ex threatening court if i dont keep gf away from kids

[nervousneedhelp]

been dating someone about 8 months. we are both divorced with kids. a month or so into it long before meeting each others kids and before introducing the kids to each other my gf's kids (high school age) snuck into her phone while she was in the shower and discovered some sexting that was going on between us. she had a frank discussion with them about privacy and "be careful what you look for" and of course about what consenting adults do is their own business. that was that and life moved on and we eventually met all the kids and have moved forward at having a normal relationship. we and all and the kids all get along fine. happy and healthy.

well about 7 months into it she and I were exploring and created "fake" Instagram accounts to experiment with some role playing and s/m type stuff. my teenage daughter stumbled upon it as I didn't realize the default setting wasn't private. so she was understandably shocked and told my ex. ex threatened prosecution and full custody and implies I did something criminal. I made a horrible mistake on it being not private but was meant to be between two consenting adults. my ex and I were freaky too but she has now turned it into that I and my girlfriend are a threat to my kids and its unsafe for them to be around me and the gf. she doesn't want them around my gf or her kids and is threatening going to court if I do not abide by her wishes. and this is someone I have been dating for some time, and intend to marry. its not some random woman. yes we are kinda freaky and on one account due to snooping and invading privacy and on another a stupid oversight on a privacy setting our sex life is exposed...but otherwise there is absolutely nothing that has gone on that is inappropriate. we are both professionals with impeccable records and no history of anything inappropriate, criminal, etc.

 

[Just Blue]

been dating someone about 8 months. we are both divorced with kids. a month or so into it long before meeting each others kids and before introducing the kids to each other my gf's kids (high school age) snuck into her phone while she was in the shower and discovered some sexting that was going on between us. she had a frank discussion with them about privacy and "be careful what you look for" and of course about what consenting adults do is their own business. that was that and life moved on and we eventually met all the kids and have moved forward at having a normal relationship. we and all and the kids all get along fine. happy and healthy.

well about 7 months into it she and I were exploring and created "fake" Instagram accounts to experiment with some role playing and s/m type stuff. my teenage daughter stumbled upon it as I didn't realize the default setting wasn't private. so she was understandably shocked and told my ex. ex threatened prosecution and full custody and implies I did something criminal. I made a horrible mistake on it being not private but was meant to be between two consenting adults. my ex and I were freaky too but she has now turned it into that I and my girlfriend are a threat to my kids and its unsafe for them to be around me and the gf. she doesn't want them around my gf or her kids and is threatening going to court if I do not abide by her wishes. and this is someone I have been dating for some time, and intend to marry. its not some random woman. yes we are kinda freaky and on one account due to snooping and invading privacy and on another a stupid oversight on a privacy setting our sex life is exposed...but otherwise there is absolutely nothing that has gone on that is inappropriate. we are both professionals with impeccable records and no history of anything inappropriate, criminal, etc.

What state?

 

[cbg]

Thank you for sharing your story. When you have a legal question, be sure to let us know.

 

[nervousneedhelp]

MO.....and I am just concerned what sort of case she has if she is threatening court. it would seem quite flimsy to me but another concern I have is even if there is no legal grounds, I am worried about her turning the kids against me as well as my gf and if there is anything I can do about this.

 

[Just Blue]

MO.....and I am just concerned what sort of case she has if she is threatening court. it would seem quite flimsy to me but another concern I have is even if there is no legal grounds, I am worried about her turning the kids against me as well as my gf and if there is anything I can do about this.

She has grounds for the motion. You and your GF are making available your intimate sexual proclivities to the minor children. The ex doesn't have to "turn" the child/ren against you...you are doing that yourself.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

MO.....and I am just concerned what sort of case she has if she is threatening court. it would seem quite flimsy to me but another concern I have is even if there is no legal grounds, I am worried about her turning the kids against me as well as my gf and if there is anything I can do about this.

There is no way for us to know how good a case she would have without knowing what the child saw. And trust me, nobody here wants to know that. But I doubt anything you put on IG is criminal.

 

[t74]

You and your GF need to grow up. Would you want your children behaving as you are? You are the examples your children will follow so don't do anything you would not want them to do.

I would expect the judge to reflect the community norms. A judge in a very conservative, religious community is likely to rule differently than one in a community where liberal attitudes prevail given the same laws and circumstances. It is just human nature and out of your control. Is it fair? No. Can it happen? Yes

Since the the internet privacy is not 100%, how would your employer, clients, ... view your competence and character if your posts became public? Since you intend to marry, do so and keep your experimentation in the bedroom and off social media.

i

 

[xylene]

Does you GF know of you marital intent or is that just in your own head?

Try to be more discrete, but you are not wrong for punishing your children for being snoops about your adult business.

 

[LdiJ]

Does you GF know of you marital intent or is that just in your own head?

Try to be more discrete, but you are not wrong for punishing your children for being snoops about your adult business.

I am maybe going to disagree with you. OP was a bit vague but talked about freaky/sm and talked about the children being freaked out. To punish the child(ren) for being freaked out and talking to their other parent would be incredibly wrong.

 

[xylene]

I am maybe going to disagree with you. OP was a bit vague but talked about freaky/sm and talked about the children being freaked out. To punish the child(ren) for being freaked out and talking to their other parent would be incredibly wrong.

Teen children know snooping in someone else's phone is wrong and there are consequences for doing wrong.

Consentual BDSM is not illegal, or immoral and in an era when 50 Shades of Grey is a multibillion dollar book and movie franchise, it's not even uncommon or controversial.

These children found out something about their parent, which is true about their other parent as well. Mom is leveraging that secret to manipulate - which is a lot more gross than unmarried BDSM sex.

 

[LdiJ]

Teen children know snooping in someone else's phone is wrong and there are consequences for doing wrong.

Consentual BDSM is not illegal, or immoral and in an era when 50 Shades of Grey is a multibillion dollar book and movie franchise, it's not even uncommon or controversial.

These children found out something about their parent, which is true about their other parent as well. Mom is leveraging that secret to manipulate - which is a lot more gross than unmarried BDSM sex.

I think that we are going to have to agree to disagree. Not necessarily about the morality of any of the issues addressed in this thread, but about teenagers talking to a parent about things that confuse or upset them.

 

[xylene]

"I'm sorry you were confused and upset. . You disrespected my privacy and you knew it. You're phone grounded for 1 month. And extra chores. Don't be a snoop.

 

[nervousneedhelp]

Teen children know snooping in someone else's phone is wrong and there are consequences for doing wrong.

Consentual BDSM is not illegal, or immoral and in an era when 50 Shades of Grey is a multibillion dollar book and movie franchise, it's not even uncommon or controversial.

These children found out something about their parent, which is true about their other parent as well. Mom is leveraging that secret to manipulate - which is a lot more gross than unmarried BDSM sex.

To answer an earlier question yes my gf is aware. And the kids although shocked really have moved on and it’s not so much about that. It’s that now my ex is using what has surfaced as some sort of indicator of my or my gf’s character both as people and as parents...even though my ex and I also did plenty of freaky things. She had no problem with it back then. But now says if I don’t keep my girlfriend away from my kids she will go to court.

 

[t74]

When you were experimenting with your ex, were you posting your exploits on social media? You should aassume anything you post might be seen by the entire world so be thoughtful about your online history.

 

[stealth2]

I'm not understanding why you wouldn't have (a) ensured your phone was locked down and (b) had a similar discussion with your child at the time of g/f's children's snooping. I could see one "oops", but more than that? I, too, would wonder about my ex's thoughtlessness in keeping his/her private issues.... private.