how can I prevent overnight stays for infant,in unsanitary home?

[tiffanys]

What is the name of your state? P.A
Ive posted before, and I hope someone can advise me on who I should talk to other than a lawer since I have no money.
heres the lowdown.
My boyfriend decided he dont want to be together, fine, I expected him to come to the apt, a few times a week, since he dont work, and visit the baby, he hasnt come over but once in two weeks,and he left after 10 minuets.
today, his mom is paying a lawer 800 dollars to get the baby for two days, She claims I dont let him see him,which we all know,is not true, her son sleeps half the day and has no desire to play with a baby.
anyway, I have no problem with him taking the baby two days if hed like, however his mothers home, which is where he would take him, isnt fit for humans to live in, the place is infested with fleas, I always get bit up when I take the baby there,they have carrier pigions in the living room,cats all over the place, I once found a dead kitten under the sofa, they have filthy carpet that is 25 years old, that I dont want my child crawling on. I could go on, but I need to know if I can prevent him from having the baby overnight ?
I can possibly tollerate him being there for several hours, but please,I dont want my baby sleeping in a house full of bugs and fleas, I have pictures of my baby, he hasnt a mark on him,he will be a meal for fleas. and these people are also morbidly obese, I dont want them feeding my healthy baby ice cream sandwiches and making him fat!!
who can I talk to about this???

 

[usmcfamily]

Is there a current order of custody/visitation in place?
If not that is presumably what she is paying the atty to pursue - a case for visitation......when they file the case you will be served with notice of the case and the papers you are served with will give you a time limit in which to "respond" (aka object) to the case and tell you how to respond (ie in writing, to the clerk, etc). Once you respond with your objection there will be a hearing date set - that is your opportunity to raise your concerns about the environment. (hopefully you have witnesses who have also seen the state of the apt so that it won't be a matter of just being your word against theirs) If you make a good enough case the judge can order an inspection of their home to see that it is in a good condition for the child........if they find it is they will order visitation.
Once the visitation happens (more than likely it will....be prepared to lose your battle) you will have to let her go. But, document everything.......if there are serious bug bites photograph them. The feeding issue isn't going to be much of an argument -- theoretically the most he will be getting at the outset would be every-other weekend......4 days a month of bad diet isn't going to be "good" for your child but as long as she lives healthily while in your care it won't make too much of an impact -- as the primary parent you will be able to provide the influence needed to teach her to live a healthy life.

 

[tiffanys]

I will do that, thank you, and Im not sure I will loose, thier house need burned down, its falling apart. I just dont have any money to hire a lawer to fight that interfering woman, if it werent for her, he wouldnt ever go file for custody, I know it, he could care less, h
I dont see how she can even be in the room for a hearing, she has nothing to do with anything, I have a hearing already set up by welfare, for child support, I dont know why she feels the need to spend her money for something that will be determined .anyway., she is trying to get two days a week, with overnight stays,I dont know why, he , my x ,dont stay there, he sleeps over a druggie friends house all week, there isnt even a bed there for him.
and she wants to force me to take the baby there myself, my van has a bad transmition, my parents gave it to me, I cant afford a car. I cant drive it forever, can she do that?
how can SHE do anything, Money talks dont it.
she bought the jerk a brand new truck, she pays for it, yea they have the money for that but not for a better home.
tiff

 

[stealth2]

So why did you have a kid with this loser? Surely you knew what he and his family were like. Expect a judge to ask you this.

 

[kat1963]

Carrier pigeons? Okay, next time you take the baby for a visit, you bring a camera to mark the moment with father & family & carrier pigeons...got it? *wink*
KAT

 

[nextwife]

C'mon, he didn't suddenly abandon all his aspirations and change overnight. Sounds like his family live like pigs and he has never been imparted a sense of responsibility. Why are you surprised that he sluffs his responsibility when it appears he has never accepted responsibilty in the first place?

But I would get photos of those carrier pigions in the living room! Uck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I agree that I wouldn't sweat the ice cream sandwiches on dad's time. My girl is 6 and has ice cream or ice cream sandwiches as treats (we're in the Dairy State, after all), and she is long, strong and lean. It's the everyday diet AND activity level that matters. So if biodad's family tends toward the obese, be certain to teach your child to avoid deep fried and fatty foods (we almost NEVER do McDonalds or let her have french fries or soda or sugary juices) and empty calories and eat lots of veggies and fruits and whole grains. She'll be fine.

 

[tiffanys]

Actually momma tiger,when I first met his family 3 years ago they werent that bad, the house was messy, but not the way it has developed now. he also used to work, and we had our own place and paid our own bills, and his mom did like me, then,he had gotten involved with guys at work, doing alcohol and started to smoke cigs and pot, did he go downhill in a year, and I gave him the benifit of the doubt, but his mom blamed me, of course, her baby boy can do no wrong, I messed up to by thinking he really cared, and I guess like all desperately lonley people,tried to hang on to the only thing I had, argued with him about his mommys interfearence, and it just kept getting worse and worse.
I dont think I will get asked that from a judge,I hear they could care less,you dont get to say much and everyone is shuffled out rather quickly, it scares me to think I wont get a fair chance but we shall see.
I wish my mother could have gotten a photo of the birds in the living room, I dont have a camera, and I dont know how I will get back in there to get pictures, but no way can they hide the exposed wires the moldy cieling and leaking roof and the fact that it is a two bedroom house with 5 people living in it , some sleeping on the 10 yr old sofa. wher they think they will put a crib, I have no idea.
my sister has also been in thier house as has my cousin,and my dad, so we have plenty of wittnesses.
tiff

 

[hbkgurl]

A friend of mine asked for supervised visits when her son was an infant. The father had to go to one of her family members homes and see the child with supervision until she was satisfied that he could care for the child on his own.

I'm not sure about the specifics of this but it wouldn't hurt to ask the judge for that.

 

[haiku]

just because the father is a man does not automatically give grounds for supervised visitation

 

[usmcfamily]

until she was satisfied that he could care for the child on his own

Gee, imagine how the panties would bunch up if this same requirement were put on all women before they could take their child home from the hopsital.....

 

[haiku]

But UMSC, what do men know, we gave BIRTH, that automatically makes us all powerful, and all knowing.

 

[stealth2]

just because the father is a man does not automatically give grounds for supervised visitation

YEAH! 'Cause if the father was a women, s/he wouldn't have supervised visitation!

(couldn't resist)

 

[haiku]

YEAH! 'Cause if the father was a women, s/he wouldn't have supervised visitation!

(couldn't resist)

wouldn't that open a whole other can of worms?


he's a father, playing a mother, playing a father.....

oh my head........

 

[stealth2]

But wouldn't that make one hell of a sitcom?

 

[CAPrincess]

just because the father is a man does not automatically give grounds for supervised visitation

I would hope the father is a man. It would be kind of weird if he wasn't.