Holiday times

[xxnatalixx]

If that's really what the order says, then no, you are not in contempt. However the judge may order that the child may be picked up from school.

That would actually be ok with me anyway, I just want it to state specific days and times so that they can't pick him up in the middle of the day or on the wrong day and take him to appointments that I don't know about out of town.

 

[wileybunch]

I have had this exact problem - quite literally to the point of the ex not allowing our daughter to bring *sanitary products* that I bought. Imagine the mortification of an 11yo to have her father throwing pads all over her grandparents' front lawn while screaming bloody murder about how I *dared* impose my will on her. (When I dared email her stepmom to let her know that she'd be needing them, and I'd send some in the original packaging so she'd know exactly what #2 chose to use, I was told that what products they buy in their home was none of my business and SHE (SM) would choose what was appropriate for #2. Uuuuuh, okay.)

I had them choose something to wear that was unobjectionable to their Dad, and send them in only the clothes on their backs. They took something to keep them busy on the plane if they were flying and that was *it*.

Oh for pete's sake. Geez, when SD was with us last summer, she apparently didn't have any pads with her and was embarassed to talk to her dad (she isn't any more) so her mom told DH exactly which type of pads she used, not only the brand, but this or that type with this or that wings. Then I went to buy them, scouring the shelf for that particular kind. She knows she can come to either of us, but unless money were really an issue, why wouldn't the child be allowed to use the type of pad they are most comfortable with? I went to buy her more recently and didn't see the type I thought I recalled and so just waited to buy them so I could go home and write down the exact kind it was again.

And, now for the "which hill to die on" advice ....
I realize we can't control everything about another person and all that. But, it makes me ill what these children are being put through on the one hand and then they are supposed to bottle it up and not get disrespectful or whatnot when they are feeling frustrated.

Frankly, I would take these situations up in court, especially since you are already there over all the contempt stuff. If they're going to be stupid about not returning clothes, request the judge put it in the order that they must. If they are dressing down the child for bringing anything from home, request the judge put in the order that the child may bring things from one home to the other and that it should be returned.

NOT sending a child with anything that's theirs is something alienating CPs like to do, to make a child feel like a fish out of water in their other home. For a NCP to refuse to accept those things into their home is not nice. I could see if it were video games, cell phones, etc. -- things that distract or whatever. But, to have a policy like that? That's manipulating the other parent through the child and I would most definitely bring these things up in court.

 

[xxnatalixx]

Oh for pete's sake. Geez, when SD was with us last summer, she apparently didn't have any pads with her and was embarassed to talk to her dad (she isn't any more) so her mom told DH exactly which type of pads she used, not only the brand, but this or that type with this or that wings. Then I went to buy them, scouring the shelf for that particular kind. She knows she can come to either of us, but unless money were really an issue, why wouldn't the child be allowed to use the type of pad they are most comfortable with? I went to buy her more recently and didn't see the type I thought I recalled and so just waited to buy them so I could go home and write down the exact kind it was again.

And, now for the "which hill to die on" advice ....
I realize we can't control everything about another person and all that. But, it makes me ill what these children are being put through on the one hand and then they are supposed to bottle it up and not get disrespectful or whatnot when they are feeling frustrated.

Frankly, I would take these situations up in court, especially since you are already there over all the contempt stuff. If they're going to be stupid about not returning clothes, request the judge put it in the order that they must. If they are dressing down the child for bringing anything from home, request the judge put in the order that the child may bring things from one home to the other and that it should be returned.

NOT sending a child with anything that's theirs is something alienating CPs like to do, to make a child feel like a fish out of water in their other home. For a NCP to refuse to accept those things into their home is not nice. I could see if it were video games, cell phones, etc. -- things that distract or whatever. But, to have a policy like that? That's manipulating the other parent through the child and I would most definitely bring these things up in court.

I didn't know I was allowed to bring anything up at the hearing that didn't specifically have something to do with the charges against me. I would like to bring up Dad driving with Son and request that he have to inform me when he is going to jail. As of now, Son has let me know or I've heard it around town. They don't tell me because they want SM to go ahead and take the visitation time while dad's in jail.

 

[mommyof4]

I didn't know I was allowed to bring anything up at the hearing that didn't specifically have something to do with the charges against me. I would like to bring up Dad driving with Son and request that he have to inform me when he is going to jail. As of now, Son has let me know or I've heard it around town. They don't tell me because they want SM to go ahead and take the visitation time while dad's in jail.

I thought Dad had already been to jail (for 20 days) and is now out. You're almost impossible to follow.

 

[xxnatalixx]

I thought Dad had already been to jail (for 20 days) and is now out. You're almost impossible to follow.

I know, it's all very confusing. I want to get it put in the order because it has happend 3 times now and Dad is still driving Son around. I saw him 2 weeks ago. It's just a matter of time before he gets pulled over again and everytime he does, he goes to jail longer and longer. If he would even attempt to drive like an adult, he probably wouldn't get caught so much.

 

[wileybunch]

I didn't know I was allowed to bring anything up at the hearing that didn't specifically have something to do with the charges against me. I would like to bring up Dad driving with Son and request that he have to inform me when he is going to jail. As of now, Son has let me know or I've heard it around town. They don't tell me because they want SM to go ahead and take the visitation time while dad's in jail.

Well, I can't say how rigid your courts or judges are, but your attorney should have no problem saying "Your Honor, I'd also like to bring up a troubling issue with the kids that's been going on that my client feel needs some clarification in the court order to address". Worst case is judge WON'T entertain it, will send you off to mediation, or in some other way not handle it then and there directly, no worse than you are for saying nothing.

 

[xxnatalixx]

Well, I can't say how rigid your courts or judges are, but your attorney should have no problem saying "Your Honor, I'd also like to bring up a troubling issue with the kids that's been going on that my client feel needs some clarification in the court order to address". Worst case is judge WON'T entertain it, will send you off to mediation, or in some other way not handle it then and there directly, no worse than you are for saying nothing.

Could I possibly bring it up myself? My attorney is being paid strickly to defend me on the contempt charges and I don't think he's willing to bring up anything else. I had mentioned to him bringing up the fact that in our last court order, it states, and Sm testified to it, that Sm has to take care of writing letters to me because dad cannot read or write, and I just found an old box of letters he wrote to me and I wanted to see if we could use them to sort of hurt dad's credibility and show that they lied in court but he doesn't want to. I trust him though. He's done a lot for me. I just can't use him for anything but the contempt.

 

[wileybunch]

Could I possibly bring it up myself? My attorney is being paid strickly to defend me on the contempt charges and I don't think he's willing to bring up anything else. I had mentioned to him bringing up the fact that in our last court order, it states, and Sm testified to it, that Sm has to take care of writing letters to me because dad cannot read or write, and I just found an old box of letters he wrote to me and I wanted to see if we could use them to sort of hurt dad's credibility and show that they lied in court but he doesn't want to. I trust him though. He's done a lot for me. I just can't use him for anything but the contempt.

Well, you can try, but when you have an attorney representing you, they're the ones that are really allowed to address the judge. You don't speak unless you're asked to. But, you can certainly try and you may have to be a little bold. Just be careful to be very respectful to the judge since it's their courtroom and they decide who talks and when and you need to also not derail the contempt proceedings and hold this until that part is dispensed with and then ask if you can address the court.

 

[xxnatalixx]

Well, you can try, but when you have an attorney representing you, they're the ones that are really allowed to address the judge. You don't speak unless you're asked to. But, you can certainly try and you may have to be a little bold. Just be careful to be very respectful to the judge since it's their courtroom and they decide who talks and when and you need to also not derail the contempt proceedings and hold this until that part is dispensed with and then ask if you can address the court.

Thank you, it makes me a lot less sick to my stomach and more confident that I get so much good advice from everyone on here. I also think that a lot of times when people get the advice on here that they consider "mean" or "judgemental", that they should really consider that their x's attorney may be saying the same things to them in court and use it to prepare themselves. Anyway, I've been thinking about that for a while, so I thought I'd throw it in there.

 

[wileybunch]

I also think that a lot of times when people get the advice on here that they consider "mean" or "judgemental", that they should really consider that their x's attorney may be saying the same things to them in court and use it to prepare themselves.

That is exactly true. There are 2 sides to every story and if people want to be prepared only to address THEIR side in court, they just aren't prepared. Period.