how does this custody case look?

[bluedaffodils]

Adams County, CO

I filed for child support mod (have another thread about that), and this will likely erupt into a custody battle. I want to try to give a factual timeline with regards to custody etc, to see what you guys think my likely outcome would be in court:

June 2002: Arranged marriage to my cousin. Yes, I know this may sound strange.

June 2014: Moved out to apartment with kids. Agreed to verbal offer from dad to 50/50. Dad moves across the street after sale of his house, about 2 weeks later.

Aug 2014: Temp orders, judge orders status quo to remain same(week on/week off). Homeschooling is contested by dad, but judge allows it to remain as part of status quo. Therapy is also contested by dad, but judge orders children to be seen by therapist. Schedule is: week on/week off, with Dad dropping them off every weekday 8am-6pm for homeschooling. Request for only written communication via Ourfamilywizard contested by dad, and judge does not deem it necessary.

December 2014: CFI scheduled to come, is cancelled last minute by dad, because settlement talks are in the works.

January 2015: Divorce final: I get sole custody, because I was going to relocate overseas. Dad gets 30 days visitation per year, to be requested month in advance in writing. (relocation was dad's idea)

January 2015-January 2016: I did not leave. Kids have been living with me full time. I pick and drop them from school, daycare, activities. I attend plays, doctor's visits, hospital stays. Dad sees them sporadically. When he wants to see them, he will call, and negotiate a time for pick up/drop off.

Dad has work-from-home job. He does have to go out, but mostly schedules his own time. There is a lot of flexibility.

I work mon-fri, admin in a nursing home. My boss is flexible, but it is still an office job. I can flex my time any way I want to make up 40 hours, and the kids are in afterschool care. They also are in swim team, and swim lessons. They have been begging to go to scouting, and I am debating if that's a good idea, because kids need downtime after school too.

Nothing has changed in this schedule. Dad remarried in summer of 2015, so that would be the only major change right now in their lives, but I don't know when that will happen. She is from Pakistan, like him, and I don't know how long the whole immigration stuff will take.

Dad has said in his response to my child support mod, that my calculations are incorrect, because he gets denied visitation, and that he requests 50/50, because he would like to be a part of his sons' lives, since he lives so close to mom, and since he has sleeping accommodations at his place.

The marriage was abusive, physically and otherwise. Kids have been witness to this somewhat, but as time goes on, they seem to be forgetting, which is the way I hope it will always be.
I have no proof of any abuse. His family members were eyewitnesses, but have staunchly denied it.

It is only relevant now because of the kids. 50/50 requires coordination between parents. Because of our history, it is hard for me to communicate with him.

I am trying very hard to move to a better neighborhood, because the schools are terrible. Oldest is going to 8th next year. Moving would put me at minimum 15, and max 40 mins away.

I can give more information as needed, but I am hoping to see what this looks like from an outside perspective.

Thank you for reading

 

[Ohiogal]

Adams County, CO

I filed for child support mod (have another thread about that), and this will likely erupt into a custody battle. I want to try to give a factual timeline with regards to custody etc, to see what you guys think my likely outcome would be in court:

June 2002: Arranged marriage to my cousin. Yes, I know this may sound strange.

June 2014: Moved out to apartment with kids. Agreed to verbal offer from dad to 50/50. Dad moves across the street after sale of his house, about 2 weeks later.

Aug 2014: Temp orders, judge orders status quo to remain same(week on/week off). Homeschooling is contested by dad, but judge allows it to remain as part of status quo. Therapy is also contested by dad, but judge orders children to be seen by therapist. Schedule is: week on/week off, with Dad dropping them off every weekday 8am-6pm for homeschooling. Request for only written communication via Ourfamilywizard contested by dad, and judge does not deem it necessary.

December 2014: CFI scheduled to come, is cancelled last minute by dad, because settlement talks are in the works.

January 2015: Divorce final: I get sole custody, because I was going to relocate overseas. Dad gets 30 days visitation per year, to be requested month in advance in writing. (relocation was dad's idea)

January 2015-January 2016: I did not leave. Kids have been living with me full time. I pick and drop them from school, daycare, activities. I attend plays, doctor's visits, hospital stays. Dad sees them sporadically. When he wants to see them, he will call, and negotiate a time for pick up/drop off.

Dad has work-from-home job. He does have to go out, but mostly schedules his own time. There is a lot of flexibility.

I work mon-fri, admin in a nursing home. My boss is flexible, but it is still an office job. I can flex my time any way I want to make up 40 hours, and the kids are in afterschool care. They also are in swim team, and swim lessons. They have been begging to go to scouting, and I am debating if that's a good idea, because kids need downtime after school too.

Nothing has changed in this schedule. Dad remarried in summer of 2015, so that would be the only major change right now in their lives, but I don't know when that will happen. She is from Pakistan, like him, and I don't know how long the whole immigration stuff will take.

Dad has said in his response to my child support mod, that my calculations are incorrect, because he gets denied visitation, and that he requests 50/50, because he would like to be a part of his sons' lives, since he lives so close to mom, and since he has sleeping accommodations at his place.

The marriage was abusive, physically and otherwise. Kids have been witness to this somewhat, but as time goes on, they seem to be forgetting, which is the way I hope it will always be.
I have no proof of any abuse. His family members were eyewitnesses, but have staunchly denied it.

It is only relevant now because of the kids. 50/50 requires coordination between parents. Because of our history, it is hard for me to communicate with him.

I am trying very hard to move to a better neighborhood, because the schools are terrible. Oldest is going to 8th next year. Moving would put me at minimum 15, and max 40 mins away.

I can give more information as needed, but I am hoping to see what this looks like from an outside perspective.

Thank you for reading

It is possible that he could get more time or even joint custody. Parallel parenting is a possibility. You did not move and if the court order references your move, the fact you didn't move is a change. There is no reason dad won't get more time. Prepare yourself for this. Are you using Our Family Wizard? If not, you can get on that and that will help with communication.
Have you had counseling? Because it seems the issue is not with the children but with you.

 

[LdiJ]

It is possible that he could get more time or even joint custody. Parallel parenting is a possibility. You did not move and if the court order references your move, the fact you didn't move is a change. There is no reason dad won't get more time. Prepare yourself for this. Are you using Our Family Wizard? If not, you can get on that and that will help with communication.
Have you had counseling? Because it seems the issue is not with the children but with you.

I agree that its probable that dad will get more than 30 days per year and joint legal custody (joint decision making) is also probable. However a 50/50 timeshare is not likely at all. That will be seen as a ploy to avoid a child support increase. In this thread, you left out the fact that dad only has to pay half of the normal child support amount due to the cost of going overseas to visit the children, and that you are filing for a modification of support since you did not move overseas.

 

[bluedaffodils]

I agree that its probable that dad will get more than 30 days per year and joint legal custody (joint decision making) is also probable. However a 50/50 timeshare is not likely at all. That will be seen as a ploy to avoid a child support increase. In this thread, you left out the fact that dad only has to pay half of the normal child support amount due to the cost of going overseas to visit the children, and that you are filing for a modification of support since you did not move overseas.

Thank you.

I did not mention it intentionally, because I had a separate thread about it, but I did not mean to leave out important information. It is indeed relevant, as the catalyst for his custody claim.

 

[bluedaffodils]

It is possible that he could get more time or even joint custody. Parallel parenting is a possibility. You did not move and if the court order references your move, the fact you didn't move is a change. There is no reason dad won't get more time. Prepare yourself for this. Are you using Our Family Wizard? If not, you can get on that and that will help with communication.
Have you had counseling? Because it seems the issue is not with the children but with you.

I have been in counseling. I did not mention it because it was not part of any court proceedings.

The children have had and benefited from therapy. He is abusive towards them as well. Mostly verbal, and very vocal about how bad of a woman mom is, because divorce is forbidden by god etc., no matter what.
I overheard my son telling dad on the phone last weekend, that he would not come over if dad continued to ask him if mom was seeing men.


Even with 50/50 timeshare, the support is STILL more than what he pays right now. I did the calculation.

 

[Ohiogal]

I agree that its probable that dad will get more than 30 days per year and joint legal custody (joint decision making) is also probable. However a 50/50 timeshare is not likely at all. That will be seen as a ploy to avoid a child support increase. In this thread, you left out the fact that dad only has to pay half of the normal child support amount due to the cost of going overseas to visit the children, and that you are filing for a modification of support since you did not move overseas.

I was not trying to lead her to believe that he would get 50/50 time.

 

[LdiJ]

I was not trying to lead her to believe that he would get 50/50 time.

I did not think you were...so no argument here.

 

[TheGeekess]

Thank you.

I did not mention it intentionally, because I had a separate thread about it, but I did not mean to leave out important information. It is indeed relevant, as the catalyst for his custody claim.

THAT is why we prefer all the questions about the same situation in the same thread.

 

[Silverplum]

He lives across the street from you-- of course he will get more time. And if you move now, as you plan, your Judge will not like it.

 

[Silverplum]

I was not trying to lead her to believe that he would get 50/50 time.

In Colorado, he just might.

 

[LdiJ]

He lives across the street from you-- of course he will get more time. And if you move now, as you plan, your Judge will not like it.

That depends on how far she moves. A judge is not going to care if its less than 15 minutes away. Its not like dad has interest in spending a lot of time with them so far.

 

[bluedaffodils]

He lives across the street from you-- of course he will get more time. And if you move now, as you plan, your Judge will not like it.

Thank you all.

I agreed to this settlememt against the advice of my attorney. At that time also I was afraid of the 50/50 custody.

My reason is this: joint custody gives him full control over my life. When we were married, I had to fight and beg for every activity or play or field trip the children would be in. He would just say "no", and walk away. Everything was a struggle. I cannot go back to that. I might as well never have left.

As for the best interests of the children, it is not in their best interests to not be allowed any extracurriculars and have to go through that same vicious cycle of control and manipulation. It has started to manifest already.
Mental abuse is hard to prove, but it does exist.


There were no special provisions for eventualities. My mistake. I have tried to take the high road, or maybe I am afraid to stand up to him.

Dad just moved the children to a new insurance plan with a $1550 deductible per child. Our youngest has asthma, and wears glasses. All 3 children need braces. i just got a hospital bill from last year when our youngest stayed at hospital for 2 nights. Dad never came. I just got benefits mid November and by then he had already signed them up but I didn't know it was a different insurance. I am now trying to get them on medicaid..

He refused to buy an inhaler, because according to him our son doesn't need it. So I make sure he packs one when he goes to dad. He has lost 2 over there, which I have had to replace. Thos despite asthma attacks. When he needed glasses, I called to ask if he wid split the cost with me. He said he would not, because it was my fault with my stupid books that got our son to that point.

Parallel parenting and all that... I get it. Doesn't work with an ex spouse who will use the children in any way to keep me in line.

 

[bluedaffodils]

That depends on how far she moves. A judge is not going to care if its less than 15 minutes away. Its not like dad has interest in spending a lot of time with them so far.

I have proof of the school ratings. Oldest is going into high school soon. Dad doesn't help children with schoolwork or orojects or anything. When grades would come home, anythjng less than an A was my fault.

 

[Silverplum]

I have proof of the school ratings. Oldest is going into high school soon. Dad doesn't help children with schoolwork or orojects or anything. When grades would come home, anythjng less than an A was my fault.

In your first thread, you wanted to move away from Dad so he could not have joint physical custody. Not a word about schools.

 

[LdiJ]

In your first thread, you wanted to move away from Dad so he could not have joint physical custody. Not a word about schools.

If I remember correctly they are homeschooled.