Intrigued2002
Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Wisconsin
My ex husband and I were divorced two years ago after an eight year marriage. We have three beautiful little girls, ages 6, 7 and 9 years old.
When we were divorced, we signed a mutually agreed upon agreement that stated I would have sole legal and physical custody, however, my ex was welcomed to call or visit at any time, invite the children to visit him, and if he wanted overnight visits, I only required 48 hour notice. (unless the children were already visiting him, then it was perfectly acceptable to call and ask to stay longer.)
Two months after the divorce was finalized, their father moved from Wisconsin to Texas. He had met a woman online, and as he was facing jail time for Child support, she suggested he duck court and move in with her. He was gone for 10 months. Irregular phone contact, and a couple video chats were all he could manage. There were a couple times when I would get nasty emails after a conversation from the kids' step-mom, saying that they wanted to move in with them, they told her I was abusive etc.. I responded heatedly. I know I shouldn't have, but I was shocked, and angry at the accusations.
After this, I began to get a lot of emails from the children's step-mother. Most were worded very carefully, portraying an innocence while telling me that she was better for my children in all ways... I let it get to me more than a couple times. Again, I shouldn't have, but it's very hard, as some of you can imagine. I told my ex I would not speak to her again. He replied by saying I had no choice, she was his wife, and she was the one calling the shots now. He also cut off communication of any kind himself at this time. If there was to be any contact, I was supposed to send HER an email, or call and speak with HER.
(I did not always act in a very mature manner having to communicate with her. I am not proud of it, but that's how it was.)
Their father showed up on my doorstep on June 17th, two days prior to Fathers Day. I encouraged the kids to go out and see him, and they visited for three hours that day. I did not have any notice they were coming, and I was a bit shell-shocked. Their dad insisted they get ready to go with them, and I said no. I felt it was necessary to let them have a little bit to process their dad being back, possibly discuss any concerns they may have had with them after they left. My oldest daughter expressed to me that she had really wanted to go with him after they left. After talking for a little bit, I called and had them come back, just for her. (I called his mother first and verified they would be staying with her.)
Two days later, I got a visit from the local sheriff with contempt papers saying I refused visitation to their father on Fathers Day... The date filed was the Friday prior to Fathers Day.
This started the three ring circus of court appearances, numerous contempt filings by my ex for nonsensical things, including a petition to enforce visitation for being 15 minutes late picking UP the children... CPS has been called to visit my home no less than 8 times. Each time, I have welcomed them in, allowed them to talk to my kids in private etc. On top of it all, my ex also has had the local police stop in claiming he was worried about me and the kids because he hadn't heard from me in over a week. (I had been speaking to him in the wee hours of that same morning he called them.)
I didn't think I had anything to worry about. My girls are well cared for, happy, healthy, doing great in school. I provide them with a stable home, which we never had even while my ex and I were married. (due to money problems, we'd live somewhere for 3 months, get evicted, rinse and repeat in the next place.)
The last time we went to court, (last month) The judge called our case, and began right off the bat with a temp order saying it would be changed to the county standard, father to have every other weekend, joint legal custody, etc. There was no evidence asked for, no input... the order was just all of a sudden changed. Before dismissing and making a new court date, the judge informed me that if I stepped out of line, he had no problem taking the kids from me and giving them to their father. (huh?)
The notice from the GAL (guardian ad litem) stated that my parenting style was "free", allowing the kids to choose activities to be engaged in etc, and while he sometimes saw this as ok, the kids should not be able to be so free, and that any extra curricular activities they took part in would interfere with visitation. He said I was noticeably upset when this was pointed out that the kids would have to change their ways... (I only had a one hour visit with the GAL, he did not speak to the children at all. My ex has had 8 visits with him.)
(The most any activities would interfere is one hour on Fridays...)
I feel as if I am being seen as this bad guy. I don't know what to do. I have done everything for my girls since day one. I don't badger child support, even though my ex is 6k in arrears, I just don't count on having that money. They are my kids, and I take the responsibility seriously. I guess what I am wondering, is has anyone else been through something similar? I don't know what is happening, but it doesn't feel good at all. I don't drink, do drugs, or even go out.. ever. I am home 23 hours a day, I work from home, am always around for my girls, and have never abandoned them. Yet I feel like I am losing..
(sorry so long... even as long as this post is, I didn't even get into all of the controlling done by the new step-mom (kids are told to call her mom), ex still won't communicate directly with me, so I am forced to deal with her.. even after judge told her to butt out. (my ex had the judge replaced that told her this. I only found out about the judge change during the very next hearing after this ocurred.)
I am so lost.
My ex husband and I were divorced two years ago after an eight year marriage. We have three beautiful little girls, ages 6, 7 and 9 years old.
When we were divorced, we signed a mutually agreed upon agreement that stated I would have sole legal and physical custody, however, my ex was welcomed to call or visit at any time, invite the children to visit him, and if he wanted overnight visits, I only required 48 hour notice. (unless the children were already visiting him, then it was perfectly acceptable to call and ask to stay longer.)
Two months after the divorce was finalized, their father moved from Wisconsin to Texas. He had met a woman online, and as he was facing jail time for Child support, she suggested he duck court and move in with her. He was gone for 10 months. Irregular phone contact, and a couple video chats were all he could manage. There were a couple times when I would get nasty emails after a conversation from the kids' step-mom, saying that they wanted to move in with them, they told her I was abusive etc.. I responded heatedly. I know I shouldn't have, but I was shocked, and angry at the accusations.
After this, I began to get a lot of emails from the children's step-mother. Most were worded very carefully, portraying an innocence while telling me that she was better for my children in all ways... I let it get to me more than a couple times. Again, I shouldn't have, but it's very hard, as some of you can imagine. I told my ex I would not speak to her again. He replied by saying I had no choice, she was his wife, and she was the one calling the shots now. He also cut off communication of any kind himself at this time. If there was to be any contact, I was supposed to send HER an email, or call and speak with HER.
(I did not always act in a very mature manner having to communicate with her. I am not proud of it, but that's how it was.)
Their father showed up on my doorstep on June 17th, two days prior to Fathers Day. I encouraged the kids to go out and see him, and they visited for three hours that day. I did not have any notice they were coming, and I was a bit shell-shocked. Their dad insisted they get ready to go with them, and I said no. I felt it was necessary to let them have a little bit to process their dad being back, possibly discuss any concerns they may have had with them after they left. My oldest daughter expressed to me that she had really wanted to go with him after they left. After talking for a little bit, I called and had them come back, just for her. (I called his mother first and verified they would be staying with her.)
Two days later, I got a visit from the local sheriff with contempt papers saying I refused visitation to their father on Fathers Day... The date filed was the Friday prior to Fathers Day.
This started the three ring circus of court appearances, numerous contempt filings by my ex for nonsensical things, including a petition to enforce visitation for being 15 minutes late picking UP the children... CPS has been called to visit my home no less than 8 times. Each time, I have welcomed them in, allowed them to talk to my kids in private etc. On top of it all, my ex also has had the local police stop in claiming he was worried about me and the kids because he hadn't heard from me in over a week. (I had been speaking to him in the wee hours of that same morning he called them.)
I didn't think I had anything to worry about. My girls are well cared for, happy, healthy, doing great in school. I provide them with a stable home, which we never had even while my ex and I were married. (due to money problems, we'd live somewhere for 3 months, get evicted, rinse and repeat in the next place.)
The last time we went to court, (last month) The judge called our case, and began right off the bat with a temp order saying it would be changed to the county standard, father to have every other weekend, joint legal custody, etc. There was no evidence asked for, no input... the order was just all of a sudden changed. Before dismissing and making a new court date, the judge informed me that if I stepped out of line, he had no problem taking the kids from me and giving them to their father. (huh?)
The notice from the GAL (guardian ad litem) stated that my parenting style was "free", allowing the kids to choose activities to be engaged in etc, and while he sometimes saw this as ok, the kids should not be able to be so free, and that any extra curricular activities they took part in would interfere with visitation. He said I was noticeably upset when this was pointed out that the kids would have to change their ways... (I only had a one hour visit with the GAL, he did not speak to the children at all. My ex has had 8 visits with him.)
(The most any activities would interfere is one hour on Fridays...)
I feel as if I am being seen as this bad guy. I don't know what to do. I have done everything for my girls since day one. I don't badger child support, even though my ex is 6k in arrears, I just don't count on having that money. They are my kids, and I take the responsibility seriously. I guess what I am wondering, is has anyone else been through something similar? I don't know what is happening, but it doesn't feel good at all. I don't drink, do drugs, or even go out.. ever. I am home 23 hours a day, I work from home, am always around for my girls, and have never abandoned them. Yet I feel like I am losing..
(sorry so long... even as long as this post is, I didn't even get into all of the controlling done by the new step-mom (kids are told to call her mom), ex still won't communicate directly with me, so I am forced to deal with her.. even after judge told her to butt out. (my ex had the judge replaced that told her this. I only found out about the judge change during the very next hearing after this ocurred.)
I am so lost.
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