FMLA abuse

[Polkadot78]

What is the name of your state?MA

Hello,

I wasn’t sure where to post this, I thought I would try it here. My ex and I have custody of our seven-year-old son, although he lives with me over 95% of the time. I reside in Massachusetts, while he lives in North Carolina. I received a phone call today from our son’s health care doctor, who informed me on a voicemail that I had paperwork to pick up. I went to the doctors office and said I received a message to pick up some paperwork, they asked for my ID and proceeded to give me the paperwork. When I got home I opened up the packet and my ex has requested FMLA using my son‘s health condition as grounds. When my son was younger he had some breathing issues, which have substantially subsided over the years, and he has not been sick in almost 2 years. To give you some background I broke up with him over five years ago, and have always been the primary caregiver of our son. If our son was ever sick for a few days, I am always the one to stay home from work, he has never taken care of him when he has been sick. So my concern, is I don’t appreciate him using our son to abuse FMLA to get time off of work. This is a child who actually does have a health condition, but his father is not involved at all regarding the care of that condition, He doesn’t even live in the same state. Am I wrong to think that this is not OK? Thank you and advance for your advice.

 

[Zigner]

Other than bitterness...how does this affect you?

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

...or your son?

If you do what I think you are considering it may well affect both you and your son if you are receiving child support.

 

[Polkadot78]

Other than bitterness...how does this affect you?

I’m sorry, and why am I bitter???

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Lots of EX's are bitter. Why do you care is the question. This in no way affects you or your son.

 

[Polkadot78]

Lots of EX's are bitter. Why do you care is the question. This in no way affects you or your son.

Why do I care? Let’s see- because he’s using our child’s health condition to Benefit himself. That’s immoral, but you probably think otherwise, like that’s a normal way that people behave. And yes some ex’s are bitter, like my ex, because I left him for being a loser.

 

[commentator]

Well, I feel for you, I honestly do. I worked in a situation where there was a woman who figured out that FMLA was a real nice way to get a vacation. She first had a legitimate health issue, back when the law first took effect. She was off the standard number of weeks, came back, and was able to fix back into her job (she hadn't been missed.) BUT then, she proceeded, with the assistance of a friend of hers in the medical profession, to get a darn vacation of twelve weeks every year! We all hated her! And she laughed about it, bragged about it, went to Vegas while supposedly so sick, etc. It was so bad that in our annual health care review of benefits, one year, they opened the session by saying, "First of all, we do not want to hear anything about JANE DOE and how she is abusing this program!"

But you know, later, I had serious health problems, and used FMLA and all the benefits, and it was good for me. I tried not to let the stupid angry thoughts I'd had about this individual override what is, over all, a very good program. I would say that whatever your child's custody arrangements are, and whatever his health care providers are willing to sign off on, you should try very hard to ignore this. There's no advantage to you in nursing your grudge. And after all, you want your child's father to be gainfully employed, it is better for you and your child this way. I am sorry he is a jerk, but you picked him for the father of your child, and as such, you will be connected to him for a long time.

Yes, it is a normal way for people to behave, the only interest is self interest. But your child is not your property, and his health issues don't belong to you entirely, either. You may feel a lot of indignation, but unless you can persuade your health care providers to blow his cover, and "tell on him" then you can count on bringing yourself and your child by default a lot of unnecessary misery. Bitterness doesn't work.

 

[LdiJ]

I honestly do not agree with most of the other responses that you received. I also suspect that the doctor agrees with me and that is why the doctor gave the paperwork to you rather than sending it back to whomever requested it. I suspect that the doctor is giving you the option of sending the paperwork on or not. If you do not send it on, its unlikely that your ex will be granted FMLA.

However, if your ex is just now getting extended parenting time in the summer and has concerns that he might need to call off work if your son experiences problems, then it might be justified for him to apply for FMLA. The devil is in the details.

 

[cbg]

I have an issue with what the ex is doing, but I have a question for the OP before I respond further.

What are you being asked to do with the paperwork? Are you being asked to complete anything? Send it somewhere (where?)? Verify the information?