Full Legal Custody

[mistoffolees]

geezz 111 drama ......Danging around and screwing ...

Autocorrect is not your friend (OP said 'dancing around and screaming')

 

[BL]

Autocorrect is not your friend (OP said 'dancing around and screaming')

 

[LdiJ]

geezz 111 drama ......Danging around and screwing ...

You should read some of her posting history. Her ex is scary crazy.

 

[breezymom]

Two months have gone by since my ex wanted to change the visitation's time and location. As a refresher, she is not allowed in the county where he keeps looking for jobs and wants visitation. He posted a photo of her wearing a wrestling mask, with the caption, "MAYBE I CAN SNEAK INTO X COUNTY." He's said two more times, since, that he wants me to allow him to violate the court order without going back to court and each time I've told him to file, he says he is.

No court papers, yet, and twice he has indicated that he "has a job" on his profile page. However, since they recently began deducting CS again, I was told, it is coming form his UI benefits (apparently he never reported he was receiving any nor that he lost his job in the first place), hence the odd amount. So, these facts lead me to believe he still has no job, so I am not worried, yet.

However, with that photo of her and caption, along with his persistence in telling me I NEED to allow him to take her there, regardless of the court order, in the event that he finally does become employed and move there, what the heck do I do?

• It's already been established that taking her there is not in her best interest (the child).
• Visitation is considered supervised and it is only considered that because he resides with his mother
• I have no way of knowing, if he does get a job and move there, if he would be taking her there for visitation and I *do* know that I have no business knowing where he spends his parenting time with her

Therefore, my question would be, since he is SO adamant on violating this court order and on getting a job/moving to the only county in the state where we cannot take the child, then how would I have any way to protect our child from going somewhere the court has already deemed not in her best interest?

 

[LdiJ]

Two months have gone by since my ex wanted to change the visitation's time and location. As a refresher, she is not allowed in the county where he keeps looking for jobs and wants visitation. He posted a photo of her wearing a wrestling mask, with the caption, "MAYBE I CAN SNEAK INTO X COUNTY." He's said two more times, since, that he wants me to allow him to violate the court order without going back to court and each time I've told him to file, he says he is.

No court papers, yet, and twice he has indicated that he "has a job" on his profile page. However, since they recently began deducting CS again, I was told, it is coming form his UI benefits (apparently he never reported he was receiving any nor that he lost his job in the first place), hence the odd amount. So, these facts lead me to believe he still has no job, so I am not worried, yet.

However, with that photo of her and caption, along with his persistence in telling me I NEED to allow him to take her there, regardless of the court order, in the event that he finally does become employed and move there, what the heck do I do?

• It's already been established that taking her there is not in her best interest (the child).
• Visitation is considered supervised and it is only considered that because he resides with his mother
• I have no way of knowing, if he does get a job and move there, if he would be taking her there for visitation and I *do* know that I have no business knowing where he spends his parenting time with her

Therefore, my question would be, since he is SO adamant on violating this court order and on getting a job/moving to the only county in the state where we cannot take the child, then how would I have any way to protect our child from going somewhere the court has already deemed not in her best interest?

In advance, there is pretty much nothing you can do except continue to tell dad no.

After the fact, you can take him to court for contempt.

 

[breezymom]

Thanks, LdiJ. That's what I figured. I can say it's frustrating, though. Technically it's a court order that cannot be enforced, due to the fact that I'll never know if it happens, unless something happens to the two of them.

 

[breezymom]

Ok...so I'm scared all to heck, but, the child came home with three bruises on her upper thigh looking like finger marks. I took a picture of them. I also called the national hotline to speak to a counselor who ended up referring me to the state. I called the state and with the history and the nature of the bruising with no known cause (it was not mentioned on pickup, today), they said it was necessary to file a report, so they ended up taking information and submitting it to the county. I received a phone call from the county CPS about an hour and a half ago and they are investigating it. They said they would be visiting my child and me. They know I am extremely fearful of the ex's reaction, even though it's "anonymous," and they know why.

My question is, since I've never had to deal with this, what happens and what can I legally do for my child to help her through this? I know I'm afraid for both of us, but my main concern is her.

 

[Isis1]

Ok...so I'm scared all to heck, but, the child came home with three bruises on her upper thigh looking like finger marks. I took a picture of them. I also called the national hotline to speak to a counselor who ended up referring me to the state. I called the state and with the history and the nature of the bruising with no known cause (it was not mentioned on pickup, today), they said it was necessary to file a report, so they ended up taking information and submitting it to the county. I received a phone call from the county CPS about an hour and a half ago and they are investigating it. They said they would be visiting my child and me. They know I am extremely fearful of the ex's reaction, even though it's "anonymous," and they know why.

My question is, since I've never had to deal with this, what happens and what can I legally do for my child to help her through this? I know I'm afraid for both of us, but my main concern is her.

go take the child to the doctor FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.

 

[breezymom]

Sorry...nerves...I left that out. I did tell them I would be phoning the doctor immediately upon their opening in the morning to take her in.

 

[breezymom]

Quick recap:

Case worker came the next day and assessed our needs and the injury. She said after speaking with the ex on the phone to make an appointment with him, he was leaning toward the FAR Track program, where no report is filed and CPS works with the families.



She asked what I wanted out of this. I told her to ensure the safety of our daughter.



She asked how I felt about meeting face to face with her and the ex. I went into a minor panic mode, at that point, cried, and told her that the parenting classes and the DV counselors said that is not the optimum situation for anyone involved. She also asked the same but with an arbitrator. I answered the same. With the former, I said, if it IS in the best interests of our daughter I would try it.


I met with my lawyer, as well, who was less than pleased at the mention of the FAR program and said look into filing for an order to show cause to hold visitation until things were all said and done and let the GAL know I was doing so. I phone the GAL, got her on a busy day, but she did not seem to be surprised he would go for the program instead of an investigation and told me, "Ok," on the petition (just an affirmation that I was doing it, not an, "ok go ahead and do it, just to clarify that she was not giving me legal advice, since she is not my lawyer).



In the mean time, the contacts the case worker had asked me for had not been contacted. To this date, they still have not been, and we're going on three weeks in. I do know they are busy as heck and probably exhausted and it takes time...it just doesn't give me any consolation.

After I had finally gotten a hold of the GAL, I went and filed the petition. The judge did not get to his chambers that second half of that day or the next day at all, so the weekend came and went and visitation went as scheduled the following week, a week after the incident. I got the decision back as denied, however, the judge ordered CPS to perform an actual investigation where they can find out anything legally on the ex and myself and they are allowed to view the child's medical history without my consent. I also had already given consent to the caseworker, anyway, for her to not only view the child's medical files, but also for my therapist to release information to her.



In the mean time, he's been putting up nastier and nastier photo quotes on his profile, one of them indicatively directed at me with my name, however just one and not even close to one of the worst ones. Now, I could delete him from there, but it's been the only medium through which I have felt safe to communicate with him about the child using the messaging area, since neither I nor he can say, "I didn't say that."

This week rolls around and the child was taken to the no-contact exchange place where my caretakers of her while I am at work were told, "He said he couldn't have her this week," in a confused tone, indicative that we all should have known.



So, all in all, I am completely unaware of what is going on as far as his intentions for visitation (if visitation cannot occur for some reason, except in case of emergency, the party breaking the schedule is ordered to notify the other parent at least 24 hours in advance) because he has not notified me of any reason as to why he is not exercising his visitation and the exchange person has not replied to me as to what, in general, is going on. So, we will keep making her available, but may also lose our time slot at the center because since he is showing up, they are losing a slot where someone else who is there and paying may need it. With only us showing, they are only receiving half their fee.



I suppose all I can do until then is what I have been doing and if the stupid harassment turns into something more, then I can get us to the shelter and call the police. I am hoping I handled everything legal well enough to keep the child safe and that with all this attention, he won't do anything stupid and dangerous.

 

[kimberlywrites]

I've read all of Breezy's posts, and I am fearful for her. OP - you're doing all the right things legally and medically, but I'm worried that your ex will go ballistic if he finds your postings on a discussion forum. Your case is complicated, and you've got a lawyer, so it might be safest for you to refrain from public chats. Please tell us you've got a safe-place plan in the works; somewhere to go with your child if he gets violent.

 

[RRevak]

I've read all of Breezy's posts, and I am fearful for her. OP - you're doing all the right things legally and medically, but I'm worried that your ex will go ballistic if he finds your postings on a discussion forum. Your case is complicated, and you've got a lawyer, so it might be safest for you to refrain from public chats. Please tell us you've got a safe-place plan in the works; somewhere to go with your child if he gets violent.

I was thinking the same thing as I too have read her previous posts and I too am genuinely concerned for her and her child. Her ex seems like he is completely unstable and for some reason has been given WAY too much leeway from the court system to continue to be a threat to them. Why this man has any custody I'll never understand but thats just my opinion. Breezy PLEASE sit down and think about a plan of action should things get bad if you dont already have one.

 

[kimberlywrites]

I just hope the legal system helps her. It sounds like she has the resources to hire lawyers and such, thank goodness. Where is her family...?

 

[RRevak]

I just hope the legal system helps her. It sounds like she has the resources to hire lawyers and such, thank goodness. Where is her family...?

If they're anything like mine then they're probably too afraid to "get involved".

 

[breezymom]

We do have a safe plan. But, as I told you in private, Kimberly, he's being really sneaky. While the overt things may bother me, I know from experience (which doesn't count, since it's hear say) that when he's the most quiet and personable toward the public, is when he's really working on some sort of revenge plan. Whether or not he carries it out still is to be seen. He hasn't carried out any of the threats on his other ex, but the fact that he has the ideas he does is rather unsettling. I don't want to disrupt our child's life any more than it already is, so unless I have some sort of indication where we really need to get out, we will stay home. Besides that I don't wish to create mass hysteria with my family. I will be watching, however, to make sure no one is hanging around the house, among other things. The good thing is, with the work experience I have had, I am never complacent with my surroundings. And I would have no idea if he has come on here as a guest, but I do watch new postings and I don't believe with his temper that he could be quiet for this long. I suppose that's one of the "good" things.