Ex Girlfriend issues

[turboguppy]

What is the name of your state? MI

I wasn't sure where to put this because it has many facets, but think this is the proper place because of the most relevant issue.

My nephew is going through a lot right now getting his life on track. He's just finished schooling to become a truck driver. His ex of several years whom he has two children with has been constantly verbally attacking him. While she continues to have as many relationships as she wishes, she monitors his presence on social media and does everything she can to destroy any other relationships he pursues. It's gotten to the point where he's had to change his social media presence and limit his friends to only close family and friends who either don't know her or won't talk to her.

Further, she constantly calls and texts him, one moment demanding he stay away from her (and his children, she has no court order or visitation order to back her up), then the next she's begging him to come back to her so they can be together. It's frustrating watching this happen to him because he's really making an effort to get a good-paying job so he can support his children, even if he's not allowed to see them by her vacillating whims. He tries to avoid communication with her, only responding when her calls and texts become too insistent, which is far too often.

Now, I'm not saying my nephew is completely blameless in the utter failure of this relationship. But recently she's gone too far: She called his new employer and filed a complaint about him, claiming that he was texting and driving (something she could have no knowledge of at all) and making other claims she can't possibly support. She sent him a screenshot of the complaint and response from his employer to prove she'd done this. He is worried his new employer is going to terminate his employment over this issue, which will leave him with a significant debt because he's under contract for the training he received.

So my question is this: If my nephew loses his job and is on the hook for the contractual training costs, does he have the solid makings of a defamation case? I think perhaps a cease and desist letter might be sufficient if it came on legal letterhead. He needs to do something to get her to understand that her behavior is unacceptable. Sniping at each other and fighting is one thing, but now she's messing with his livelihood, all the while complaining that he needs to pay her child support.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? MI

I wasn't sure where to put this because it has many facets, but think this is the proper place because of the most relevant issue.

My nephew is going through a lot right now getting his life on track. He's just finished schooling to become a truck driver. His ex of several years whom he has two children with has been constantly verbally attacking him. While she continues to have as many relationships as she wishes, she monitors his presence on social media and does everything she can to destroy any other relationships he pursues. It's gotten to the point where he's had to change his social media presence and limit his friends to only close family and friends who either don't know her or won't talk to her.

Further, she constantly calls and texts him, one moment demanding he stay away from her (and his children, she has no court order or visitation order to back her up), then the next she's begging him to come back to her so they can be together. It's frustrating watching this happen to him because he's really making an effort to get a good-paying job so he can support his children, even if he's not allowed to see them by her vacillating whims. He tries to avoid communication with her, only responding when her calls and texts become too insistent, which is far too often.

Now, I'm not saying my nephew is completely blameless in the utter failure of this relationship. But recently she's gone too far: She called his new employer and filed a complaint about him, claiming that he was texting and driving (something she could have no knowledge of at all) and making other claims she can't possibly support. She sent him a screenshot of the complaint and response from his employer to prove she'd done this. He is worried his new employer is going to terminate his employment over this issue, which will leave him with a significant debt because he's under contract for the training he received.

So my question is this: If my nephew loses his job and is on the hook for the contractual training costs, does he have the solid makings of a defamation case? I think perhaps a cease and desist letter might be sufficient if it came on legal letterhead. He needs to do something to get her to understand that her behavior is unacceptable. Sniping at each other and fighting is one thing, but now she's messing with his livelihood, all the while complaining that he needs to pay her child support.

Please have your nephew sign up so we can help him. The volunteers here prefer to deal with the legal party. Thank You...
Blue

 

[turboguppy]

Okay, I'll reccomend it. thank you.

 

[quincy]

What is the name of your state? MI

I wasn't sure where to put this because it has many facets, but think this is the proper place because of the most relevant issue.

My nephew is going through a lot right now getting his life on track. He's just finished schooling to become a truck driver. His ex of several years whom he has two children with has been constantly verbally attacking him. While she continues to have as many relationships as she wishes, she monitors his presence on social media and does everything she can to destroy any other relationships he pursues. It's gotten to the point where he's had to change his social media presence and limit his friends to only close family and friends who either don't know her or won't talk to her.

Further, she constantly calls and texts him, one moment demanding he stay away from her (and his children, she has no court order or visitation order to back her up), then the next she's begging him to come back to her so they can be together. It's frustrating watching this happen to him because he's really making an effort to get a good-paying job so he can support his children, even if he's not allowed to see them by her vacillating whims. He tries to avoid communication with her, only responding when her calls and texts become too insistent, which is far too often.

Now, I'm not saying my nephew is completely blameless in the utter failure of this relationship. But recently she's gone too far: She called his new employer and filed a complaint about him, claiming that he was texting and driving (something she could have no knowledge of at all) and making other claims she can't possibly support. She sent him a screenshot of the complaint and response from his employer to prove she'd done this. He is worried his new employer is going to terminate his employment over this issue, which will leave him with a significant debt because he's under contract for the training he received.

So my question is this: If my nephew loses his job and is on the hook for the contractual training costs, does he have the solid makings of a defamation case? I think perhaps a cease and desist letter might be sufficient if it came on legal letterhead. He needs to do something to get her to understand that her behavior is unacceptable. Sniping at each other and fighting is one thing, but now she's messing with his livelihood, all the while complaining that he needs to pay her child support.

Your nephew should block all communications with his ex except those relating to their children.

For those communications, he should communicate through a court-monitored site like Our Family Wizard. He should go to court for this and to get a visitation and custody and support order.

He should tell his employer that he is working to resolve issues with his ex (perhaps consider a cease and desist letter or a no-contact order to stop her calls to his employer), and that contact from her can be ignored.

He can consult with a family law attorney in his area who can sort through all of the issues and advise him accordingly.

Good luck.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Your nephew needs to take matters into his own hands. The first step would be blocking her on all social media. He needs to go to his employer and show the text he received and to let the employer know he has a crazy ex.

And finally he needs to go to court and get an order that lays out when he sees his kids and how much he pays for child support.

 

[quincy]

Your nephew needs to take matters into his own hands. The first step would be blocking her on all social media. He needs to go to his employer and show the text he received and to let the employer know he has a crazy ex.

And finally he needs to go to court and get an order that lays out when he sees his kids and how much he pays for child support.

The nephew should NOT label his ex as "crazy" or use any other derogatory terms when referring to her. He should NOT involve his employer in his issues with his ex by showing his employer texts.

What he should do is let his employer know that he is working on getting the matters with his ex and his children resolved. And then he should resolve them.

The more time the employer must devote to the personal issues of an employee, the more likely the employee is to have his employment terminated.

 

[commentator]

I know how much we can angst about these nephews, want their lives to be good. However, he is the only party involved here who can really do anything helpful for himself. And a GOOD family law attorney who can advise him and help him get good definite custody orders that say when and where he can see the children, how much support he is to provide, who gets to claim them on taxes, who gets them on holidays, etc. is going to be priceless.

The problem is, he was the one who was "in a relationship" with this woman. To the tune of having two children with her. That's a serious relationship. And he's not done with it all yet. He'll defend it as "wanting to see my kids" but he's playing along with the drama, too. Probably gets lucky occasionally. Enough to be reinforced about their long term thing. Being off social media to a large extent is NOT the worst thing that can happen to you, he doesn't sound like someone who'd be in great need of a lot of new social relationships at present, he's got too much unfinished garbage going on with the ex.

So when we tell you he's the only one who can come on here and seek advice, we are understanding of your urge to give him wise counsel. We know you'd like this whole thing to end, and him to get his life straightened out. But unfortunately, we can only stand back and watch, hoping for the best. Remember, there are things going on that we (you) cannot and will not know about.

The situation of the crazy ex girlfriend, ex wife, ex something or other calling the new job and telling them bad stuff is remarkably common. The thing is, he needs to first of all, make the company aware that he has this problem and that he's being proactive in dealing with it. Second, he needs to make double dog sure that he is not doing anything that she can honestly accuse him of, because the employer has every right to make sure that any sort of information that is alleged about an employee is NOT true. And to fire him at will if it is true. Hopefully, he's not doing what she's accusing him of doing, and the sooner he convinces them of that, the better it will be for him. Like everyone, he has to rest assured he cannot get away with breaking any of the rules, because he probably will be told on. That's legitimate, that's not a thing to "sue someone for slander" about.

Incidentally, suing someone for slander is a long drawn out process, for deep pocketbooks, not relevant to someone who doesn't even have his child support up to date or his custody arrangements finalized in law. That's not to say that he couldn't get his attorney to write his ex girlfriend a cease and desist letter that would frighten her about doing it. But the most important thing you can do is advise your nephew to stay away from this woman, and get a good attorney, and possibly tell him about the court approved email system whereby one can have all contact with their ex recorded to set up visitation, etc. Meeting at the police department to exchange the children, all sorts of things are possible and would work. HE's the one who has to want this and follow through with it.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Last time I checked "crazy" wasn't defined as a psychological disorder.

 

[quincy]

Here is a link to the Michigan Legal Help Organization with some "self help" tools: https://michiganlegalhelp.org/self-help-tools/family

And here is a link to the Michigan Bar legal resource and referral center, to help in locating a family law attorney in your nephew's area: https://lrs.michbar.org

PayrollHRGuy, the word "crazy" (or any other derogatory word) should never be used to describe the mother (or father) of your children.

This is not from a defamation standpoint. It is to protect the children from having their parent denigrated by their other parent (as denigrating one parent denigrates the child).