Ex Not Allowing Child to Spend Time with Dad after remarrying

[Jburdier515]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FL

Just wondering if you all could give some suggestions, advice whatever. My husband has a parenting plan that was put into place 3 years ago when we lived further away. At the time we lived 4 hours away from our stepson's mother. She told the court she could not because she didn't have a license at the time. We used to drive 8 hours for one day to go and get him. Since then we have moved down south and she lives 45 minutes away. We get him every other weekend. He always has to drive down and pick him up and drive back home, and the same for dropping him off. He has been asking her to meet him half way for the last 2 years and once in a while she'll do so and 90 percent of the other time she does not. She states that the reason for her not meeting half way is because she can't do it because she doesn't have time.

My Question is what is the probability of the judge modifying the child parenting plan so that it is 50/50. My husband is willing to keep him 2 weeks out of every month and be responsible for getting him to school and back home for those two weeks, instead of just getting him every other weekend. We would also like to be able to set it up so that his mother meets us at a halfway point and doesn't just demand we go to wherever she is or at whatever time she decides to get back home. There's been times where she doesn't get home till 9pm and expects him to drive all the way down there at that time to drop him off.

For instance, today he got out of work early and told her I am going to pick him up where do I go (he's on vacation from school so we do not know where's he staying) she told him, no you have to wait until I get home to get him. He told her I am not driving all the way back home to drive back down here to pick him up, I pick him up now or forget it, then she says well you can pick him up from my job (after he already drove all the way back home). The reason she is doing this today is because he told her I am no longer going to let you decide everything, we either do this 50/50 or we just go back to court.

The sad part is the little one is stuck in all of this. She for some reason believes she has more rights to him because he lives with her and that my husband has no rights. You may ask why all of a sudden the problems, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my husband and I just got married, and someone is still trying to control everything.
But I've told my husband he's his father and he has rights too.

 

[CJane]

You may ask why all of a sudden the problems, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my husband and I just got married, and someone is still trying to control everything.
But I've told my husband he's his father and he has rights too.

Yup, that's probably why they're having all the problems now.

Your husband has just as many rights as are specifically granted to him in the court's order. If he wants to change that, then he needs to pony up the cash for an attorney, and do it the right way.

And you need to understand that your "help" could actually really hurt Dad - legally, and in damage to his relationship with his ex and his child.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FL

Just wondering if you all could give some suggestions, advice whatever. My husband has a parenting plan that was put into place 3 years ago when we lived further away. At the time we lived 4 hours away from our stepson's mother. She told the court she could not because she didn't have a license at the time. We used to drive 8 hours for one day to go and get him. Since then we have moved down south and she lives 45 minutes away. We get him every other weekend. He always has to drive down and pick him up and drive back home, and the same for dropping him off. He has been asking her to meet him half way for the last 2 years and once in a while she'll do so and 90 percent of the other time she does not. She states that the reason for her not meeting half way is because she can't do it because she doesn't have time.

My Question is what is the probability of the judge modifying the child parenting plan so that it is 50/50. My husband is willing to keep him 2 weeks out of every month and be responsible for getting him to school and back home for those two weeks, instead of just getting him every other weekend. We would also like to be able to set it up so that his mother meets us at a halfway point and doesn't just demand we go to wherever she is or at whatever time she decides to get back home. There's been times where she doesn't get home till 9pm and expects him to drive all the way down there at that time to drop him off.

For instance, today he got out of work early and told her I am going to pick him up where do I go (he's on vacation from school so we do not know where's he staying) she told him, no you have to wait until I get home to get him. He told her I am not driving all the way back home to drive back down here to pick him up, I pick him up now or forget it, then she says well you can pick him up from my job (after he already drove all the way back home). The reason she is doing this today is because he told her I am no longer going to let you decide everything, we either do this 50/50 or we just go back to court.

The sad part is the little one is stuck in all of this. She for some reason believes she has more rights to him because he lives with her and that my husband has no rights. You may ask why all of a sudden the problems, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my husband and I just got married, and someone is still trying to control everything.
But I've told my husband he's his father and he has rights too.

Might want to correct that.

And might also want to let the hubby post for himself as well...

 

[Silverplum]

Oh, my goodness.

 

[stealth2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FL

Just wondering if you all could give some suggestions, advice whatever. My husband has a parenting plan that was put into place 3 years ago when we lived further away. At the time we lived 4 hours away from our stepson's mother. She told the court she could not because she didn't have a license at the time. We used to drive 8 hours for one day to go and get him. Since then we have moved down south and she lives 45 minutes away. We get him every other weekend. He always has to drive down and pick him up and drive back home, and the same for dropping him off. He has been asking her to meet him half way for the last 2 years and once in a while she'll do so and 90 percent of the other time she does not. She states that the reason for her not meeting half way is because she can't do it because she doesn't have time.

My Question is what is the probability of the judge modifying the child parenting plan so that it is 50/50. My husband is willing to keep him 2 weeks out of every month and be responsible for getting him to school and back home for those two weeks, instead of just getting him every other weekend. We would also like to be able to set it up so that his mother meets us at a halfway point and doesn't just demand we go to wherever she is or at whatever time she decides to get back home. There's been times where she doesn't get home till 9pm and expects him to drive all the way down there at that time to drop him off.

For instance, today he got out of work early and told her I am going to pick him up where do I go (he's on vacation from school so we do not know where's he staying) she told him, no you have to wait until I get home to get him. He told her I am not driving all the way back home to drive back down here to pick him up, I pick him up now or forget it, then she says well you can pick him up from my job (after he already drove all the way back home). The reason she is doing this today is because he told her I am no longer going to let you decide everything, we either do this 50/50 or we just go back to court.

The sad part is the little one is stuck in all of this. She for some reason believes she has more rights to him because he lives with her and that my husband has no rights. You may ask why all of a sudden the problems, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my husband and I just got married, and someone is still trying to control everything.
But I've told my husband he's his father and he has rights too.

If it's not in the court order, Mom doesn't have to do it - no matter what you may think. Perhaps Dad could come here and post just what Mom is actually required to do based on the order he has?

 

[Proserpina]

Lest this turns into another epic thread..

OP, this isn't changing the parenting plan - this is modifying custody.

Changing the current plan to 50/50 is just not going to happen unless Mom actually agrees. And he really needs to shut his trap from time to time - threatening Mom with court is hardly going to paint him in a wonderful light.

Yes, this may well be because of Dad's marriage. Mom has every right to feel a tad peeved when new Stepmom starts interfering and with Dad threatening her with court well..I'm not surprised she's a bit testy.

 

[LdiJ]

Lest this turns into another epic thread..

OP, this isn't changing the parenting plan - this is modifying custody.

Changing the current plan to 50/50 is just not going to happen unless Mom actually agrees. And he really needs to shut his trap from time to time - threatening Mom with court is hardly going to paint him in a wonderful light.

Yes, this may well be because of Dad's marriage. Mom has every right to feel a tad peeved when new Stepmom starts interfering and with Dad threatening her with court well..I'm not surprised she's a bit testy.

I agree completely with all of this.

I will also add that 45 miles is a 90 mile round trip and if he has to get the child back and forth to school that's 180 miles a day, or 2520 miles a month. Using the standard mileage rate to compute cost of usage of the car, the expense is $1423.80 a month in real cost. I bet his child support is a lot less than that.

 

[CJane]

I agree completely with all of this.

I will also add that 45 miles is a 90 mile round trip and if he has to get the child back and forth to school that's 180 miles a day, or 2520 miles a month. Using the standard mileage rate to compute cost of usage of the car, the expense is $1423.80 a month in real cost. I bet his child support is a lot less than that.

It's also very very silly to complain about picking the child up for visits - and then claim that it's perfectly logical to have a 50/50 split, time-wise.

SOME parents are willing to make a drive like that, with a 50/50 schedule. (I did for years) But MOST are not.

 

[Jburdier515]

Seriously

First off I didn't interfere, I clearly said the original order said she was to meet halfway and she didn't and still doesn't. The judge decided that not me. I don't get involved and support him because unlike some women out there I actually do care about his rights as a dad. Some of you are really ignorant and think that just because I posted it means I must be the one causing the drama. I came on here looking for advice to give him, if he could post himself he would but obviously he can't because of his job. Just because I ask for suggestions doesn't mean I'm the one causing drama. I don't speak to her and I don't deal with her. I listen to him and obviously he's trying to be a dad and his ex wants to just be worried about US as a couple and not the child.

 

[CJane]

YOU are the one that said you think the problems started when y'all got married and you told him he had rights.

He has exactly as many rights as his court order states he does. So, AGAIN, what does the order say. EXACTLY?

 

[Zigner]

First off I didn't interfere, I clearly said the original order said she was to meet halfway and she didn't and still doesn't. The judge decided that not me. I don't get involved and support him because unlike some women out there I actually do care about his rights as a dad. Some of you are really ignorant and think that just because I posted it means I must be the one causing the drama. I came on here looking for advice to give him, if he could post himself he would but obviously he can't because of his job. Just because I ask for suggestions doesn't mean I'm the one causing drama. I don't speak to her and I don't deal with her. I listen to him and obviously he's trying to be a dad and his ex wants to just be worried about US as a couple and not the child.

We would also like to be able to set it up so that his mother meets us at a halfway point and doesn't just demand we go to wherever she is or at whatever time she decides to get back home...

That's just an example of a bunch of we usage...why do you think there is a "we" at all when it comes to HIS kid?

As for not having time due to his job...the internet is open 24/7, as is this web site.

Good day.

 

[stealth2]

I clearly said the original order said she was to meet halfway

Well, actually, I am sure the order says a bit more than that and in more formal language, so it would be nice to read the ACTUAL words, please.

Oh - is Mom not allowing the child to spend ANY (ordered) time with Dad, or only extra time?

And regardless of Dad's "demands" wrt 50/50 time - Mom does not have to agree. If Dad wants it? Dad can file for it. But should not hold his breath for a 50/50 arrangement.

Did I miss how old the child is?

 

[Silverplum]

First off I didn't interfere, I clearly said the original order said she was to meet halfway and she didn't and still doesn't. The judge decided that not me. I don't get involved and support him because unlike some women out there I actually do care about his rights as a dad. Some of you are really ignorant and think that just because I posted it means I must be the one causing the drama. I came on here looking for advice to give him, if he could post himself he would but obviously he can't because of his job. Just because I ask for suggestions doesn't mean I'm the one causing drama. I don't speak to her and I don't deal with her. I listen to him and obviously he's trying to be a dad and his ex wants to just be worried about US as a couple and not the child.

Which of us are "ignorant," in your considered opinion?

The several stepparents who responded? Or the others, all of whom are parents? Or just all of us, because we've been there, done that, and studied family law to help ourselves and others?

 

[stealth2]

I clearly said the original order said she was to meet halfway

Actually, in re-reading your original post (the paragraph where you discussed transportation - quoted below) - you very clearly did NOT state that it orders them to meet half way! Feel free to remove the foot from your mouth. Harrumph.

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FL

Just wondering if you all could give some suggestions, advice whatever. My husband has a parenting plan that was put into place 3 years ago when we lived further away. At the time we lived 4 hours away from our stepson's mother. She told the court she could not because she didn't have a license at the time. We used to drive 8 hours for one day to go and get him. Since then we have moved down south and she lives 45 minutes away. We get him every other weekend. He always has to drive down and pick him up and drive back home, and the same for dropping him off. He has been asking her to meet him half way for the last 2 years and once in a while she'll do so and 90 percent of the other time she does not. She states that the reason for her not meeting half way is because she can't do it because she doesn't have time.

 

[Ohiogal]

First off I didn't interfere, I clearly said the original order said she was to meet halfway and she didn't and still doesn't. The judge decided that not me. I don't get involved and support him because unlike some women out there I actually do care about his rights as a dad. Some of you are really ignorant and think that just because I posted it means I must be the one causing the drama. I came on here looking for advice to give him, if he could post himself he would but obviously he can't because of his job. Just because I ask for suggestions doesn't mean I'm the one causing drama. I don't speak to her and I don't deal with her. I listen to him and obviously he's trying to be a dad and his ex wants to just be worried about US as a couple and not the child.

You are overstepping. You are the one posting here and not dad. YOU have NO RIGHTS. Get used to it. And go away. Oh and sorry to say this on January 3, 2014 which may be a holiday of some sort and would hate to ruin that day for you.