Emancipation in NJ

[njsingledad]

My daughter is 17yo and has suffered through a lifetime of emotional abuse from her mother. Is it possible for her to become emancipated from her mother and if so, may I ask the process and potential costs?

 

[cbg]

A minor cannot be emancipated from only one parent. Either she is emancipated or she is not.

Is she living completely on her own? Is she financially independent from both parents?

If the answer to either question is no, then she cannot be considered emancipated in New Jersey.

 

[FlyingRon]

CBG is spot on. First off, the courts don't "emancipate" people because they are abused, they find alternative custody.

A non-custodial parent can only petition for emancipation of a child if they can prove that the child is actually living independently. If you want to change support or custody, you have to use other means.

 

[stealth2]

My daughter is 17yo and has suffered through a lifetime of emotional abuse from her mother. Is it possible for her to become emancipated from her mother and if so, may I ask the process and potential costs?

https://www.state.nj.us/dcf/policy_manuals/CPP-III-A-1-200.pdf

How long until she turns 18? Can you try to increase the time she spends with you (i.e. away from Mom)?

I have other questions, but they're not directly applicable to your question.

 

[njsingledad]

https://www.state.nj.us/dcf/policy_manuals/CPP-III-A-1-200.pdf

How long until she turns 18? Can you try to increase the time she spends with you (i.e. away from Mom)?

I have other questions, but they're not directly applicable to your question.

She will not turn 18 until January '22. I have sole physical custody, my daughter spends one day/night with her mother every other week.

Please feel free to ask me anything.

Thank you.

 

[stealth2]

She will not turn 18 until January '22. I have sole physical custody, my daughter spends one day/night with her mother every other week.

Please feel free to ask me anything.

Thank you.

Well, that answers most of my questions. As stated by cbg, your daughter - if it were possible - would be emancipated from both of you, not just Mom. That process - again, if it were possible - would likely take longer than the 11 months until your daughter turns 18.

Presumably, the 1x/week is via a court order. Would Mom be willing to discuss alternate arrangements, given your daughter's age? Maybe a standing Sunday brunch, every Sunday? Another option would be to limit Mom's time further, to no overnights, supervised. (ETA this would need to be done via court order.) But... you will need solid proof that she is endangering your daughter. And... that proceeding will likely take close to the 11 months until your daughter ages out of the order.

Is your daughter getting any counseling? I would urge that, as she may well be stuck with the current parenting time order until she turns 18.

 

[cbg]

BTW Overall NJ is a unique state in some ways when it comes to child custody and support issues. It wouldn't do any harm for you to discuss possible options with a family law attorney.

 

[zddoodah]

My daughter is 17yo. . . . Is it possible for her to become emancipated from her mother[?]

She will not turn 18 until January '22. I have sole physical custody, my daughter spends one day/night with her mother every other week.

The answer to your question, as phrased, is no. There's no such thing, in any state, as "becom[ing] emancipated from" one parent or the other. A child is either emancipated or she isn't.

Even if that weren't the case, emancipation wouldn't be appropriate in your daughter's situation. If she can't handle one day/night every other week with her mother, then the thing to do is for you to petition the court to terminate the mother's visitation rights. Determining how likely that might be to happen (and how quickly) is something only a local family law attorney who has been fully educated about the relevant facts can answer intelligently.

 

[Just Blue]

The answer to your question, as phrased, is no. There's no such thing, in any state, as "becom[ing] emancipated from" one parent or the other. A child is either emancipated or she isn't.

Even if that weren't the case, emancipation wouldn't be appropriate in your daughter's situation. If she can't handle one day/night every other week with her mother, then the thing to do is for you to petition the court to terminate the mother's visitation rights. Determining how likely that might be to happen (and how quickly) is something only a local family law attorney who has been fully educated about the relevant facts can answer intelligently.

With all due respect, I disagree. If the 17 year old can't handle spending 1 out of 14 days with her mother she needs therapy to learn coping skills. The therapist is a mandated reporter and will report any abuse s/he learns of.

 

[Just Blue]

She will not turn 18 until January '22. I have sole physical custody, my daughter spends one day/night with her mother every other week.

Please feel free to ask me anything.

Thank you.

Is your daughter in therapy?

 

[njsingledad]

Well, that answers most of my questions. As stated by cbg, your daughter - if it were possible - would be emancipated from both of you, not just Mom. That process - again, if it were possible - would likely take longer than the 11 months until your daughter turns 18.

Presumably, the 1x/week is via a court order. Would Mom be willing to discuss alternate arrangements, given your daughter's age? Maybe a standing Sunday brunch, every Sunday? Another option would be to limit Mom's time further, to no overnights, supervised. But... you will need solid proof that she is endangering your daughter. And... that proceeding will likely take close to the 11 months until your daughter ages out of the order.

Is your daughter getting any counseling? I would urge that, as she may well be stuck with the current parenting time order until she turns 18.

There is no custody arrangement with my ex. My attorney was forcing this as a concession to my ex so that she doesnt cause trouble. I wanted to file charges of domestic abuse against my ex and my attorney would not let me (honestly I get the feeling my attorney has a personal relationship with my ex and is favoring her in every aspect).

About one year ago today. I had to take over full time custody of my daughter because my daughter "feared for her life" and otherwise was going to run away with her boyfriend. The emotional and physical abuse that woman has put her child through is criminal. Question, one year later, can I press charges for domestic violence?

With all do respect, I disagree. If the 17 year old can't handle spending 1 out of 14 days with her mother she needs therapy to learn coping skills. The therapist is a mandated reporter and will report any abuse s/he learns of.

With all due respect, I feel that is short-sided without you knowing the whole story. My ex has been exceptionally verbally abusive to our daughter basically since birth but was the same towards me. At a point in time she turned my daughter against me and living together was hell for me. We separated and divorced a short time later. My ex painted me as a spouse and child abuser and I was only afforded a few hours every other weekend of parenting time. Once my daughter turned 13 and started to develop a mind of her own she started complaining about her mothers abusive behavior. I had several interventions with her mother over the years. In November of 2019 I had a long sit down with my ex, told I was fed up and if I hear of one more incident I will take over custody. One evening in February of 2020 she went full psycho on my daughter, screaming, cursing and berating her and then threw her to the ground for no reason. I did not hear about it until the next day, I went over to the house the next evening and told my ex - thats it she's out. She said "I am so sick of that bitch, I do so much for her and I get nothing back", then I she asked where is she supposed to live I offered my apartment as long as she stays there until lease termination. Her only concern was "how soon can we do this - I have a friend coming in from out of town this weekend and want to be settled beforehand". She then proceeded to go four months without contacting her daughter. Without apologizing she began to text her in late June asking how everything is. My daughter ignored her texts. She then demanded my daughter to answer because "This is very rough on me, people are asking me how you are and I don't know what to tell them". I was diagnosed with cancer the next month and out of fear of the possible end game I told my daughter to see if her mother had changed and would treat her better going forward, so they started communicating and then got together for lunch one day. The lunch was a tirade of my ex telling my daughter how horrible a person I am and how that she is in danger living with me. Again not one sign of remorse or apology. After their lunch her mother comes inside and sits down on the couch and puts her feet up on the coffee table to tell me she does not have the money to reimburse me for any home repairs or child expenses and I will have to wait until she can save up. I told her she could always take a 401K loan out or run up a credit card balance - to which she replied - "I could, but I wont". I was furious, hired an attorney and my daughter did not want to see her mother again after that. The attorney told me (I have recently learned the attorney has a personal connection with my ex) that I must force my daughter to spend time with her mother or else my ex would win full custody because NJ always rules in favor of the mother. My daughter started hanging out with her mother in December - one day and night sleepover, every other weekend. He mother has been OK with her. My daughter wanted a car and I told her all I could afford was a piece of crap. She asked if her mother would share the cost 50/50 would I be willing to get her something nice. I said sure. Without my permission or knowledge her mother started taking her car shopping and chose a model. I had to go with them to purchase it and negotiate the deal. I had discussed beforehand with my ex that the loan will have to be in her name because my credit was shot. You know the deal with car buying - after hours of BS and me exhausted the finance manager time had arrived and when he asked - under whose name will the car be - she exclaimed "his". Since then she has refused to reimburse me for any of the car payments, car insurance or home repairs. I have been sending her texts and emails. After a total of 4 emails and one text over a four week period, I emailed her at work. After doing so she has filed a harassment complaint against me and stopped texting my daughter.

You say my daughter needs help, she has been in therapy - but after 17 years of being violently mentally abused should she feel comfortable with her so called "mother"?

How would you feel about this situation?

 

[stealth2]

I'm going to be brutally honest here. 17 years of abuse and you did pretty much nothing until a year ago. Without an order for custody/parenting time/support? You've got bupkis. Sorry.

If you felt your lawyer wasn't looking out for your or your daughter's best interests? The solution was simple - fire him/her and retain a different lawyer. As for the car situation? You allowed yourself to be sucked into the deal. Frankly, as much bu your daughter as your "ex". Are you two actually divorced? How did that happen w/o a court order for custody/parenting time?

And yes, your daughter needs to learn coping skills. Sorry.

 

[not2cleverRed]

There is no custody arrangement with my ex. My attorney was forcing this as a concession to my ex so that she doesnt cause trouble. I wanted to file charges of domestic abuse against my ex and my attorney would not let me (honestly I get the feeling my attorney has a personal relationship with my ex and is favoring her in every aspect).

About one year ago today. I had to take over full time custody of my daughter because my daughter "feared for her life" and otherwise was going to run away with her boyfriend. The emotional and physical abuse that woman has put her child through is criminal. Question, one year later, can I press charges for domestic violence?

With all due respect, I feel that is short-sided without you knowing the whole story. My ex has been exceptionally verbally abusive to our daughter basically since birth but was the same towards me. At a point in time she turned my daughter against me and living together was hell for me. We separated and divorced a short time later. My ex painted me as a spouse and child abuser and I was only afforded a few hours every other weekend of parenting time. Once my daughter turned 13 and started to develop a mind of her own she started complaining about her mothers abusive behavior. I had several interventions with her mother over the years. In November of 2019 I had a long sit down with my ex, told I was fed up and if I hear of one more incident I will take over custody. One evening in February of 2020 she went full psycho on my daughter, screaming, cursing and berating her and then threw her to the ground for no reason. I did not hear about it until the next day, I went over to the house the next evening and told my ex - thats it she's out. She said "I am so sick of that bitch, I do so much for her and I get nothing back", then I she asked where is she supposed to live I offered my apartment as long as she stays there until lease termination. Her only concern was "how soon can we do this - I have a friend coming in from out of town this weekend and want to be settled beforehand". She then proceeded to go four months without contacting her daughter. Without apologizing she began to text her in late June asking how everything is. My daughter ignored her texts. She then demanded my daughter to answer because "This is very rough on me, people are asking me how you are and I don't know what to tell them". I was diagnosed with cancer the next month and out of fear of the possible end game I told my daughter to see if her mother had changed and would treat her better going forward, so they started communicating and then got together for lunch one day. The lunch was a tirade of my ex telling my daughter how horrible a person I am and how that she is in danger living with me. Again not one sign of remorse or apology. After their lunch her mother comes inside and sits down on the couch and puts her feet up on the coffee table to tell me she does not have the money to reimburse me for any home repairs or child expenses and I will have to wait until she can save up. I told her she could always take a 401K loan out or run up a credit card balance - to which she replied - "I could, but I wont". I was furious, hired an attorney and my daughter did not want to see her mother again after that. The attorney told me (I have recently learned the attorney has a personal connection with my ex) that I must force my daughter to spend time with her mother or else my ex would win full custody because NJ always rules in favor of the mother. My daughter started hanging out with her mother in December - one day and night sleepover, every other weekend. He mother has been OK with her. My daughter wanted a car and I told her all I could afford was a piece of crap. She asked if her mother would share the cost 50/50 would I be willing to get her something nice. I said sure. Without my permission or knowledge her mother started taking her car shopping and chose a model. I had to go with them to purchase it and negotiate the deal. I had discussed beforehand with my ex that the loan will have to be in her name because my credit was shot. You know the deal with car buying - after hours of BS and me exhausted the finance manager time had arrived and when he asked - under whose name will the car be - she exclaimed "his". Since then she has refused to reimburse me for any of the car payments, car insurance or home repairs. I have been sending her texts and emails. After a total of 4 emails and one text over a four week period, I emailed her at work. After doing so she has filed a harassment complaint against me and stopped texting my daughter.

You say my daughter needs help, she has been in therapy - but after 17 years of being violently mentally abused should she feel comfortable with her so called "mother"?

How would you feel about this situation?

You are here asking for legal advice. THERAPY IS VALID LEGAL ADVICE. Your word is not proof of abuse, because it is assumed that you are biased. A qualified therapist can provide unbiased testimony. A qualified therapist is mandated reporter. A qualified therapist can help your daughter work through her complicated feelings about her situation and get her on the road to healing and developing coping skills.

At this point, with your daughter living with you for over a year, you should go to court to formalize the current arrangement as "status quo". You are wrong about NJ automatically favoring Moms. You are in a pickle because you don't know what you are doing.

You are insisting on emancipation, which the current situation does not support. You are insisting on being an idiot and attempting to do take the wrong legal action. Legally, what you can pursue is court orders granting you physical custody and therapeutic visitation. (That means the kid and mom visit the therapist together.)

You are starting to come across as less sympathetic, so dumbing it down for you is not worth the my effort. Only an idiot would have agreed to that car deal. Bet you're paying all the insurance too.

 

[not2cleverRed]

I'm going to be brutally honest here. 17 years of abuse and you did pretty much nothing until a year ago. Without an order for custody/parenting time/support? You've got bupkis. Sorry.

If you felt your lawyer wasn't looking out for your or your daughter's best interests? The solution was simple - fire him/her and retain a different lawyer. As for the car situation? You allowed yourself to be sucked into the deal. Frankly, as much bu your daughter as your "ex". Are you two actually divorced? How did that happen w/o a court order for custody/parenting time?

And yes, your daughter needs to learn coping skills. Sorry.

Were they ever married? The lack of white space kind of blinded me.

 

[zddoodah]

With all due respect, I disagree.

The legal remedy that is appropriate here is for the OP to petition the court to terminate the mother's visitation rights. Everything else is a bunch of incompetent blah blah.