Does summer vacation supercede Father's Day?

[MichaCA]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ca

Horrid question I know...I do not have an attorney.

Myself and ex have a cumbersome summer vacation schedule. We each get two weeks with daughter. This year its my year to call my vacation first. Once again, I am bumping into Fathers' Day.

I want to be in NC to visit family and see a niece get married...its on June 28th. However, ex got a clause put in the court order way back (not as a result of problems) that we must exercise our vacation time starting with the beginning of our longest visitation time with child.

Well, that longest time starts on June 17th. Fathers Day is on June 20th.

The next times I can go are July 2, and July 16, and thats it. School does not begin again until August 18...but he had a clause put in court order that I have to return her from any vacation for one week before school begins. (again don't know why...NO problems there but I did disagree with it).

So do I suck up, miss the wedding, miss seeing the out of state relatives who will be coming...and just go either July 2nd, or July 16th?

Thanks for your time reading this!!What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[The_Non-Mom]

I know you're a regular around here, but I don't recall your specific details. Do you and Dad have the type of relationship that you can negotiate with him? Maybe offer a boatload of make-up time?

 

[Zigner]

Why can't YOU go to the wedding?

 

[nextwife]

Why can't YOU go to the wedding?

That's what I was thinking when I read it. My sis is in CA and she's coming here for a 3 day weekend in June. Why couldn't Mom go out east over a long weekend, and leave the kiddo(s) behind?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ca

Horrid question I know...I do not have an attorney.

Myself and ex have a cumbersome summer vacation schedule. We each get two weeks with daughter. This year its my year to call my vacation first. Once again, I am bumping into Fathers' Day.

I want to be in NC to visit family and see a niece get married...its on June 28th. However, ex got a clause put in the court order way back (not as a result of problems) that we must exercise our vacation time starting with the beginning of our longest visitation time with child.

Well, that longest time starts on June 17th. Fathers Day is on June 20th.

The next times I can go are July 2, and July 16, and thats it. School does not begin again until August 18...but he had a clause put in court order that I have to return her from any vacation for one week before school begins. (again don't know why...NO problems there but I did disagree with it).

So do I suck up, miss the wedding, miss seeing the out of state relatives who will be coming...and just go either July 2nd, or July 16th?

Thanks for your time reading this!!What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

My guess is that a judge would expect you to arrange your vacation around father's day. However, if memory serves me you have such a convoluted parenting plan that I cannot be sure.

What I can be sure of is that if dad misses father's day, he is going to haul you into court. Are things any better at all with the co-parenting relationship? Any chance of negotiating this?

 

[MichaCA]

Thanks for the replies. No things are no better in the coparenting arena...so if there is a chance he would haul me to court for this I won't chance it.

As far as going myself, yeah, I could do that. Its funny, this is the first year I thought about just going alone...mainly to spend more one on one time with an aging dad. We were in a severe car wreck last vacation so pretty much missed out on connecting.

My daughter said she really wanted to go if I go. I thought that was sweet...she is only 11 yet I feel I have instilled in her the importance of family (on both sides) even though she only see's them once a year as my moms' health preventing them from visiting here. This vacation time once a year is the time she gets to see cousins, her one remaining grandparent, aunts, uncles...etc., etc...so I think I will just skip the wedding and go another time - in July.

This did come up once before...last time I saw my mom conscious was a huge beach trip with lots of family they had made reservations one year in advance.. (a trip after the trip back east)...it conflicted with Fathers Day. Two therapy sessions with ex (@ $180 each session) and voluntarily offering dad TONS of extra time with daughter to make up for fathers DAY...he agreed to not take me to court over it. It was worth it...again, it was the funnest time and the last time I saw my mother conscious...but it was not fun at all just trying to get out there at that particular time.

Probably too much info...venting a little...but thanks for taking the time, now I am clear what next step to take. Thanks alot. Micha

 

[PQN]

If the weekend of the 28th is yours, why not just go for the weekend of the wedding? Or you go down in advance and have dad put her on a plane to you on the first day of your visitation?

 

[LdiJ]

If the weekend of the 28th is yours, why not just go for the weekend of the wedding? Or you go down in advance and have dad put her on a plane to you on the first day of your visitation?

Based on earlier threads, opposite coasts and somewhat limited finances...and, based on earlier threads, dad would NEVER cooperate with putting the child on a plane.

 

[CJane]

So, why not start your vacation period on 6/18 and let dad have kiddo on dad's day and leave town late that night/early the next day?

 

[LdiJ]

So, why not start your vacation period on 6/18 and let dad have kiddo on dad's day and leave town late that night/early the next day?

Because their court orders specify that they must take their vacations starting with the beginning of their longest time of parenting time with the child...so that wouldn't work.

They have an extremely convoluted parenting plan.

 

[CJane]

Because their court orders specify that they must take their vacations starting with the beginning of their longest time of parenting time with the child...so that wouldn't work.

They have an extremely convoluted parenting plan.

I guess I just don't understand how the whole longest period of possession works. I mean if hers starts on the 17th or 18th whatever, it starts then regardless of fathers day, right? Because holidays don't 'count'... Mom just loses a day.

 

[LdiJ]

I guess I just don't understand how the whole longest period of possession works. I mean if hers starts on the 17th or 18th whatever, it starts then regardless of fathers day, right? Because holidays don't 'count'... Mom just loses a day.

She wouldn't just lose the day, she would lose part of her vacation as well. She needs a two week vacation to see all the family she needs to see (on the east coast) and she only gets two weeks if the two weeks start with her longest period of possession. If she had to leave for vacation on the 21st, she would only get 10 days of vacation, which in reality is only 8 days with one day each way to travel clear across the country.

 

[CJane]

She wouldn't just lose the day, she would lose part of her vacation as well. She needs a two week vacation to see all the family she needs to see (on the east coast) and she only gets two weeks if the two weeks start with her longest period of possession. If she had to leave for vacation on the 21st, she would only get 10 days of vacation, which in reality is only 8 days with one day each way to travel clear across the country.

I understand that she'd also lose a few days with family. But this isn't an impossible situation... She CAN still go to the coast, WITH the child, AND attend the wedding. It will require some compromise and flexibility, but it's a long way from impossible.

 

[sometwo]

This year its my year to call my vacation first. Once again, I am bumping into Fathers' Day.

I realize that everyone has said its a complicated order but by this statement you are once again bumping into father's day. Does that mean this is the second time you've planned yours around father's day? Or is it that's just how it falls according to the order.

By your post you picked that, and its not the first time.

 

[CJane]

I've gone through your old threads and I'm not seeing your summer schedule spelled out - did you delete a thread or tack it on to someone else's?

I DO see where last year or the year before you had this same problem, but no details.

Here's where I'm confused about the whole thing.

My ex and I have alternating 2 week possession periods in the summer.

I get to choose my periods first in even years, he gets to choose first in odd years.

It's a bit difficult because the order specifically says that we're each to have 3 uninterrupted 2 week periods with the children. Which is great if there are no snow days at all. Because summer vacation is exactly 12 weeks long.

However, he gets Father's Day. We alternate Memorial Weekend (Fri-Mon) and Independence Day (sometimes it's a whole weekend, sometimes just the day, depending on the day of the week it falls on).

School is out around May 20 (this year, it was May 24 due to snow days)
School begins Aug 18 or so (next year, it's Aug 17)

It's my year to choose the weeks I want. But REALLY, if they're to be "uninterrupted", the weeks are dictated by who has the holidays. He has Memorial Weekend this year. So unless I want to "let" the kids go with him for 4 of my 14 days, I have to assign him that 2 week period (and therefore the third and fifth two week periods) and take the 2nd, 4th and 6th for myself. Conveniently, this makes Father's Day part of "his" time anyway, and 4th of July (my holiday this year) part of my time. So there's no flip-flopping.

However, next year, it's his year to choose. He COULD choose the 1st 2-wk period and "let" me have the kids for MY Memorial Day weekend (thus losing 4 days of "his" time), and then I'd have to "let" him have the kids for Father's Day (only the Day). AND I'd have to "let" him have the kids for his 4th of July holiday (only the Day next year). There'd be nothing I could do about it, even though it WOULD technically make the 2-week periods "interrupted" and they're supposed to be "uninterrupted".

Last year and the year before, we couldn't really make it work out with our schedules to do the 2-wk periods, so we just split the summer down the middle and swapped holidays as ordered. I hated it, and so did the kids. Won't agree to THAT again!

All of that rambling is to say that I don't understand why you can't look at the calendar and say:

"Ok, so my longest period of possession starts on 6/17. So that's when my "two weeks" starts. Father's Day falls in there, so that's one day that I don't get kiddo... which means that we can't leave for the coast until late that night/early on the 21st. That's ok though. It's 14 hours out there... we'll arrive on the 22nd. The wedding is the 28th, and we'll have to leave by mid-day on the 29th to get back in time (July 1) to drop kiddo off with Dad. It's a whirlwind trip, and certainly not what I would have planned, but it's what I have to do in order to ensure kiddo gets time with both parents AND my family."

I haven't seen what your order actually SAYS, but I'm going to go out on a limb here:

You don't HAVE to have 2 full weeks out there.
You don't HAVE to leave town the MINUTE your two weeks starts.
You don't HAVE to begrudge Dad his Father's Day.

You're CHOOSING to make this harder than it absolutely has to be.

Also, I KNOW you have issues with Dad. And BELIEVE ME, I know what that's like. It sucks rocks. Big time. But you have 18 threads that I found, not all of them in custody/visitation... so maybe 13 or 14 here? This is the SECOND thread where you've wanted to know if it was ok if you took away Dad's agreed to (or ordered) time so that you could take a "once in a lifetime" trip with kiddo. And you "took" Father's Day last year or the year before. (yes, I know you offered make-up time).

My advice to you is the same as my advice to ME was a few years ago. REALLY REALLY examine your behaviors closely. How much of the conflict is created by your actions - whether they're intentional or unintentional?

How much of the conflict between Daughter and Dad stems from YOUR relationship with Dad?

I know he's an azz. I'm NOT "blaming the victim" here. But nothing is ever ALL someone else's fault. Ever. And sometimes, the vicitm maybe COULD have made different choices and SHOULD make different choices in the future in an effort to not CONTINUE being a victim. Yanno?