the neighbor/cop had attempted battery on me by throwing a handful of his children's Crayons well into my back yard onto my patio where I had been standing minutes before
This may be a first! Yes, a new entry for the record books,,, assault by crayon!
Wouldn't this place whoever was holding the coloring book,,, with the proverbial "smoking gun"?
Of course it could have been much worse,,, so just thank your lucky stars that this silly neighbor in this silly war, didn't have any silly putty,,,, or silly string!
Anyway, I say you're best defense is a good offense. So you should consider arming yourself properly for this ongoing neighborhood conflict! It is obvious you're neighbor is prepared for war and you should be as well. So, I suggest that first thing tomorrow, you head on over to you're nearest Toys “R” Us store and look for a good reliable weapon to get you're licks in with. I don't know how far you can throw an easy bake oven, but they can be a damn good equalizer when you’re clashing with someone who's been known to advance with a fist full of crayons.
If the easy bake is a little too bulky and you need something you can easily conceal,,, look into an Etch-a-Sketch, no one would ever expect you to whip out one of them and doing the unexpected is always to your advantage. Another tactic would be to cordon off you're property line by the strategic placement of stretched out Slinky’s. They should work especially well on tripping him up while he’s focusing his attention towards other areas of battle. Like when he’s trying to escape contact with a flying Etch-a-Sketch.
Just stay away from Duncan yo-yo’s, Legos and whoopie cushions, as he would probably be prepared and possibly even expect an attack with these common household munitions.
You should also get into your neighbors mind, know the way he thinks, as then you will be able to anticipate his next move. For example, since he’s previously unloaded his crayons on you, you should already be aware of and keep an eye out for the incoming coloring book, as it won’t be far behind.
Aside from taking these steps to prepare yourself for the next round of Nickelodeon’s revenge, you’re only other choice would be to do everything in you’re power to put a stop to all this stupidity and avoid being drawn into you’re neighbors silly ass’d adolescent game of tit for tat. But this would mean you’d have to forget about filing a law suit and put a halt on seeking the arrest of every player who you feel has had a hand in wronging you. Basically, it means growing up, acting like an adult and placing yourself above all this crayon nonsense. I mean Jesus H. Christ, have you sat back and read how pathetic all this water squirting, crayon assaulting crap sounds to other adults?
You really need to figure out a way to get past all this childish absurdity for good. Unfortunately, it is obvious from your post, that you’re way of thinking is not going to help steer you in that direction.
But hey, if you have nothing better to do with your time and energy, then I say hop up on your Holly Hobby horse and fire a cork!
