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Help - ex is ignoring court custody order

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jessandmal

New member
Hello,

I currently have a court order with multiple phases I need to move through so I can see my daughter more and more. My ex has primary care rights. The first phase allows me to see my daughter for 1-2 hours twice a week. My ex does not answer any of my messages, although his mother does sometimes, and keeps dangling the carrot of seeing her in front of me. She tells me that I can see her one week, and ghosts me the next. It is a truly despicable thing to do to someone.

Anyway, I have only seen my daughter a SINGLE time since the court order was issued - in February. How do I make a motion of contempt since they're in violation, or whatever needs to be done with the courts? I would also like to ask for all of the back time i am owed with my daughter. I am comfortable navigating the court system myself, or at least something like this.

The state I am in is in Iowa. I have found these forms; https://www.iowacourts.gov/for-the-public/court-forms/ and I think I should fill out Form 401.

Does anyone have any advice on what I need to do next? I'm about to threaten the contempt motion, and I want my ducks in a row before I send that message to them.

Thanks for any advice.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Hello,

I currently have a court order with multiple phases I need to move through so I can see my daughter more and more. My ex has primary care rights. The first phase allows me to see my daughter for 1-2 hours twice a week. My ex does not answer any of my messages, although his mother does sometimes, and keeps dangling the carrot of seeing her in front of me. She tells me that I can see her one week, and ghosts me the next. It is a truly despicable thing to do to someone.

Anyway, I have only seen my daughter a SINGLE time since the court order was issued - in February. How do I make a motion of contempt since they're in violation, or whatever needs to be done with the courts? I would also like to ask for all of the back time i am owed with my daughter. I am comfortable navigating the court system myself, or at least something like this.

The state I am in is in Iowa. I have found these forms; https://www.iowacourts.gov/for-the-public/court-forms/ and I think I should fill out Form 401.

Does anyone have any advice on what I need to do next? I'm about to threaten the contempt motion, and I want my ducks in a row before I send that message to them.

Thanks for any advice.
Don't even bother to threaten. Just do it.
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
Hello,

I currently have a court order with multiple phases I need to move through so I can see my daughter more and more. My ex has primary care rights. The first phase allows me to see my daughter for 1-2 hours twice a week. My ex does not answer any of my messages, although his mother does sometimes, and keeps dangling the carrot of seeing her in front of me. She tells me that I can see her one week, and ghosts me the next. It is a truly despicable thing to do to someone.

Anyway, I have only seen my daughter a SINGLE time since the court order was issued - in February. How do I make a motion of contempt since they're in violation, or whatever needs to be done with the courts? I would also like to ask for all of the back time i am owed with my daughter. I am comfortable navigating the court system myself, or at least something like this.

The state I am in is in Iowa. I have found these forms; https://www.iowacourts.gov/for-the-public/court-forms/ and I think I should fill out Form 401.

Does anyone have any advice on what I need to do next? I'm about to threaten the contempt motion, and I want my ducks in a row before I send that message to them.

Thanks for any advice.
In addition to the 1st phase allowing 1-2 hrs a week of visitation, are there other steps you are supposed to be complying with that you have fallen short of?

For example, if you are supposed taking regular drug tests and have not, or have shown up to a visit appearing to be under the influence, your ex and/or his mother may believe that you are a danger to your child.

(It is very unusual for a parent to be allowed so little parenting time, unless they have had a prolonged period of absence from their child's life, or there are things like documented violence or substance abuse. That's why I ask.)

If you have been doing everything you're supposed to do, jumping through those hoops, and your parenting time has been repeatedly denied, document it (document, and document) and file a motion that the ex be found in contempt. Do not threaten, just do.
 

jessandmal

New member
In addition to the 1st phase allowing 1-2 hrs a week of visitation, are there other steps you are supposed to be complying with that you have fallen short of?

For example, if you are supposed taking regular drug tests and have not, or have shown up to a visit appearing to be under the influence, your ex and/or his mother may believe that you are a danger to your child.

(It is very unusual for a parent to be allowed so little parenting time, unless they have had a prolonged period of absence from their child's life, or there are things like documented violence or substance abuse. That's why I ask.)

If you have been doing everything you're supposed to do, jumping through those hoops, and your parenting time has been repeatedly denied, document it (document, and document) and file a motion that the ex be found in contempt. Do not threaten, just do.
The documents state that I am required to take a drug test whenever my ex wants one. I can and will pass it. All of the other steps I've complied with. I ended up committing a felony one drunken stupid night, during the ongoing custody hearing period, for which I was given a deferred judgement, and that is pretty much why they got everything they wanted. The only "visit" I've ever had was randomly bumping into my daughter and her grandma (the ex's mom) at a gas station.

I am not up on child support, as I just got a job after about 2 months of being unemployed, but at least in my state, the 2 issues are not related. He cannot withhold visitation due to owed child support.

There is no documented violence or substance abuse.

I mean, personally I think the whole order needs thrown out, as the judge gets his house cleaned by my ex's mom. Conflict of interest much? But that's for another day I suppose.
 
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Just Blue

Senior Member
The documents state that I am required to take a drug test whenever my ex wants one. I can and will pass it. All of the other steps I've complied with. I ended up committing a felony one drunken stupid night, during the ongoing custody hearing period, for which I was given a deferred judgement, and that is pretty much why they got everything they wanted. The only "visit" I've ever had was randomly bumping into my daughter and her grandma (the ex's mom) at a gas station.

I am not up on child support, as I just got a job after about 2 months of being unemployed, but at least in my state, the 2 issues are not related. He cannot withhold visitation due to owed child support.

There is no documented violence or substance abuse.

I mean, personally I think the whole order needs thrown out, as the judge gets his house cleaned by my ex's mom. Conflict of interest much? But that's for another day I suppose.
What was your felony? Was you child with you when it happened?
 

STEPHAN

Senior Member
You saw her last in February and you are NOW starting to do something about it? It does sound like you are not very interested.
 

jessandmal

New member
What was your felony? Was you child with you when it happened?
It was theft. I stole a bicycle and rode it home when I was intoxicated. Very stupid. Luckily it doesn't count as a conviction once probation is up. My daughter was not with me.

You saw her last in February and you are NOW starting to do something about it? It does sound like you are not very interested.
Wow, what great, helpful advice. It was my initial belief that I would need a lawyer to handle this and not everyone can afford a lawyer pal. My family and I message/call my ex and his mother at least twice a week. Don't shame me when I'm not the one violating the court order. You don't know me. I raised that girl for her first 5 years and want nothing more but to see her again.
 
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STEPHAN

Senior Member
Sorry, I did not mean to offend you. I just wanted to give you an idea of how others might view this.
 

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