Ex takeing my visitation time

[lopan122]

ohio. I am the non custodial parent. I have a standard visitation agreement. My question is the past few months on my weekends to have my daughter(shes 5) she always calls me the day before i pick her up and tells me my daughter HAS to goto some random "cousin"or "friends" bday party every single weekend i have her, and that i have to bring her to my exes house,drop her off,and come back hours later and pick her up(she lives a half hour away so 2 hours plus the several hours for party is being taken away from me). she says its her game and i have to play by her rules, and if i dont take her to her house she will refuse to let me have her all weekend at all. 1. Am i really required to take her to bday parties every time she tells me to. 2.can she legally not let me have her if i say no? Last time i had to say no cause my car broke down so she told me she was intentionally changing weekends with me this weekend only cause it will make me have to take her to yet another kids party to get back at me for saying i couldnt, and "theres not a damn thing i can do about it" and laughed and hung up on me. I cannot afford a lawer. What can i do if she refuses to let me have her?

 

[haiku]

Please write word for word, exactly what your visitation agreement states regarding visitation.

 

[WittyUserName]

Please write word for word, exactly what your visitation agreement states regarding visitation.

But without the names...

 

[mistoffolees]

ohio. I am the non custodial parent. I have a standard visitation agreement. My question is the past few months on my weekends to have my daughter(shes 5) she always calls me the day before i pick her up and tells me my daughter HAS to goto some random "cousin"or "friends" bday party every single weekend i have her, and that i have to bring her to my exes house,drop her off,and come back hours later and pick her up(she lives a half hour away so 2 hours plus the several hours for party is being taken away from me). she says its her game and i have to play by her rules, and if i dont take her to her house she will refuse to let me have her all weekend at all. 1. Am i really required to take her to bday parties every time she tells me to. 2.can she legally not let me have her if i say no? Last time i had to say no cause my car broke down so she told me she was intentionally changing weekends with me this weekend only cause it will make me have to take her to yet another kids party to get back at me for saying i couldnt, and "theres not a damn thing i can do about it" and laughed and hung up on me. I cannot afford a lawer. What can i do if she refuses to let me have her?

As others have asked, the exact wording of your agreement is needed.

HOWEVER, the general rule is that she can't tell you what to do with your parenting time unless the court order says something different. If she schedules a birthday party, you have no obligation to take the child to the party. Same thing with sports, etc. The only exception would be something like medical treatment if needed for the child's health and safety (but, even there, CP should make an effort not to infringe on NCP's parenting time).

If she refuses to let you take the child, then make sure you show up at the scheduled pick-up time. Take a witness (or buy something small in a local store or fast food place and save the receipt to show that you were there). If she refuses to let you have the child AND if the court order is specific on your parenting time, then you can go to court to sue her for contempt. Go to the court clerk and ask for the paperwork to file a motion to show cause. It doesn't require an attorney (although it certainly helps to have one).

Now, of course, as much as circumstances allow, it is good for the child to be able to socialize with friends, participate in sports, etc, so NCP should do as much as possible to facilitate attendance at parties and so on. But if it's not possible for some reason, it wouldn't normally be a problem (again, unless there's something in the court order requiring it).

 

[lopan122]

This is the only part of it that seems to say anything about it at all,part of the ohio standard order of parenting time we have
17. EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES: Regardless of where the children are living, their continued participation in
extracurricular activities, school related or otherwise, should not be interrupted. It shall be the responsibility of the parent with
whom the children are residing at the time to discuss the scheduling of such activities with the children and to provide
transportation to the activities. Each parent shall provide the other parent with notice of all extracurricular activities, complete
with schedules and the name, address and telephone number of the activity leader, if available.

 

[stealth2]

Seriously? I doubt a cousin's bday party counts.

 

[nextwife]

What is the distance between you and mom? If kiddo has a party during your time, and you wished her to go, why need it be mom who takes her? In my world, dads are the "bringers" as often as moms are. Even if she DID have a party and she was going to attend, and you were agreeable, that is no reason mom needs to keep her home. You should still get your weekend or day, you could drop her at the party and pick her up when it's over IF YOU WISHED. Don't let mom pull that crap. She'll always find something to schedule kiddo for at some point during your time and use it as an excuse to keep kiddo the entire day.

However, when kids are a certain age there are ALWAYS bday parties because the kids (at least in my kid's school) invite the whole class so nobody feels left out. It's ok to not do everything.

 

[CJane]

Birthday parties are not extracurricular activities.

Sports. Music lessons/performances. Academic competitions. THOSE are extracurricular activities.

Birthday parties are social engagements.

Tell Mom to pound sand, and if you WANT to take your child to the party, YOU will take her and pick her up.

 

[mistoffolees]

Birthday parties are not extracurricular activities.

Sports. Music lessons/performances. Academic competitions. THOSE are extracurricular activities.

Birthday parties are social engagements.

Tell Mom to pound sand, and if you WANT to take your child to the party, YOU will take her and pick her up.

And, as I suggested above, if Mom follows through on her threats to not let him take the child for visitation, take a witness to show that he attempted to get the child and then file for contempt.

 

[CJane]

And, as I suggested above, if Mom follows through on her threats to not let him take the child for visitation, take a witness to show that he attempted to get the child and then file for contempt.

Of course, and I wasn't disagreeing with you.

But there also seems to be an issue where OP has allowed this to go on for awhile. He's voluntarily returned the child to Mom for "several hours" of his weekends so that kiddo can attend parties.

And while I actually think that's pretty great of him -- making sure kiddo isn't restricted from activities just because she's with a particular parent -- it's clearly causing him resentment/anger/frustration. So, to that end, he should just stop doing that if he doesn't want to.

 

[mistoffolees]

But there also seems to be an issue where OP has allowed this to go on for awhile. He's voluntarily returned the child to Mom for "several hours" of his weekends so that kiddo can attend parties.

Maybe. I'm not sure that it's a significant enough issue to cause him any problems if he develops a backbone and tells Mom "from now on, I'll take the kid to a party when it's on my time if it's convenient. If it's not convenient, she misses the party".

And while I actually think that's pretty great of him -- making sure kiddo isn't restricted from activities just because she's with a particular parent -- it's clearly causing him resentment/anger/frustration. So, to that end, he should just stop doing that if he doesn't want to.

Well, I'm not sure how great it was of him. Seems to me that the better thing would have been for him to take the kids to the parties himself. That way, the kids would have gotten to spend more of his visitation time with him and he wouldn't have all this resentment.

 

[MichaCA]

One thing, if mom disputes whether the parties are extracurricular activities...I think she should at least be providing dad with the information - preferably via email, so that he has the choice of taking child or not. (parties are a great way to get to know other parents)

Dad, I think you are going to have to be firm on this one and nip it as quickly as you can. Copy the court order for mom, clarify it with her, let her know you don't believe all the parties are extracurricular -but irregardless, you want to be notified asap what the invitation is. My concern is mom seems to be blatently selfish, and that she will put the child in the middle. Thus, my advice about clarifying your visitation time asap.

SHOW UP at the beginning of every visitation period and pick up your child. When mom calls the day before, keep it short. "Thanks for letting me know about ----, please give me the name address and phone number, I will be picking up --- at ----time." She argues..."Oh, I can't discuss that right now...I'll see you at---" Do it...don't get sucked into any temporary drama.

If mom really wants to do something with child on your visitation time, its up to her to ASK and offer makeup time.

 

[lopan122]

Thanks for the reply's. Shes 20 miles away. She wanted me to just drop her off,and didnt invite me to the party, she printed a invite from facebook she got from the person and gave it to me when i picked her up written on it" be at my house at 4:30". I tried telling her its interfering with my time with her and she goes "its my game you play by my rules". When i asked her today when she was bringing her back she said look at the paper she gave me and i said i dont have it on me and she goes 8:30 and never speak directly to her again only email and that if i talk to her again in person shes calling the cops. I did not threaten, yell cuss or anything like that nor have i ever i just asked a simple question and she said that,though i wouldnt put it past her to claim i did. The reason i havent said no is last time i did she said she would call the cops on me for disobeying her orders if i didnt. Seems to me that i should be the one calling the cops for contempt of the visitation agreement.

 

[stealth2]

Then just stop doing it. Really.