Getting full custody without a lawyer

[dilbert2018]

What is the name of your state?
Massachusetts

I am the dad of three children. Their mother (an alcoholic) has custody and I get every other weekend. The oldest (24) now lives in Texas, the middle child (21) is in college, and dislikes his mother so much he has moved out of the house. The youngest (17) is still there, but I want to go to court to have her with me full-time. Her living situation is horrible there.

We have a court agreement stipulating what I will pay each week (none of which ever goes to the kids). I want the ended and I want full custody of the minor.

I am not a wealthy man, the last two times we've gone to court I hired a lawyer, and each time it took all of my meager saving to finish the proceedings.

Can I file paperwork with the court and have a trial without hiring a lawyer?

Thanks

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?
Massachusetts

I am the dad of three children. Their mother (an alcoholic) has custody and I get every other weekend. The oldest (24) now lives in Texas, the middle child (21) is in college, and dislikes his mother so much he has moved out of the house. The youngest (17) is still there, but I want to go to court to have her with me full-time. Her living situation is horrible there.

We have a court agreement stipulating what I will pay each week (none of which ever goes to the kids). I want the ended and I want full custody of the minor.

I am not a wealthy man, the last two times we've gone to court I hired a lawyer, and each time it took all of my meager saving to finish the proceedings.

Can I file paperwork with the court and have a trial without hiring a lawyer?

Thanks

You can, but its usually not particularly wise. If your daughter moves in with you, would she have to change high schools, or would it be a challenge to get her to her current school? How soon until she turns 18?

 

[dilbert2018]

You can, but its usually not particularly wise. If your daughter moves in with you, would she have to change high schools, or would it be a challenge to get her to her current school? How soon until she turns 18?

She turns 18 in September. If I stop paying her mother support (again, none of which goes to the kids), I can afford to get her a car.
I live in a neighboring town, and her current town does not allow her to continue school there. I would rent her an apartment, or she could live with a friend in her current town, at least on paper, and that would be her official address. This way she can live with me and finish school in her current town.

Why do you propose it would not be wise to not have a lawyer? If their mother and I could agree on terms (again, she has little money), could we not draft something ourselves and present it to the judge? Does it even need to get that far? Could a clerk magistrate rule on it?

Again, many thanks, this has been a really rough week for all of us.

 

[not2cleverRed]

She turns 18 in September. If I stop paying her mother support (again, none of which goes to the kids), I can afford to get her a car.
I live in a neighboring town, and her current town does not allow her to continue school there. I would rent her an apartment, or she could live with a friend in her current town, at least on paper, and that would be her official address. This way she can live with me and finish school in her current town.

Why do you propose it would not be wise to not have a lawyer? If their mother and I could agree on terms (again, she has little money), could we not draft something ourselves and present it to the judge? Does it even need to get that far? Could a clerk magistrate rule on it?

Again, many thanks, this has been a really rough week for all of us.

If amicable, many things can be managed without a lawyer.

If not amicable, things get messy quickly. Because child support can go on until 23 in some cases, I disagree with LdiJ and think it could be worth it to go through with a change of custody for your child's senior year of high school. I do agree that she should stay in the high school. This is possible by paying out of district tuition, and is a better use of your money than a car and paying rent for her.

If Mom has very little money, she will be unlikely to forgo any of that money without a fight. So things are more likely to be messy than amicable.

 

[commentator]

With your daughter this close to 18, you're thinking on the very short term here and making her life better. But as she gets older, she becomes much more able to control her own situation. Especially if mom is low income and is receiving any kind of public assistance, or if she is depending on your child support to get herself by and properly lubricated (count on it) she won't let go easily. But when your daughter is 18, she will be much more able to decide where to spend her time, particularly if she has a car. And perhaps soon she'll be ready to leave home to go to college or something like that. But rest assured, you are not likely to get this cash cow away from the mom without a struggle, though she may be on board for the child to live with you, as long as you send her that check as long as you have to.

 

[Zigner]

... or she could live with a friend in her current town, at least on paper, and that would be her official address.

You do understand that what you propose here is fraud, right?

 

[LdiJ]

If amicable, many things can be managed without a lawyer.

If not amicable, things get messy quickly. Because child support can go on until 23 in some cases, I disagree with LdiJ and think it could be worth it to go through with a change of custody for your child's senior year of high school. I do agree that she should stay in the high school. This is possible by paying out of district tuition, and is a better use of your money than a car and paying rent for her.

If Mom has very little money, she will be unlikely to forgo any of that money without a fight. So things are more likely to be messy than amicable.

I did not express an opinion yet, so how can you disagree with me? All I did was ask a couple of questions.

The problem with trying to change custody is that he is unlikely to even get a preliminary hearing date before she turns 18, and once she turns 18 she is no longer subject to custody orders. Once she turns 18 she could move in with dad, and he could file to stop child support, and there is nothing mom can do about it.

Dad, I however see a potentially serious problem, since you intend to commit fraud to keep her in her school district. You will not be able to prove that she is living with you if her official address is somewhere else. Also, school districts are pretty cagy when it comes to ferreting out that a child is no longer living in the district. Therefore, all in all, I don't see this working for you.

In other words, I think that you could pull off her living with you if you continue to pay child support and her official address is still with mom.

Or, you could pull off her living with you, stop child support, but she will have to change schools.

Have you actually had a discussion with the school district? Many times they will allow an incoming senior to finish school in the district or allow a student to still attend school if one parents lives in the district.

In any case, I wouldn't try to move her in with you until she turns 18 in September, because one she turns 18, its completely her say.

 

[dilbert2018]

Mom is not on public assistance. She has the house we had before we got divorced. What I am paying in child support is likely paying her mortgage, so I suspect she'll lose the house. I also suspect she won't care and will move to Florida to be near her parents.

I had to take her to court when our first son went to college because she refused to give him anything toward school. She lost that. Our second son she gives nothing to either. I haven't had the money for a lawyer to fight that one.

Yes, my daughter will go off to college after high school. She'll still need a home for breaks and vacations, and I suspect she'll come back to me.

You do understand that what you propose here is fraud, right?

Yeah, I suspected that. What if I rent a room and list that as her address, but she lives with me? The room / apartment could sit empty, as she has a room in my house already. Then she'd be a resident of that town, no? She turns 18 a few weeks after school starts.


I honestly feel very lost on what to do. There was a drinking incident last Thursday where my daughter came home, found mom on the floor, and called 911. Happily, social services insisted the daughter come live with me until they sort it out. They are coming for a visit Friday morning.

I know I need a lawyer to sort this all out, it's just that it's taken me since the last time I took her to court to finally have a small savings again, and now I'd lose it all again.

 

[dilbert2018]

Have you actually had a discussion with the school district? Many times they will allow an incoming senior to finish school in the district or allow a student to still attend school if one parents lives in the district.

Yes, they said she needs to live in the town.

 

[Zigner]

Yeah, I suspected that. What if I rent a room and list that as her address, but she lives with me? The room / apartment could sit empty, as she has a room in my house already. Then she'd be a resident of that town, no? She turns 18 a few weeks after school starts.

No, she resides with you, therefor, she is a resident of your town.

 

[LdiJ]

Yes, they said she needs to live in the town.

Have you tried to go higher up in the school system? Have you attempted to get them to address your scenario exactly...there are problems in mom's home, the child needs to move in with you but does not want to give up graduating with her class?

Could YOU move to the child's current town?

 

[Ohiogal]

I did not express an opinion yet, so how can you disagree with me? All I did was ask a couple of questions.

Yes you did express an opinion. Good grief, you have short term memory issues. Post two you stated:

You can, but its usually not particularly wise.

 

[dilbert2018]

Have you tried to go higher up in the school system? Have you attempted to get them to address your scenario exactly...there are problems in mom's home, the child needs to move in with you but does not want to give up graduating with her class?

Could YOU move to the child's current town?

Great suggestion, we can try the superintendent and see what they say.

To move to her town now would be hard. We have a house in a neighboring town that we'd need to sell and buy a new one before September. That's why I was hoping the apartment idea would be legal.

 

[Zigner]

Great suggestion, we can try the superintendent and see what they say.

To move to her town now would be hard. We have a house in a neighboring town that we'd need to sell and buy a new one before September. That's why I was hoping the apartment idea would be legal.

Why don't YOU move in to the apartment with daughter? For real, not as a sham...

 

[stealth2]

Or kiddo WILL be an adult. Let her actually live in the apartment. You can help with rent, utilities, food, etc. Does she work?