GPR in PA does adoption matter

[protectinggeo]

The child in question has had everyother week visitation with his biofather. biofather lived with his parents. the childs father commited suicide recently. Now the fathers parent's want visitation rights. I do not want to allow them to see him.

Would it make any difference if my husband (who has known the child all his life) were to adopt the child before they filed in court?

Also what kind of visitation are we looking at?

And who would have to provide transportation?
we live about 50 miles away
K

 

[tigger22472]

The child in question has had everyother week visitation with his biofather. biofather lived with his parents. the childs father commited suicide recently. Now the fathers parent's want visitation rights. I do not want to allow them to see him.

Would it make any difference if my husband (who has known the child all his life) were to adopt the child before they filed in court?

Also what kind of visitation are we looking at?

And who would have to provide transportation?
we live about 50 miles away
K

I did some fast research and by everything I have found so far a step-parent adoption does not prevent grandparents from having standing to sue for visitation in Pa. (this is not unusual by the way) Not to mention that if this was done right now, the judge would be on to you as to why it was done also and that wouldn't make you look too good.

 

[ceara19]

The child in question has had everyother week visitation with his biofather. biofather lived with his parents. the childs father commited suicide recently. Now the fathers parent's want visitation rights. I do not want to allow them to see him.

Would it make any difference if my husband (who has known the child all his life) were to adopt the child before they filed in court?

Also what kind of visitation are we looking at?

And who would have to provide transportation?
we live about 50 miles away
K

What kind of relationship did the child have with them before dad died? Did he bring the kids to see them an a regular basis? What are your reasons for not wanting to allow the grandparents to see the child?

 

[tigger22472]

What kind of relationship did the child have with them before dad died? Did he bring the kids to see them an a regular basis? What are your reasons for not wanting to allow the grandparents to see the child?

Ceara, biodad lived with grandparents so it can be reasonably assumed they had a close relationship with the child or at least saw them on a regular basis.

 

[ceara19]

Ceara, biodad lived with grandparents so it can be reasonably assumed they had a close relationship with the child or at least saw them on a regular basis.

Thanks for pointing that out. Somehow, I missed that the first time.

 

[tigger22472]

Thanks for pointing that out. Somehow, I missed that the first time.

NP.. from what I read, these grandparents might have a fighting chance. PA is one of the few states that do order this quite often and one of the guidelines I read talked about if the child lived with them ever. Now, if dad lived with gp's and the child came there then in essence they visited, unless a judge looks at it differently. Plus the OP just said 'every other week'... if that constituted to 50/50 I'd say they have an excellent chance of visitation.

 

[ceara19]

NP.. from what I read, these grandparents might have a fighting chance. PA is one of the few states that do order this quite often and one of the guidelines I read talked about if the child lived with them ever. Now, if dad lived with gp's and the child came there then in essence they visited, unless a judge looks at it differently. Plus the OP just said 'every other week'... if that constituted to 50/50 I'd say they have an excellent chance of visitation.

Under the circumstances, I agree the gp's have a good chance to win, unless mom's got a REALLY good reason they shouldn't be around the child.

 

[tigger22472]

Under the circumstances, I agree the gp's have a good chance to win, unless mom's got a REALLY good reason they shouldn't be around the child.

I agree. She doesn't mention anything about fighting the children being around them prior to dad's death and only now after he's gone is she preventing contact. Again with PA the way they are I wouldn't doubt they have a sympathtic judge who sees this... and if they added a step-parent adoption on top of this, that would make it even worse.

 

[ceara19]

I agree. She doesn't mention anything about fighting the children being around them prior to dad's death and only now after he's gone is she preventing contact. Again with PA the way they are I wouldn't doubt they have a sympathtic judge who sees this... and if they added a step-parent adoption on top of this, that would make it even worse.

Many times a step parent adoption is actually helpful to a gp visitation case when the othe parent has died. The kids still have the right to know the deceased parents family. Allowing the GP's visitation allows the children to keep a bond with the bio-dad. It's not the kids or GP's fault that the parent died. (Unless one of them killed him)

 

[LdiJ]

Well....lets not ignore the fact that the bio-dad committed suicide. Therefore something was amiss in at least the bio-dad's life. Therefore mom may have good reason to want to keep the children away from the grandparents.

However, I do agree that in PA these grandparents would probably have a stronger chance than in most other states.

I won't comment further without knowing mom's reasons for wanting to keep the children away from the grandparents.

 

[protectinggeo]

protecting him

I do not want the child around the family for many reasons.
1. The childs father was controlled by the PGM a lot. so much so he was stunted. He could hold no job. Did not have a drivers license. Could not hold a true conversation mostly. No life because I truly believe he could not function in that house.
2. Grandparents allow violent games and movies for the eight year old child. We are talking rated R and M.
3. Grandparents are making father out to be a hero and he wasn't. I mean they allowed the child to find out how the man died. Now they are making him out to be someone admired and looked up to. The child sooner or later will be affected by this. Also, God forbid he sees suicide as a good or heroic thing.
4. They are also blaming me for his death. They say I pressured him so much for money that he was driven to suicide. Which is not true. I wanted him to be responsible. And our personal relationship was not as bad as they made it out to be. The father and I had worked out most of our issues.

I want to make it clear there is no hard feelings. I truly want what is best for the child. I do not think this is it. His father wasn't horrible just sick.
K

 

[tigger22472]

I do not want the child around the family for many reasons.
1. The childs father was controlled by the PGM a lot. so much so he was stunted. He could hold no job. Did not have a drivers license. Could not hold a true conversation mostly. No life because I truly believe he could not function in that house.
2. Grandparents allow violent games and movies for the eight year old child. We are talking rated R and M.
3. Grandparents are making father out to be a hero and he wasn't. I mean they allowed the child to find out how the man died. Now they are making him out to be someone admired and looked up to. The child sooner or later will be affected by this. Also, God forbid he sees suicide as a good or heroic thing.
4. They are also blaming me for his death. They say I pressured him so much for money that he was driven to suicide. Which is not true. I wanted him to be responsible. And our personal relationship was not as bad as they made it out to be. The father and I had worked out most of our issues.

I want to make it clear there is no hard feelings. I truly want what is best for the child. I do not think this is it. His father wasn't horrible just sick.
K

Well, we'll see what LDIJ says... but personally I don't think you have a lot. First you say this just recently happened so of course they are going to building him up... that was their son.

You might be able to get something put in about restrictions on the movies and videos if they get visitation, as well as something about not bad mouthing... but remember that works both ways.

 

[protectinggeo]

have not bad mouthed

I have never said anything at all bad about them or their son. Just for the record.
K

 

[LdiJ]

Well, we'll see what LDIJ says... but personally I don't think you have a lot. First you say this just recently happened so of course they are going to building him up... that was their son.

You might be able to get something put in about restrictions on the movies and videos if they get visitation, as well as something about not bad mouthing... but remember that works both ways.

Remember, this is gpv not parental visitation. The burden of proof is on the grandparents to prove that the mother's decision is not in the child's best interest. Its not the mother that has to prove that the grandparents are detrimental to the child.

Its also incredibly damaging to the child if the grandparents are blaming the child's mother for dad's suicide. I had a feeling that something like that might be happening. I have seen this before and it does tremendous damage.

I would recommend counseling for the child....to help the child learn healthy grieving.

I am sure that the grandparent are hurting. However blaming mom for their son's cowardly decision demonstrates that they are not healthy mentally themselves right now.

 

[tigger22472]

Remember, this is gpv not parental visitation. The burden of proof is on the grandparents to prove that the mother's decision is not in the child's best interest. Its not the mother that has to prove that the grandparents are detrimental to the child.

Its also incredibly damaging to the child if the grandparents are blaming the child's mother for dad's suicide. I had a feeling that something like that might be happening. I have seen this before and it does tremendous damage.

I would recommend counseling for the child....to help the child learn healthy grieving.

I am sure that the grandparent are hurting. However blaming mom for their son's cowardly decision demonstrates that they are not healthy mentally themselves right now.

I agree the child should probably get counseling and that it's not fair for the gp's to blame mom... however, I'm not forgetting this is a gpv issue. I think considering where this is taking place and the fact that dad lived with the gp's and exercised visitation there will carry a lot of weight.