Florida - The dad is not providing 12 year old boy with a bedroom

[JICQuestion]

No I am not imposing my values. It has nothing to do with values. It has to do with the normal privacy issues with adolescents and the normal relationship between married couples. Its not workable on a long term basis for an adolescent or teen to share a bedroom with a married couple. Its either going to cause issues with the adolescent or teen or its going to have a negative impact on the marriage of the couple.



It works because its sensible and it is actually signed off on by social services, when the mother of some of the children decided to sic social services on my daughter and her boyfriend for two many children and not enough bedrooms. The caseworker was actually quite impressed that my daughter and her boyfriend had set things up so sensibly.



Your are preaching to the choir on that. However, reality IS that social services gets involved in the lives of many children of separated parents. If things have been set up the most sensibly for the situation the parents are dealing with it goes a long way towards making social services go away.

In this particular case Teenage daughter gets her own room, teenage son gets his own room and adolescent son shares with dad and stepmom. The more sensible arrangement would be for teenage son and 12 year old to share a room. I am quite sure than teenage son would not be happy about that but it's still the most sensible.

The point for me is that I do not want to call social services unless I have to. We have managed to be decently civil for 12 years (we divorced when he was a baby) and I would prefer to keep Social services and the courts out of it. If I had learned there was a legal requirement, I would have brought it to the dad's attention first. Like when he was driving with the child on the front seat of the car when he was just 10. That is not legal until he is 13, especially since he is not tall. The dad gave me some hard time but ended up complying.
At some point, my son will request some privacy or make a comment and then I will have that conversation if I need to be involved.

I am also thinking that while the arrangement is 7-7, many times he is with me more days because the kid's activities and friends are around where I live not where his dad lives (we are 45 minutes apart, I am closer to school and friends). All parties have been in agreement when he is often 10 days with me and 3-4 with his dad. Possibly as he enters more and more into teenage, he will be even more social and might choose to spend more time here anyway. After the pandemic, that is.

Thank you everyone, it seems we are ok. Wish me luck as I enter teen-hood here. Uncharted territory

 

[t74]

The court not the child gets to dictate the time split. Do not give him the idea he can violate the court orders.

The bedroom situation may become a non-=issue given the age of the older child and his plans. It is quite possible that he will be moving for a job or education.

Four bedroom apartments are hard to find! A two bedroom is much easier and affordable.

It is your choice to call social services. Be careful of what you wish for; you may end up as the one not providiong an adequate situation. After all, sleeping in a living area used by others is disturbing to the sleep children need. You should take the living room and give him the bedroom.

 

[Just Blue]

The court not the child gets to dictate the time split. Do not give him the idea he can violate the court orders.

The bedroom situation may become a non-=issue given the age of the older child and his plans. It is quite possible that he will be moving for a job or education.

Four bedroom apartments are hard to find! A two bedroom is much easier and affordable.

It is your choice to call social services. Be careful of what you wish for; you may end up as the one not providiong an adequate situation. After all, sleeping in a living area used by others is disturbing to the sleep children need. You should take the living room and give him the bedroom.

Did you bother to actually READ what was written?

 

[Taxing Matters]

No I am not imposing my values. It has nothing to do with values. It has to do with the normal privacy issues with adolescents and the normal relationship between married couples.

You are imposing your value judgments though you don't seem to be aware of doing so. You are deciding what their living situation should be based on your concept of normal. That's the same sin some CPS workers commit.

In this particular case Teenage daughter gets her own room, teenage son gets his own room and adolescent son shares with dad and stepmom. The more sensible arrangement would be for teenage son and 12 year old to share a room. I am quite sure than teenage son would not be happy about that but it's still the most sensible.

Most sensible in your opinion. Other families may have differing opinions of what is sensible and works best for them. There is no one size fits all best solution to any living arrangement, and the solutions that work best are those that best suit the needs, priorities, and values of that family, not what suits some stranger looking in from the outside.

 

[LdiJ]

You are imposing your value judgments though you don't seem to be aware of doing so. You are deciding what their living situation should be based on your concept of normal. That's the same sin some CPS workers commit.


Most sensible in your opinion. Other families may have differing opinions of what is sensible and works best for them. There is no one size fits all best solution to any living arrangement, and the solutions that work best are those that best suit the needs, priorities, and values of that family, not what suits some stranger looking in from the outside.

Its been a long time since you have had a young teen in your house, hasn't it?

 

[stealth2]

Its been a long time since you have had a young teen in your house, hasn't it?

Hundreds of thousands - millions, even - of families around the world live in multi-generational situations and small living spaces. We are rather unique (with a sense of entitlement) when it comes to spacious accommodations. And many of the afore-mentioned families have teens.

 

[LdiJ]

Hundreds of thousands - millions, even - of families around the world live in multi-generational situations and small living spaces. We are rather unique (with a sense of entitlement) when it comes to spacious accommodations. And many of the afore-mentioned families have teens.

Hey, my inlaws (in Italy) lived in a 4 generational household with two 1/2 bedrooms so I am well aware of that. My brother in law and his wife shared a room with their young daughter. However, once she became an adolescent that changed. For a while my brother in law slept on a cot in the living room and she shared with her mom, but when great grandma passed away my niece moved into the 1/2 bedroom and my brother in law was back with his wife.

I also have met many of their friends who also live in similar households. So I am well aware that most of the world lives in smaller spaces than we do. In fact, when I first got married an Italian who was kind of a business partner from Italy complained that our apartment here in Indy was way too big for two people and that we needed to downsize so that we could take a smaller salary LOL.