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TJNJmom

Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

My girlfriends husband just left her after 8 years of marriage. They had a newborn child when he left and she had been on unemployment for the last 2 years. They tried for 6 years to have a baby and finally had this blessing and on the baby's 3 month bday he came home and said he's been cheating on her with a coworker and leaving that night. He took some clothes and just left. He currently comes every week and gives her all of his money with the exception of $100 to pay all of the bills. Being that she can't do it alone she has told him that he needs to help because he abandoned them.

My question is he's been gone for 2 months now and it's apparent that he's not coming back and although she wants him to it won't happen. What is her next step legally it all seems very messy being that they are married and she's in this position.

Can she get alimony?
He hardly sees the baby because he doesn't want to be around her and she tells him he can't see the baby unless she's there.

My question is what should she do now?
 


Bali Hai

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

My girlfriends husband just left her after 8 years of marriage. They had a newborn child when he left and she had been on unemployment for the last 2 years. They tried for 6 years to have a baby and finally had this blessing and on the baby's 3 month bday he came home and said he's been cheating on her with a coworker and leaving that night. He took some clothes and just left. He currently comes every week and gives her all of his money with the exception of $100 to pay all of the bills. Being that she can't do it alone she has told him that he needs to help because he abandoned them.

My question is he's been gone for 2 months now and it's apparent that he's not coming back and although she wants him to it won't happen. What is her next step legally it all seems very messy being that they are married and she's in this position.

Can she get alimony?
He hardly sees the baby because he doesn't want to be around her and she tells him he can't see the baby unless she's there.

My question is what should she do now?
Get a job for starters.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

My girlfriends husband just left her after 8 years of marriage. They had a newborn child when he left and she had been on unemployment for the last 2 years. They tried for 6 years to have a baby and finally had this blessing and on the baby's 3 month bday he came home and said he's been cheating on her with a coworker and leaving that night. He took some clothes and just left. He currently comes every week and gives her all of his money with the exception of $100 to pay all of the bills. Being that she can't do it alone she has told him that he needs to help because he abandoned them.

My question is he's been gone for 2 months now and it's apparent that he's not coming back and although she wants him to it won't happen. What is her next step legally it all seems very messy being that they are married and she's in this position.

Can she get alimony?
He hardly sees the baby because he doesn't want to be around her and she tells him he can't see the baby unless she's there.

My question is what should she do now?


Wait, what?

What the heck does she want from him...ALL of his money?!

She needs a job.

And really? She has to be present while he sees HIS child? Your "friend" needs a reality check - and fast.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
Parents can and do "do it alone". My husband's dad died just before hubby was born - his mom got no money and no help.

Friend needs to get a job, she's also likely getting MORE money now than she'd get from Child Support.

As an example: I was just at an adoption shower for a newborn, three weeks old. The new (adoptive) mom is a Single mom, no parents living, no siblings in her state, no significant other. She IS raising this baby completely on her own, (without someone bringing her all but $100 of a paycheck) and will never get a penny in child support. She will be working again in five weeks - and then paying 100% of child care and 100% of medical.
 

TJNJmom

Member
I agree she needs to get a job I have told her this and her excuse is that she has no one to stay with the baby when i mentioned daycare she said that its too costly and it would take most of her pay and she would be left with less then if she stays home. I also think that she should not always have to be there when he sees the baby the baby is with his parents from time to time and I think she could set something up over there if he doesn't want to be around her he shouldn't forced to be. I know that it can hurt her in the long run if she with holds the baby from him. I am glad that you all agree with me she is very set in her ways and I was honestly questioning if I was telling her the right things.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
I agree she needs to get a job I have told her this and her excuse is that she has no one to stay with the baby when i mentioned daycare she said that its too costly and it would take most of her pay and she would be left with less then if she stays home. I also think that she should not always have to be there when he sees the baby the baby is with his parents from time to time and I think she could set something up over there if he doesn't want to be around her he shouldn't forced to be. I know that it can hurt her in the long run if she with holds the baby from him. I am glad that you all agree with me she is very set in her ways and I was honestly questioning if I was telling her the right things.


She could go to work and have Dad be primary custodial parent, too.

Then she can pay child support and all will be well!
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Friend needs to get a job, she's also likely getting MORE money now than she'd get from Child Support.
Not just likely. She is undoubtedly getting more now than she'll get after they divorce.

OP asked about alimony. Probably not - with an 8 year marriage. Possibly temporary support while the divorce is pending, but that's it.

I agree with everyone else- Mom needs a job. Now.
 

TJNJmom

Member
She could go to work and have Dad be primary custodial parent, too.

Then she can pay child support and all will be well!
That would be wonderful if he didn't live in a room with a new girlfriend...his situation is not very stable but in all honesty I think he would be better for the child because she really is not in a state to have that child or be the parent she could be but that's neither here nor there.

She has him fooled into thinking that she will get this amount if she goes to court and he's afraid to file. Being that she's my friend I can't and don't speak to him but in all honesty part of me wishes I could tell him what the right thing to do for himself is.

Truthfully my situation is a lot worse and I would give anything to be in her shoes right now.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
That would be wonderful if he didn't live in a room with a new girlfriend...his situation is not very stable but in all honesty I think he would be better for the child because she really is not in a state to have that child or be the parent she could be but that's neither here nor there.

She has him fooled into thinking that she will get this amount if she goes to court and he's afraid to file. Being that she's my friend I can't and don't speak to him but in all honesty part of me wishes I could tell him what the right thing to do for himself is.

Truthfully my situation is a lot worse and I would give anything to be in her shoes right now.


I wonder what would happen if someone casually suggested this website to him...
 

TJNJmom

Member
I wonder what would happen if someone casually suggested this website to him...
do you know someone that could do that? I still couldn't be the one I have to be honest with you. I would never hear the end of it.... The girl shouldn't have this child she shouldnt' be getting what she is getting. She is not abusive to the child but she only had him because her husband wanted him and she resents that baby. I guess being a parent I cant understand where she is coming from but at the same time being a single parent having gone through a messy seperation I know that she is really sticking it to him.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
*Maybe* you should let her figure out her problem herself. Give her this web address and let her figure out what's what. We'll be more than happy to set her straight.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
do you know someone that could do that? I still couldn't be the one I have to be honest with you. I would never hear the end of it.... The girl shouldn't have this child she shouldnt' be getting what she is getting. She is not abusive to the child but she only had him because her husband wanted him and she resents that baby. I guess being a parent I cant understand where she is coming from but at the same time being a single parent having gone through a messy seperation I know that she is really sticking it to him.
Yeah...You are just a POs for posting this. If this were my friend I would give her a b-slap and tell her to STOP! I would NEVER seek legal advice for her.:mad:
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
do you know someone that could do that? I still couldn't be the one I have to be honest with you. I would never hear the end of it.... The girl shouldn't have this child she shouldnt' be getting what she is getting. She is not abusive to the child but she only had him because her husband wanted him and she resents that baby. I guess being a parent I cant understand where she is coming from but at the same time being a single parent having gone through a messy seperation I know that she is really sticking it to him.
And if that's how you feel... WHY are you her friend, exactly? :confused:
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Wow...doesn't sound like a friend posting, sounds more like hubby's new girlfriend posting...


Yeah.

Interesting how she was first posting on behalf of MOM...and now she's completely pro-Dad.

I'm not saying it's not possible..but yeah.

Really.

Haven't we seen this a gazillion times?
 

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