How to Handle Mediation AND the Court Hearing

[my bear]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

My hearing for my petition of custody of my daughter is next Tuesday and I need so advise on how to respond to the mediator and the Judge. What is appropriate to say and what is inappropriate to say? How should I act?

I had sole legal and physical custody for the first four years of my daughters life and the father was not involved. I still have sole physical and joint legal per our own independent agreement (not legally binding, I have been told). He has been involved for the last thirteen months although he has not exercised he option of visitation 25% of the time during this period. Should I mention this to the mediator and the Judge?

Should I mention the fact that he repeatedly lies and I do not trust him?

Should I discuss the fact that this the arrangement that our daughter is most comfortable with? Should I explain our daughter's personality traits and why I feel that a 50/50 physical custody split would not be in her best interest?

Any help that anyone can give is greatly appreciated. I do not want to mess this up.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

My hearing for my petition of custody of my daughter is next Tuesday and I need so advise on how to respond to the mediator and the Judge. What is appropriate to say and what is inappropriate to say? How should I act?

I had sole legal and physical custody for the first four years of my daughters life and the father was not involved. I still have sole physical and joint legal per our own independent agreement (not legally binding, I have been told). He has been involved for the last thirteen months although he has not exercised he option of visitation 25% of the time during this period. Should I mention this to the mediator and the Judge?

Should I mention the fact that he repeatedly lies and I do not trust him?

Should I discuss the fact that this the arrangement that our daughter is most comfortable with? Should I explain our daughter's personality traits and why I feel that a 50/50 physical custody split would not be in her best interest?

Any help that anyone can give is greatly appreciated. I do not want to mess this up.

If you tell the truth, you won't mess up. Yes, you certainly should mention that he doesn't exercise all of the visitation that he has now.

 

[my bear]

If you tell the truth, you won't mess up. Yes, you certainly should mention that he doesn't exercise all of the visitation that he has now.

I definately do not intend to lie. I just want to avoid coming off in any way, shape or form that can be interpreted to be overly emotional, controlling, or unreasonable. I do not feel that I am any of these things and hope that my exhibit package comes across that way. But I will admit that I am scared as to how this might turn out.

 

[LdiJ]

I definately do not intend to lie. I just want to avoid coming off in any way, shape or form that can be interpreted to be overly emotional, controlling, or unreasonable. I do not feel that I am any of these things and hope that my exhibit package comes across that way. But I will admit that I am scared as to how this might turn out.

Try to be calm, collected and logical, and tell the truth.

 

[Isis1]

i'm going to tell you what made me feel better for all of my court hearings and my mediation.

mediation was first. I knew what he wanted, i knew what i wanted. i knew what i was willing to negotiate, and what he was willing to negotiate. i let the mediator do most of hte talking. and there is no law that requires you to agree to anything.

for the hearings, i had a mental list of the worst possible scenario, what i wanted to happen, what i wanted to change, and the best possible solution. if i walked out without the worst possible scenario happening, then everything was gravy as far as i was concerned.

i brought a list of issues that came up. anytime the judge made a ruling in my favor i marked it off, if the judge denied my request, i made notes. things the NCP brought up, i took notes. what the judge allowed on the NCP's behalf, i took notes. i took so many notes i had better notes then the court clerk once. she very sweetly made changes in the minute order when i brought them to her attention.

biggest thing, is to listen. get a feel for your judge.

 

[LdiJ]

It also doesn't hurt to attend some court sessions in advance, for your judge, to get a feel for how things go.

 

[my bear]

Thank you all for the advice. I will definately do everything that you have recommended. Again thank you for the help and wish me luck. I think the evidence is on my side, but I do realize that I am dealing with another human being who is Judging the case, so everything may not be seen my way.

 

[moosemama]

Thank you all for the advice. I will definately do everything that you have recommended. Again thank you for the help and wish me luck. I think the evidence is on my side, but I do realize that I am dealing with another human being who is Judging the case, so everything may not be seen my way.

Good luck!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Do you have a log of when dad did and didn't take his parenting time? If so, be able to back up your 25% comment.

 

[my bear]

I have a log of everytime he did or did not take our daughter. I also have numerous e-mails from him saying he could not take her, had to drop her off early or had to pick her up late to substantiate the time journal.

I have e-mails notifying him of every doctor and dental appointment of which he only showed up to one of each.

I have a card that he gave her for her third birthday that he signed Love Daddy and then two months later he denied paternity.

I have e-mails notifying him of every school event of which he failed to show up to all of them.

I have e-mails of him stating that he felt it was okay for her to miss three days of the first week of kindergarten so he could take her on a vacation. I know this might not seem like a big deal, but to me it is not acceptable for a child to miss school during the first week so you can take them on vacation when you had all summer to do it.

I have e-mails showing and BANK RECORDS to prove that he has not paid child support in over 3 months. I also have records to prove that he has been sporatic in paying child support for the last thirteen months.

I have records to prove that over the last 5 years I have paid over $90,000.00 for our daughters daycare and medical expenses and he has paid $6,900.00 over the course of her life in support.

I have e-mails that prove I am the only one who searches out and signs her up for extra cirricular activities. I know the court probably won't care about that.

And finally, I have e-mails where he repeatedly catches himself in lies and half truths.

Please give me any suggestions you may have on what is important to address with the court and what is just silly issues. Since our dughter has only ever lived with me should I address this fact?

 

[LdiJ]

I have a log of everytime he did or did not take our daughter. I also have numerous e-mails from him saying he could not take her, had to drop her off early or had to pick her up late to substantiate the time journal.

I have e-mails notifying him of every doctor and dental appointment of which he only showed up to one of each.

I have a card that he gave her for her third birthday that he signed Love Daddy and then two months later he denied paternity.

I have e-mails notifying him of every school event of which he failed to show up to all of them.

I have e-mails of him stating that he felt it was okay for her to miss three days of the first week of kindergarten so he could take her on a vacation. I know this might not seem like a big deal, but to me it is not acceptable for a child to miss school during the first week so you can take them on vacation when you had all summer to do it.

I have e-mails showing and BANK RECORDS to prove that he has not paid child support in over 3 months. I also have records to prove that he has been sporatic in paying child support for the last thirteen months.

I have records to prove that over the last 5 years I have paid over $90,000.00 for our daughters daycare and medical expenses and he has paid $6,900.00 over the course of her life in support.

I have e-mails that prove I am the only one who searches out and signs her up for extra cirricular activities. I know the court probably won't care about that.

And finally, I have e-mails where he repeatedly catches himself in lies and half truths.

Please give me any suggestions you may have on what is important to address with the court and what is just silly issues. Since our dughter has only ever lived with me should I address this fact?

The bolded items are either silly or not relevant for a custody case. Yes, you should point out to the judge that the child has never lived with dad at all, and is comfortable with the current arrangment.

 

[my bear]

Thank you for pointing me in the right direction. I have a habit of getting stuck on irrelevant facts instead of just focusing on the bigger issues. I am attempting to write down the items that are of the most importance that need to be addressed with the court. So, the last post should help a great deal to get me focused.

 

[truebluemd]

Stay calm,and control your emotions for both mediation and court. For mediation, focus on the child and dont waste time talking about your personal greivances with the ex. Its all about the parenting plan.

When in court, focus your testimony and your answers on how it relates to the child unless you are asked something else. here are the questions the judge asked me.

1. Name
2. Address
3. Occupation
4. Describe your home and community
5. Describe your character
6. Howmuch family do you have in the area
7. Describe your relationship with your child
8. Anything else you feely want to say.

Practice what you want to say. Dont read from a paper unless you are quoting a statemetn he made. A good Idea is to prepare an outline of what you would want to say in a statement but only refer to it if you forget to mention something. Go through it as much as you can, it will help you articulateyour words so you wont sound so nervous or scared. I went through mine five times a day. By the time I got to court, I didnt need it because I knew what to say and how to say it.

The judge only wants information to help determine the best interest of the child. So in court control your body movement, dont talk with an attitude or emotion. But tell the truth!!!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Look to his motion to give you guidance.

For example, he wants to expand his parenting time. You have proof that he doesn't even take what he has now. Combine all your info in an easy to read format - think calendar.

 

[my bear]

I filed a 13 page declaration with the Court and provided exhibits to back up my declaration. In anyone's experience does the Judge read this information? I am not worried about them reading all or even the majority of the exhibits, but I am worried that they will ntot read my Declaration statement. Also, in mediation is it appropriate to discuss your exes lying and irresponsible behavior if it relates to our daughter? It is not a critism of him, but rather those actions affects our ability to communicate with regards to our child.