fiteen+years....(continued from child support tab)

[Bean77]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX
How does one go about establishing a relationship with a 15 yr old? Some things have come into focus with my case and tho I have not met her yet I feel my daughter is going down a path that I cannot condone. Her mother allows her to do EVERYTHING with no boundaries. She is drinking with her in dive bars...knows that she is smoking weed and doing nothing about it...and allowing her to dress very provocatively. I am currently a step father to two boys and my fiancé and I are pretty strict parents. I am being brought up to the child support board for failing to provide for the past 15 years...mind you I had no idea that she was alive...no clue that she was born..until July of this year. I even looked at the birth certificate....I am not even listed on the Birth Certificate!!!! I love children and would've wanted to be in her life from the beginning and I want to be in her life now if she will allow that. The only constant is a mother who seems to want to be her friend instead of a mother...I understand that in her mind she is doing whats best for her/my daughter but what happens when its too late to help her? what happens if its too late to already? I know as a teenager she has a voice in where and who she wants to be with....can a judge override her request and force her to live with someone else? How do we go about establishing a parent child connection? How do I help her get over her anger towards the situation? I feel as if I am setting myself up here......

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX
How does one go about establishing a relationship with a 15 yr old? Some things have come into focus with my case and tho I have not met her yet I feel my daughter is going down a path that I cannot condone. Her mother allows her to do EVERYTHING with no boundaries. She is drinking with her in dive bars...knows that she is smoking weed and doing nothing about it...and allowing her to dress very provocatively. I am currently a step father to two boys and my fiancé and I are pretty strict parents. I am being brought up to the child support board for failing to provide for the past 15 years...mind you I had no idea that she was alive...no clue that she was born..until July of this year. I even looked at the birth certificate....I am not even listed on the Birth Certificate!!!! I love children and would've wanted to be in her life from the beginning and I want to be in her life now if she will allow that. The only constant is a mother who seems to want to be her friend instead of a mother...I understand that in her mind she is doing whats best for her/my daughter but what happens when its too late to help her? what happens if its too late to already? I know as a teenager she has a voice in where and who she wants to be with....can a judge override her request and force her to live with someone else? How do we go about establishing a parent child connection? How do I help her get over her anger towards the situation? I feel as if I am setting myself up here......

You are not a stepparent.

 

[Bean77]

You are not a stepparent.

.....ok then a parent....or a parent figure....

 

[Silverplum]

.....ok then a parent....or a parent figure....

That lady's current man.

The questions you ask are parenting issues. That's a different board, somewhere.

 

[Zigner]

Do we really need a second thread about he same situation? https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-support-98/fifteen-years-608616.html

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX
How does one go about establishing a relationship with a 15 yr old? Some things have come into focus with my case and tho I have not met her yet I feel my daughter is going down a path that I cannot condone. Her mother allows her to do EVERYTHING with no boundaries. She is drinking with her in dive bars...knows that she is smoking weed and doing nothing about it...and allowing her to dress very provocatively. I am currently a step father to two boys and my fiancé and I are pretty strict parents. I am being brought up to the child support board for failing to provide for the past 15 years...mind you I had no idea that she was alive...no clue that she was born..until July of this year. I even looked at the birth certificate....I am not even listed on the Birth Certificate!!!! I love children and would've wanted to be in her life from the beginning and I want to be in her life now if she will allow that. The only constant is a mother who seems to want to be her friend instead of a mother...I understand that in her mind she is doing whats best for her/my daughter but what happens when its too late to help her? what happens if its too late to already? I know as a teenager she has a voice in where and who she wants to be with....can a judge override her request and force her to live with someone else? How do we go about establishing a parent child connection? How do I help her get over her anger towards the situation? I feel as if I am setting myself up here......

OMG!! Stop!


Yes!! You are "setting yourself up". You don't know the kid and "think" she will tell the court where she wants to live and "they will listen and agree". Dumb and insane. IMO.

 

[RRevak]

Bean i'm going to give you some serious parenting advice and no, you being a STEPparent does NOT make you a parent so listen up. This is coming from an ACTUAL parent to a near teenage daughter. I really really hope you read this and take it to heart. You have absolutely no idea who this child is. You have never met her and she has absolutely zero idea who you are. You are about as significant to her as the man who bumps shoulders with her while she's walking down the street or sitting on a bus. If you stomp in speaking about who she is, what she is wearing, and how she lives her life I promise you that you will never be able to establish ANY form of relationship with this child. She will reject you like a bad habit and that will be that. You have no right to come in and judge how her mother parents her and you have even less right to judge who this child is as a person. Again, you are nobody to this child and therefor you need to tread very lightly with her. If you feel you are going to change 15yrs of a life you weren't part of then you are setting yourself up for failure. The best thing for you at this point is to simply introduce yourself VERY gently (DO NOT COME IN ALL "I'm your dad and now you have to listen to me"!) and get to know who she is NOW. If over time you build enough of a relationship with her that she learns to trust you then you can begin working on things you feel might not be working in her favor. But seriously, you BOTH are going to need therapy to process what has happened and that work isn't going to be finished overnight. You need to step WAY back and let her do what she needs to do here and ONLY let her lead. If not you risk damaging her more than she's already been damaged. Please please take this to heart before you run in and make things worse for this poor kid in your overzealousness to be dad 3 million.

 

[RRevak]

And BTW, you aren't even married so you aren't even a step-parent yet. Seriously, you need a reality check here bigtime.

 

[Isis1]

holy mother of gawd!!!


you will not be able to do anything at the age of 15. you missed that boat years ago. how mom raised her is her business at this point. you don't get to come in and change that. you can only lead by example at this point.


at the age of 15, your rules mean nothing to her. in fact...that could actually tear you apart further.

i recommend counseling for the two of you. dinner dates. mutual respect. you can be a source of information to her. but that parenting ship has long sailed.