What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? GA
Hey there- I've tried to refrain from posting anything about my case while it was on-going but since the initial case is over.. I would like to ask others who have experienced these things.
I was recently awarded sole custody of my two year old. The father has been given every other weekend and a typical visitation- one week winter, three in summer- nonconsecutive, and alternating holidays. I think the only problem I really have with the schedule is that we switch out on Christmas.. but we can probably work on it later. My ex has a wife and a one year old son also and they live with relatives. I currently live with my fiance and we are signing on a new apartment this week (yay!
). The final draft of the order is done and both attorneys have agreed on everything in the papers.. which I think is pretty typical. They did not try to appeal the judges decision.
There was roughly a 45 minute difference in where we live... which, from what I understand, the judge would have still considered joint custody but the judges reasoning was that the childs schedule should be disrupted as little as possible and because the father ignored the child for two years. We had a small amount of time to get to overnight visits (a month of 10-6 every saturday) then weekends. On the third weekend I volunteered to help some neighbors clean their house out after a fire so I asked the father if he wanted to have the weekend with him.. so he did. Two nights away from home seems fine with our son.. but the third night is hellfire. Up all night, nightmares when he does sleep, moody, etc. Granted, it was probably too soon for three nights but the father asked me if he could.. I said yes. Our son also does the same thing with his grandfather- who is his favorite person in the world... Our son could pick him from a crowd of a million. I guess he just doesn't like being away from his home? I know this goes away eventually.
My ex is VERY bitter about child support. 90 a week. I told him our son has a dental appointment and his response was literally, "Let me guess. You want me to pay for half of it."... haha, no. Our son has insurance that pays for everything. He knows this. I was only keeping him in the loop because it is still a dr. appointment and if something had to be done (cavities or anything) then he would already know how we found them and understand why. He likes to antagonize and pry at my life- question everything I do... I tell him when our son gets hurt- aside from normal bruised from running and falling. Ex. Playing at the park.. some kids pushed a swing too hard and it hit him. I made sure to let the father know even though it was nothing serious. Our son had a rash and I took him to one of those clinics since it was after 5.. told him about it. I am keeping him informed but it drives me nuts when he prys. He told me I should sit down with him and show him my bank statements. Um... no. He did this our entire relationship for everything. :/ I understand concern for the safety of our child.. but he doesn't need to lecture me on the cost of raising a child- I was a single mom since our child was born.. for two years it was just me. I know what I am doing. :/
Anyway.. I am moving CLOSER to where the father lives- and closer to my sister.. who just had her own baby and I help her out with him. Our son loves his auntie. The father decided to move in with some more of his relatives... which will put us roughly 15-20 minutes apart. I am kind of wondering if this is so he can try for joint custody again. I asked my lawyer and they pretty much said, "The judges here pretty much see it as a 'if it ain't broken don't fix it' kind of thing. If you aren't doing anything wrong.. you have nothing to worry about.".. which I know the first part isn't always true. Court took a huge financial toll on me and my family.. and I really don't want to have to do it again.. not any time soon, anyway. I know a modification of visitation is generally what? Every two years? And from what I have heard they can be put off for a long time?
There are some (not all ) differences in lifestyle that I based my decision on in the custody battle:
Education- I actually do beleive in the school system and are going to school to teach history. Our son is enrolled in a daycare so he can socialize with other children.. and he will be enrolled in an early headstart system, then pre-k and so forth. I firmly beleive that school can teach core values in a childs life and allow him the opportunity to go play football, be in band, go to clubs.. make new friends, etc. My ex's wife is a firm beleive in homeschool and has said that he could go to school the weeks with me and then be homeschooled while with them. Sorry- no go. That just won't fly in the educational system today.. I think five days in a month calls for investigation?
How religion would be handled: I am more of a lax Christian compared to what my ex's wifes family is- hellfire and brimstone. I don't mind him going at all but I think that it will be up to him ultimately to decide.
Family: Close ties with family.
If our son would have his own space: Will he have his own room? Own bed? I don't care if he shares a room but I do feel he should have his own sleeping space.
Discipline: I do one smack on the hand and I talk to our son about it the first time.. second time is a spanking (through his diaper so it doesn't hurt but he gets upset about it) and third time is time-out. Three minutes. Currently my ex doesn't beleive in any form of discipline.
Basically.. they tried to pressure me into joint physical custody of a child they never spent time with during mediation.. and were "surprised I took it to court". I understand fully that the father has a right to his child and that he is entitled to all the time in the world with our son.. And I don't deny him it. If he wants more time with him, he asks and receives. He gets mad when I won't consent to joint physical and still tries to pressure me into it.. And really.. I can't tell if its because he really wants more time with our son.. or if its just money. He still never asks about him. He only filed for joint when I filed for child support.
I don't mean to sound angry or hateful about anything (if I do) and I am sorry if I do. The whole thing is frustrating. Back to the question, though.. How often can he take me to court for custody? What are the chances of the previous judges decision being overturned? How often can he file for a visitation modification and what if the difference? Thank-you.
