Illionois. My ex-wife wants to send our 10 year old son to a psychologist for evaluation for ADHD. I do not agree with this and I don't approve. However, she has full custody and can therefore do this. She has submitted forms to me to fill out. I do not want any part of this. Her claim is that she is doing this to try to find ways to improve his expediency when doing his homework. She sends him, against my wishes, to a private school. He has 2 to 5 times as much homework as my other 3 children who go to public schools. It takes him 2 to 3 hours to do it at her home. It takes him 45 minutes to do it at my home. He has nothing to look forward to at her home. Here, he has motivation to complete his homework-play! There, he has no kids in his neighborhood to play with and his younger brother there is a little too young to play with. I want to reject any participation in this madness but I do not want to send a messege to a court that I am an uncooperative parent. I plan on seeking custody soon and I don't want to jeopardize my chances of gaining custody. Any advice on what the correct path would be?
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Ex-wife wants to send son to psychologist
- Thread starter bnies
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tigger22472
Senior Member
Just seeing the doctor isn't automatically going to get your son on medicines. The doctor will run a test... THEN they will send papers to the school to the teacher and also for the 'extra' teachers to fill out as well as the parents. At that point they decide. I see nothing wrong with having him 'checked'... ADD and ADHD are all combined together now which is something I don't agree with but there are different medicines out there and they DO work if they are needed. Plus if there is a question it is better to catch it early then to wait too long and let school suffer if there IS a problem.
ADD kids can focus and (actually, they can hyper focus) and concentrate on a given task. The fact of completing homework in a different environment does not, in itself, prove or disprove ADD. If your child IS ADD, there is a somewhat different brain chemistry (and other manifestations) that a correct ADD med will actually equalize. Much as insulin helps balance the blood sugar of a diabetic child. You do your child a disservice by not consulting with a medical professional who can review the anecdotal reports, meet with your child and both parents, and make a determination. Some feel that ADD kids also benefit from Omega 3 fatty acids (fish oils). I am on several support lists for post-institutionalized adopted kids, and there is a high percentage who are diagnosed ADD (for several reasons), so a great deal of ADD/ADHD discussion takes place there.
PLease do not just dismiss this completely. If your child IS ADD (and yes, they could be even if they do get homework done better one place than another), there are other challenges in the classroom that are greatly improved when a ADD child is on the correct type and dosage of meds. And it is also false that ADD kids are walking around like zombies on meds. Proper ADD meds and dosages help a child be normal in their attending skills, impulsivity, and a number of other ways.
Frankly, any knowledgeable judge who sees your blanket refusal to consult with a medical professional about a possible medical need of your child will NOT be impressed. I think you need to go out there and do a lot more research so you can deal with this question in a more well-informed manner.
PLease do not just dismiss this completely. If your child IS ADD (and yes, they could be even if they do get homework done better one place than another), there are other challenges in the classroom that are greatly improved when a ADD child is on the correct type and dosage of meds. And it is also false that ADD kids are walking around like zombies on meds. Proper ADD meds and dosages help a child be normal in their attending skills, impulsivity, and a number of other ways.
Frankly, any knowledgeable judge who sees your blanket refusal to consult with a medical professional about a possible medical need of your child will NOT be impressed. I think you need to go out there and do a lot more research so you can deal with this question in a more well-informed manner.
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oberauerdorf
Guest
This is the most telling part of your entire post. You have laid out all kinds of reasons not to participate in this so-called 'maddness' except the most important, the value to the child.
If you are going for custody at a future date as you say, then the only thing I can surmise from your post is that you are positioning for the 'best light' of the judge, and NOT for the child.
If the mother (or you) believe the child will benefit from a medical evaluation then the court is going to take a very dim view of any parent who will not participate.
My advice is not legal so do with it what you want. But, instead of concentrating on making yourself look good, how about concentrating on the child. I know that may be a stretch for some parents, but it actually works.
tigger22472
Senior Member
This is a VERY important statement. My youngest boy was diagnosed with ADHD and Aspberger's Sydrome(high functioning autism) when he was 3. The ADHD medicines he was on worked on his hyperactivity yet didn't leave him looking drugged. Today 7 years later we don't use meds but more consistant in our way of life. When my OLDEST boy was 9 I divorced his father and his grades started dropping. Three years later they weren't any better and thinking that it all surrounded from the divorce my first reaction was... "hey buddy, it's been 3 years... let's get over it". I had him in counseling and the counselor suggested having him tested for ADHD. At first I thought NO WAY... He's not hyper.. the kid is the eternal couch potato and he doesn't run around with his head cut off. Reading up more on things I realized I was wrong! You couldn't give more then ONE task at a time for him to do. His schoolwork was suffering because he couldn't concentrate on it. It wasn't that he was up wandering around.. his mind was though. We went through some testing and after speaking to the counselor I also expressed a concern about putting him on a stimulant drug... like Ritilan. I didn't want him 'slowed' down because still in my opinion he's not hyper. He was put on Strattera right before school started this year and it is like a whole new kid!!! His grades have DRASTICALLY improved and he actually is able to stay on task.nextwife said:
I beg you to NOT let this go unnoticed because of your beliefs at the moment. Let a professional look at things. You might be surprised at the results.
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ken mathews
Guest
As I review your replies, I am humored. Clearly "some" of them have never been in a custody battle. As for your problem, I feel you have very right with your concern. Not cooperating will of course be played upon by the courts. What needs to be focused on most of all is as stated the child, which it seems you are. Just because you do not have custody does not mean you do not have the right regarding education, religion, and medical. This should be recognized in the orders. So, to benfit all parties I suggest going to the appointment and expressing to the psychiatrist seperate interviews with each parent as well as the child. By doing so you will eliminate post divorce drama. Both parents will be able to express "real" concerns. Rather the Mother is looking for "medical" easy discipline or if the father is acting resentful. Psychiatrist will be able to determine this through the evaluation and discussion. Make sure to bring report cards from public school vs. new school. Bring teacher evaluations from old school vs. new school. You get the idea. Forget the he said , she said and stick to fact. Your child will express their feelings in regards to the two. If you really feel the madness is the cause, it will show. In addition, this will bring a positive reflection to the courtroom on your behalf, no matter how the results turn out! Good luck
For more insight join me at FormulaForSanity.Com
For more insight join me at FormulaForSanity.Com
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oberauerdorf
Guest
And your assumption would be wrong. It's just that some of us are more concerned with the child and not petty power grabs.
tigger22472
Senior Member
Hello? No ONE said to walk in there and just put the child on medicines... NO ONE said this father didn't have a right to his concerns... THIS father is saying he's refusing to let the child be evaluated... THAT IS a disservice to the child! I didn't feel the need to tell him to speak to the counselor/tester and tell them his concerns because I felt that was something that would be done automatically. Going for a 'custody battle' is the SMALL issue in this right now. The BIG issue is the child. There is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with having a child EVALUATED. By NOT having him evaluated YES it could be used against him. If he doesn't OPEN his mind to this he could do more harm then good. If he doesn't go to the evaluation he has nothing to complain about later and IF the child IS put on medicine and yet he's not expressed his concerns before hand.. or even after say... refuses to give the child the meds he could be looking at medical neglect... and YES that CAN affect custody!ken mathews said:
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ken mathews
Guest
This message was intended for the person in which requested advice, Your message indicated the need for conversation.
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
This is not necessarily correct. If the OP does not have joint legal custody, he legally has no say regarding any of those issues.ken mathews said:
OP - You would be well served to cooperate with the evaluation to help find out what is going on with your son. It could be ADD/ADHD, or it could be a lack of organization, emotional issues dealing with you and/or Mom, or any number of other things. Refusing to complete the forms for the medical evaluation not only hurts your son who may well benefit from it, but will also damage your custody "cause".
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ken mathews
Guest
_________________________________________________tigger22472 said:
I AGREE with your post, just merely stated a happy median the father could compromise. Reminding him that he has the opportunity to express these issues at the Appt. without being viewed neglegent in court.
Christi
FormulaForSANITY
______________________
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ken mathews
Guest
This is the question....bnies said:
To the OP....
In addition to the ADD/ADHD, you mentioned you were opposed to your child being sent to a private school, because there is more work.
Why would you be opposed to your child getting the very best education possible in the area? The work place is already extremely competitive now, imagine what it will be like when your child is grown and has to support himself. I am not opposed to public schools per say, but I know here, the public schools are terrible. Our daughter attends private school and every year when she takes the Iowa Basics...she tests at 2-3 grades above the national average. I makes me very glad to know that she will have an "up" on other kids when she goes to college and has to get a job.
In addition to the ADD/ADHD, you mentioned you were opposed to your child being sent to a private school, because there is more work.
Why would you be opposed to your child getting the very best education possible in the area? The work place is already extremely competitive now, imagine what it will be like when your child is grown and has to support himself. I am not opposed to public schools per say, but I know here, the public schools are terrible. Our daughter attends private school and every year when she takes the Iowa Basics...she tests at 2-3 grades above the national average. I makes me very glad to know that she will have an "up" on other kids when she goes to college and has to get a job.
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kay1330
Guest
To The OP
Don't you like how you and your situation and life and thoughts on your own child have been dissected and analysed here? They feel they know best, so bow to the all knowing..
My advice: do research elsewhere, I know I would before forcing a drug on my child.
Don't you like how you and your situation and life and thoughts on your own child have been dissected and analysed here? They feel they know best, so bow to the all knowing..
My advice: do research elsewhere, I know I would before forcing a drug on my child.
Research is exactly what should be done. The poster should read, read, read and be fully informed about all the medical research about ADD and what the real indications are. He should not outright reject even the notion that any evaluation could possibly be warranted and refuse any consultation with the appropriate medical professional.
AS to "forcing a drug on a child". If in fact, there is a medical need, FAILING to consider the medical benefits of the appropriate medication is neglectful. If a child is hypothyroid, a parent must "force" the drug needed on their child. If a child is diabetic or a hemopheliac. the same goes. If a child has irregular heart rhythm, that medical need must be addressed. Just because a medical imbalance is less obvious, does not automatically mean it cannot exist.
AS to "forcing a drug on a child". If in fact, there is a medical need, FAILING to consider the medical benefits of the appropriate medication is neglectful. If a child is hypothyroid, a parent must "force" the drug needed on their child. If a child is diabetic or a hemopheliac. the same goes. If a child has irregular heart rhythm, that medical need must be addressed. Just because a medical imbalance is less obvious, does not automatically mean it cannot exist.
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