Help with biased psychologist in custody case

[not2cleverRed]

I am a strong willed person. I don't deny this - yet there is a right and a wrong here.
I feel like the psychologist made statements based on form rather than substance.
Other parent appears nice. Other parent plays nice.
Maybe I am a bull in a china shop, but approach is not substance.
I've been taken for a ride by ex and a flawed system.
I don't believe I deserve to be judged by my frustration.
Psychologists shouldn't go to school for years and then accept money for pointing out "outward appearances"

You could learn a lot by emulating the other parent a little.

The systemem is the only system you have the option of playing with. Learn the rules. Use the rules. If the kids are really that important to you, you too can "play nice".

This is the "background"
I currently have every other weekend, a few weeknight visitations, and some summer time.
I moved to within 3 miles of the children.
I would like 50/50 custody, alternating weeks.
I am capable of caring for them, getting them to school, activities, etc.

Because that's in their best interest? And what is the change of circumstance you were going to use?

 

[Zigner]

The problem is that you came here with a very specific question. The rest of your questions are irrelevant, as the ONLY way you're going to successfully challenge this report in court is to present a different report to rebut it. You will need the assistance of an attorney to do this. Please note that this advice is specific to you. Not everyone will need the assistance of an attorney in order to present an opposing psychological report.

 

[CTU]

If I am rigid in anything, it's that for 4 years the system has failed me and I deserve my children equally.

Ah. I see where we might have a found a fundamental flaw in the plot. This is NOT about what you deserve. This is about the best interests of the children, and it can be argued that what they deserve is a parent who is stable and not prone to losing their temper so quickly.

In 4 years i've spent over $250K in lawyers and child support.
I have an attorney now.
Not sure I am seeing any results from any of this.

And during all of this time the other parent has had status quo in their favor? Honest question: why do you think the court should deviate from the status quo?

I am a strong willed person. I don't deny this - yet there is a right and a wrong here.
I feel like the psychologist made statements based on form rather than substance.
Other parent appears nice. Other parent plays nice.
Maybe I am a bull in a china shop, but approach is not substance.
I've been taken for a ride by ex and a flawed system.

Your ex must be quite the Svengali. That aside, if you know how the game is played why have you been unable to use that to your advantage?

I don't believe I deserve to be judged by my frustration.

When your frustration creates an unhealthy atmosphere for your children then yes, it should be considered and considered seriously.

Psychologists shouldn't go to school for years and then accept money for pointing out "outward appearances"

Calling a horse a zebra would be foolish, would it not?

This is the "background"
I currently have every other weekend, a few weeknight visitations, and some summer time.
I moved to within 3 miles of the children.
I would like 50/50 custody, alternating weeks.
I am capable of caring for them, getting them to school, activities, etc.

50-50 doesn't actually work well unless the parents can coparent successfully.

So I give a response to CTU.
Then you point out it's irrelevant -- so i clarify to answer the questions from CTU that I previously missed.

And because I answered someone and then clarified, you accuse me of being controlling?

Your latest response is absurd.
If you don't want to engage, feel free to ignore.

You don't see how this looks?

 

[LdiJ]

I called my ex's father and told him what i caught my ex doing.
My ex would not speak to father, so father called police.
When police arrived, ex lied and alleged physical confrontation.
All charges later dropped, but damage was already done.

Red - serious question - what do i have to give to receive? I already have very very limited time, no voice in my children's lives, etc.
What could i possibly look to give?

Thank you for the Our Family Wizard tip. I'm going to attempt to use it. This could be very helpful.

Dad, if you have spent $250,000 in legal fees, in four years, on custody matters then you have to look to your own faults in the matter. I think that is what the psychologist was telling you. That you are not accepting your own share of the fault.

You are never going to get a judge to give you a 50/50 timeshare with such contentious co-parenting. It takes a lot of cooperation to make 50/50 work and that clearly is not happening here.

The fact that you admit that you are stubborn and are a "bull in a china shop" is not a good sign either.

 

[WhenWillItEnd]

Red:
--------------
Change in circumstance is that other party has introduced a new "parent" into the home
I moved from 20 miles away to 3 miles away, and have the ability to now drop off/pick up
Other parent has violated the custody agreement 2-3 different times

Zigner
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Re: another report
That's a hard pill to swallow, but I'm afraid that's what I'll have to do

CTU
-------------
There have been a number of things other parent has done that aren't beneficial to the children.
Very many things have been about themselves.
Other parent absolutely refused to involve kids in extracurriculars, or invest in any way into children prior to finding new significant other.
Other parent has now begun, but still "parental involvement" means throwing the kids in the playroom for the entire day to other parent.
Other party unilaterally makes decisions, refuses to even discuss
There are a number of other things ---

You're right, i do believe i deserve to be involved in my kids lives. But they deserve me as well.
Other parent comes from a more poor, blue collar family who never invested in kids or gave them opportunity.
Other parent's approach to parenting is the same... just let them do their thing, and they will turn out ok.
My parents never said no to an opportunity, and my children shouldn't ever be told no either because between parents - we have the money and/or the time.

It takes more than one party to co-parent. So an easy defense for a parent who is fighting to not lose ground is to create conflict, is it not?
That's the definition of rewarding bad behavior. How is this ok?

 

[LdiJ]

Red:
--------------
Change in circumstance is that other party has introduced a new "parent" into the home
I moved from 20 miles away to 3 miles away, and have the ability to now drop off/pick up
Other parent has violated the custody agreement 2-3 different times

Zigner
-------------
Re: another report
That's a hard pill to swallow, but I'm afraid that's what I'll have to do

CTU
-------------
There have been a number of things other parent has done that aren't beneficial to the children.
Very many things have been about themselves.
Other parent absolutely refused to involve kids in extracurriculars, or invest in any way into children prior to finding new significant other.
Other parent has now begun, but still "parental involvement" means throwing the kids in the playroom for the entire day to other parent.
Other party unilaterally makes decisions, refuses to even discuss
There are a number of other things ---

You're right, i do believe i deserve to be involved in my kids lives. But they deserve me as well.
Other parent comes from a more poor, blue collar family who never invested in kids or gave them opportunity.
Other parent's approach to parenting is the same... just let them do their thing, and they will turn out ok.
My parents never said no to an opportunity, and my children shouldn't ever be told no either because between parents - we have the money and/or the time.

It takes more than one party to co-parent. So an easy defense for a parent who is fighting to not lose ground is to create conflict, is it not?
That's the definition of rewarding bad behavior. How is this ok?

I hope that you never said anything like the bolded to anyone involved with the court or to the psychologist, because that would have hurt you, quite badly, if you did.

 

[WhenWillItEnd]

It's not my intent to be derogatory, but the children deserve opportunities commensurate with what parents are able to provide.
You always want to give your children the best you can.

 

[LdiJ]

It's not my intent to be derogatory, but the children deserve opportunities commensurate with what parents are able to provide.
You always want to give your children the best you can.

Judges are not permitted to make custody decisions based on one parent having more money than the other or one parent having different priorities than the other. That would be a gross violation of the other parent's constitutional rights. 4 years and 250k later you had to have had that explained to you multiple times, yet you are still bringing it up.

 

[CTU]

Red:
--------------
Change in circumstance is that other party has introduced a new "parent" into the home
I moved from 20 miles away to 3 miles away, and have the ability to now drop off/pick up
Other parent has violated the custody agreement 2-3 different times

Zigner
-------------
Re: another report
That's a hard pill to swallow, but I'm afraid that's what I'll have to do

CTU
-------------
There have been a number of things other parent has done that aren't beneficial to the children.
Very many things have been about themselves.
Other parent absolutely refused to involve kids in extracurriculars, or invest in any way into children prior to finding new significant other.
Other parent has now begun, but still "parental involvement" means throwing the kids in the playroom for the entire day to other parent.
Other party unilaterally makes decisions, refuses to even discuss
There are a number of other things ---

You're right, i do believe i deserve to be involved in my kids lives. But they deserve me as well.
Other parent comes from a more poor, blue collar family who never invested in kids or gave them opportunity.
Other parent's approach to parenting is the same... just let them do their thing, and they will turn out ok.
My parents never said no to an opportunity, and my children shouldn't ever be told no either because between parents - we have the money and/or the time.

It takes more than one party to co-parent. So an easy defense for a parent who is fighting to not lose ground is to create conflict, is it not?
That's the definition of rewarding bad behavior. How is this ok?

It's not my intent to be derogatory, but the children deserve opportunities commensurate with what parents are able to provide.
You always want to give your children the best you can.

Well, at least now we can understand the psychologist's reasoning.