I Am Soooo Frustrated!!!!!!

[coolmomof4]

njmom - When I said that about being perfect I was only referring to Dr. whoever and the other person who was slamming me for the post.

I appreciate you getting back to me. I will definitely have hubby ask the doctor about the shots, maybe it won't be so bad?

My husband and I do both try very hard to be polite, helpful and friendly with bio-mom both in step-son's presence and even when I talk to her in private, or on the phone. I have to say most times she is just as nice, but if there is anything that causes the least amount of friction like step-son's health, or unrelated stuff like transportation issues, she blows up at me. And yeah, I raise my voice to her in response, and regret it later. I am trying hard though with that. My husband actually told me that her family couldn't stand him because they would start arguments and he would refuse to raise his voice or become defensive. I'm trying that approach.

As for ima's last response, I'm sure you know that I am not sick of my step-son by any stretch. I AM sick of the issues between us and bio-mom that concern my step-son, I mean what other issues would there be? She refuses to follow the court order, and she refuses to follow any doctor's advice on the allergies. That's what I am sick of. And that is why I put "& step-son". But you can try to read between the lines and make up whatever "diagnosis" you want! Have fun.

 

[imaqt]

Re: Imaqt......

just out of curiousity and not bashing here-
what field of psychology are you studying?
do you have a degree or are working towards one?
I know imxoz works in a school and deals with children everyday so I am wondering what branch you are studying?

I have a BA in child psychology and before I took a break and went into real estate appraisal I was a school psychologist part time and a clinical psychologist the other part.. I also handled therapy sessions for divorced couples and their children. I have studied several things from how a child mind works and functions in a divorced household compared to a two parent household (the study I worked on was done for different age groups and sexes) to working on understanding the links between violent crime offenders and the home life they had.

I also have testified several times in court for a childs well being. BUT I like real estate alot better, I loved helping the children but right now I am working for Habitat for Humanity and I own a shelter in another town for battered men and women and I help them find suitable homes. I enjoy every minute of it.

Anything else?

p.s. will be completeling my BS very soon.

 

[karma1]

Imaqt....(sorry to have hijacked this one)

Wow! interesting species, us humans, huh? lol
I've "toyed" with the idea of PhD regarding PAS-such a hot topic now a days.
side thought-violent tendencies in broken homes in relationship to PAS? hmm, that might be worth a study, if not one already done?
thanks for the reply

 

[imxoz]

Listen, you don't have to worry about my creditials. I am licensed and have practiced for a long time in my field. I have worked residential care, community mental health, drug and alcohol, and with emotionally disturbed children in the school setting. When I read your post I saw you refer on at least 4 occasions "HE REFUSES TO SPEAK UP FOR HIMSELF." "He didn't even bother to tell me about the rash." "I yelled at him." I never said that you or any mother have to be perfect. I responded becasue I advocate for children's needs. Obviously if he is afraid to tell you about his rash, it is only because he knows how you are going to react. I know you are frustrated and rightly so. I only want you to be careful how you handle this with him. You later posts explained more re: your discussions and apologies too him. Don't be so defensive and take some advice. I have no interest in attacking anyone and am not a quack! I believe in advocating for children and if you go back and re read your original post, you will understand why some "oh mys went up." Thank goodness he has you and go forward and do like we all do, too do better next time. I just get bothered when parents exspect too much from the kiddos.

 

[craftymom]

been sitting on my hands

This thread has been on my mind since I first read it (around the 5th post or so). I wasn't going to say anything to add to the fracas, but some of this thread has weighed heavily on my mind. I mean not to bash anyone, or attack. Just making observations.

I'm surprised at the instant negative reactions to the original post. I read it simply as a woman frustrated with the continuing issues that the bio-mom creates and apparently nurtures regarding the step-son. That's it. Frustration with those issues-- NOT with the step-son himself. Yet there was an immediate jump-on-the-bandwagon reaction of "he's a CHILD" and overall feeling of the message "you're just the step-mom contributing to the aggravation".

I'm not saying I agree or disagree with the basis of what any of you are saying, with the following exception:

Obviously if he is afraid to tell you about his rash, it is only because he knows how you are going to react.

I disagree with the use of the word "obviously". "perhaps"--maybe--"obviously"-- uh-uh. Could be that s'mom and dad try their hardest NOT to expose the little guy to conversations with the bio-mom, but that son eavesdrops when they think he's asleep (NOT saying this is the case--just throwing out possibilities). OR maybe he's never heard a word between s'mom, dad, and bio-mom about health issues----he's just put two and two together from all the (necessary) Dr. appointments, and has figured out on his own that this is a heated issue between the parents, and he doesn't want to cause any more friction by saying something (kids are VERY perceptive). OR--it could be none of these things. It could be as simple as the typical developmental stage that kids his age go through----the discovery that *their* body parts are different than that of the opposite sex---and therefore not wanting s'mom (in this case) to see him naked. Or it could even be that, because we "train" our kids not to let anyone see them or touch them in private areas--he's struggling with the line of "acceptable" as far as s'mom and dad go. Could also be that he's just embarrassed about having a rash in that area.

As I said, I mean not to start a debate, or to attack anyone. I just saw some reactions that were disturbing to me because there didn't appear to be any benefit of the doubt given, or a willingness to look at "the other side of the coin", that's all.... I hope I've managed to say it in the manner in which I intended it to be heard...

 

[imaqt]

Listen, you don't have to worry about my creditials.

Can I use that line next time?

 

[imxoz]

LOL sure!