Drama at the front door

[Zephyr]

Where does one purchase a bar bouncer?? Walmart? Would that be in the household goods isle?

I don't think people necessarily purchase them...don't they just kinda end up with them at the end of the night?

 

[Zephyr]

Thanks for asking.

NCP doesn't have to ring the door bell that many times. NCP chooses to do it.

It's more of the same behavior that I and the children experienced before and during the divorce - keep coming at you until you no longer have the emotional strength to put up a fight and you just give in. Relent just to make things quiet again and restore the 'peace'. The fight and ramifications are worse than giving in so you give in.

The difference now is I don't have to relent anymore and can say 'no' and not bend. The loss of this twisted sense of control is maddening to NCP.

In this particular situation NCP arrived unannounced (the norm), spoke to the children at the front door (and decided to take one for the evening) then asked to speak to me. I came to front door, listened to the request (which really was a demand in disguise unrelated to children), said 'no' and that's when it started. I tried reasoning and talking but got yelled at, requested it stop, then shut the door. It was from that point on that the door bell starts ringing. When I don't come back to the door to get yelled at and listen to how bad I am for saying no, that's when the phone starts ringing. Messages are left that start by blaming me for starting the problem, for being unreasonable, abusive, lying, (different reasons different days - take your pick) and then goes on to explain their point of view. I usually come back to the door several times demanding it stop. This time one child (teenage) was in car waiting for most of this time but eventually came into the house through another door and sat on couch to wait until it stopped. I continued with what I was doing - laundry, dinner, etc.. NCP switched between ringing the door bell (furiously at times), calling (I eventually disconnected phone) and just quietly waiting at door, trying to listen inside house.

This episode lasted longer than any previous in the last year. My concern, and the reason I started this thread looking for advice, is that it's a preview of things to come and I want to put a stop to it. Things were crazy scary during divorce, GAL fought to have parent removed, and instead of that quieting things down, it only escalated the behaviour.

Typically any interaction with ex is negative unless I am 100% compliant to their thinking on that day. My requests for it to stop only exacerbate the situation (a ringing door bell is not as bad as an ex at the front door yelling at me or the kids). My trying to reason in a logical manner are met with yelling, or curve balls, accusations, etc. unrelated to the initial topic. 'One' thing becomes 'everything'. Every problem is caused by me and I'm the only one that can prevent them. I am at wit's end in trying to deal with it face to face.

go out the back door- get in your car and leave, while calling the police from your cell phone. I would call the police every time, when you want someone gone from your residence they really do not have a right to keep staying there harassing you.

 

[LdiJ]

go out the back door- get in your car and leave, while calling the police from your cell phone. I would call the police every time, when you want someone gone from your residence they really do not have a right to keep staying there harassing you.

This is perfect advice...unless it would actually be safer to stay in the house, but either way, call the police when he does this. If he keeps it up you can eventually get a restraining order and exchanges at the local police station.

 

[Zephyr]

This is perfect advice...unless it would actually be safer to stay in the house, but either way, call the police when he does this. If he keeps it up you can eventually get a restraining order and exchanges at the local police station.

Yeah, would definitely be more ideal if OP had an attached garage. OP you need to not be squeamish about calling the police about this, what he is doing is serious harassment better to address it now than after it's gotten much worse.

 

[Isis1]

I don't think people necessarily purchase them...don't they just kinda end up with them at the end of the night?

the only time i ever "ended" up with a bar bouncer, is when i lost a shoe and needed to be lifted out of the club.

and i don't like men that have bigger boobs then me. but that's just me

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

the only time i ever "ended" up with a bar bouncer, is when i lost a shoe and needed to be lifted out of the club.

and i don't like men that have bigger boobs then me. but that's just me

I dont know...There is this one bouncer at this club I occasionally go to and hes to die for. I wouldnt mind taking him home at night...can you say yummy? sigh**************...Oh wait Im married NEVERMIND

 

[JKBee]

Lots of good advice given here. One other option to consider, even though I like the bouncer idea alot and personally have a very big, very protective, but very beautiful dog.

Do you have a good friend or relative that would be willing to drop kids off and pick them up again? I provide this service for my grandchildren to prevent such a disturbing scene. It is best for the grandchildren, and best for my son.

He does have "curbside pick-up" or some such wording in his visitation agreement for the kids' mother. However, curbside to her meant that she had total run of the property once she set foot on it. At that point I stated that she could meet me down the road at the mailboxes. She agreed and that is the pick up point for the kids now.

Maybe you could agree to another spot to pick up and deliver kids. Police station sounds like a great idea, but may not be acceptable to ex for reasons you can understand.

 

[Stressssed]

OK - thanks again to all for comments. I've started a draft of a motion to modify and in doing that I've googled and read and googled and read some more. I haven't gotten too far in my draft :-o

Sometimes it's paralysis by analysis for me but I try to get to the point that I understand the process so that I am confident in what I am doing. This forum helps immensely and I once again thank all of you.

I would like some comment on the mediation clause in the parenting plan as it pertains to this situation. Specifically I am trying to determine if my particular situation is one that the court will expect I've tried to mediate first.

Quick summary, NCP sometimes goes crazy at the front door. I'd like it to stop but my requests don't help, only make things worse. The 'fix' is that I'd like pickup/dropoff to be at the curb as that would (should) prevent the craziness at the front door.

Our plan states that first we use a mediator when we are "unable to agree on any significant matter pertaining to the children". If that doesn't work it goes on to state "..the court maintains jurisdiction...".

Based on the description I've provided of what happens at the front door, what do the legal experts on this forum think a magistrate would expect the process is that I go through?

As for the non-legal members, has anyone submitted a motion to amend a parenting plan for something similar only to get told they needed to mediate? Do the courts get upset about that? Or can they see past a possibly procedural error and focus on the children?

I can see it both ways but I think mainly how I am seeing it is ex is acting criminally and what is there to mediate about that kind of activity? Curbside can stop it, or at least significantly curtail it, and the kids gain, but lose nothing. I think compared to an RO, which is a route it appears I can certainly take, it's less impactful on the children.

-thx

 

[StampGirl]

Meeting at a police station is now more common than you think. Do that. We have been exchanging at the police dept for YEARS and my ex is a cop!! Its easy for everyone. I don't have to go to his house and he doesn't go to mine. He picks up on his fridays from school and I drive to his neighborhood police dept on sundays.

What he is doing is serious and will NOT be taken lightly. PLEASE call the police EVERY SINGLE TIME he does this. TRUST me the cops will be sick of having to come out all the time.