Excellent reading alert: "Holiday Survival Guide"

[Silverplum]

This article made me so mad...because it's so good and I didn't write it!

Seriously, folks, everyone posting here should read this article today:

http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/21/living/holiday-survival-divorced-darents/index.html?hpt=hp_bn8

The highlights, for those who need coaxing:

• Keep it focused on the kids
• Sort out details in advance
• Don't out-Santa each other
• Keep some traditions, within reason
• Don't push too much togetherness
• Don't lobby for your sweetheart
• The exception to the rule
• He's a jerk

And, to "spoil" the ending, mostly because I know people are naturally lazy: Your adult child will know you tried to make her life better by trying to compromise with your difficult ex (and yes, children know who was difficult).

"How you react to your ex-spouse is how you are teaching your child to handle conflict, stress and anger," said Alan Kazdin, a Yale University psychology professor and director of Yale's Parenting Center. "Giving up a Christmas here or there means you'll have your child long-term. You want your child to have an ally in you later in life. It's not only more rewarding; it's more worthwhile long term."




I'm quite busy getting ready for Christmas with my husband, now-grown (step)sons and new DIL.

 

[mistoffolees]

This article made me so mad...because it's so good and I didn't write it!

Seriously, folks, everyone posting here should read this article today:

Holiday survival guide for divorced parents - CNN.com

The highlights, for those who need coaxing:

• Keep it focused on the kids
• Sort out details in advance
• Don't out-Santa each other
• Keep some traditions, within reason
• Don't push too much togetherness
• Don't lobby for your sweetheart
• The exception to the rule
• He's a jerk

And, to "spoil" the ending, mostly because I know people are naturally lazy: Your adult child will know you tried to make her life better by trying to compromise with your difficult ex (and yes, children know who was difficult).

"How you react to your ex-spouse is how you are teaching your child to handle conflict, stress and anger," said Alan Kazdin, a Yale University psychology professor and director of Yale's Parenting Center. "Giving up a Christmas here or there means you'll have your child long-term. You want your child to have an ally in you later in life. It's not only more rewarding; it's more worthwhile long term."




I'm quite busy getting ready for Christmas with my husband, now-grown (step)sons and new DIL.

Thanks for posting that.

I'll add that, like most good advice, it doesn't apply just at Christmas time.

Believe me - life is SO much easier for the parents and better for the kids if the parents learn to get along.

 

[stealth2]

Good article.


And even when parents can't get along...it's possible to put the kids first. If even one of you does so, it makes it easier for the kids. At the end of it all, does it REALLY matter what day you celebrate stuff? Or is the important thing spending time together?

 

[mistoffolees]

Good article.


And even when parents can't get along...it's possible to put the kids first. If even one of you does so, it makes it easier for the kids. At the end of it all, does it REALLY matter what day you celebrate stuff? Or is the important thing spending time together?

My daughter has NEVER celebrated Christmas on Christmas Day. Even when her mother and I were together, we were always out of town for Christmas, so we celebrated early.

 

[stealth2]

We've celebrated on the day, early, late, whatever. The day has never been as important as being together.

 

[CSO286]

This needs bumping.


Merry Christmas!!!

 

[Isis1]

This needs bumping.


Merry Christmas!!!

one more time!