Giving up rights

[ziphash]

I said I would never do it but it's going to happen. I have made the agonizing decision to allow my ex's husband to adopt my son. I feel like it's the only way for my son to have a normal life because my ex just won't let us have a relationship.

I received the papers from the ex's attorney today. I'm a little confused because they're not the same as the ones that were signed when I adopted my wife's two children here in OH. When I did that, my wife's ex signed the termination papers stating I would be adopting the boys. However, the papers I received from AL state I'm terminating my parental rights and that my ex is taking on all responsibility of my son. It makes no mention of my ex's husband adopting my son. Is this how it goes in AL or is something wrong here?

 

[kat1963]

I want to say, that I'm really sorry you are being put thru this by a vindictive ex. However, by this time your child know that he/she has a real biodad out there. YOU can hope for the future and that you will be able to have an adult relationship with your child. Why don't you keep a journal about everything, your thoughts and feelings over the years. Not only will this allow you to express your thoughts, (great therapy!*S*) but it will be something to share with your child when he/she is older....that you never forgot for a moment.

I would spend the extra money taking the papers to a lawyer for advice. Basically, I've never heard of adoption papers not stating out and out what they are, you are within your right to question it. You do know that if you only terminate your rights, your obligation to child support will continue...slick trick, don't let it happen to you okay!

Kindest regards;

KAT

 

[ziphash]

Thanks! I knew that these papers just didn't look right. I called an attorney & he verified what you said. He said if there is to be an adoption it would say that right on it. I cannot believe my ex tried to pull this on me after I'm trying to do what I thought was right.

 

[kat1963]

This kind of stuff just really gets my goat. GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

What are you going to do now?

KAT

 

[tigger22472]

Don't sign those papers!!!!!!!!! All it does is stop your right from seeing your daughter. If there was an adoption then that would be different and yes that would stop the visitation AND the support. The way she's doing it she still gets your money and you don't get a relationship.

 

[ziphash]

I don't know what to do now. I don't know if she was trying to do this just to destroy me or if there's a reason she doesn't want her husband to adopt my son. This has been tearing me apart and I just wanted to get it over with. Now, I have to reevaluate my decision.

The only reason I was going to allow him to adopt my son was so my son will have a normal life. I only get to see my son about twice a year because he lives 1000 miles away. It's not that I don't want to see him, it's just that she'll only give him to me for summer and Christmas visitation. I can't afford to go down there all the time just so she can laugh in my face and call the sheriff on me. I would move closer to him, but then I wouldn't get to see my daughter because she lives with her mother here. My son is suffering because of all of this. When we do get to see him, he's very nervous and doesn't know how to act. I thought that maybe if I stepped out of his life, he would live a normal life.

I just don't know what to do. I can't understand why the judge gave her custody in the first place. It's just not fair.

 

[tigger22472]

with that paper signed she can stop ALL contact and if you tried to even call, email or even send gifts she could get you for harrassment. Even though you live so far apart you can still maintain a relationship so you DO NOT WANT TO SIGN.

 

[ziphash]

I e-mailed the ex to tell her I would not sign those papers because they aren't for an adoption. The response was that those are the correct papers and that's how it's done there in AL. She said I can call her attorney and discuss it. I have a feeling that her attorney is going to tell me exactly what the ex wants me to hear. I thought about calling an attorney in AL but don't know if they'd give advice over the phone. I guess I'll give it a try.

 

[ziphash]

I called an attorney's office in AL. The woman who I spoke with (not an attorney) said she believes that I have the correct papers & will not have to continue to pay support after my rights are terminated. She gave me the number to the Baldwin County courthouse & I left a message. Hopefully, someone will get back to me soon.

 

[kat1963]

Yeah, so, it stops it for now. A few years down the line when she tires of this man and he is no longer in your sons life to fill your shoes (or however it's worded), she'll come looking for you. All you are doing is terminating your legal rights to your son, not support. She'll stop it for now, but when push comes to shove and new Daddy isn't available she'll use that change of circumstances to come after you for support. The reason it doesn't say anything about adoption is because New Daddy doesn't want to pay support if the relationship goes sour. Think about it. It is TWO parts, temination of your rights, and then the adoption. I would not sign the papers unless adoption is in them, no way, no how.......
KAT

 

[ziphash]

Last night I faxed a letter to ex's attorney to tell her I'd been advised not to sign the papers because I would have to continue to support my son.

Ex's attorney just called me and said that ex and new husband have a lot of problems in their marriage. She said she told ex to do it this way so if their marriage didn't work out the new husband wouldn't be able to get Preston. She also said that there's another paper that inadvertently got left out when they sent them to me. This paper states that I would never have any financial obligation to my son after the termination is finalized. She's supposed to e-mail it to me.

If the ex doesn't think her new husband is good enough to adopt my son, why should he even be down there with him? It's not fair. My son should be here with me. My marriage is wonderful, we have four children up here, and tons of family here. Down there, my son's stuck in a household that is apparently not good for him.

 

[ziphash]

(oops)

 

[ziphash]

I just got the e-mail from ex's attorney. It's an order for the juvenile court judge to sign. Following is what it states:

ORDER

This cause coming on to be heard upon the parties' JOINT PETITION TO TERMINATE PARENTAL RIGHTS and it being represented to the Court that both parties enter into this agreement knowingly, voluntarily and with advice of counsel, and the parties recognizing tht henceforth from the date of this order that (my name) shall no longer have any financial obligation nor parental right, nor parental privilege as it relates to the minor child, (his name & bday), it is therefore ORDERED, ADJUDGED, and DECREED that any and all parental rights of (my name) as to the minor child (his name), are forever terminated as to any respect and condition.

(date to be entered)

(Judge to sign)

 

[helpplease0672]

Don't Do it..

Listen together my husband and i have 5 kids. His x's are terrable.. but, i am going to tell you one thing the last thing you want to do is sign away your rights. You helped make that child. He is half you. Think about it. If you love him do not give up on him.. His mother just sounds like a control freak. By, signing those papers away she wins again and you loose your son. Please think long and hard. How do you think he would feel when he gets older that you have children but yet you signed him away to another man.. I am sorry but, i think you need to think alittle more. Is it the childsupport you dont want to pay or what is it. Why do you want to do this. You stated earlier you wanted him to be happy basicly. Not in those exact words but just like you said his mother and step father has alot of problems as it is.. After all if it is that bad you might end up getting custody of him. Please dont give up on your kid just because his mother. You can get her for not letting your son have a relationship with you. There are alot of things.. just think about it please......

 

[ziphash]

When I started divorce proceedings, my ex said she would destroy me. She's tried very hard these past few years to do that. She took off to AL w/in months of telling the judge she would not leave OH. She's denied my rights numerous times. She's called the sheriff's dept. on me several times. We've gone to court for her being in contempt for not allowing visitation after my family & I had driven 1000 miles to get my son for summer visitation. The judge always just gives her a slap on the wrist and she goes on. We've even gone on national tv about this.

Giving my son up is not about the child support or medical expenses. We only get to see my son about twice a yr. I try to call & talk to him, but he won't talk on the phone. When we do get my son, he is so nervous he doesn't know how to act. (He's 3.) He just stands around and does only what we tell him to do. We even have to tell him to play. We are a wonderful family and are not abusive in any way. The kids all get along great which is why it is so much harder to see him this way. It breaks my heart to not be with him. But it also breaks my heart to see the way he acts when he is here.

I thought by allowing his step-father to adopt him he would have a normal life without some strange people coming and getting him every few months. I came into my two older boys lives when they were 3 & 1. I adopted them one year later. They don't know their bio dad who has remarried & had another child. We will explain to them when they are old enough that their bio dad loved them very much and wanted to do what was best for them.