Does my ex have a case about me moving out of state???

[philliesgirl53]

What is the name of your state? PA

My ex- husband and I separated about 2 years ago, and I took our son and moved to Philadelphia with my parents, which is an hour from where my ex lives in Montgomery County, PA. He signed a custody order giving me physical custody of our son, with him seeing him every other weekend. I have since met a man who lives in Delaware, and we have been together for a year and a half. We now are ready to move in together, and that means me moving to DE because he has a good stable job in DE and owns a house, whereas I live with my parents and work from my home, so my job is portable. I am also a student right now and got accepted to a school in DE which would allow me to pursue nursing. Where I am moving to in DE is 1 hour from where my ex lives, just as where I live now is 1 hour away. So nothing at all would change as far as the amount of time my ex sees our son or the distance he has to travel. Only thing different would be our address. However, my ex is very spiteful and jealous, and he tells me that since I am moving out of state he can contest the move and take me to court. I know that it's only because he is jealous I'm moving in with another man. There is no other reason for him to try to stop me, since as I said, it will not change our vistitation arrangements. So my question is, does he actually have a case? Would a judge actually not allow me to move? I've been so worried about this since he keeps threatening to take me to court, and I am so scared to think that I actually may not be allowed to go. I would really appreciate any feedback.

Thanks!

 

[Ithildriel]

What is the name of your state? PA

My husband and I separated about 2 years ago, and I took our son and moved to Philadelphia with my parents, which is an hour from where my ex lives in Montgomery County, PA. He signed a custody order giving me physical custody of our son, with him seeing him every other weekend. I have since met a man who lives in Delaware, and we have been together for a year and a half. We now are ready to move in together, and that means me moving to DE because he has a good stable job in DE and owns a house, whereas I live with my parents and work from my home, so my job is portable. I am also a student right now and got accepted to a school in DE which would allow me to pursue nursing. Where I am moving to in DE is 1 hour from where my ex lives, just as where I live now is 1 hour away. So nothing at all would change as far as the amount of time my ex sees our son or the distance he has to travel. Only thing different would be our address. However, my ex is very spiteful and jealous, and he tells me that since I am moving out of state he can contest the move and take me to court. I know that it's only because he is jealous I'm moving in with another man. There is no other reason for him to try to stop me, since as I said, it will not change our vistitation arrangements. So my question is, does he actually have a case? Would a judge actually not allow me to move? I've been so worried about this since he keeps threatening to take me to court, and I am so scared to think that I actually may not be allowed to go. I would really appreciate any feedback.

Thanks!

Yes he can contest the out of state move.

No one can say how a judge will rule if he does.

If you are truely not changing the distance that the child is traveling or the visitation, you probably have a better chance than if you were moving the child further away from dad than you live now.

I have no legal expertise, so stay tuned for other opinions.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Actually, there IS a very good reason for him contesting the move: It is for YOUR benefit, not the child's. So, give him the child and YOU every other week visitation and then move. OTherwise, prove to the court that taking the child to Deleware and outside the jurisdiction, is in the child's best interest.

You have not proven it here.

 

[nextwife]

There are many good reasons that he would object to you moving out of state.

The state he is in would lose jurisdiction.

it opens the door to moves much farther away. He will basically lose any right to fight a cross counrty move, as you would be considered as "already out of state".

I have no idea if the travel time is the same or worse in the other direction, but being the same distance does not always mean the commute is the same. Example: I live in Milwaukee. The distance here to Chicago is similar to the distance to Madision WI, yet the drive there is far worse.

FYI- My husband sold his house and moved here to me when we got engaged. That is another option that is available.

 

[philliesgirl53]

Actually, there IS a very good reason for him contesting the move: It is for YOUR benefit, not the child's. So, give him the child and YOU every other week visitation and then move. OTherwise, prove to the court that taking the child to Deleware and outside the jurisdiction, is in the child's best interest.

You have not proven it here.

Well, moving to DE does provide a better school district than Philadelphia. Also, he doesn't want primary custody of our son. All he wants is for me not to be with someone else. Also, one thing I left out is that he told me that either I lower his child support payments or I let him claim our son on taxes every other year, and I told him no to both, and he then said he was going to take me to court to keep me from moving...as a repercussion to not giving in to his demands...

 

[stealth2]

So? You're still going to have to show the court how this move will benefit the child.

 

[philliesgirl53]

So? You're still going to have to show the court how this move will benefit the child.

Won't living in a better school district benefit my son? Philadelphia has one of the worst school districts...

 

[stealth2]

Won't living in a better school district benefit my son? Philadelphia has one of the worst school districts...

And none of the surrounding areas have better schools? Please.

 

[NCP Dad in TN]

I'm not a lawyer... but I will pass on info that a lawyer told me once when I was in a similar situation...

My ex has always tossed out there that she may move away with the kids... new man, changing colleges, just for kicks... I think she says it to get me upset.

Now, I have close to 50/50 visitation, and the attorney told ME that, despite the substantial visitation, if Mom can prove that she is doing this to better herself AND the childs lives, and if Mom can prove that she is NOT doing this to alienate the children from their father, she has every right to move, and will probably be allowed to do so. The simple fact of MOM moving to better HER life (job, education, etc) was enough to make it ok. The reason being, if Mom betters HER job/education/environment, then the kids will benefit, too.

Not sure if this applies to all 50 states or not. And I'm sure not all judges think the same. But if Dad's time with the child isn't going to change, I can't imagine, IN MY OPINION, why a judge would keep you from moving on with your life.

Sit down and come up with all the reasons why this move is good for your child. And for you.

Then tell your ex to take you to court.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You can't get you way in all things. The courts will consider his contest seriously.
#1 You are still married, just because you have primary custody of the child doesn't mean that he can't or won't be awarded custody and the tables turned with YOU paying him child support.
#2 You moved away, thus you are the one responsible for transportation, now and if this move were to be approved you might have to both provide transportation and other modifications in your parenting plan.
#3 It is reasonable to claim his son on his income taxes every other year although he may not be able to do that according to IRS rules, many couples have agreements that allow for this.
#4 Since he exercises his parential rights there is no reason that he can't request even more parenting time.
#5 You are free to move to another state to pursue your education, you won't have time for your child anyway.
#6 You are not even assured that this relationship will last since you are not free to marry and not even talking about marriage.
#7 A father has a right to be concerned about who has contact with his child, especially someone in a parental role.
#8 You have chosen your education and this man who is not even making a commitment to you over the best welfare of your child.

YOUR HUSBAND HAS AN EXCELLANT CHANGE OF PREVENTING THE CHILD'S MOVE TO DE AND BEING AWARDED PRIMARY CUSTODY.

 

[NCP Dad in TN]

Are you working? If not, who is claiming the children on their taxes?

If Dad is paying support, offer to let him claim the child. Once you get a job, offer to let him claim the child every other year. That is FAIR, in my opinion. Being on the side of the fence where my ex does not work at all, and where I have nearly 50/50 visitation and STILL pay 41% of my income in CS, and it was a court battle to even be ALLOWED to claim the kids... well, it's not fair to let the exemption go to waste if there is a parent working and paying support who could claim them.

Maybe if you offer the compromise on the tax situation, Dad may ease up on the moving issue. If what you say is true about how the distance thing really doesn't change, Dad may just be acting controlling and like a jerk because he feels threatened that his child is now going to have another father figure in his life. As a mom, wouldn't you feel a twinge of something if HE was remarrying? Not that it gives Moms OR Dads the right to be jerks... but you get my point... I hope...

 

[NotSoNew]

and if dad takes it to court he WILL get to claim the child on his taxes every other year. thats pretty standard.

 

[NCP Dad in TN]

and if dad takes it to court he WILL get to claim the child on his taxes every other year. thats pretty standard.

You'd think so. I mean, that's the LOGICAL way it should be. But in my case, nope, it didn't work out that way. My ex got on the stand and LIED and said she had a job interview for the next day, and that she could be working as early as that week, so the judge said:

"I'm not a big fanof changing the parenting plan... so here is what I'll do. Dad, you can claim the (three) children. I want you to have your taxes figured both ways, and give Mom 41% of the difference. After Mom gets a job, she'll get the deductions."

It was explained to me much, much, much later that the reason the judge did this was because child support is calculated under the assumption that the custodial parent is the one who gets the exemptions (you know, in a perfect world where both parents accept the responsibility of supporting their children). Therefore, if the non-custodial/child support paying parent were to claim the children, their income amounts are now different... thus meaning child support will be a different amount.

Now, I have no idea HOW different, or if it amounts to much of anything at all, but that's what happened to ME...

I thought the same thing... that SURELY, to be fair, the parents should be able to alternate years... but it didn't work that way, with our judge. Just another thought to ponder.

 

[philliesgirl53]

You can't get you way in all things. The courts will consider his contest seriously.
#1 You are still married, just because you have primary custody of the child doesn't mean that he can't or won't be awarded custody and the tables turned with YOU paying him child support.
#2 You moved away, thus you are the one responsible for transportation, now and if this move were to be approved you might have to both provide transportation and other modifications in your parenting plan.
#3 It is reasonable to claim his son on his income taxes every other year although he may not be able to do that according to IRS rules, many couples have agreements that allow for this.
#4 Since he exercises his parential rights there is no reason that he can't request even more parenting time.
#5 You are free to move to another state to pursue your education, you won't have time for your child anyway.
#6 You are not even assured that this relationship will last since you are not free to marry and not even talking about marriage.
#7 A father has a right to be concerned about who has contact with his child, especially someone in a parental role.
#8 You have chosen your education and this man who is not even making a commitment to you over the best welfare of your child.

YOUR HUSBAND HAS AN EXCELLANT CHANGE OF PREVENTING THE CHILD'S MOVE TO DE AND BEING AWARDED PRIMARY CUSTODY.

Wow...tough crowd. Maybe I wasn't clear enough about my situation.

#1. I'm not married anymore. I am legally divorced. He signed the custody agreement giving me primary custody without a fight.
#2. I did move to Philadelphia after separating because I had nowhere else to go at the time except living with my parents temporarily. Philly is 1 hour away from where my ex lives, and that is where I was living when the custody arrangement was made. I drop him off on Fridays, he brings him back on Sundays, as stated in the agreement.
#3. About claiming him, we made a child support settlement out of court which is $250 less than the court ordered amount would be per month. Therefore, I do think it's fair that I get to claim him. The IRS does state that the parent with primary custody has the right to claim the child on taxes.
#4. I would have no problem giving him more time with our son. He's never asked for it. I've even offered it and he turned it down.
#5. I most certainly will have time for my child while in school. He is 3 and I am home with him all day. Fow now, school will be 2 nights a week. Then I work from home as a medical transcriptionist after he goes to bed.
#6. I am free to marry and yes we are talking about marriage. Just not officially engaged yet.
#7. I don't know how to answer this...I agree with you. My boyfriend has never given my ex any problems and has never been anything but wonderful to my son.
#8. I believe this move will benefit my son. I am always thinking about the welfare of my child.

I guess the point I'm trying to get across is that I really am not trying to be vindictive here. I am not trying to change anything about my son's relationship with his father. I really do want him to see his father as much as possible, and the drive to where I live with my parents and where I will live in DE is equivalent from him, as I've driven both many times. I don't want anything to change. All I want to do is move on with my life, and I guess I just wanted to see if he could stop me out of spite.

 

[Ithildriel]

The judge isn't going to see it as spite, if it gets that far

He's going to see it as all the valid reasons that people listed in this thread.

And as you can see the answers have varied, and like I said, no one here knows how a judge in your area is going to react. A lawyer in your area may however.

If you are deadset on moving in with loverboy before you are married, then you'll have to put in for the out of state move, per your divorce agreement or state guidlines and wait for the proverbial brown stuff to hit the fan.