Husbands mother.

[ajritter04]

What is the name of your state? New Mexico/Albuquerque

This is an odd question. My husband and his mom are estranged they haven't spoken to each other for over 6 months. She has several health issues and has been seriously sick we found out. My question is if she dies does he have an obligation to do anything? He is the oldest child he has 2 half sisters ages 14 & 12 and their dad is a drunk/druggy. And right now as it is doesn't deal with them in any way at all. My husband has made it clear to his mom that he wants nothing to do with her ever again cause of some things she has done to myself and my kids.

EDIT: sorry for the poor spelling right now I fell and disloacted my knee so pain meds are kickin my butt I will come back and redo later.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? New Mexico/Albuquerque

This is an odd question. My husband and his mom are estranged they haven't spoken to each other for over 6 months. She has several health issues and has been seriously sick we found out. My question is if she dies does he have an obligation to do anything? He is the oldest child he has 2 half sisters ages 14 & 12 and their dad is a drunk/druggy. And right now as it is doesn't deal with them in any way at all. My husband has made it clear to his mom that he wants nothing to do with her ever again cause of some things she has done to myself and my kids.

EDIT: sorry for the poor spelling right now I fell and disloacted my knee so pain meds are kickin my butt I will come back and redo later.

What do you mean ..."if she dies does he have an obligation to do anything?"...

 

[ajritter04]

From what we have heard from other family members she found out she has lung cancer. She's been smoking since she was very young I guess and now is sick from it. It may also be another trick of hers to get her son to talk to her. This woman is not a nice woman she has done some really horrible stuff to her son. He doesn't want to end up getting screwed by her again.

 

[Just Blue]

From what we have heard from other family members she found out she has lung cancer. She's been smoking since she was very young I guess and now is sick from it. It may also be another trick of hers to get her son to talk to her. This woman is not a nice woman she has done some really horrible stuff to her son. He doesn't want to end up getting screwed by her again.

He's an adult...under no legal obligation to visit with her.

 

[tryingtoplease]

Gaaccckkk! Someone bring me a bucket. I can't imagine what she has done to y'all but if she really is dying would your husband really not want to have seen her one last time & maybe set some things on the right path to not be wondering down the road if he did the right thing? I lost my mom 6 months ago, she wasn't estranged from any of her kids, yet I had one bro who said he wasn't going to waste $50 in gas if she was so close to death that she wouldn't recognize him. Think that boy doesn't have some guilt problems now? The other thing that bugs me is the half siblings. Don't you think they might need a big bro in the picture right about now? Even if Mom's got a sick mind & is faking it (for whatever reason), do you think they might not need someone to help them?

 

[ajritter04]

Gaaccckkk! Someone bring me a bucket. I can't imagine what she has done to y'all but if she really is dying would your husband really not want to have seen her one last time & maybe set some things on the right path to not be wondering down the road if he did the right thing? I lost my mom 6 months ago, she wasn't estranged from any of her kids, yet I had one bro who said he wasn't going to waste $50 in gas if she was so close to death that she wouldn't recognize him. Think that boy doesn't have some guilt problems now? The other thing that bugs me is the half siblings. Don't you think they might need a big bro in the picture right about now? Even if Mom's got a sick mind & is faking it (for whatever reason), do you think they might not need someone to help them?

She's done everything she could think of to try and break up our marriage. He has made it clear that he DOES NOT want anything to do with her. she has made many many promises to him and hasn't followed through with them. He has tried to still have a relationship with his sisters but his mom wont let them talk to him. She's gone as far as to humanly euthanize her dying mother on our wedding anvi. His mother hates me and has no reason to (my husbands words) a lil history about us...His grandfather died 1.5 yrs ago my husband and I were very close to his grandpa so of course we we're there for his grandma and mother and helped out in anyway that we could. later after the funeral the grandma got really sick and lonely and she just went downhill after grandpa died. So I called my husbands mom and offered to help take care of grandma and brought mom and grandma food all the time. Not once did I ask his mom for anything I just wanted to help. Well for 6 months grandma really fought to stay alive and finally she just asked to be killed and asked if my husbands mom would do it sometime after feb20th why I dont know but it meant something to her. on my husbands and mine 1 yr anvi we stopped by grandmas to see how she was doing and also to get the newspaper we knew she had to check movie listings. his mom asked why we were there in a really pissed off tone my husband told his mom that it was our 1yr anvi and for some reason that really pissed her off and she asked us to leave. later that night she called my cell and told my husband that she decided to do grandma tonight being that it's not really an important night. When he told me that I was SO pissed. She then had the nerve to ask for my help setting up grandmas house for guests after the funeral! After the funeral she kinda in a round about way says sorry for being a bitch to me I tell her to not worry about it cause I knew she had alot to deal with. She then tells me and my husband infront of several family members that in a couple of months when things calmed down she would give us grandma & grandpa's house cause she doesn't want it after seeing both of her parents die in there. a couple of months go by and nothing 4 months go by and she finally says ok we can move in. We get moved in and 18 hrs later his mom comes over with $100 and tells us to get the F*ck out and go stay in a hotel she doesn't want me and the kids in that house. At this point we have no money we spent it all on deposits on phone, cable, PNM everything! So I swallow my pride and call my parents and ask them if we can stay with them until we find a new place they say yes and we start packing everything back up and his mom tells us we can stay the night there but need to get out ASAP so we stay the night and go get dinner while we were gone his mom called my mom and told her I threatned her and made up a bunch of BS lies in which my mom tells me that we can't come back she doesn't want us there. So we were basically homeless for 3 days until we rented our crappy trailer. After all that mess was done his mom had the nerve to send him a card at his work telling him he could have the house if he divorced me. So this is why he hates her. sorry for so long.

 

[indian spirit]

how to you humanly euthanize a person?
is that legal??

If so I have a few people who i would like to euthanize... and if i had to i guess i could be human about it.

 

[Just Blue]

She's done everything she could think of to try and break up our marriage. He has made it clear that he DOES NOT want anything to do with her. she has made many many promises to him and hasn't followed through with them. He has tried to still have a relationship with his sisters but his mom wont let them talk to him. She's gone as far as to humanly euthanize her dying mother on our wedding anvi. His mother hates me and has no reason to (my husbands words) a lil history about us...His grandfather died 1.5 yrs ago my husband and I were very close to his grandpa so of course we we're there for his grandma and mother and helped out in anyway that we could. later after the funeral the grandma got really sick and lonely and she just went downhill after grandpa died. So I called my husbands mom and offered to help take care of grandma and brought mom and grandma food all the time. Not once did I ask his mom for anything I just wanted to help. Well for 6 months grandma really fought to stay alive and finally she just asked to be killed and asked if my husbands mom would do it sometime after feb20th why I dont know but it meant something to her. on my husbands and mine 1 yr anvi we stopped by grandmas to see how she was doing and also to get the newspaper we knew she had to check movie listings. his mom asked why we were there in a really pissed off tone my husband told his mom that it was our 1yr anvi and for some reason that really pissed her off and she asked us to leave. later that night she called my cell and told my husband that she decided to do grandma tonight being that it's not really an important night. When he told me that I was SO pissed. She then had the nerve to ask for my help setting up grandmas house for guests after the funeral! After the funeral she kinda in a round about way says sorry for being a bitch to me I tell her to not worry about it cause I knew she had alot to deal with. She then tells me and my husband infront of several family members that in a couple of months when things calmed down she would give us grandma & grandpa's house cause she doesn't want it after seeing both of her parents die in there. a couple of months go by and nothing 4 months go by and she finally says ok we can move in. We get moved in and 18 hrs later his mom comes over with $100 and tells us to get the F*ck out and go stay in a hotel she doesn't want me and the kids in that house. At this point we have no money we spent it all on deposits on phone, cable, PNM everything! So I swallow my pride and call my parents and ask them if we can stay with them until we find a new place they say yes and we start packing everything back up and his mom tells us we can stay the night there but need to get out ASAP so we stay the night and go get dinner while we were gone his mom called my mom and told her I threatned her and made up a bunch of BS lies in which my mom tells me that we can't come back she doesn't want us there. So we were basically homeless for 3 days until we rented our crappy trailer. After all that mess was done his mom had the nerve to send him a card at his work telling him he could have the house if he divorced me. So this is why he hates her. sorry for so long.

I' will say it again...He is an adult...He DOES NOT HAVE TO DO ANY THING WITH HER OR FOR HER...He does not have to talk to her....And am I understanding you correctly? Your mil killed your husbands g-mother?? Did you call the police?

 

[ajritter04]

no we had no hard proof what she did was give her mom a morphine drip until grandma passed also g-ma was creamated. He know he doesn't have to visit her. what he is worried about is that when she passes if he will be the first one that will be contacted? she's married but her and her husband live in different bedrooms and her husband has pulled a gun on her in front of the girls. And both parents are drug users. My husband doesn't want to be held liable for anything if/when she passes and knowing how she is she might try to do something to screw him over.

EDIT: I am really sorry for bad spelling I will try and edit this tomorrow.

 

[Indiana Filer]

Gaaccckkk! Someone bring me a bucket. I can't imagine what she has done to y'all but if she really is dying would your husband really not want to have seen her one last time & maybe set some things on the right path to not be wondering down the road if he did the right thing? ?

I gotta address this. Who the hell are you to tell this lady that her husband is wrong to want to protect himself and HIS family? Most people, when they cut off ties to their parents, do so for very good reasons.

My parents were evil abusive people to me, and I cut off all ties with them when their oldest son threatened to kill my 6 month old child. Yeah, the ******* is technically my brother, but I refuse to acknowledge that since he's a sociopath who contributed to making my childhood a living hell of terror. They encourage his bad behavior to this day and think it's funny. Anyway, I digress. When my "father" died, and if any of the rest of them die, it won't really affect me at all. I realized 18 years ago that life is a lot better without any contact what-so-ever.

And before you say, "But family is family. Blood is thicker than water. Blah, blah, blah." I have family, and I'm sure the original poster and her husband do also. The people I consider as family are the people who love and support me. I don't have to be related to them in any way, shape, or form, for them to be my family. We've got it better: We're related by love. I now have a wonderful mother figure, great sisters, and quite a few nephews and neices. These are the people that are my family.

To the OP: living well is the best revenge. You, your husband, and your family have no obligations to someone like that. When he gets the call that she has died, he can simply say, "Thank you for calling me." No obligations.

 

[Just Blue]

no we had no hard proof what she did was give her mom a morphine drip until grandma passed also g-ma was creamated. He know he doesn't have to visit her. what he is worried about is that when she passes if he will be the first one that will be contacted? So the heck what?? ...Tell whomever contacts them that you don't give a sh*t and to bury her in a ditch!


she's married but her and her husband live in different bedrooms and her husband has pulled a gun on her in front of the girls. And both parents are drug users. Does your husband care about his siblings living with this mental case? Did he report it to the police? My husband doesn't want to be held liable for anything if/when she passes and knowing how she is she might try to do something to screw him over.

EDIT: I am really sorry for bad spelling I will try and edit this tomorrow.

Again...If he wants nothing to do with her...thats it!! DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER!! How can she "screw him over" ? The worst thing she could do is cut him out of the will ...and from everything you have said, she doesn't have jack!...Stop frettin' and move on...

 

[ajritter04]

Yeah I tried telling him the same thing just cause of her past actions and finding out that she is possible dying made him worry alot about her tying something again. But I have told him some of ya'lls responces and he calmed down. I think it was just the fact that we heard about her after 8 months or so of not giving her a thought all that time. BTW we do have an awesome relationship with his dad and step mom. cause my husband and real mil are bossy we made our husbands get together and hang out and now they have an awesome father/son relationship which neither one of them were able to have cause my husbands mom was such a bitch and wouldn't let them. So just cause my husbands mom doesn't want anything to do with us that her loss. We have his dad and step-mom and she's the one we call mom or mommy~in~law.

 

[tryingtoplease]

Yeah I tried telling him the same thing just cause of her past actions and finding out that she is possible dying made him worry alot about her tying something again. But I have told him some of ya'lls responces and he calmed down. I think it was just the fact that we heard about her after 8 months or so of not giving her a thought all that time. BTW we do have an awesome relationship with his dad and step mom. cause my husband and real mil are bossy we made our husbands get together and hang out and now they have an awesome father/son relationship which neither one of them were able to have cause my husbands mom was such a bitch and wouldn't let them. So just cause my husbands mom doesn't want anything to do with us that her loss. We have his dad and step-mom and she's the one we call mom or mommy~in~law.

Right on. In my earlier post I was just trying to make sure it wasn't something petty for cutting mom off. I've seen people cut parents off for stupid reasons, like their kids vs. stepkids don't get comparable gifts and so on. I personally have a brother that makes my life a WHOLE lot better when he's not in it. He's done some pretty low things I won't go into here. And I mean low! Now, due to Mom's death, he''s thrown back in my life. Yuk, makes me remember why we're estranged. The silver lining is that once the Mom's things are resolved, we no longer have any reason to be in contact with each other.

Indiana Filer-Would like some dip to go with that chip on your shoulder? You kinda glossed over the rest of my post although OP addressed it. I was a lil bit ticked when I originally read your post but then I read some of your other posts about your "idiot" relatives & invoking your opinion rather than offering advice (besides seeming to be a bit of the "paragraph police"). Your "blood is thicker" offense doesn't work here if you read what I wrote above. I realize what type of person I might be squaring off against. I withdraw.

On a last note, what BaystateGirl says. Enjoy a movie, have fun in life & fuggedaboutit. No one can p*** you off if you don't let them. Tell hubby letting someone have negative space in his heart is space in his heart he could replace with love. Best of luck.

 

[shell007]

AAAARRRRGGG!!! Just have to speak my peace.

Family is Family. My brother did not speak to me,our parent's, or our Grandparent's for two years. I guess one always assumes that the "older" will go first. Wrong!!! My brother dropped dead of a heart attack at 37, just a little over a year ago, with no warning. He was dead before he hit the floor.

Many things were left unsettled and misunderstood. He did not speak to us because of how he thought we treated/mistreated his wife.

Anyway...DO NOT stand in the way or influence (in any way) your husband's decision/choices re: HIS MOTHER.

Like Bay said: If he wishes to have nothing to do with her...he is not obligated. However...if possible...remove yourself emotionally and step up to the plate if need be.

YOUR HUSBAND WILL NEVER HAVE ANOTHER MOTHER.
MOM WILL NEVER HAVE ANOTHER SON.

IF YOU HAVE YOUR OWN CHILDREN...YOU WILL UNDERSTAND EVEN MORE!!!

Don't be responsible for either one of them leaving this earth with regrets.

EVERYONE IN BETWEEN CAN BE REPLACED.

 

[ajritter04]

AAAARRRRGGG!!! Just have to speak my peace.

Family is Family. My brother did not speak to me,our parent's, or our Grandparent's for two years. I guess one always assumes that the "older" will go first. Wrong!!! My brother dropped dead of a heart attack at 37, just a little over a year ago, with no warning. He was dead before he hit the floor.

Many things were left unsettled and misunderstood. He did not speak to us because of how he thought we treated/mistreated his wife.

Anyway...DO NOT stand in the way or influence (in any way) your husband's decision/choices re: HIS MOTHER.

Like Bay said: If he wishes to have nothing to do with her...he is not obligated. However...if possible...remove yourself emotionally and step up to the plate if need be.

YOUR HUSBAND WILL NEVER HAVE ANOTHER MOTHER.
MOM WILL NEVER HAVE ANOTHER SON.

IF YOU HAVE YOUR OWN CHILDREN...YOU WILL UNDERSTAND EVEN MORE!!!

Don't be responsible for either one of them leaving this earth with regrets.

EVERYONE IN BETWEEN CAN BE REPLACED.

I have no made him stop talking to her he has done that all on his after all the BS his mom has done to us...."Family" wouldn't go out of their way to ruin another family members life. She has done everything to ruin our marriage to making us homeless with 2 toddlers, killing g-ma on our 1 yr wedding anvi to telling my husband she would rather see him dead than with me. That is not how a "family" should act towards each other. There are so many other reasons on why he hates her (yes hates) she told him all his life that his dad was a low life scum of the earth when really his dad is an awesome loving caring gentle man who loves his son very much. If it wasn't for his mom being such a bitter, horrible bitch my husband would not have turned to his dad for help in a situation we had ever since then my husband and FIL have gotten very close and now have an awesome bond. plain and simple his mom is a huge bitch who doesn't want anything to do with her son cause he's married and happy now. She's unhappy and can't stand to see others happy. *Misery Loves Compay*