Holiday visitation- meeting halfway

[kwalnut]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

The father of my son and I have a court order that on Thanksgiving we split the holiday, his father has him the first half of the day and I am to have him back at 2pm. The order does not specify who is to pick up or drop off. His father is planning on going out of town to Monterey, which is a five hour drive from where I live. He wants me to meet him halfway, however I do not feel this is fair as I am not the parent taking him out of the city. Am I obligated to meet him halfway? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

The father of my son and I have a court order that on Thanksgiving we split the holiday, his father has him the first half of the day and I am to have him back at 2pm. The order does not specify who is to pick up or drop off. His father is planning on going out of town to Monterey, which is a five hour drive from where I live. He wants me to meet him halfway, however I do not feel this is fair as I am not the parent taking him out of the city. Am I obligated to meet him halfway? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Do you want to fight over this? Think longer-term than the end of the holiday weekend.

 

[kwalnut]

Do you want to fight over this? Think longer-term than the end of the holiday weekend.

I totally understand where you are coming from, and generally I try to "pick my battles" but this is more than just a singular instance, and its getting to the point where it is ridiculous.

On top of that, he is interferring with my holiday plans, whereas my holiday plans do not interfer with his.

Again, totally get what you are saying, and I appreciate the input, but if I continue to let it go, then to what end?

 

[Silverplum]

I totally understand where you are coming from, and generally I try to "pick my battles" but this is more than just a singular instance, and its getting to the point where it is ridiculous.

On top of that, he is interferring with my holiday plans, whereas my holiday plans do not interfer with his.

Again, totally get what you are saying, and I appreciate the input, but if I continue to let it go, then to what end?

If your order is silent on transportation, then you should request clarification of the order from the court that issued it. You could cover issues that have arisen since the order took effect.

 

[stealth2]

I have always felt that splitting a holiday is too much to ask of a kid.

What is the plan for Christmas/Winter Break?

 

[single317dad]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

The father of my son and I have a court order that on Thanksgiving we split the holiday, his father has him the first half of the day and I am to have him back at 2pm. The order does not specify who is to pick up or drop off. His father is planning on going out of town to Monterey, which is a five hour drive from where I live. He wants me to meet him halfway, however I do not feel this is fair as I am not the parent taking him out of the city. Am I obligated to meet him halfway? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

If the order doesn't say anything about who picks up the child and where, then it has been left up to the two of you to work out between yourselves. Generally, "the way things are done" in the absence of a clear order is that either:

a) the parents decide on a meeting place and regularly meet there. When that meeting place is impossible or inconvenient, the parents work out an alternative, with one possibly reimbursing the other for additional travel expenses.

b) the non-custodial parent picks up the child at the child's home. The custodial parent picks up the child at the non-custodial parent's home. When one or the other must vary from that arrangement, reimbursement of travel expenses may be appropriate.

Either could theoretically refuse to vary from either scenario. In other words, you could make a stink over this, and to be honest, if I was expected to drive an unexpected 5-hour round trip, I'd demand some gas money. If it was a regular thing, I'd be back in court clarifying my order.

 

[CJane]

How far from Dad are you normally?

 

[kwalnut]

I have always felt that splitting a holiday is too much to ask of a kid.

What is the plan for Christmas/Winter Break?

For all other holidays we alternate years. Thanksgiving was the only one we decided to split. I guess my opinion on the matter is, for example, if I decided to vacation in new york, in order for him to get his parenting time, would I expect him to meet me halfway there? No. I would never make plans that would interfer with his parenting time.

 

[kwalnut]

How far from Dad are you normally?

Generally we are about a half hour to 45 min away from eachother. But where he is going for the day is five hours away. I told him that I would meet him either in the location that my family is having Thanksgiving, which is about two hours closer than if we were to meet in our normal meeting place, or at my home in Sacramento, or in between his house in Davis and my house in Sacramento. Keep in mind that he is not moving to Monterey, these are just holiday plans.

 

[kwalnut]

If the order doesn't say anything about who picks up the child and where, then it has been left up to the two of you to work out between yourselves. Generally, "the way things are done" in the absence of a clear order is that either:

a) the parents decide on a meeting place and regularly meet there. When that meeting place is impossible or inconvenient, the parents work out an alternative, with one possibly reimbursing the other for additional travel expenses.

b) the non-custodial parent picks up the child at the child's home. The custodial parent picks up the child at the non-custodial parent's home. When one or the other must vary from that arrangement, reimbursement of travel expenses may be appropriate.

Either could theoretically refuse to vary from either scenario. In other words, you could make a stink over this, and to be honest, if I was expected to drive an unexpected 5-hour round trip, I'd demand some gas money. If it was a regular thing, I'd be back in court clarifying my order.

Yes, I agree with you, it looks like this matter is going to end up in court that way it can be clarified. I generally do not make a "stink" over things like this, but asking me to drive that far out of my and ultimately ruining my holiday plans with my son is not reasonable to me. If it is going to interfere with the other parents parenting scheduled then the plans just should not be made, as my holiday plans are in no way interefering with his.

 

[LdiJ]

Yes, I agree with you, it looks like this matter is going to end up in court that way it can be clarified. I generally do not make a "stink" over things like this, but asking me to drive that far out of my and ultimately ruining my holiday plans with my son is not reasonable to me. If it is going to interfere with the other parents parenting scheduled then the plans just should not be made, as my holiday plans are in no way interefering with his.

In all reality he is violating the Thanksgiving holiday schedule by taking the child so far away when the orders call for you to split the day. I suspect that a judge would not be very happy with him about that.

 

[kwalnut]

In all reality he is violating the Thanksgiving holiday schedule by taking the child so far away when the orders call for you to split the day. I suspect that a judge would not be very happy with him about that.

Thank you for that. Its always nice to feel validated. Im not trying to cause unnecessary issues, however in my opion what he is doing is selfish. He is not thinking about our son in this decision. I agree in the fact that I do not believe any judge would think his request is reasonable.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you for that. Its always nice to feel validated. Im not trying to cause unnecessary issues, however in my opion what he is doing is selfish. He is not thinking about our son in this decision. I agree in the fact that I do not believe any judge would think his request is reasonable.

I wonder if anyone has pointed out the actual logistics of this whole thing to him? The child is to be at your house at 2PM Thanksgiving day. Therefore, even if you agreed to meet half way, dad would have to have the child at the exchange location by 11:30 so that you could be back home by 2:00. Obviously that means that the child will miss Thanksgiving dinner where dad will be...even if they had a really early dinner. He would have to leave at 9:00 to get there by 11:30. On top of that, even if dad tried to rationalize that he only had to turn the child over to you at 2:00, he would STILL have to leave at 11:30 to get half way there by 2:00 which means again, that the child would miss Thanksgiving dinner on dad's end...and would end up with a somewhat late Thanksgiving dinner on your end.

Maybe you could suggest to dad that he let you have Thanksgiving day, and you will let him have the day after (maybe even the whole rest of the weekend) so that he can visit the people he wants to visit.

 

[RRevak]

I wonder if anyone has pointed out the actual logistics of this whole thing to him? The child is to be at your house at 2PM Thanksgiving day. Therefore, even if you agreed to meet half way, dad would have to have the child at the exchange location by 11:30 so that you could be back home by 2:00. Obviously that means that the child will miss Thanksgiving dinner where dad will be...even if they had a really early dinner. He would have to leave at 9:00 to get there by 11:30. On top of that, even if dad tried to rationalize that he only had to turn the child over to you at 2:00, he would STILL have to leave at 11:30 to get half way there by 2:00 which means again, that the child would miss Thanksgiving dinner on dad's end...and would end up with a somewhat late Thanksgiving dinner on your end.

Maybe you could suggest to dad that he let you have Thanksgiving day, and you will let him have the day after (maybe even the whole rest of the weekend) so that he can visit the people he wants to visit.

This wouldn't necessarily be the case if dad and kiddo were spending the night at the location they're going to be for thanksgiving.

OP does dad have kiddo the night before?

 

[LdiJ]

This wouldn't necessarily be the case if dad and kiddo were spending the night at the location they're going to be for thanksgiving.

OP does dad have kiddo the night before?

Huh? Are you assuming that they would have Thanksgiving dinner on Wednesday?...otherwise I don't get it.