How do I regain the primary custody of my child?

[Rivertibed]

Texas

 

[Just Blue]

My situation involves mental illness, bipolar disorder. I had a psychotic episode where I posted on Facebook about my son Tate and a Sacrifice needing to be made. I did not harm my child but had strange thoughts and sought help immediately from my sons father and the police. I was hospitalized for a week and diagnosed as Bipolar. Once I was discharged from the hospital, my sons father served me with a restraining order. I was not allowed to access my son until after temporary orders. At temporary orders, the judge ordered supervised visitation because my sons dad told the judge that I am addict and alcoholic, there was never any proof of this. The judge ordered 4 hour visits every other Saturday at a church downtown, that was in January of this year. Trial was set for August of this year. We did not settle in mediation however, while waiting on the docket for the judge our attorney's mediated and settled on a modified order where I basically get standard possession but not until May of 2022. First, I would be required to pass through 4 phases which include a hair follicle test that I have to pay for, if it comes back clean then I move onto the next phase. This weekend Phase 2 started and now and I get my son every other Saturday and Sunday for 4 hours each day. It will be a year since the episode happened, next month on December 14. Many of my parental rights have been taken away as well, and my ex has many exclusive rights. I raised my son as his primary guardian from 6months - 5 years old (he is 6 now). I had a psychotic episode and the system is treating me like I am a criminal. I plan to take my sons dad back to court to modify ASAP. I don’t know when I can file a petition to modify, but I am guessing it's after the phases are complete and SPO starts which is next year, May 2022. I am completely devastated and heartbroken. I am working full time, stabilized on medications and in weekly therapy. I am doing everything right. I want my child back. I deserve to have him back. Any insight here would be really appreciated. Thanks in advance.

What state?

 

[Rivertibed]

Texas

 

[Just Blue]

Texas

Why did you delete the original content of your opening post? Please don't delete posts. To respond just click on the "post reply" button.


I have alerted one of the Attorney volunteers about your thread. @Ohiogal is a site vetted Attorney/Guardian Ad Litem and will advise you on the likelihood of you regaining primary custody.
My opinion, based on your opening post, is that it is unlikely you will regain primary custody unless there is a change of circumstances in your childs life. Your getting help for your mental health issues is not a CoC for your son. What happened a year ago is incredibly alarming ...it's going to take quite some time to build trust that you are safe for your son to be around.

 

[Rivertibed]

I understand what I said was alarming but I didnt actually do anything to compromise my sons safety. I cried out for help and received it. I did not put my hands my son or anything like that. I got the help I needed, then I was hit with a restraining order it just seems unjust. I’d settle for 50/50. I’m being treated like I’m some kind of sick drug addicted criminal which is far from the truth. They said I was drinking and doing drugs but there was no proof of that. Why didn’t they drug test me?? Why did CPS get involved that day but then never followed through with their investigation. The outcome seems really harsh to me. And as the mother I am absolutely heartbroken.

 

[Just Blue]

I understand what I said was alarming but I didnt actually do anything to compromise my sons safety. I cried out for help and received it. I did not put my hands my son or anything like that. I got the help I needed, then I was hit with a restraining order it just seems unjust. I’d settle for 50/50. I’m being treated like I’m some kind of sick drug addicted criminal which is far from the truth. They said I was drinking and doing drugs but there was no proof of that. Why didn’t they drug test me?? Why did CPS get involved that day but then never followed through with their investigation. The outcome seems really harsh to me. And as the mother I am absolutely heartbroken.

You threatened to sacrifice your 4/5 year old child. I get that there was intervention before any harm came to him...but the fact is you were talking about killing your little boy. THAT is why the courts are handling this the way they are. You are being treated like any person would be after threatening death to their child. They are giving you a chance to rebuild your relationship with him, but are doing so in a prudent and cautious manner. As they should.
Dad was absolutely correct in getting a RO to protect his child. He was being a protective and good father. You should realize that and be grateful. Had he been the one talking about killing your son, you would have done the same.

And CPS stopped their involvement because the child was removed from your care/control and a restraining order was in place. The court was involved and CPS was no longer required. You were the danger and were no longer involved so they could step aside.

The outcome is as it should be. Dad with sole custody, child safe and you getting the mental health care that you need. Eventually you will likely get standard Texas NCP custody. Not primary and probably not 50/50 for some time.

Right now you need to focus on your mental health and rebuilding the trust of your child, his father and the courts.

 

[Just Blue]

@Rivertibed

You could, and probably should, consult with a local Family Law Attorney to discuss your case and find out what you can reasonably expect for custody in the future.

https://www.texasbar.com/

 

[stealth2]

Kudos on getting help with your mental health issues. That's a big step for yourself *and* for your son. That said...

Look at your ex's actions from his perspective, and try to turn it around (if he were the one with bipolar disorder with at least one psychotic episode)... I think it's safe to say that you had some indicative/concerning behaviors prior to your psychotic episode, even if no one recognized them for what they were. It's entirely possible that those behaviors presented as self-medicating, whether you were or not. It's also entirely possible that your psychotic episode (which must have been terrifying for Dad wrt the child's safety) was the tipping point. Looked at from that perspective, Dad's actions really are not surprising - I think most parents would do the same. Carrying it a bit further, the court's job is to do as much as possible to ensure the child's safety - and it will err on the side of caution.

Psychosis can present itself in either the manic or depressive phase of bipolar disorder (usually one or the other). Although it appears that your "condition" has been stabilized, it can take time to be certain that the correct levels of meds, therapy, etc. are present and that you are adhering to the treatment. Unfortunately, it is not unusual for people suffering from MH issues to go off their meds when they feel better. And I am NOT saying that you have or will do such! But the court - in its interest regarding your child's well-being - is (rightfully so, IMO) exercising an abundance of caution with regard to your interactions with one another.

I understand that you believe it to be unfair and that you feel as though you're being treated as a criminal. But, reality is that you're being treated as a person with a condition that can result in serious side-effects. ISTM that, at this point in time, you need to give serious consideration to what is best for your child. And that is - for the foreseeable future - a full-time home with his Dad, while his Mom continues with her treatment and stepped up parenting time. I know it's frustrating. But accepting this provides you the benefit of being able to focus on what you need to do for *you* and your son. Additionally, you will not only be showing your son that you love him enough to take care of yourself (so you can be the best Mom he deserves), but may also help him understand what's happening/take mitigating steps should he start to experience similar symptoms in his lifetime (as bipolar is a heritable condition)

I wish you all the best.

 

[Ohiogal]

I understand what I said was alarming but I didnt actually do anything to compromise my sons safety. I cried out for help and received it. I did not put my hands my son or anything like that. I got the help I needed, then I was hit with a restraining order it just seems unjust. I’d settle for 50/50. I’m being treated like I’m some kind of sick drug addicted criminal which is far from the truth. They said I was drinking and doing drugs but there was no proof of that. Why didn’t they drug test me?? Why did CPS get involved that day but then never followed through with their investigation. The outcome seems really harsh to me. And as the mother I am absolutely heartbroken.

You are not going to regain primary custody unless there is a substantial change of circumstance in the life of the child or father. A hair follicle test is a drug test. Why didn't you offer to do a drug test to show you weren't using drugs?
You are not going to be able to just get custody back. How is that in the best interest of your child? Your child is with his father who has just as much right to parent as you do.

 

[commentator]

Please remember as you move forward, that one of the things they see, over and over and over in this sort of situation, is that the person who manifested the problem behaviors gets a whole lot of praise and credit from the people who are treating them, working with them, helping them recover. This causes a certain amount of "situation discounting" which means that to deal with it, especially in the beginning, people tend to tell themselves that really, what I did wasn't really that bad. It's a way to begin dealing with the very natural shame and embarrassment.

And there's a lot of "gosh, I'm doing SO well now, I've got my life together, why won't this other person, and the courts and authorities, see that I'm all fixed and that things should go right back to the way they used to be?" But the truth is, you screwed up, big time. You are now doing better, getting on an even keel, on medications, feeling much more confident. Congratulations. But realistically, this must be processed over the long term.

Believe me, the courts are not going to rush this at all. In fact, as you have been told, you will need to stay close in touch with a good family attorney and plan your moves strategically because you will not get a shot at recovering custody until there is a significant period of time that has gone by, or unless there is some significant change in the father's circumstances. They feel that they have little to lose by giving you a solid amount of time to demonstrate your recovery. And they very well might have a horrible outcome if they rush things and this is just the first bloom of your recovery and treatment and you fall off again, and horrible thought, might really do the child harm.

At this point, if the process had been rushed in any way, the courts might have some responsibility. If you are not on drugs, you should be delighted to prove you are not on drugs using the opportunity you are given by doing a hair follicle test. Of course you'll pay for it, why would anyone else pay for it?

Best wishes on your on-going treatment and recovery. But do get hold of the idea this will take time, because what you did is not something that can easily be blown off with, "Oh well, I'm better now, give me back my child!"

 

[Maymee]

You are clearly stuck in a victim mentality. Healthy minds doesn’t indulge such and understands actions have consequences. With all due respect, I think you have a ways to go. Please continue to seek therapy and enjoy the time you do have with your son.