How to Prep for Court?

[huntingguy]

What is the name of your state? Wisconsin

I filed a motion to modify our court order. It is almost 7 years old and things have changed. I do not plan on retaining an attorney but was hoping for some advice on what I should bring with me so I do not overwhelm the judge with unimportant things.

- I have calendars showing I have had our son more than 50% of the time for the past several years.
- I have school records showing how he misses school or is tardy when with his mother.
- I have report cards showing since he has been with me now almost 75% of the time and more-so during the school week how his grades have improved.
- I have emails sent to mother for reimbursement of split expenses and her horrible responses towards me
- I have tons of text messages that are vile and rude and mean

I am not sure if the text messages are something to show the judge or not? They are really bad and do not want to waste the courts time and want to be prepared.

Suggestions?

Thank you.

 

[ALawyer]

Although I am neither a Wisconsin licensed lawyer nor a lawyer who practices family law, unless you and your ex can agree about the changes you'd like to make, and you write them down so the judge can bless them and enter a simple "so ordered" decree, you'd be far most likely to get what you are seeking from the judge by first speaking with a local Wisconsin lawyer and getting real advice based on what state law provides and what the judge's practices and precedents are. A short discussion is not going to be all that expensive, the lawyer need not necessarily go with you to court, and you'll go in knowing what is like to be really important to the particular judge in your situation.

Failing that the general suggestion would be to bring whatever you think you may need that will be helpful to the judge who will be deciding the case, not making a pest of yourself, appear reasonable both in your demands and demeanor, and take your cue from the judge as to what he or she is willing to look at. Keep each type of "evidence" in a separate folder.

 

[ssbrandon]

you need to file a motion to modify custody . you also need to do some homework and find out exactly on what basis your motion will be on. your not going to get a do this file this answer I can promise you. the calendars are great yes. very legal and smart as well. a daily journal isn't bad either. but I don't really understand why you want to modify it and neither will a judge unless you explain yourself better and properly. there are very specific reasons to modify custody so you need to figure that out. or retain a lawyer for help. maybe mediation if you think Mom can be coerced into the changes. I was able to use mediation to my advantage, but only bc I was prepared , put the time in, studied, and learned how to write affidavits and file motions. learned the laws and rules and statutes of my state. if ur pro se and mom is lazy, mediation could work. if not then you'd have to have a very strong case and prepare yourself. it can be done

 

[Litigator22]

you need to file a motion to modify custody . you also need to do some homework and find out exactly on what basis your motion will be on. your not going to get a do this file this answer I can promise you. (?) the calendars are great yes. very legal and smart as well. (?) . . .

Excuse me for asking, but what the dickens is a "do this file this answer"? Never ran across one myself. And suppose that your promise that the OP won't get one doesn't hold true and he ends up with a "do this file this answer"?! God forbid, but what then . . . ?

Also how does one know whether a calendar is "smart" or not? Should I not take a chance and toss my new Playboy calendar (my wife doesn't think its great anyway), or just tear out those months featuring a blonde?

 

[stealth2]

LOL Two silly posters.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Suggestions:
1) Use the calendars showing the status quo - that you've had the child 75% of the time is a change of circumstance, and you would like the court order to reflect the status quo.

2) Ask that the order be modified so that communication between parents go through whatever website/service/app the court prefers.

3) Really try to avoid using those emails/texts, except to the extent that they are legally relevant. For example, if the court order states she is supposed to contribute towards some expense and she hasn't paid her share, and you're trying to get the court to issue a summary judgement, then the interchange is legally relevant. If it's just her being rude, say, when discussing kiddo's grades, then skip it. Let her bring her rude self into court all on her own - you being civil and not making an issue of that makes it easier for people to discern who's more credible. Or, if she knows how to turn on the charm in court, you at least won't look petty.

The reason I suggest #2 is so that you can ensure in the future that everything is admissible, especially if she is stupid enough to continue her communication style on the record.

 

[ssbrandon]

Excuse me for asking, but what the dickens is a "do this file this answer"? Never ran across one myself. And suppose that your promise that the OP won't get one doesn't hold true and he ends up with a "do this file this answer"?! God forbid, but what then . . . ?

Also how does one know whether a calendar is "smart" or not? Should I not take a chance and toss my new Playboy calendar (my wife doesn't think its great anyway), or just tear out those months featuring a blonde?

hey

 

[huntingguy]

Suggestions:
1) Use the calendars showing the status quo - that you've had the child 75% of the time is a change of circumstance, and you would like the court order to reflect the status quo.

2) Ask that the order be modified so that communication between parents go through whatever website/service/app the court prefers.

3) Really try to avoid using those emails/texts, except to the extent that they are legally relevant. For example, if the court order states she is supposed to contribute towards some expense and she hasn't paid her share, and you're trying to get the court to issue a summary judgement, then the interchange is legally relevant. If it's just her being rude, say, when discussing kiddo's grades, then skip it. Let her bring her rude self into court all on her own - you being civil and not making an issue of that makes it easier for people to discern who's more credible. Or, if she knows how to turn on the charm in court, you at least won't look petty.

The reason I suggest #2 is so that you can ensure in the future that everything is admissible, especially if she is stupid enough to continue her communication style on the record.

I like the number two.

Update:

• We went to court, in the interim, until mediation next month, she has Sunday and Mondays overnight. She showed up with a lawyer she had hired that morning (court was at 815) and the lawyer doesn't even practice family law. Moot point, but just saying.
• After she didn't get what she wanted, she immediately went and filed a restraining order against my girlfriend. She has no basis, they wouldn't even give her a TRO. Her retaliation because she didn't get what she wanted in court earlier that morning.
• She keeps on texting me cussing, swearing, yelling (MOSTLY CAPS). I have not responded to any of them.

At this point I feel there is a schedule, Sunday afternoon to Tuesday morning so there is no need for me for us to have contact unless there is an emergency correct? She has a lawyer. We still have mediation. We have a return court date in three months. There is no need for me to respond, correct? It is just that her texts are so tiring and annoying. Nothing is ever civil.

Thanks for everyone's help.

 

[stealth2]

At most you should respond with "Thank you for your input." At most.

 

[huntingguy]

At most you should respond with "Thank you for your input." At most.

This is the thing:

A few weeks ago I informed the mother that we had gotten a deal for two overnight stays in the Dells here (indoor waterpark/hotel). Now that she was given Sundays and Monday overnights it falls on her time. She had agreed to it before we went to court, before she was served, the agreement was verbally though, not in writing. Our son mentioned it to her again last night and now this morning I have received cussing and swearing text messages telling me I am going against the order and asking if I would prefer to speak to her lawyer.

I understand it is on her time and there is an order now for set days. I was going to explain to our son tonight that very same thing and say she doesnt have to let you go an order is an order. I was not going to respond to her texts because I figured if she comes at the scheduled time to get him then she comes. If she doesnt come then we leave and go with our son. She knows she agreed to it but if she changes her mind because of the order that is her right.

Thoughts?

 

[commentator]

So cancel. It's not a big deal, will really mess up the whole waiting for the mediation issue, so it's playing right into her hands. I will be willing to bet any amount that she WILL show up, she'll be a little bit late, and you'll be gone, violating the custody order, which she can really run with. You can postpone this visit to a waterpark until the court order is in place.

 

[huntingguy]

So cancel. It's not a big deal, will really mess up the whole waiting for the mediation issue, so it's playing right into her hands. I will be willing to bet any amount that she WILL show up, she'll be a little bit late, and you'll be gone, violating the custody order, which she can really run with. You can postpone this visit to a waterpark until the court order is in place.

I wont cancel because we have other kids that are going, isn't fair to them. Do I respond to her texts though and say while you did agree verbally several weeks ago you are right it is your time so I will see you at your scheduled time to get him Sunday?

 

[LdiJ]

I wont cancel because we have other kids that are going, isn't fair to them. Do I respond to her texts though and say while you did agree verbally several weeks ago you are right it is your time so I will see you at your scheduled time to get him Sunday?

For your own sake don't you dare make her the bad guy to your child over this. You make yourself the bad guy entirely unless you want to get spanked in court. For your own sake don't you dare even suggest taking any of her time.

You have the upper hand here, do not turn around and hand it to her because your ego got in the way of your brain. The smart thing would be to cancel the trip entirely.

 

[huntingguy]

For your own sake don't you dare make her the bad guy to your child over this. You make yourself the bad guy entirely unless you want to get spanked in court. For your own sake don't you dare even suggest taking any of her time.

You have the upper hand here, do not turn around and hand it to her because your ego got in the way of your brain. The smart thing would be to cancel the trip entirely.

I in no way intend on making her the bad guy. I am just wondering how to respond to her texts or if I even should?

The overnight package was bought on Black Friday as a Christmas gift for the kids before these days were ever court ordered. I cannot cancel it because I will never get the deal I got since it was a Black Friday deal, nor would I want to because it isn't fair to the other kids, this has been planned since Christmas when we told them.

Do I just respond and say you are right it is your court ordered time, see you Sunday and leave it at that?

 

[LdiJ]

I in no way intend on making her the bad guy. I am just wondering how to respond to her texts or if I even should?

The overnight package was bought on Black Friday as a Christmas gift for the kids before these days were ever court ordered. I cannot cancel it because I will never get the deal I got since it was a Black Friday deal, nor would I want to because it isn't fair to the other kids, this has been planned since Christmas when we told them.

Do I just respond and say you are right it is your court ordered time, see you Sunday and leave it at that?

What you said you were going to tell your son is making mom the bad guy.

You respond and say that you would never dream of taking her court ordered time and that the child will be ready on Sunday for her to pick the child up.