do i have to marry to live with my bf?

[crystalakamom]

What is the name of your state? HOUSTON TX More specifically: HARRIS COUNTY

I was with my ex for 6 yrs. NEVER MARRIED. We have a 3 yr old son and I have primary custody and the ex has standard visitation. We are still unsure about a child support amount and I am not sure what else is pending to CLOSE THIS godforsaken case all together. but my question is

I have a boyfriend, whom I've known for 5 years prior, and we want to live together with my son and his parents WITHIN THE HARRIS COUNTY RESTRICTIONS on our court orders. My attorney says I cant live with anyone until I am married to them because it will damage our case or something. It's hard to get any answers from her as she is so busy, or just takes forever to get things moving in this case.

I know of plenty single mom friends that dont have to marry their bf's just to live with them
my boyfriend and my son get along so well, and we are happy and taken care of emotionally...... we want to live together asap! we want to marry, but much later, for the right reasons, not b/c of an ex!

what can i do?
what is stopping us?
what legally can be done against me if the ex were to find out that i live with my bf and son?

HELP!What is the name of your state?

 

[seniorjudge]

My attorney says I cant live with anyone until I am married to them because it will damage our case or something.

I agree with your lawyer.




what is stopping us?

Morality.

 

[Silverplum]

If you choose not to listen to your attorney, who knows the local judges and the local "climate" of the courts, then that's your choice.

I wouldn't advise you otherwise.

What is the name of your state? HOUSTON TX More specifically: HARRIS COUNTY

I was with my ex for 6 yrs. NEVER MARRIED. We have a 3 yr old son and I have primary custody and the ex has standard visitation. We are still unsure about a child support amount and I am not sure what else is pending to CLOSE THIS godforsaken case all together. but my question is

I have a boyfriend, whom I've known for 5 years prior, and we want to live together with my son and his parents WITHIN THE HARRIS COUNTY RESTRICTIONS on our court orders. My attorney says I cant live with anyone until I am married to them because it will damage our case or something. It's hard to get any answers from her as she is so busy, or just takes forever to get things moving in this case.

I know of plenty single mom friends that dont have to marry their bf's just to live with them
my boyfriend and my son get along so well, and we are happy and taken care of emotionally...... we want to live together asap! we want to marry, but much later, for the right reasons, not b/c of an ex!

what can i do?
what is stopping us?
what legally can be done against me if the ex were to find out that i live with my bf and son?

HELP!What is the name of your state?

 

[CJane]

ANY move can 'damage' your case. A move into a house w/your BF and his parents (that's a LOT of people in one house) could be very problematic in court.

I have a question for YOU... what 'right reasons' are they for moving in together that are NOT 'right reasons' for getting married?

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? HOUSTON TX More specifically: HARRIS COUNTY

I was with my ex for 6 yrs. NEVER MARRIED. We have a 3 yr old son and I have primary custody and the ex has standard visitation. We are still unsure about a child support amount and I am not sure what else is pending to CLOSE THIS godforsaken case all together. but my question is

I have a boyfriend, whom I've known for 5 years prior, and we want to live together with my son and his parents WITHIN THE HARRIS COUNTY RESTRICTIONS on our court orders. My attorney says I cant live with anyone until I am married to them because it will damage our case or something. It's hard to get any answers from her as she is so busy, or just takes forever to get things moving in this case.

I know of plenty single mom friends that dont have to marry their bf's just to live with them
my boyfriend and my son get along so well, and we are happy and taken care of emotionally...... we want to live together asap! we want to marry, but much later, for the right reasons, not b/c of an ex!

what can i do?
what is stopping us?
what legally can be done against me if the ex were to find out that i live with my bf and son?

HELP!What is the name of your state?

Get your Court Order out - see if it includes a 'cohabitation clause' (meaning no cohabitating outside of marriage). If it is in there, your attorney is correct.

If it's NOT in there, check TX statutes for cohabitation - it may be a state guideline.

If neither of the above is the case...ask your attorney if her advice is based on the social 'climate' where you live or another legitimate legal basis.

 

[Zephyr]

ANY move can 'damage' your case. A move into a house w/your BF and his parents (that's a LOT of people in one house) could be very problematic in court.

I have a question for YOU... what 'right reasons' are they for moving in together that are NOT 'right reasons' for getting married?

and it's just problematic on the whole- living with his parents put's YOU and your CHILD in an extremely vulnerable position.....NOT A GOOD IDEA

 

[milspecgirl]

absolutely- that was one big reason that my hubby won custody of his daughter- the judge actually wrote in the papers that because she was relying on someone else- not even her family- for a place to live that it was unstable

 

[CourtClerk]

Ummm... is there a reason why your boyfriend is so grown up that he's ready for a ready made family and he wants to do his girlfriend all the time...

but you guys have to move in with his mommy and daddy to do it???

Either I'm incredibly stuck up and this is the norm or something is wrong with that picture.

 

[CJane]

Ummm... is there a reason why your boyfriend is so grown up that he's ready for a ready made family and he wants to do his girlfriend all the time...

but you guys have to move in with his mommy and daddy to do it???

Either I'm incredibly stuck up and this is the norm or something is wrong with that picture.

It seems to be going around though... LOTS of people living with parents. I know that actually used to be the norm, but I can't fathom it, personally. I LOVE my parents. And my dad has an AWESOME house. It's huge and has a big ol yard... really awesome.

But take my kids and move in with my 'rents when I'm pushing 35? Not a chance in hell.

 

[LdiJ]

It seems to be going around though... LOTS of people living with parents. I know that actually used to be the norm, but I can't fathom it, personally. I LOVE my parents. And my dad has an AWESOME house. It's huge and has a big ol yard... really awesome.

But take my kids and move in with my 'rents when I'm pushing 35? Not a chance in hell.

This is a tad bit "hijacking" but in Europe its still very much the "norm" for people to live in multigenerational households. Housing is incredibly expensive there and that is one of the biggest reasons.

I married an Italian, from Rome, and it really blew my mind that nearly none of his "peers" had homes of their own. Virtually all of them, with their husbands/wives and children lived with their parents....and most of them were professional people so it wasn't as if they were "deadbeats". That was the accepted "norm". As the children got older, they become more of the heads of household, and their parents, as they retired, become more of the dependents, but that is the way that it worked. It also wasn't just limited to Italy, but seemed to be the same in France and Switzerland as well. It did not seem to be the same in the UK.

Most of the homes I visited even had multiple kitchens...so that each "household" could have their own kitchen. There were even some family homes that had been remodeled into individual apartments.

In addition to that, my mother's family lived that way here in the US...My grandparents bought a 4 flat in Chicago and they all lived in it as if it was one big home....and my aunt and cousins still do.

Therefore I really look at multigenerational households differently than others do.

 

[CourtClerk]

But take my kids and move in with my 'rents when I'm pushing 35? Not a chance in hell.

I'm hearing you girlfriend... I'm hearing you. It just AIN'T (using my very best college educated english) happening.

Besides, my parents come from the "if you're old enough to make babies, then you need to be in your own home" mindset. They have said on multiple occasions, "only 1 set of parents can live under a roof."

And my favorite of my mother's:

I raised royalty, when you were children you were Princesses but every Queen should have her own castle.

 

[casa]

It seems to be going around though... LOTS of people living with parents. I know that actually used to be the norm, but I can't fathom it, personally. I LOVE my parents. And my dad has an AWESOME house. It's huge and has a big ol yard... really awesome.

But take my kids and move in with my 'rents when I'm pushing 35? Not a chance in hell.

I couldn't imagine it either...and I have wonderful parents-truly. Still, at least in CA where I live, housing is very expensive & it is rather common to multi-generational homes. There seems to be a huge trend in parents raising/housing their grand-children along with their children.

 

[CJane]

Therefore I really look at multigenerational households differently than others do.

Oh, I know. And when it's cultural, I think it's different than what seems to be going on lately (or I'm observing lately) which is not so much cultural as a failure to fly the nest, yanno?

I am very close w/my family. I have a bazillion sibs and cousins and stuff. We all spent a LOT of time together. But culturally? We were raised to grow up, get out, and get on with it. And we all did.

 

[Bloopy]

This is a tad bit "hijacking" but in Europe its still very much the "norm" for people to live in multigenerational households. Housing is incredibly expensive there and that is one of the biggest reasons.

I agree with you to an extent.

But I doubt this is a European doing it out of European values, family structure and Economic constructs.

The reality is when an American does this, he/she is in college, it is temporary or he/she is planning to mooch. Mooching off people that are not even family is pathetic. Mooching to get by when you have children is unstable.

It’s like when drunken teens argue that drinking is acceptable for youth in Europe. Sure it is, inclusive of a different maturity level and attitude towards alcohol amount those youth.

 

[CourtClerk]

Oh, I know. And when it's cultural, I think it's different than what seems to be going on lately (or I'm observing lately) which is not so much cultural as a failure to fly the nest, yanno?

Right, European values have nothing to do with what's going on in here, because before Ld said it, half the people in this situation didn't give a darn about what is going on in Europe.

What is it is people trying to play grown up before they are grown up. They have babies before they can afford it, then whine and moan about how expensive it is to survive on their owns.... ya think??? Did you think it got cheaper with an extra mouth to feed?

It's what I call trying to be independently dependent. I want to be grown and an adult one minute. I want to have sex, have babies, go out, party and all that good stuff, but I still need my mommy and daddy to pay for the roof over my head, the food on the table and the toilet paper to wipe my azz.

The only thing worse than that mindset (IMO) are the parents who allow their "children" (because children are what they are... even if they are 35) to live by it.