Feeling helpless with visitation.

[LdiJ]

Agreed, My ex's oldest child's mother attempted that. She lived with a smoker and we lived with my parents at the time and were not ALLOWED to smoke in the house. She even went a step further and rubbed them in her cat box. Luckily, a great GAL was assigned to his case and he saw right through her.

If I was the parent in the case Ldij described, I would have appealed that decision immediately.

Ok...in the case I was describing smoking was prohibited because of the child's heath condition, similar to this case. It wasn't a general prohibition against smoking. (and by the way, I am a smoker so I have some bias)

The smoking parent was also asked to identify the clothing in the zip lock bags as belonging to their child prior to the bags being opened.

Could it have been overturned on appeal? Possibly if the smoking parent had denied smoking around the child after the bags were opened. However the parent caved after being presented with the smelly clothing.

Its a matter of credibility combined with the health risks to the child...and honestly combined with a judge's bias as well.

 

[lostd93]

So since no one thinks the court would decrease any visitation or enforce the coparenting/communication in the CO, what are your thoughts about if he asked for more visitation? Would the judge have no problem giving him that? He has told me that he wants to request more visitation time "just to piss me off" was his exact words. All he does is use our daughter as a tool to get back at me for breaking up with him.

Also do I need to go to court before I talk to a therapist? I have already told her father I was planning on going if there was no changes soon. He completely ignored the topic. Would he be responsible for half the cost? Really dont know how I can afford a therapist by myself.

 

[Ohiogal]

So since no one thinks the court would decrease any visitation or enforce the coparenting/communication in the CO, what are your thoughts about if he asked for more visitation? Would the judge have no problem giving him that? He has told me that he wants to request more visitation time "just to piss me off" was his exact words. All he does is use our daughter as a tool to get back at me for breaking up with him.

Also do I need to go to court before I talk to a therapist? I have already told her father I was planning on going if there was no changes soon. He completely ignored the topic. Would he be responsible for half the cost? Really dont know how I can afford a therapist by myself.

What does you court order state regarding medical decisions and medical costs? Do you have joint legal custody?

 

[lostd93]

What does you court order state regarding medical decisions and medical costs? Do you have joint legal custody?

Yes we have joint custody. Medical decisions and costs are not specifically outlined in the agreement.

Based on his actions and ignorance of all these issues, would the court think about removing his right to make some of these important decisions in her life?

 

[gr8rn]

He is not interested in discussing any of the long-term affects such as drugs, sex, depression, that this situation may cause.

If and when you do go to court, don't talk about long term effects like this. You cannot prove anything he has done has anything to do with these "long term effects".

If you are a good mother and role model to your daughter in her every day life then you can be assured his visitations will not be such a detriment.

Is he a horrible father? Yes, it sounds like he is. Lots of us have to deal with imperfect parents. But you really need to pick your battles, and for now, the most detrimental thing he does that you can possibly prove is him not treating her asthma. Do you provide him with her meds, inhalers, nebulizer machine when she visits?

 

[lostd93]

I was searching thru other threads and I found another one regarding a father who was ignoring emails and not co-parenting with the childs mother. Many told him that he was the problem, and not beneficial for the child, and that a judge would tell him the same with possibly some privileges taken away.

Can you please tell me why my case is so drastically different than this one? I have basically been told I have no options besides engaging a therapist, but in the other thread it seems he was told there would be consequences for his actions, or lack thereof. Can anyone clarify for me please?


Here is the thread...not sure how to direct link...sorry....

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/trying-make-up-mistakes-anything-i-can-do-477219.html

 

[Ohiogal]

I was searching thru other threads and I found another one regarding a father who was ignoring emails and not co-parenting with the childs mother. Many told him that he was the problem, and not beneficial for the child, and that a judge would tell him the same with possibly some privileges taken away.

Can you please tell me why my case is so drastically different than this one? I have basically been told I have no options besides engaging a therapist, but in the other thread it seems he was told there would be consequences for his actions, or lack thereof. Can anyone clarify for me please?


Here is the thread...not sure how to direct link...sorry....

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/trying-make-up-mistakes-anything-i-can-do-477219.html

We give advice based on what is the most likely that could happen as well as the fact that YOUR TRUTH REGARDING THE OTHER PARENT is most likely not the truth the court will see. People tend to make the other person worst and themselves better. You need to engage a therapist and get evidence of the wrongdoing and PROVE IT. If dad is admitting what is happening to the court then that is evidence but you cannot rely on it. The other poster admitting it basically shows what he would have to say in court if asked.

 

[profmum]

OP, your case is a great example of one where you need to get the child into counselling as OG says (and petition the courts for permission if Dad disagree's) and get a GAL appointed.

 

[lostd93]

We give advice based on what is the most likely that could happen as well as the fact that YOUR TRUTH REGARDING THE OTHER PARENT is most likely not the truth the court will see. People tend to make the other person worst and themselves better. You need to engage a therapist and get evidence of the wrongdoing and PROVE IT. If dad is admitting what is happening to the court then that is evidence but you cannot rely on it. The other poster admitting it basically shows what he would have to say in court if asked.

I agree about the therapist, I will start doing my research on that. I have asked him about a therapist and he wants nothing to do with it so can I just get one or do I have to go to court?

Also, how is a GAL appointed? Is that by court order only or someone that I would look for? If court appointed, am I responsible for legal fees for him/her?




As for the truth "regarding the other parent"...arent the emails that I have considered evidence or proof? I have at least 25 emails over the last year that paint a pretty clear picture.

Many have gone ignored when I ask him to talk about something. I have email notifications proving they were received, read, and not replied to. Phone records showing he doesnt return my calls.

I have emails verbally attacking me when all I do is ask for his opinion.

I have emails with him admitting he didnt feed her.

I have emails admitting she had an asthma attack when with him and that he didnt tell me and that he feels he doesnt need to tell me about this or basically anything else.

The list goes on....dont these carry any weight and prove ANYTHING about his lack of coparenting skills? And if they do prove a pattern then wouldnt he be in the same situation as the other father in the linked thread, facing the same punishments?

 

[maryjo]

This is by no means legal advice.

BUT: it almost seems as if your ex is really not appreciating your input into his time with your daughter. And he doesnt seem to enjoy communication with you.

So...stop communicating with him. Stop emailing, calling, texting, whatever else. Just leave him alone. When he wants to know something, let him ask.

When my ex and I first seperated and divorced I tried to keep him up on everything going on with our son. I would even give suggestions of things for him to do with our son on his time. He was never responsive to anything. Not even information regarding our son's health or school or anything else.

So I stopped giving any information. When he wants to know something he knows where to find me. But he really doesnt seem to care one way or another. And trust me when I tell you this has made MY life better. And it made things easier between us because he doesnt think I am trying to control his life.

Just back off awhile and see where it goes.

As for the health issues, yes, thats a big deal and one you shouldnt back off of. But make sure he has the medication and knows what to do during an attack.

And remember...sometimes our children tell us one story to make us feel better or sometimes to start trouble. Not saying thats what your child is doing. But many times my son has told me something such as he hadnt eaten dinner before his father dropped him off. I called or texted to find out and sure enough, he HAD eaten dinner but it was early or something. Son was confused but it could have caused a big problem if I am thinking dad doesnt feed him. See how that can happen.

I really think you need to relax a little here, inform dad about the medical issues, and then back off.