Ex working out of state wants his wife to take the kids during his parenting time

[DevotedMomAZ]

Arizona - My ex and I have joint custody (50/50 visitation). My ex has been working out of state, so I've had my children full time for the last 3 months. His wife e-mailed me in November, stating that she WOULD NOT take the kids in his absense). I agree with this,but she has now changed her mind. My son has has shown tremendous improvement both emotionally and academically over the past 3 months, therefore I filed a stipulation request with the courts several weeks ago stating "Mother is to have first right of refusal if Father is out of town."

My ex is now demanding that we return to the 50/50 schedule immediately (as a result of the request that I filed with the courts). My ex's main concern is that he will have to pay more child support (not if it is in the best interest of the children). Do I have to agree to this? Can I refuse to revert back to the 50/50 schedule unitil the court rules? (The kids have been on this schedule for three months and their father is currently working out of state). The decree does not state the rules for visitation if one parent is out of state. Does this help my case?

My son gets very emotionally distraut when he has to go there when his father is out of town, so much so he gets sick to his stomach, becomes introverted, his school work suffers, etc.) He has four siblings (3 from thier step-mom and one from me (my daughter). My son is treated very differently at his fathers home (he is not allowed to watch t.v. at all while the other 4 children are allowed to. He feels excluded and like he is being punished). It goes deeper than that, but that one example. My daughter wants to go to her dads on the scheduled visitation even if he is not there (to see her sisters and brother), I am fine with that, because that is what she wants to do.

I filed for the stipulation several weeks ago but have not received a ruling yet. Should I file an emergency custody form, or do I even need to? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. My son has been happier than he has ever been over the past three months and reverting the the 50/50 schedule (without his father at the home), will be disruptive and will clearly effect him emotionally.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Isis1]

if dad is still out of town, you do NOT have to return the children to his wife. if dad want's, HE can come pick up the children.

if your child is having emotional issues to the point where he is being physically sick, you need to take him to a therapist.

 

[Ohiogal]

if dad is still out of town, you do NOT have to return the children to his wife. if dad want's, HE can come pick up the children.

if your child is having emotional issues to the point where he is being physically sick, you need to take him to a therapist.

That may NOT be true -- especially if this is a 50/50 timeshare AND they share custody. CUSTODY is different than visitation.

 

[DevotedMomAZ]

That may NOT be true -- especially if this is a 50/50 timeshare AND they share custody. CUSTODY is different than visitation.

We have joint custody and 50/50 visitation, but it doesn't have an info in the court documents stating who has first right of refusal if a parent is out of town. It doesn't even make reference to having a third party watch the children. I want to do what is right by the court, but if my right is to keep my child while his father is out of state (in lieu of having him stay with his step mother), that is what I would like to do. It is very frustrating. I have had my kids full time for months....they are happy and have settled into a routine.

 

[Isis1]

That may NOT be true -- especially if this is a 50/50 timeshare AND they share custody. CUSTODY is different than visitation.

you know, you are right. i totally misread the whole "i filed for the FROR" and translated it to it was already in the order. dur!

guess that english class is going to come in handy

 

[jules2]

Fror

Because first right of refusal is not in the court order/parenting agreement I don't think you can deny him "his" time, no matter what he wants to do with it. Just like when my SD visits her mother, she can choose to have her stay with her parents (my SD's grandparents) if she wants. What she does with her time is her business, what your ex does with his time is his business until such a point where first right of refusal takes effect.

Your kids do have a right to know their other siblings and you should encourage that relationship. I know the judge in charge of our case weighs relationships with siblings very high in his decision making.

I agree that if your son is getting anxious like that he needs a therapist to help him deal with it. You should figure out the cause and help him deal with it rather than help him avoid whatever it is that is stressing him out.

 

[Ohiogal]

We have joint custody and 50/50 visitation, but it doesn't have an info in the court documents stating who has first right of refusal if a parent is out of town. It doesn't even make reference to having a third party watch the children. I want to do what is right by the court, but if my right is to keep my child while his father is out of state (in lieu of having him stay with his step mother), that is what I would like to do. It is very frustrating. I have had my kids full time for months....they are happy and have settled into a routine.

Then dad is responsible for care on his time even if he is out of town and you cannot just keep the child. If you file for FROR and are granted it, fine. Until then however, the children are to go to dad's during his time UNTIL the court states otherwise. You should NOT have had your children full time for months. Dad has joint custody and NOT just visitation.

 

[DevotedMomAZ]

Then dad is responsible for care on his time even if he is out of town and you cannot just keep the child. If you file for FROR and are granted it, fine. Until then however, the children are to go to dad's during his time UNTIL the court states otherwise. You should NOT have had your children full time for months. Dad has joint custody and NOT just visitation.

Ohiogal, I appreciate your input, but you do not know why I had the children for the last several months. The step mother refused to take the kids during that period of time. I received several e-mails stating " I will not take the children while their father is out of state. They will (until further notice) remain with their mother." Their father had no problem with this...until I filed for FROR. So please do not judge, before you know the details. Thanks.

 

[DevotedMomAZ]

Because first right of refusal is not in the court order/parenting agreement I don't think you can deny him "his" time, no matter what he wants to do with it. Just like when my SD visits her mother, she can choose to have her stay with her parents (my SD's grandparents) if she wants. What she does with her time is her business, what your ex does with his time is his business until such a point where first right of refusal takes effect.

Your kids do have a right to know their other siblings and you should encourage that relationship. I know the judge in charge of our case weighs relationships with siblings very high in his decision making.

I agree that if your son is getting anxious like that he needs a therapist to help him deal with it. You should figure out the cause and help him deal with it rather than help him avoid whatever it is that is stressing him out.

I agree that my children need to spend time with their siblings and do encourage it. On the other hand, my son does not want to spend his fathers parenting time with his "step mother" and I agree that he shouldn't "have to."

The reason I had them for 3 months straight, is because their step mother flat out refused to take them. She has since changed her tune, but it is not healthy for the kids to have their visitation schedules drastically changed every few months when their father or his wife get angry. He changes the schedule (or attempts to) whenever it benefits him or his situation. If I attempted to change it in any way, he would never hear of it. I didn't enforce the court ordered visitation because I am more than happy to take my children for more than my "scheduled" time. I cherish every day that i have with them. Regardless, If FROR is granted by the judge, I will still encourage my son to visit his siblings. My daughter has already expressed that she wants to go to her dads even if he is out of state (to visit her siblings). I have no objection to that...so she can continue to go there regardless of what the judge orders.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ohiogal, I appreciate your input, but you do not know why I had the children for the last several months. The step mother refused to take the kids during that period of time. I received several e-mails stating " I will not take the children while their father is out of state. They will (until further notice) remain with their mother." Their father had no problem with this...until I filed for FROR. So please do not judge, before you know the details. Thanks.

I was stating LEGAL fact. If you want all the details known then you express them. But don't take attitude with me for giving you a legally accurate answer. If dad has joint custody he is responsible for care during his time. Now if he arranged for YOU to have care that is him being responsible. HOWEVER if he now wants stepmom to provide care, that is his choice and he is ALLOWED to do so and more so it is HIS LEGAL RIGHT to do so. So cut your attitude with me.

 

[DevotedMomAZ]

Because first right of refusal is not in the court order/parenting agreement I don't think you can deny him "his" time, no matter what he wants to do with it. Just like when my SD visits her mother, she can choose to have her stay with her parents (my SD's grandparents) if she wants. What she does with her time is her business, what your ex does with his time is his business until such a point where first right of refusal takes effect.

Your kids do have a right to know their other siblings and you should encourage that relationship. I know the judge in charge of our case weighs relationships with siblings very high in his decision making.

I agree that if your son is getting anxious like that he needs a therapist to help him deal with it. You should figure out the cause and help him deal with it rather than help him avoid whatever it is that is stressing him out.

Thank you, this information is very helpful. I do not want to be in contempt of court for any reason, so until I know exactly what I am "allowed" to do, I will allow the kids to go there (even though he is not there to exercise his parenting time). Hopefully the judge will rule on my request for first right of refusal soon.

 

[MichaCA]

As a side note, I would hope the judge would grant your request for FROR especially given the marked attitude on behalf of stepmom for three solid months. I have no doubt you will point that out, and in addition, I would get the child in some counseling if possible.

 

[LdiJ]

As a side note, I would hope the judge would grant your request for FROR especially given the marked attitude on behalf of stepmom for three solid months. I have no doubt you will point that out, and in addition, I would get the child in some counseling if possible.

Not only that, but why should the children be living with a stepmother 1/2 of the time when they could be living with an actual parent? Yes, they have siblings there and maintaining that bond is important, but living 50% of the time with a stepparent is not necessary to maintain that bond.

With dad living and working out of state mom would definitely have the necessary "change in circumstance" to try to modify custody to give her primary, and a better than decent shot at prevailing.

 

[LdiJ]

I was stating LEGAL fact. If you want all the details known then you express them. But don't take attitude with me for giving you a legally accurate answer. If dad has joint custody he is responsible for care during his time. Now if he arranged for YOU to have care that is him being responsible. HOWEVER if he now wants stepmom to provide care, that is his choice and he is ALLOWED to do so and more so it is HIS LEGAL RIGHT to do so. So cut your attitude with me.

OG, you really need to take it down a notch. There was no "attitude" in her response to you, she was simply giving you an explanation of the situation.

 

[CJane]

I was stating LEGAL fact. If you want all the details known then you express them.

Deep breath girlie. She said in her first post that SM had said she wasn't going to be responsible for the kids in Dad's absence.