Father wants to be primary

[poysenivye]

TX - My boyfriend and I would like to have custody of his children, or at least be named the primary. But we are unsure of how to go about taking primary custody from the mother. The marriage between them was dissolved when she confessed that she had been sleeping with some other men while my boyfriend was away at military duty. Then, a year later the divorce still pending, she has decided that she is going to use his new relationship and child (I am pregnant) to prove that he is in fact the adulterer. Which is a negative to us, obviously. The woman has no job, and has not yet tried to get a job, she thinks it is useless to work with four children, two of which are school age. And she lives in a 3 bedroom trailor and 2 of the children have no beds, they sleep on mats. A decision she made to create the appearance of a bigger room. My boyfriend and I both have jobs and make a little more than 5500/mth. I have a daughter from my last marriage, and we have some where to live and are planning on buying a house. He is still supporting her for the sake of her children, but is now becoming tired of supporting two households because she believes that "because he asked for the divorce, he should support her." She has asked her mom to move in to help her, but they are both very conflictive with each other and the mom has tried to committ suicide 7 times in the past, has severe anxiety and depression (both of them), and my boyfriend does not want his children around that. She is trying to get our military careers ruined in order to get more child support, or bargain for a way for us to give her more money, which is another issue. But what could we do to try to become the primaries?

 

[Zephyr]

and- not to be mean but you sound like you are waaaaaaaay to involved as well, for the new girlfriend to say she and daddy want to take custody from the mother just does not sound good, make sure to evaluate you reasons for wanting to do this

 

[poysenivye]

I know it seems like I am waaaay involved, the only reason that I am is because I have none these children for a year now, I see them all the time and I cannot stand the way that they live, and I am quite attached now. It kills me to hear how much nicer my home is and how much more my daughter has than they do, and how they want to come live with us. I love their father, and if he wants to have them full time, to give them the life that all children deserve, then I can respect that. I grew up with a dad that didn't want to be involved, so that makes this mean even more to me, for the children's sake.

 

[casa]

TX - My boyfriend and I would like to have custody of his children, or at least be named the primary. But we are unsure of how to go about taking primary custody from the mother. The marriage between them was dissolved when she confessed that she had been sleeping with some other men while my boyfriend was away at military duty. Then, a year later the divorce still pending, she has decided that she is going to use his new relationship and child (I am pregnant) to prove that he is in fact the adulterer. Which is a negative to us, obviously. The woman has no job, and has not yet tried to get a job, she thinks it is useless to work with four children, two of which are school age. And she lives in a 3 bedroom trailor and 2 of the children have no beds, they sleep on mats. A decision she made to create the appearance of a bigger room. My boyfriend and I both have jobs and make a little more than 5500/mth. I have a daughter from my last marriage, and we have some where to live and are planning on buying a house. He is still supporting her for the sake of her children, but is now becoming tired of supporting two households because she believes that "because he asked for the divorce, he should support her." She has asked her mom to move in to help her, but they are both very conflictive with each other and the mom has tried to committ suicide 7 times in the past, has severe anxiety and depression (both of them), and my boyfriend does not want his children around that. She is trying to get our military careers ruined in order to get more child support, or bargain for a way for us to give her more money, which is another issue. But what could we do to try to become the primaries?

So they both slept with other people while still married- So that isn't going to help you.

4 kids in a 3 bdrm house isn't bad. I assume some children share a room- that happens everywhere in the world.

So far, you haven't provided any facts that would guarantee the father winning custody. He'd have to prove the mother was unfit. The grandmother's anxiety has little to do with the situation because she isn't their parent and she hasn't actually moved in and done anything to put them in harm's way.

Re; the children saying they have more 'stuff' at your house...well, that's children for ya. But you can't buy love and saying that in court will not help you one bit. Obviously it's not about who has more 'stuff' but about who has been a fit caregiver for their lives.

In court, child support will be determined based on the state's guidelines, incorporating a % of each parent's income- both being partially responsible for their care/support. The mother will have no sayso re; a specific amount.

If your military careers are in jeapordy (I presume because you are cohabitating with a married military member ) Then you should both stop it for the sake of the case. If your Love is genuine, then you'll be able to continue when the case is over. It really wasn't smart on either of your parts to become involved while one was still married.

 

[stealth2]

Well, yeah, your being pregnant by him while he's still married is pretty good proof of adultery, so she's got Dad there. Which ain't great for either of your military careers.

As for:

My boyfriend and I would like to have custody of his children, or at least be named the primary.

... you're not part of the equation. Your boyfriend may or may not be able to modify the current custody arrangement. If the kids have been living with her all along, it's going to be a long row to hoe, and he really needs an attorney representing him.

 

[poysenivye]

It's not that we have more stuff, we just have more room to accomodate the size of the family. Their 2 rooms for the four children average the size of a regular kid's room in a house. It's too little. We also have more money and more time to accomodate the family. And yes, the mother of the wife has moved in, and is now demanding that we support them or they will tell the military. That is, once again, the financial part of it is not their problem. He is divorcing her, therefore he should be liable to pay the bills. I am not worried about me and the father's relationship, we will survive through this. Once again, I am not putting myself into the equation. I am just using the fact that I am the one writing the thread and that he is my boyfriend, this is all his thing, and I understand that. She brings men in and out of the house, and so does the mother, the kids are getting really confused about what is going on. And the mom tells them that the daddy left because he doesn't care about him. But he pays all of their bills and has them almost every weekend. The mother stated that if it wouldn't make her look like a bad mom, she would give the kids to him in a second. But she doesn't want to look bad. She has no job, no money, has not tried to get a job, and we still don't know if the last child that she has is his or not. She was having the affair when they had the last child.

 

[stealth2]

And again - he's going to have to prove all of his allegations as well as show that she is unfit. Simply being poor and living in a smaller house isn't going to cut it.

 

[poysenivye]

Yeah, but there's being poor, and there's not having any income at all, besides child support. And that was the whole point of the thread, what are the elements that need to be satisfied to find the mother unfit?

 

[stealth2]

That's not likely to be enough.

 

[casa]

Yeah, but there's being poor, and there's not having any income at all, besides child support. And that was the whole point of the thread, what are the elements that need to be satisfied to find the mother unfit?

Under TX Family Law Code, look up "Change of Circumstance" and see if the situation meets the requirements.

 

[bradybunchmom]

stay out if it theres no"we"

the is no "we" in this. only your bf can go for custody, not you, youre not the kids mother. its best to let him work it out. the mothers lifestlye isnt your business.

 

[stepmom&mom]

Um, you should probably move out until his divorce is final. I'd hate to see your military careers go down the tube.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

https://forum.freeadvice.com/member.php?u=225200

Let's start with your posts.

I find it hard to believe this is not a joke.

If it is not, then you ...............are involved with a married man in the military, he has four children and you got YOURSELF pregnant.

No further comment...the link will provide all info on you.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=250468