Grandparents and Visitation, help!

[Halcarte]

My ex and I recently got our child support and visitation legally put into place. My daughters father lives in Washington, D.C. as he is in the Navy and my daughter and I live in Austin, Texas. My daughters father wants to excercise his visitation by doing the 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend of every month, but he himself isn’t always going to be there so he wants his parents to do his visitation. Can he do that? I offered a once a month visitation with the grandparents if the dad couldn’t see his daughter himself. This past weekend was one of my ex’s visitation weekends but he wasn’t in town. I reached out and asked if the grandparents would like this past weekend to be their one weekend for the month. I got no response. Apparently, the grandparents showed up at my house and I was not there and now they are trying to file contempt of court on me, putting a restraining order on me, wanting to get additional make up time with my daughter, said I need a physcological evaluation and want me to reimburse them for their expenses of trying to get her since they live 2 hours away. I don’t want to get in any trouble, I want my daughter to see her dad and the visitation was set up for him and his daughter, not for the grandparents.

 

[LdiJ]

My ex and I recently got our child support and visitation legally put into place. My daughters father lives in Washington, D.C. as he is in the Navy and my daughter and I live in Austin, Texas. My daughters father wants to excercise his visitation by doing the 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend of every month, but he himself isn’t always going to be there so he wants his parents to do his visitation. Can he do that? I offered a once a month visitation with the grandparents if the dad couldn’t see his daughter himself. This past weekend was one of my ex’s visitation weekends but he wasn’t in town. I reached out and asked if the grandparents would like this past weekend to be their one weekend for the month. I got no response. Apparently, the grandparents showed up at my house and I was not there and now they are trying to file contempt of court on me, putting a restraining order on me, wanting to get additional make up time with my daughter, said I need a physcological evaluation and want me to reimburse them for their expenses of trying to get her since they live 2 hours away. I don’t want to get in any trouble, I want my daughter to see her dad and the visitation was set up for him and his daughter, not for the grandparents.

Have they actually filed something in court? If so, who has filed something? No, the grandparents do not have the right to exercise dad's visitation and it would be a bad idea to allow them to do so. It creates a false sense of entitlement and does nothing but cause problems down the line.

 

[Halcarte]

Yes we have a SAPCR put into place. I actually petitioned it. It took almost 2 years to finally get into place. The dad didn’t pay any child support my daughters first year of life and wasnt on the birth certificate and actually still isn’t but I signed off in our order stating that he is the father. I wonder if because he’s in military if he gets some sort of option to have someone do his visitation, I think that’s for deployment though.

 

[t74]

There is what is legal and what is in the best interest of the child.

Turn the situation around. If your ex were the custodial parent and your parents were the visiting grandparents, what would you want to happen?

You are now a single parent to your shared child. (Boyfriends and new SOs aren't "family"), Do you not want help? If you have a family emergency, would you not want your ex's parents to be well known to your child so that they are willing to help out and are familiar enough to your child that they can step up?

Are you giving your parents or other relatives your ex's time or are you with her every single minute of that time? If you are not with her, why should she not be with them since your family has far more time to be with her given the visitation schedule?

The more loving people in your child's life the better. While you may have issues with your ex, keep them out of your shared child's relationships with his extended family. You child will likely enjoy extended simmer visits with all of her grandparents. If they see your parents, why should she not see her dad's?

 

[LdiJ]

Yes we have a SAPCR put into place. I actually petitioned it. It took almost 2 years to finally get into place. The dad didn’t pay any child support my daughters first year of life and wasnt on the birth certificate and actually still isn’t but I signed off in our order stating that he is the father. I wonder if because he’s in military if he gets some sort of option to have someone do his visitation, I think that’s for deployment though.

You did not answer my questions. You gave a long list of things that they were trying to do to you:

now they are trying to file contempt of court on me, putting a restraining order on me, wanting to get additional make up time with my daughter, said I need a physcological evaluation and want me to reimburse them for their expenses of trying to get her since they live 2 hours away.

Where does this come from? How was this communicated to you? Did somebody just tell you this (if so, who) or did they actually file for contempt and list all of this?

 

[LdiJ]

There is what is legal and what is in the best interest of the child.

Turn the situation around. If your ex were the custodial parent and your parents were the visiting grandparents, what would you want to happen?

You are now a single parent to your shared child. (Boyfriends and new SOs aren't "family"), Do you not want help? If you have a family emergency, would you not want your ex's parents to be well known to your child so that they are willing to help out and are familiar enough to your child that they can step up?

Are you giving your parents or other relatives your ex's time or are you with her every single minute of that time? If you are not with her, why should she not be with them since your family has far more time to be with her given the visitation schedule?

The more loving people in your child's life the better. While you may have issues with your ex, keep them out of your shared child's relationships with his extended family. You child will likely enjoy extended simmer visits with all of her grandparents. If they see your parents, why should she not see her dad's?

It is an extremely bad idea to allow grandparents to have SCHEDULED visitation. It creates a sense of entitlement that causes serious problems as the children get older. There is a big difference between children spending lots of time with grandparents and SCHEDULED visitation.

I wouldn't want the op to give SCHEDULED visitation to anyone in her own family either.

 

[Halcarte]

You did not answer my questions. You gave a long list of things that they were trying to do to you:



Where does this come from? How was this communicated to you? Did somebody just tell you this (if so, who) or did they actually file for contempt and list all of this?

You did not answer my questions. You gave a long list of things that they were trying to do to you:



Where does this come from? How was this communicated to you? Did somebody just tell you this (if so, who) or did they actually file for contempt and list all of this?

This Weekend would have been my ex’s first weekend to visit his daughter. He already told me that he would not be there but he expects me to allow his parents to have the visitation. I said that I would allow the grandparents to have my daughter once a month if her dad can’t visit, they didn’t like that. I asked if this weekend they would like to use their one weekend for this month and they never responded. Apparently they showed up at my house to get my daughter and I wasn’t there so now they are saying they are going to file contempt of court, etc.

 

[Halcarte]

There is what is legal and what is in the best interest of the child.

Turn the situation around. If your ex were the custodial parent and your parents were the visiting grandparents, what would you want to happen?

You are now a single parent to your shared child. (Boyfriends and new SOs aren't "family"), Do you not want help? If you have a family emergency, would you not want your ex's parents to be well known to your child so that they are willing to help out and are familiar enough to your child that they can step up?

Are you giving your parents or other relatives your ex's time or are you with her every single minute of that time? If you are not with her, why should she not be with them since your family has far more time to be with her given the visitation schedule?

The more loving people in your child's life the better. While you may have issues with your ex, keep them out of your shared child's relationships with his extended family. You child will likely enjoy extended simmer visits with all of her grandparents. If they see your parents, why should she not see her dad's?

I agree that my daughter should have a relationship not only with her dad but his side of the family. I already told them that I would be willing to let my daughter see the grandparents once a month if the dad isn’t able to visit that month. They want the grandparents to have her every other weekend and it’s really hard when my daughter gets back, she’s just turned 3 years old.

 

[Just Blue]

This Weekend would have been my ex’s first weekend to visit his daughter. He already told me that he would not be there but he expects me to allow his parents to have the visitation. I said that I would allow the grandparents to have my daughter once a month if her dad can’t visit, they didn’t like that. I asked if this weekend they would like to use their one weekend for this month and they never responded. Apparently they showed up at my house to get my daughter and I wasn’t there so now they are saying they are going to file contempt of court, etc.

They don't have legal standing to file contempt. Do you have an attorney? If not you should get one. And to clarify: As of now you haven't been served with anything, correct?

 

[t74]

Compromise - You are willing to give once a month; they want 1,3 and 5. Offer 3 and 5 if dad is not available. On weekend 5, you do something totally frivilous for yourself. You both "win". Make them your ally. It may not be a big deal for a trying 3 yo, but I guarantee when you have a teenager, you will be glad you did.

 

[Just Blue]

Compromise - You are willing to give once a month; they want 1,3 and 5. Offer 3 and 5 if dad is not available. On weekend 5, you do something totally frivilous for yourself. You both "win". Make them your ally. It may not be a big deal for a trying 3 yo, but I guarantee when you have a teenager, you will be glad you did.

Normally I would agree with you but not in this case. GP's have already stepped over the line and shown they don't know their boundaries.

 

[Halcarte]

They don't have legal standing to file contempt. Do you have an attorney? If not you should get one. And to clarify: As of now you haven't been served with anything, correct?

I do have an attorney but he is pretty slow to respond. I am trying to get some other opinions in the meantime. I have not been served anything yet, I think they are waiting till Monday to file.

 

[Just Blue]

I do have an attorney but he is pretty slow to respond. I am trying to get some other opinions in the meantime. I have not been served anything yet, I think they are waiting till Monday to file.

You attorney should motion for it to be dismissed for lack of legal standing. Only your ex can file contempt and he can't as he didn't attempt to get the child/ren.

 

[t74]

Normally I would agree with you but not in this case. GP's have already stepped over the line and shown they don't know their boundaries.

We only know part of the story. Mom is complaining about no support for a period of time where it sounds like there was no support order. She also states that father is not on the birth certificate and he has not been allowed visitation until this weekend when there was conflict with the grandparents. I suspect the grandparents were not allowed visitation either during the time dad did not have visitation. It is unclear if she meant the first visit post order or for all time. If the grandparents have not been allowed to see their grandchild before this time, their conduct is understandable.

There is a whole lot more to this story than is currently known. .

 

[Halcarte]

The grandparents have been involved in my daughters life since she was 3 months old. She actually recently flew to Washington, D.C. with the grandparents for 10 days to see her dad. The grandparents live in Houston, Tx so they are only about 2 and half hours away. I have done my best to keep my daughter involved with both sides of the family even though we didn’t have any order in place.