Education and modification of custody

[Calimom3]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

I share joint legal and physical custody with my EXH of our 2 children, ages 10 and 8. Due to distance, (we live about 45 miles apart) I see our children during the week on Wed. for 5 hours (which is more like 3 due to LA traffic) and then 3 weekends a month during the school year.

I am in the process of obtaining counsel to assist in making some modifications to my current agreement, additional time, and putting a halt to an over stepping step mom passing herself off as Mom at the school and everywhere else and just generally tightening up the order.

While I stay on top of our children's school work and communicate with their teachers, our children did not do very well in school last year. Our YD is an at risk reader and was placed in an reading intervention program, our MD has issues with reading, math, reading comprehension, etc. I do as much as I can during their time with me on Wednesdays, but the EXH has them in all manner of extra curricular activities, that shorten that time with me because of practices. When I ask the ex to limit the extra curricular activities, (he signs them up for soccer, softball, winter soccer, volleyball, ice skating lessons etc.) he says they are doing fine in school and that it's in the children's best interest to participate in these things. When I request a few extra hours of time with our children during the week, it is always meet with our children need to make school a priority, they aren't doing so well, so I can not have additional time. When I request that step mom not attend meetings that are designated for parents, because of her trying to discount my observations of our children (IEP and School Study Team meetings), he brags about how they both work in the classroom assisting in our children's education and so she will of course attend such meetings.

Because of mis-communication, and an ex that isn't the greatest at passing along information, I just received our MD's report card and her STAR testing results from last school year and she is not doing so well. Her reading and math are well below the average and her teacher indicated that she has a problem with basic math components.

So the legal question is, how do courts in CA look at education? Part of the modifications I would like to have put into place would be limiting the amount of extra curricular activities that the ex signs them up for, and stop the step mom from volunteering in the classroom and attending meetings with school personnel as well as additional time during the week.

Is education something that the courts take seriously?

 

[Maximoe]

WOW lot's of info...the only thing out of the entire mess I can reccomend you don't do...don't bad mouth the stepmother so badly. What exactly has she done wrong beside care and have an interest in your children, it could be worse, she could abuse your children, ignore, or mistreat them in other ways.

Legally in order to file for a change in circumstances, YOU would have the burden of proof and would have to show the court evidence of specifics that are going on in that home to show the need to change the custody, and since I'm a betting women, if you stroll into court you'll make yourself look selfish and jellous if you speak the way you are about the stepmother, beside again what are you going to tell the court she has done wrong again? Do you have the time to volunteer in your child's class? If she does then she should get to atttend the meetings right? You have to figure out the "Root" reason you are going to file for and stick to it. If you want to blame it on thier slipping grades because of too many extra curriculars, them fine...my opinion, it won't be enough to get the change and your looking easiliy at spending $2,000 to $3,000 in attorney fees and court cost for a big fat NO.

Weigh your options...figure out what is really bothering you, they way you write it sounds like your using the slipping grades to try and pull rank on stepmom because you don't like her.

 

[tuffbrk]

Ignore Maximoe - they've no clue what they're talking about.
1) The step mom is a legal stranger. Period. You don't need to "pull rank" - YOU are Mom.
2) You are not requesting a change in custody but a change in visitation which is vastly different so the rest of Maximoe's post is just incorrect drivel.

As an aside, I did not get the least impression of jealousy. Instead, I'm getting a very clear impression of a primary residential parent that is not effectively co-parenting with you.

Hang in there - our more knowledgeable senior members will be along to provide answers to your questions.

 

[jbowman]

WOW lot's of info...the only thing out of the entire mess I can reccomend you don't do...don't bad mouth the stepmother so badly. What exactly has she done wrong beside care and have an interest in your children, it could be worse, she could abuse your children, ignore, or mistreat them in other ways.

.

WTF. Where did she bad mouth the stepmother?? What did I miss?

 

[tuffbrk]

WTF. Where did she bad mouth the stepmother?? What did I miss?

I'm only guessing but wouldn't be surprised if Maximoe is a stepmother that does not have any of her own children.

 

[Calimom3]

Ignore Maximoe - they've no clue what they're talking about.
1) The step mom is a legal stranger. Period. You don't need to "pull rank" - YOU are Mom.
2) You are not requesting a change in custody but a change in visitation which is vastly different so the rest of Maximoe's post is just incorrect drivel.

As an aside, I did not get the least impression of jealousy. Instead, I'm getting a very clear impression of a primary residential parent that is not effectively co-parenting with you.

Hang in there - our more knowledgeable senior members will be along to provide answers to your questions.

Thanks Tuffbrk.....


Quote:
jbowman

WTF. Where did she bad mouth the stepmother?? What did I miss?
Today 12:25 PM

I was just asking myself the same question......

 

[Silverplum]

Ignore Maximoe - they've no clue what they're talking about.

... so the rest of Maximoe's post is just incorrect drivel.

Cosigned.

Maximoe, take a back seat in your "advising." You just signed up to ask an extremely basic question: that does not instantly qualify you to answer the questions of others. And when you're wrong, you do far more harm than good.

 

[Maximoe]

I didn't realize there were so many people on this site with law degrees and so much spare time to give free advice on the internet all day. Your husband must be a lucky man to live with someone as Intelligent as you must be. WOW...thanks you have really taught me something...no really, feel important yet?

You're wrong, not a stepmother an bio mother of 4 who tried EXACTLY what she is trying, spent an additional $7,000 filing and a year in court, you people make me laugh, I KNOW what I am saying to her because I've been there done that! Isn't that what this site is really for? Getting "ADVICE" from people who have been through it before? If you knew anything at ALL you would see I'm trying to save her some time, money , and emotional strain idiot!

FYI, I followed a few other threads you have posted on...you so need to get a life and stop going behind everyone and trying to sound intelligent, hey you remind me of OBAM...oh wait you know you probably voted for him!

 

[Silverplum]

It's been a while since I quoted just for fun...

I didn't realize there were so many people on this site with law degrees and so much spare time to give free advice on the internet all day. Your husband must be a lucky man to live with someone as Intelligent as you must be. WOW...thanks you have really taught me something...no really, feel important yet?

You're wrong, not a stepmother an bio mother of 4 who tried EXACTLY what she is trying, spent an additional $7,000 filing and a year in court, you people make me laugh, I KNOW what I am saying to her because I've been there done that! Isn't that what this site is really for? Getting "ADVICE" from people who have been through it before? If you knew anything at ALL you would see I'm trying to save her some time, money , and emotional strain idiot!

FYI, I followed a few other threads you have posted on...you so need to get a life and stop going behind everyone and trying to sound intelligent, hey you remind me of OBAM...oh wait you know you probably voted for him!

 

[Humusluvr]

I didn't realize there were so many people on this site with law degrees and so much spare time to give free advice on the internet all day. Your husband must be a lucky man to live with someone as Intelligent as you must be. WOW...thanks you have really taught me something...no really, feel important yet?

You're wrong, not a stepmother an bio mother of 4 who tried EXACTLY what she is trying, spent an additional $7,000 filing and a year in court, you people make me laugh, I KNOW what I am saying to her because I've been there done that! Isn't that what this site is really for? Getting "ADVICE" from people who have been through it before? If you knew anything at ALL you would see I'm trying to save her some time, money , and emotional strain idiot!

FYI, I followed a few other threads you have posted on...you so need to get a life and stop going behind everyone and trying to sound intelligent, hey you remind me of OBAM...oh wait you know you probably voted for him!

You're pretty ballsy and confrontational for 6 posts.

 

[tuffbrk]

I didn't realize there were so many people on this site with law degrees and so much spare time to give free advice on the internet all day. Your husband must be a lucky man to live with someone as Intelligent as you must be. WOW...thanks you have really taught me something...no really, feel important yet?

You're wrong, not a stepmother an bio mother of 4 who tried EXACTLY what she is trying, spent an additional $7,000 filing and a year in court, you people make me laugh, I KNOW what I am saying to her because I've been there done that! Isn't that what this site is really for? Getting "ADVICE" from people who have been through it before? If you knew anything at ALL you would see I'm trying to save her some time, money , and emotional strain idiot!

FYI, I followed a few other threads you have posted on...you so need to get a life and stop going behind everyone and trying to sound intelligent, hey you remind me of OBAM...oh wait you know you probably voted for him!

Wow. Just wow.

But back to the concerns of Calimom3...

 

[Calimom3]

Wow. Just wow.

But back to the concerns of Calimom3...

Anyway**************.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

I share joint legal and physical custody with my EXH of our 2 children, ages 10 and 8. Due to distance, (we live about 45 miles apart) I see our children during the week on Wed. for 5 hours (which is more like 3 due to LA traffic) and then 3 weekends a month during the school year.

I am in the process of obtaining counsel to assist in making some modifications to my current agreement, additional time, and putting a halt to an over stepping step mom passing herself off as Mom at the school and everywhere else and just generally tightening up the order.

While I stay on top of our children's school work and communicate with their teachers, our children did not do very well in school last year. Our YD is an at risk reader and was placed in an reading intervention program, our MD has issues with reading, math, reading comprehension, etc. I do as much as I can during their time with me on Wednesdays, but the EXH has them in all manner of extra curricular activities, that shorten that time with me because of practices. When I ask the ex to limit the extra curricular activities, (he signs them up for soccer, softball, winter soccer, volleyball, ice skating lessons etc.) he says they are doing fine in school and that it's in the children's best interest to participate in these things. When I request a few extra hours of time with our children during the week, it is always meet with our children need to make school a priority, they aren't doing so well, so I can not have additional time. When I request that step mom not attend meetings that are designated for parents, because of her trying to discount my observations of our children (IEP and School Study Team meetings), he brags about how they both work in the classroom assisting in our children's education and so she will of course attend such meetings.

Because of mis-communication, and an ex that isn't the greatest at passing along information, I just received our MD's report card and her STAR testing results from last school year and she is not doing so well. Her reading and math are well below the average and her teacher indicated that she has a problem with basic math components.

So the legal question is, how do courts in CA look at education? Part of the modifications I would like to have put into place would be limiting the amount of extra curricular activities that the ex signs them up for, and stop the step mom from volunteering in the classroom and attending meetings with school personnel as well as additional time during the week.

Is education something that the courts take seriously?

It may not fly to try to prohibit stepmom from being involved with the children's school. However, you can certainly talk to the school about limiting stepmom from the meetings.

Its also fair to bring up to the judge that you feel that the children's schoolwork is suffering because they are involved in too many extracurricular activities. You also don't have to allow them to participate on your days. (although you really shouldn't do that unless its a constant thing)

Dad is right that they are good for the kids, but having too many activities kind of cancels out that benefit.

 

[Calimom3]

Thanks.....

It may not fly to try to prohibit stepmom from being involved with the children's school. However, you can certainly talk to the school about limiting stepmom from the meetings.

Its also fair to bring up to the judge that you feel that the children's schoolwork is suffering because they are involved in too many extracurricular activities. You also don't have to allow them to participate on your days. (although you really shouldn't do that unless its a constant thing)

Dad is right that they are good for the kids, but having too many activities kind of cancels out that benefit.

Unfortunately, the extra curricular activities are a constant thing, and another issue that I will leave for another time......

Sounds like addressing how the extra curriculars are starting to effect the school work is something a court would look seriously upon. Would it help in obtaining the modification for increasing time with our children to show that when we were on a 2 on/2 off schedule, and I was able to assist more with the school work, their grades seem to be better, but now that I am not as involved, due to our current schedule of 1 day during the week, grades are slipping?

 

[LdiJ]

Unfortunately, the extra curricular activities are a constant thing, and another issue that I will leave for another time......

Sounds like addressing how the extra curriculars are starting to effect the school work is something a court would look seriously upon. Would it help in obtaining the modification for increasing time with our children to show that when we were on a 2 on/2 off schedule, and I was able to assist more with the school work, their grades seem to be better, but now that I am not as involved, due to our current schedule of 1 day during the week, grades are slipping?

You can certainly bring that up. However, with the distance between you, is that even feasible anymore? Any chance that you could move closer, to make more time, more feasible?