fathers against mothers; who is likely to win?

[Whoscalling]

What is the name of your state? PA: Bucks is the only county that adopted CCES (Child custody evaluation services) to help aid judges in their decisions for "Child's best interest" Now, because of this, I lost full custody of my daughter to now joint custody and the mother lives in another state. Here is my question: Mother signed custody over to me, moved to an appartment, didn't pay child support for 6 months and then moved to DE with parents, (Parents moved there from PA too...) Mother is going to school full time and CCES still gave her joint custody. Didn't matter she signed away custody and abanded her daughter at a year old, and didn't matter if she didn't care too help pay for her daughter's support when I had full custody. Now her parents are hoping to take daughter away from PA that me and daughter's brother live. They are requesting another CCES and I simply don't have the means anymore to pay for another. She is doing anything and everything to make her side heard and has a lawyer her parents can afford making me out to be the one that is unabled. I need to know my rights here because I am all for my children, raised my son since son was a baby and now he is 13teen and did the same for daughter. I've been divorce now for three years and still I can't get along with my daughter's mother. My daughter's Grandparents and her mother talk bad about me all the time in front of my daughter, And the mother even tells my daughter that her daddy is a loser. I am frustrated with this whole mess and need to know what my rights are. Now she wants to go back to CCES so she can gain primary residential custody. She doesn't work and lives with her parents. Her parents are forking out all the money for her and for a lawyer and the child support she still pays me. I am on SSDI and am around my two kids full time? 24/7 all summer long as well. What are my rights if I have any? FACE (Father's and children equality) mentioned that women still have the upperhand, well this was apparent when I still lost full custody under all the circumstances. Please help....

 

[Zephyr]

What is the name of your state? PA: Bucks is the only county that adopted CCES (Child custody evaluation services) to help aid judges in their decisions for "Child's best interest"

umm that's probably a good thing as far as the kids are concerned


Now, because of this, I lost full custody of my daughter to now joint custody and the mother lives in another state.

most parents have joint custody


Here is my question: Mother signed custody over to me,

why? and was this done through the courts?

moved to an appartment, didn't pay child support for 6 months

was there an order for support?

and then moved to DE with parents, (Parents moved there from PA too...) Mother is going to school full time and CCES still gave her joint custody.

I am not aware of any statute that states a parent who is a student cannot have joint (or even full!) custody


Didn't matter she signed away custody and abanded her daughter at a year old,

obviously not, the evaluator determined it's in the child's best interests to have both of the parents have custody

and didn't matter if she didn't care too help pay for her daughter's support when I had full custody.

was she ordered to pay support? did you ask for support?

Now her parents are hoping to take daughter away from PA that me and daughter's brother live.

her parents are not parties to this, they can't do much

They are requesting another CCES and I simply don't have the means anymore to pay for another.

what does your lawyer say about that?

She is doing anything and everything to make her side heard

ummm...wouldn't you do the same???


and has a lawyer her parents can afford making me out to be the one that is unabled.

what is unabled? is that similar to disabled? or maybe closer to unfit?


I need to know my rights here because I am all for my children, raised my son since son was a baby and now he is 13teen and did the same for daughter.

you have the right to joint custody of your daughter until the court determines otherwise

I've been divorce now for three years and still I can't get along with my daughter's mother.

for you daughter's sake you better find a way to at least get along with mom enough to co-parent in your daughter's best interests


My daughter's Grandparents and her mother talk bad about me all the time in front of my daughter,

how do you know this?

And the mother even tells my daughter that her daddy is a loser.

how do you know this?

I am frustrated with this whole mess and need to know what my rights are. Now she wants to go back to CCES so she can gain primary residential custody.

that is the desire of most noncustodial parents

She doesn't work and lives with her parents.

perfectly legal

Her parents are forking out all the money for her and for a lawyer and the child support she still pays me.

she's lucky to have such a supportive family


I am on SSDI and am around my two kids full time? 24/7 all summer long as well. What are my rights if I have any? FACE (Father's and children equality) mentioned that women still have the upperhand, well this was apparent when I still lost full custody under all the circumstances. Please help....

look you need to put your personal differences with mom to bed, they are not the issue any longer, your child is what's important here.

If your daughter has been residing with you for 3 years and there is not anything different than the last go round then it is unlikely that custody will change....but you may still have to go through the motions.....you might want to try a compromise, like offering mom a new parenting plan that gives the child more time with her, or even 50/50 physical if she moves back to the area....

 

[Whoscalling]

Thanks Zephyr for your reply... In reply to some of your questions pertaining to my last reply, I am aware of most parents having joint custody. Mother gave me full custody from the lawyer I had prior before anything, he wrote up a custody agreement and asked me to present it to her, I did... and she had no problems signing her daughter over to me. Then my lawyer worked something out with support and she signed it too. Nothing was worked out from court or a judge ruling but now it is and she was ordered to pay. When the first CCES was complete and after I went back to court, the judge ruled 50/50 anyway but she has to drive to and from to pick daughter up. Plus jurisdiction was to remain in PA and they put her down as living only an hour and 1/2 away instead of 2 1/2 hours. (I don't know if that means anything)
About me knowing I am badmouthed in front of daughter… My daughter told me that her grandma, pop and mother talk bad about me all the time. My daughter told me that mom calls me a loser all the time. I am currently taking daughter to a family counselor to help mother and I work something out together. Doesn't seem to be working… she is still making it out to be a CCES session when it is solely for our daughter and what she is going through week to week with each parent in different states and going to two different preschools.
I had a lawyer for everything but no longer can afford too pay for one so I've been representing myself. I have too! Too costly anymore and having food on the table, clothes on my children back and a roof over their heads are more important. I also understand the GP's doesn't have too much to do with this custody but they are involved in it as if they are. Mother is very lucky in that aspect.
And lastly, the unable means she is trying to make me out as unfit. I know I'm not and her signing custody over to me in the first place should make her out to be unfit. Basically everything that happens, daughter's behavior, scratches from the cat, bruises from falls, rashes and anything else is because of me. In her eyes she is better able then me.
Oh custody changed to 50/50 joint custody on 10/04/05. It wasn’t three years so I don’t know if that means anything either. Hasn't been three years. I really appreciate as much help as I can get. I have a court hearing this 6/07/07 and will be asking the judge that a CCES is not needed and I can’t afford it. I may be forced to go to CCES again for the second time but I don’t know if that will be the case. Anymore suggestions would greatly be appreciated. Thanks all…

 

[LdiJ]

Ok...let me outline this to make sure that I understand. You and mom split up three years ago. Mom voluntarily gave you full custody at the time.

Then about a year or so later mom petitioned for joint custody (50/50 timeshare) and was granted joint custody in October of 05. This has been going on for a year and a half.

Mom is now trying for primary custody. That actually makes sense because it won't be too long until your child starts regular school, so one of you is going to have to end up with primary custody. It will no longer be possible to switch off week to week when the child is in regular school. You should have been prepared for this one.

 

[Whoscalling]

Ldij... Thank you for your reply. I am ready to a point. I have all the documents I need to show I have been the care giver. I just want to know if there is a way because I am representing myself, if I need to put up front the steps that led into this. See she has a lawyer, I don't! I can not afford one like her parents. I have been representing myself. Her lawyer is tough as nails but because she knows the law but I still manage. Now this custody matter needs to be solved because you are right, daughter is going to kidnergarden. The other dilemma I have here is the preschool in Pa is saying or recommending a repeat of Preschool. They are saying because of the school district being hard and my daughter's maturity now. The school in DE is pushing her into kidnergarden now. I guess I can do the same but then the preschool teacher is saying that by keeping her another year would set her up better academically. I can also put her in Kidnergarden and just have her repeat kidnergarden. See, I don't know how or what to do here. Should I bring this up in court or not.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ldij... Thank you for your reply. I am ready to a point. I have all the documents I need to show I have been the care giver.

Being the primary caregiver only gets you so far.

I just want to know if there is a way because I am representing myself, if I need to put up front the steps that led into this.

Truthfully anything that happened before the last hearing DOES NOT matter. What is going to matter is what has happened SINCE the last hearing.

See she has a lawyer, I don't! I can not afford one like her parents. I have been representing myself. Her lawyer is tough as nails but because she knows the law but I still manage.

You will have to know the law as well. Read the PA statutes, the local rules, the rules of civil procedure.

Now this custody matter needs to be solved because you are right, daughter is going to kidnergarden. The other dilemma I have here is the preschool in Pa is saying or recommending a repeat of Preschool. They are saying because of the school district being hard and my daughter's maturity now.

Then what you will want to do is present evidence that your daughter should not be going to kindergarten. Subpoena the teacher to testify as to why she is recommending the child repeat preschool, why your daughter is not mature enough for kindergarten and where your daughter is lagging academically. Make sure though that the teacher is QUALIFIED to make this recommendation. If she is nothing more than a "titled" babysitter that will not help your case.

The school in DE is pushing her into kidnergarden now. I guess I can do the same but then the preschool teacher is saying that by keeping her another year would set her up better academically.

It is NOT up to the schools as to whether this child goes on. Have you tried talking to MOM about whether or not the child should repeat a grade? If not then you have committed a SERIOUS blunder.

I can also put her in Kidnergarden and just have her repeat kidnergarden. See, I don't know how or what to do here. Should I bring this up in court or not.

Good grief. You should be talking to mom about the reasons why the child should not be in kindergarten next year as well as the cons against keeping her back. And then the two of you -- THE PARENTS -- should be determining whether the child goes on to kindergarten. The worst case is taking it into court over something that parents should be able to be adult about.

 

[Whoscalling]

Ldij, thanks again for your help. I can tell you all my attempts to try to have a relationship with the mother for my little girl's sake but it is hard when the other person doesn't care too and is complicating thing as much as possible with our little girl. I feel bad for our little girl and wish she didn't have to deal with this. The only thing I can do is keep trying to have a relationship with the mother.

Okay, Another question which would help a lot. Because I have court coming up, do you think it is better to have a proposal in hand for the judge. Mail mother one too and call her up to talk about it? I here having a proposal for the judge to look at is better then not having one at all. What are your thoughts on this?

 

[Zephyr]

Ldij, thanks again for your help. I can tell you all my attempts to try to have a relationship with the mother for my little girl's sake but it is hard when the other person doesn't care too and is complicating thing as much as possible with our little girl. I feel bad for our little girl and wish she didn't have to deal with this. The only thing I can do is keep trying to have a relationship with the mother.

Okay, Another question which would help a lot. Because I have court coming up, do you think it is better to have a proposal in hand for the judge. Mail mother one too and call her up to talk about it? I here having a proposal for the judge to look at is better then not having one at all. What are your thoughts on this?

It's always a good idea to have a proposed parenting plan ready. It gives the court, or the parties in mediation something to start with.

 

[Whoscalling]

It's always a good idea to have a proposed parenting plan ready. It gives the court, or the parties in mediation something to start with.

Thanks Zephyr, of course... It helps to ease things through. I pretty much know this will go all the way in front of a judge. The only thing that concerns me is this CCES. I will do it again if the judge says I have to do it. I don't see the reason to do it again though, nothing has changed! She is living with her parents, going to college full time and doesn't work. Eliminate her parents and she can not raise her daughter at this time. I already went in front of a masters and asked if this can go striaght to the Judge so at this point I do not know what will be requested. I did take my own initiative and took my daughter to a family counselor. I did this because of my daughter telling me that her brother isn't her real brother and that mommy and her parents talk bad about me in front of her. God I feel bad for my daughter, it's a shame... I am hoping that this family counselor is all I need. Who knows...

Question: Do you think I should bring the immune shot records with my signatures all over it and dental records and medical records to court to show that I am taking care of my daughter? See I will be bringing this up but I know certain things shouldn't be. Knowing this fact is ideal but I don't know. For example, I did see a lawyer one time and asked about me bringing up sex offenders who live in her area. She has lots of them and high rated ones too. The lawyer advised me 'NO!' This confused me so I asked "Why not?" I then was asked, "Did anything happen to your daughter now?" of course I said no! Then the answer was no... I am confused what to bring up and what not to bring up. Any advice on this one?

 

[fedupmom414]

Any luck with CCES

Does anyone know what CCES evaluator to use, not use. This is a second round case. He lied first time and the judge didn't want to hear case. Now, life is horrible for my child. I filed for primary and plan to be stay-at home mom. the original report said he has no stable residence, no fostering abilities, and she said it was hardest decision she had to make. He said he took her to docs, etc... but didn't.
I am doing this pro se. I will consult counsel before trial... but I have the affdavits showing she has poor feminine hygiene, I can prove he tells me NOTHING about school, activities, her life. He even changed her doctor without telling me. I found out when we went to court on contempt of other issues.

He told CCES he needs no CARES and has support. Let's say he signed up after custody hearing for CARES and has no help. He takes off or takes my 6 year old to a machine shop with hazardous materials.

Mother's dont always get the upper hand...

 

[TheGeekess]

Necroposting

If you have a question, you need to start your own thread, not post to one that has been dead and done with for the last couple of years.