaked out most of the summer so far, having only taken her a few times, and at one point going 5 weeks without seeing our kid. Several of the times she was a no-call/no-show. The first time she flaked she was supposed to take our kid to a doctor because she had been complaining of stomach problems for over two weeks. The appointment was in her town and I texted her early where should I take her and when. She doesn't respond until the afternoon and says she's "sick" and I said don't worry about it and I took her to an urgent care doctor here the next day. By the way, later that day a Facebook post of her talking about partying and hanging around her abusive boyfriend the day before surface. So it's looking like she was just hungover or on drugs (which she has a history of).
So it's the beginning of August now and I'm really furious with all these events so far (and we had a lot more problems in the past, though we started off co-parenting a little better in the earlier years of our separation). I don't want our kid spending the majority of her time with such an irresponsible and unstable mom that makes so many awful decisions. I also did not like her going to school so far away (by the way they moved out there behind my back last year, we had no custody orders at the time) but now I feel like I have more compelling reason to do something about it. But I'm wondering if the continuous hanging around violent abusers is enough to warrant an ex parte case before school starts so I could register her in kindergarten here? Our only previous custody order was that she went to transitional kindergarten in the other town, but that's over now. And I have a neatly detailed and organized timeline and corresponding screenshots of everything I've described here and more.
I have no way of affording a lawyer otherwise I would've gotten one, I'm printing up all the forms to file my case tomorrow morning but want to make sure I'm not wasting my time. And also to be clear, I do not want to rip our kid away from her mother (even though she tried doing that to me last year), I want her to get her act together and make better life choices but I want to be in charge of medical and school matters, I am much more on things than she is and I'm in a safe and stable environment. Any and all info is appreciated.
