Hypothetical - especially for LD

[t74]

What is the name of your state? Any state

Since there is the objection to a parent speaking/video chatting with a SO while the children are present, how do you feel about:

1. A SO picking up the parent at the home while the children are present?

2. A SO coming in for coffee/drink when dropping the parent off when the children are present? Awake or asleep matter?

What interaction between the children and the SO is acceptable/reasonable?

Is a physical meeting with the SO different from the electronic meeting? What makes the difference where one interaction is OK and the other is not?

How do you suggest parents who disagree resolve the problem? What should happen when the original objecting parent now has a SO and wants a rule change?

Finally, what are reasonable terms to insert into custody orders? What are legally enforceable terms since violations are likely to be civil and not criminal issues?

 

[Just Blue]

Until the divorce is final the children should not meet/talk/know about the GF/BF. And, IMHO, children should not meet a BF/GF unless the relationship is VERY serious. Dancing people in and out of your kids lives is wrong. IMO.

 

[adjusterjack]

Since there is the objection to a parent speaking/video chatting with a SO

I tend to agree with Just Blue about what happens before the divorce is final.

But after the divorce is final the ex who is doing the objecting should just mind his or her own freakin' business.

It's normal for a divorced person to have a boyfriend or girlfriend who eventually becomes active in the lives of the children. Get over it.

Picking a fight is just an example of the disgusting behavior of hostile exes trying to get over on the other ex.

 

[stealth2]

Since there is the objection to a parent speaking/video chatting with a SO while the children are present,

I think the objection is to a parent doing so while IN THE OTHER PARENT'S HOME.

 

[xylene]

Until the divorce is final the children should not meet/talk/know about the GF/BF. And, IMHO, children should not meet a BF/GF unless the relationship is VERY serious. Dancing people in and out of your kids lives is wrong. IMO.

This is highly age and situation dependent. Children are not stupid, they are highly perceptive and share information.

Age 8 - I knew what 'gay' was. And I knew which of my friends parents were getting divorced because one or both of their parents were gay, as an example. And don't imagine that it was peer therapy only. Kids got unmercifully teased over sordid details of their parents divorces.

So, sure, that what you should do... but should do can be deeply, stupidly problematic in the face of the truth.

 

[Taxing Matters]

Until the divorce is final the children should not meet/talk/know about the GF/BF. And, IMHO, children should not meet a BF/GF unless the relationship is VERY serious. Dancing people in and out of your kids lives is wrong. IMO.

I do not agree that it is this absolute. I think that a lot of factors need to be considered here including, but not limited to, the ages and experiences of the children involved, their relationships to each parent, how far along in the divorce process they are and what their kids already know of the divorce. IMO those posting responsess about these situations ought to refrain from setting out absolute rules on this sort of thing or making firm conclusions about what is right or wrong when we lack all the information to give a proper context to what is going on. I think it's worth remembering that one person's values may not be the same as another's.

 

[adjusterjack]

I think the objection is to a parent doing so while IN THE OTHER PARENT'S HOME.

Under what circumstances would Ex-Spouse A be in Ex-Spouse B's home accompanied by Ex-Spouse A's boyfriend or girlfriend (other than just picking up the kids)?

 

[stealth2]

Under what circumstances would Ex-Spouse A be in Ex-Spouse B's home accompanied by Ex-Spouse A's boyfriend or girlfriend (other than just picking up the kids)?

The one posted earlier today - Parent B parenting the kids after school in Parent A's home. And video-chatting with the g/f...

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Any state

Since there is the objection to a parent speaking/video chatting with a SO while the children are present, how do you feel about:

1. A SO picking up the parent at the home while the children are present?

2. A SO coming in for coffee/drink when dropping the parent off when the children are present? Awake or asleep matter?

What interaction between the children and the SO is acceptable/reasonable?

Is a physical meeting with the SO different from the electronic meeting? What makes the difference where one interaction is OK and the other is not?

How do you suggest parents who disagree resolve the problem? What should happen when the original objecting parent now has a SO and wants a rule change?

Finally, what are reasonable terms to insert into custody orders? What are legally enforceable terms since violations are likely to be civil and not criminal issues?

Personally, I don't think that it would ever be OK for a new significant other to be in the house of the other parent without the express approval of the other parent...whether the divorce is final or not. Seriously? Think about it?

As far as when it is or isn't appropriate for the children to meet a significant other?...in general I think that it shouldn't happened while a divorce is pending, but if everyone is ok with it, then that can be a different story.

 

[t74]

What about in an individuals own house having a SO meet the children?

I think it is the act and not the location that should be the issue. Is there really a difference snuggling or talking on the phone on the sofa with the kids playing in fron of the TV or on the park bench with kids on the slide.

"No problem is so big it cannot be run away from ..." When two people put their children even peripherally in a contentious situation, the fastest and easiest way to protect the children is to avoid the situation completely by removing the children.

 

[quincy]

It is not always up to the parents, if the matter is taken to court.

I know a judge (now retired) who ordered a husband to drop off the husband's (problematic) girlfriend at a specific area restaurant during visitations, this in response to the wife's objections to the girlfriend's involvement in the divorce.

The judge said the children didn't care if they saw the girlfriend or not. The visitation was for the children to see dad.

The attorneys had to clarify with the judge whether he was ordering the husband to drop off his girlfriend at the specific restaurant. The judge said he didn't care what the girlfriend did as long as she was nowhere around the children.

So the judge's attitude, and orders, can make a difference.