Holiday travel

[sunshyne_828]

we are in a very simular situation. my husband's ex lies sooo much to her children and to us and she never keeps her word on anything. example - my step daughter turned 10 in aug - every week the mom promised the b-day gift was in the mail and everyday my sd would run to the mail box looking for the present - it is extremely frusterating and i really cant believe a mom would ever hurt her kids the way this lady does. we finally got the present in the mail last week - 2 1/2 months after she said she had mailed it and it was post marked for 3days before we got it. the 10 yr old knows her mom lies and she has told us many times - it sure would be nice if mom wouldnt lie to all of us. the children are no dummys, they know how it really is but in my situation my husband has his own issues from childhood. short story --- on his dad's death bed a couple yrs ago my husband told his dad that he was going to look up his mom that he hadnt seen since he was 10. dieing dad thought that was a good idea. after he died my husband called the last known phone # he had from 20 yrs before. his grandpa answered and said that his mom had died 2 yrs earlier. my husband was devastated. after talking and going to visit his grandpa and relatives in MI he found out his dad had forbidden the mom to have contact with him. all these yrs my husband grew up hating his mom thinking she didnt want anything to do with him. the grandpa had returned mail and letters that the mom had tried to get thru to my husband. because of the pain that my husband feels with not knowing his mom (she did have mental issues which is why my husbands dad did what he did) and the anger he has towards his father for not allowing him the CHOICE of having a relationship with his mom, my husband has promised to never do this to his own girls which is why we go above and beyond for this worthless mom of his children. my husband feels that the kids should have the choice whether or not to have a relationship with the other parent and as long as they are young enough for him to have to make the decision for them, the relationship will be maintained. sorry for the book...

 

[coolmomof4]

That's so sad. For your step daughter and your husband. And I understand how your husband could have those feelings about his daughter not wanting to go through that. All I can do is give advice from personal experiences. Always allow the visits. Every single time we have been responsible for getting my step-son to NC to visit for the weekend with his mom, we have gotten him there. Any time we have been a little late arriving (it is a 360 mile drive) we have picked up that much later on Sunday so she can't say she missed time with him. The only time we ever asked if she would agree to change the schedule, was when we were going to Chicago on business. We both won that one, because she got him a week early AND an extra night, so we wouldn't have to drive there 2 weekends in a row. (We were planning to fly out of NC). However, if that wasn't "convenient" for her, we would have made the extra trip, without argument or complaint. We have helped out whenever possible TOO MANY times.

But as far as protecting the child? You don't have to come out and be brutally honest about the other parent. We never "offer" information about his mother. But when HE approaches US and asks questions, we are sensitive, but HONEST. Always. As long as you hold up your end, the child cannot find fault later.

 

[Grace_Adler]

LOL ryry's mom. Tell me about it. I'm so happy to be back on here I did a little dance. I really missed everyone, even those who make me want to make me pull my hair out, LOL. I was having some serious withdrawals, but at least I got a few things done around here. Started writing a book to but who knows if it will ever get published. I don't know how I'm ever going to catch up on everything I've missed. It's gonna suck when my internet service gets cut off again, just when I get the durned computer straightened out. *sigh*

Coolmom, I know what you mean, I am not looking forward to the holidays! That's for sure!

 

[coolmomof4]

update on holidays

Just wanted to let you know how the holidays ended up working out...

She realized because of the expensive airline tickets over Thanksgiving that she couldn't afford to fly. Period. She drove from NC to GA, picked him up on Tuesday, stayed in a hotel with him until Sunday. We invited them for Tgiving dinner but she was "too tired" and needed rest. She took him to a buffet restaurant where he had tacos and pizza. I guess it's not what you eat but who you eat with, right? But they came over for dessert, so he could bring his brother some birthday presents that she bought for him to give. She then met us at church Sunday and sat with us for the service.

One funny point is she asked me to ask some friends of ours here in GA if she could stay with them over Thanksgiving. They knew her when she and my hubby were married. They were neighbors in NC. They said no way.

Christmas plans were more of a hassle. She's supposed to have him from 12/26-1/2 and is responsible for all transportation.

We agreed that she would pick him up in GA and drive back to NC with him, then she would fly back here with him at the end of the visit, 1/2/03.

She then asked to change the visit to 12/27-1/3 b/c of the black out dates for cheap air tickets. We agreed.

She then asked if we could meet her half way on the 27th. We agreed.

She then asked to keep him longer, until Monday, January 6th in lieu of the regular visit on the third weekend of January. We agreed.

She THEN asked if she could keep him for 3-4 hours after the plane arrives here on the 6th, until her flight back to NC leaves. We did not agree.

Fun, fun!

Meanwhile, we sent her our ideas for regular air travel for future visits. She acknowledged treceivig them and said a month ago that she would call to discuss and she hasn't. She peobably won't until Feb when it's her turn to drive again.

Merry Christmas!