final say in joint custody

[fairisfair]

I never alluded to anyone being a bad parent. My question is that if you didn't "co-parent" when married, how do people think they will be successful at it when divorce without some form of communication and training?

Many times in a marriage, one person makes the majority of the decisions for a child. Suddenly, once divorced, they now think they should independently make these decisions.

I agree that it is better to have both parents on the same page with parenting their children, whether they are married or not. The problem lies when they are unable to be cooperative with each other because of their individual issues.

I believe that guidelines need to be established in regards to parenting PRIOR to a judge issuing their orders for joint parenting. Make the parents establish a parenting plan to know who is responsible for what, etc. I agree with the spirit of the law; I disagree on how the courts are going about it.

and of course everything you said here is spot on. I do however disagree that it is the courts job to cover how decisions will be made, working through future issues in order to cover them in the court order, should lie with the parents, not the court.

 

[CLBKLCDTB]

I never alluded to anyone being a bad parent. My question is that if you didn't "co-parent" when married, how do people think they will be successful at it when divorce without some form of communication and training?

Many times in a marriage, one person makes the majority of the decisions for a child. Suddenly, once divorced, they now think they should independently make these decisions.

As was in my case. My Ex even left all decision making of his other two children up to me. (he has custody and their mom was in jail)
This was part of my issues while married to him. I felt that is why he married me. . We have a son together as well. I was the primary care giver to 4 children. (his, mine, ours.)
When "I" left the marriage. Filed for divorce on grounds of cruel and inhuman treatment. (which was granted in my favor) He filed for sole custody of our son. I faught it, and ended up with joint custody and a 50/50 split in visitation. (agreed on as to not to have to go to trial, I could not afford it)

So far so good, no major issues.


I agree that it is better to have both parents on the same page with parenting their children, whether they are married or not.

The problem lies when they are unable to be cooperative with each other because of their individual issues.

agreed
I believe that guidelines need to be established in regards to parenting PRIOR to a judge issuing their orders for joint parenting. Make the parents establish a parenting plan to know who is responsible for what, etc. I agree with the spirit of the law;

I disagree on how the courts are going about it.

Exactly


So far so good, in my case. Son is happy, and adjusted. That to me is all that matters.

I am glad that I am not (yet) dealing with some of the issues I read here. Son is only five though and we have a long way to go.

No divorce does not make a person a bad parent, I do believe that the reason for the divorce should be looked at in terms of deciding custody/visitation.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

back to the poster's question:

if a decision has to be made, but the other parent won't agree -

I say you need to be able to defend your decision if YOU make it without the other parent's agreement. If the other parent files a contempt charge, probably the worst thing that could happen is that they send you to mediation to work out a more complete parenting plan. It all depends on how you conduct yourself in a court setting.

Be able to show that you made valid attempts to get an agreement. Emails - letters - dates of calls, etc.

 

[Halls]

So, What is the point fo joint custody?

If everytime two people can not agree and it has to keep going back to court? Is joint custody a way for court systems, and lawyers to keep the money flowing?

:side thought: It is real stupid for a judge to grant joint custody when it is appearant that two people can not even agree during the trial or court hearings....

I agree with that! I have sole educational decisions in my court order. My sons father was mad as hell that the court order gave me sole educational decisions. I held our son back to start Kindergarten at 6 rather than at 5. He took me to court to try and force our son into Kindergarten 4 months after school had started, and he wanted to have joint educational decisions. The judge just looked at him like he was crazy. The judge basically said, why would I give you joint educational decisions when you obviously can't agree with anything the mom does. The judge said I can't give you what you want or you will be bringing mom to court over every petty issue that comes up. So I won. Our son started school at 6 and he is now 9 and in the 3rd grade doing wonderfully.

 

[mommyto 2]

Okay - thanks everyone for the input, interesting topic! To be prepared to defend myself in coourt, if he brings me in for contempt, would the fact that he has been involved and included in all educational meetings surfice? If two options are presented and he says he wants one and I want the other, can I sign off on my choice since I am primary parent and live in the school district?

 

[joshuasepitome]

book

Ginny J:

while i was in tn fighting jurisdiction, this book was suggested to go along with the co-parenting class that was required by the state....
http://www.amazon.com/Helping-Your-Kids-Divorce-Sandcastles/dp/0679778012
I've found it VERY useful even though the father and i were never married. i was hesitant at first though because it focuses so hard on divorce, but it's useful in the long run. so i'm sure it would be awesome for parents that were actually married.

 

[BL]

No it is not about meds. And as far as the IEP, parents do have input (I also happen to work for as a child study team member) and a say as to what is provided for their child but it is a group input.

As many of IEP meetings I sat in on , the final decision was up to the person in charge ( forgive , it's been so long , and their title eludes me ).

If two options are presented and he says he wants one and I want the other, can I sign off on my choice since I am primary parent and live in the school district?

Read above , I believe the final decision is up the the school .

If the child is at a higher level , the results can be rewarding , if everyone is on the same page , and there are good teachers involved .

On the other hand if the child fails , due to any number of circumstances , it can be a setback .

 

[mommyto 2]

I agree, careful planning is required. My son tested at an above 12th grade level at the end of 5th grade science so advanced course work is really needed to keep him interested and growing. His teachers agreed and when discussing this with my son he really wants the challenge. I personally do not care if he is in advanced classes or not. What I do care about is him being challenged and that he continues to learn at his abilities and enjoys going to school.

As far as the IEP, yes the director of special education can have the final say, and then the parents can fight through the laws of IDEA. But the way that IDEA 2004 is written, parents play a vital role in making choices and decisions regarding the educational placemens of their child. But in this case they agree about accelerated learning because my son is twice exceptional it is how to provide it. In this case my ex wishes to have our son take the regualr 6th grade science with extra projects (which I feel is a waste of time, since I am the one responsible for the completion of homework, and projects do not mean advanced learning). I on the other hand want him to take 9th grade biology, which is well within his abilities since he already took the final for this class and passed with a 97%. They do not want to advance him to quickly due to having autism. Since this is the first year we have accelerated him I am fine with that. Kind of seeing how it goes.