final say in joint custody

[mommyto 2]

What is the name of your state? New Jersey
I have two quick questions!
I have joint custody of two children (son, 11 and daughter 7) with me being parent of primary residence.
First question when making educational decisions and parents do not agree who has final say? This is not addressed in my custody papers. This decision has nothing to do with taking the child to another school, but is part of an IEP and what type of science class the child should take.

Second question. When a parent writes to a teacher via email about non decision making questions (ie. asking for how child did in school, supplies needed, sharing info about child's disability) does this have to be Cc.ed to other parent?

Thanks fo the help!!

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? New Jersey
I have two quick questions!
I have joint custody of two children (son, 11 and daughter 7) with me being parent of primary residence.
First question when making educational decisions and parents do not agree who has final say? This is not addressed in my custody papers. This decision has nothing to do with taking the child to another school, but is part of an IEP and what type of science class the child should take.

Second question. When a parent writes to a teacher via email about non decision making questions (ie. asking for how child did in school, supplies needed, sharing info about child's disability) does this have to be Cc.ed to other parent?

Thanks fo the help!!

If your court orders don't address what happens if you cannot agree, then if you cannot agree the judge would have to decide.

No, you don't have to CC the other parent if you are asking routine questions or providing routine information.

 

[mommyto 2]

Thanks for the quick reply. I guess then my follow up question is dealing with a time frame. If a decision needs to be made and can't wait what happens then?

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks for the quick reply. I guess then my follow up question is dealing with a time frame. If a decision needs to be made and can't wait what happens then?

Well...if it truly had to be made or the child would suffer consequences, then I would expect the CP to make the decision based on the child's best interest....and be prepared to defend that decision in court, should the ncp file for contempt.

 

[mommyto 2]

Thanks that is what I thought. I appreciate your time, have a great day.

 

[BL]

You can not be held in contempt , unless the order is clear and precise , and you knowingly and willingly disobey it .

The school has the final decision making on IEP's , although both Parents should be offered the opportunity to attend any meetings that would change , or alter the IEPs .

I can't see a Judge holding you in contempt for it .

Now if medication is suggested , then that would be a major decision , that you should both agree on .

 

[mommyto 2]

No it is not about meds. And as far as the IEP, parents do have input (I also happen to work for as a child study team member) and a say as to what is provided for their child but it is a group input. The decision at hand now is what level science program to put my son in. He is a savant in science and math. He is currenttly taking an accelerated math class and he wants to try an advanced science class. I am supporting this. I feel he should give it a try, and so does his case manager. After extensive research on accelerated learning, I think he should be given the chance with the right supports. His father thinks he will fail and feels like it is not worth the chance. Mind you even his doctors support the idea of teaching him on his academic levels.

 

[CLBKLCDTB]

If your court orders don't address what happens if you cannot agree, then if you cannot agree the judge would have to decide.

No, you don't have to CC the other parent if you are asking routine questions or providing routine information.

So, What is the point fo joint custody?

If everytime two people can not agree and it has to keep going back to court? Is joint custody a way for court systems, and lawyers to keep the money flowing?

:side thought: It is real stupid for a judge to grant joint custody when it is appearant that two people can not even agree during the trial or court hearings....

 

[mommyto 2]

Interesting thought, and a concern I have had over the years. Most decisions that I have made for the children he fights me over and he usually just backs down. I often think he just disagrees for the sake of disagreeing. The reason for my questions today though, are because of some nasty comments he made to me yesterday about this issue. We have a very long history of not getting along (I use to post here often for advice) but I learned over time to ignore him and because the last time he took me to court the judge put it on record that my ex has many issues with mental illness and anger. He also had a good streak going with his bi-polar issues, but these past couple of weeks he has been very unstable and difficult again.

 

[Just Blue]

So, What is the point fo joint custody?

If everytime two people can not agree and it has to keep going back to court? Is joint custody a way for court systems, and lawyers to keep the money flowing?

:side thought: It is real stupid for a judge to grant joint custody when it is appearant that two people can not even agree during the trial or court hearings....

Joint custody is a way for parent to continue co-parenting as they did when married...If they want to fight about every little issue it WILL get pretty expensive for them...Perhaps after 10 or 20K is spent on attorneys fee they will learn to work with one another...

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

so, if you didn't co-parent when married, how can you expect to be successful when divorce, unless you have lessons in it?

 

[fairisfair]

so, if you didn't co-parent when married, how can you expect to be successful when divorce, unless you have lessons in it?

Just because you are divorced, doesn't mean you are a bad parent.

 

[mommyto 2]

Co-parenting only works when both people want it to work. I have found that often one parent tries to get the upper hand for the sake of control more so than what is right for the child. It is unfortunate that doing what best for the children after divorce is not always the case and the children get caught in the middle. All I can say is that when my ex took me back to court the judge looked at how I worked very hard to co-parent, he saw the evidence of how I included him in every area of the children's lives and found that my ex has serious issues. I believe that it is important for a child to have two parents but at the same time I will not allow my ex to bully me into letting him make all the decisions just to keep the peace. Sometimes you have to take a stand and let the chips fall. I have learned though, to pick my battles very carefully.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I never alluded to anyone being a bad parent. My question is that if you didn't "co-parent" when married, how do people think they will be successful at it when divorce without some form of communication and training?

Many times in a marriage, one person makes the majority of the decisions for a child. Suddenly, once divorced, they now think they should independently make these decisions.

I agree that it is better to have both parents on the same page with parenting their children, whether they are married or not. The problem lies when they are unable to be cooperative with each other because of their individual issues.

I believe that guidelines need to be established in regards to parenting PRIOR to a judge issuing their orders for joint parenting. Make the parents establish a parenting plan to know who is responsible for what, etc. I agree with the spirit of the law; I disagree on how the courts are going about it.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Parenting after divorce

My child's therapist is having me read a book entitled "Parenting After Divorce, A Guide to Resolving Conflicts and Meeting Your Children's Needs." Author: Philip M. Stahl, Ph.D.

Once I've gone through it, I'm to send a copy of it to my ex and see if somehow, we can come up with something. I've been to court WAY to many times; the judge knows us TOO well!

I'll throw this book out to you to see if maybe y'all can come up with a parenting plan that might guide you through this.