emancipation/visitation rights

[Just Blue]

michigan

my husband recently 'found' his daughter. he was told about her when she was 3 years old, she comes from a one night stand. she is turning 16 in july.

he has been emailing and texting her for months now. met her once, without her mother knowing. its what daughter wanted. she has known about him for a few years.

shes been dropping hints here and there that she isnt happy with her mom.
and life in general at her house.

she just told him that her step dad hit her becuz she didnt want to give up her cell phone. says her face was swollen from it. (her mom was on board with her eventually meeting her dad, until her step dad decided he had a problem with it. then she emails the father and says stay away from MY daughter. unless you want to pay for the last 15 years) and yes, he agreed to her offer, and regrets it. but her offer when the child was 3, was that shes a happy girl with a man she thinks is her dad. leave her happy, pay no support. at that time, he was paying support on one kid, found out about this one, and another the same day. so he was working part time, sleeping ona friends couch, paying support on 3 kids. so he agreed to leave her happy. wishes he didnt. but couldnt see a way at the time to pay for all of them with the small job, and no home.

this girl wants out, shes afraid of her step dad now, and her mother doesnt care. she wants a life with her real dad. she has told him a week ago to call the courts and set up something with visitaion, cuz she wants to see him but her mother wont let her and wont talk to her about it. and her step dad doesnt want her to either.

she says she doesnt want him to tell the courts about her step dad hitting her becuz shes scared of what he will do when he finds out, and she doesnt want her younger siblings to be affected. she doesnt want him to be removed from them. (im not sure if he is the real father of those 2 kids or not)

she just said that she wants to try to become emancipated from her mom and move in with her real dad.

what do we do??? can she emancipate? is she old enough to tell the courts she wants to move in with her real dad ? what if her mom says no? im just at a loss here and dont know what to do. she has a younger sister here, and a sister the same age. (the other 3 year old he found out about the same day)

hes not on the birth certificate, obviously, but he has the paternity test papers. can anyone point us in the right direction?? we live in isabella county michigan. as far as i know, the child can not decide, the parents do.

If "dad" is so concerned...Why doesn't he ask his own LEGAL QUESTIONS??

 

[CdwJava]

So... ya know... not all "cool" parents are permissive.

Of course not. But, those kids that are most often complaining about their parents and asking why their parents aren't "cool" like someone else's, they are usually referring to the permissive ones. Whenever I ask someone who makes that comment about their parents, "They aren't cool/neat/fun/etc. like so-and-so's parents," I almost always find that so-and-so has parents that are either juvenile or permissive themselves.

My house is constantly home to a dozen or more roosting teens for the same reasons you cite. I am not a person who likes chatter, clutter, or the constant bombardment of people coming and going, so if I am not at work, I often retreat to a back room to avoid the mass of humanity and to try and forget how much money the daily onslaught costs me. My wife likes the fact that she knows where OUR kids are, and she enjoys being the popular place to hang out ... me, I'd rather have my privacy and quiet. But, I know who runs my house, and it ain't me, so I retreat.

 

[stealth2]

Well, actually, most of their friends DO say that I'm more cool, more fun, more neat, etc.

I find it amusing, to be honest. Because all of their friends come from two-parent homes. And I have had my share of parents assume that I am more permissive than I am. But I'm not. Not at all. It sure isn't MY house where the girls hang out in the hot tub drinking Cuervo coolers. Or smoking weed out on the deck. Or where the kids are sneaking off to have sex. But it IS my house where they want to hang. Funny how that works.

cbg - Jeff questioned my kids not wanting to live elsewhere. CDW brought in permissiveness. Try to keep up.

As for OP? Since Dad isn't answering questions, I don't feel too contrite over any perceived hijacking.

 

[cbg]

I'm a little slow on Sundays. Three consecutive nights with no sleep will do that to you.

 

[CdwJava]

Well, we DO have a hot tub (but the kids don't go in it without direct adult supervision), we have a Wii and some other electronic hypnotic devices, and our little one has an arsenal of Nerf weaponry and toys, so I guess that makes us popular for a whole lot of reasons. Their parents are happy because they figure the kids are safe at the house of a cop and a teacher (and the fact THEY don't have to buy snacks and drinks), and my wife is happy because she knows where the kids are. I am usually grumpy because I hate the commotion - especially since school let out! No debates over homework, but new ones over chores before hooking up with friends ... is there no peace!?!

And, sleep? Sleep? What's that??

 

[stealth2]

LOL That's the cool thing here - they all bring food and drinks. Mostly food. They'll walk in the door bearing grocery bags of real food, asking "Hey Madre! What can we make with all this?" It's like being on Top Chef or something!

 

[CdwJava]

LOL That's the cool thing here - they all bring food and drinks. Mostly food. They'll walk in the door bearing grocery bags of real food, asking "Hey Madre! What can we make with all this?" It's like being on Top Chef or something!

That's what I wanted to do ... but ... most these kids don't have access to the stuff at home, or don't want to lug it around town with them.

I have considered billing my oldest son (since his friends are the greatest perpetrators) and then maybe HE will get a handle on the issue.

 

[cbg]

Sleep - that's something you quickly get addicted to once the kids grow up and move out of the house.

Granted, you don't get a lot of it while they're still living at home!

 

[stealth2]

Our closest supermarket is ~2 miles from here, and they will actually walk if no one has access to a car. Seriously - their parents don't seem to cook. So the fact that I do is amazing to them.

My oldest is actually at a friend's now (one of the few families who are like-minded) working on an end-of-year project for AP Physics. They're building a projectile launcher - and this family has a couple of large fields for testing. The youngest is here with three friends, doing homework. We're having dinner at my parents tonight, but the kids brought ground beef and stuff for burgers. Which are on the grill as we speak.

 

[CdwJava]

Our closest supermarket is ~2 miles from here, and they will actually walk if no one has access to a car. Seriously - their parents don't seem to cook. So the fact that I do is amazing to them.

We do not cook that often ... we barbecue, but cooking? Not too often. However, some of the oldest's friends do and rather enjoy it when those girls are over! (Yes, they are girls, but they tend to cook for us and not for him)

My oldest is actually at a friend's now (one of the few families who are like-minded) working on an end-of-year project for AP Physics. They're building a projectile launcher - and this family has a couple of large fields for testing.

Out here in the country, we call that a "potato gun" ... or, we call it illegal and do not speak of it.

Kids out here are building all kinds of new and nifty projectile devices all the time, though our high school has no AP Physics program ... and i doubt they'd have the students to fill it if they did.

The youngest is here with three friends, doing homework. We're having dinner at my parents tonight, but the kids brought ground beef and stuff for burgers. Which are on the grill as we speak.

Well, I am at work, #2 and #3 sons are away with mom at a basketball tournament, and #1 son is tooling around somewhere ... he texts me periodically. Though it is unnerving walking into my house and finding HIS friends there waiting for him even when he is not! Now, if I could only find that front door key to lock up ...