i could just die

[fammy69]

What is the name of your state? california
see if you can follow, a little history: went to drug treatment at 20 for drugs, pot, coke, acid, tried it all. been clean for over 15 years. 1 month ago i had some drinks while watching a football game, and drove home with my son, Kristan(who i have been seperated from for 3 months) calls me and she know i have had drinks. she writes a letter to my ex and states i have a past history with drug abuse and that my drinking has gotten worse, she is very concerned for the safety of my son. me and my ex are due in court anyways to finish some custody agreements. my ex brings in the letter from Kristan and gives it to the judge. Judge says she is concerned about my past drug history, and asks if i drove my son after i had been drinking. Yes, i replied. Judge now says, no more overnites, no more driving ur son and to get into any program of my choosing. if i am in a program when we come back to court visitation will go back to normal. that same day i find an addiction therapist and start sessions and start AA. Today, i saw the judge and she asked me how it was going, i stated good, i am attenting counseling and AA and i now have 11 days sober. judge replies"thats not a lot of sobriety time" and asks X if she is comfotable with going back to the old visitation, X says no. juudge asks how much time would u be comfortable with, she says 60 days. so now its 60 days. i feel lied to, by the judge, and screwed by myX. i am sure she is loving this. any feedback, thanks for listening

 

[stealth2]

So, even knowing this was likely to be an issue, in the two weeks after the SuperBowl, you were apparently drinking - is that right? I don't know that you should be surprised that it's a concern to people, especially with a young child. Your best bet is to stay clean, and keep up with your treatment program.

What was the previous separation from your son about?

 

[fammy69]

no i did not drink during the super bowl, in the last 31 days i have had two glasses of wine, but in AA if u drink u start over

 

[stealth2]

Well, I dunno where you are, but here football season ended 2/6 - just about a month ago. The next to last games before that were 2 weeks before. So..... I dunno. But are you taking this seriously? If you've been in a custody issue with your ex, did it not occur to you that after that one screw-up, you'd better stay on the straight and narrow and quit drinking?

 

[fammy69]

dude, get off the superbowl, it was not the superbowl that i was drinking at it was the pittsburg vs. jets two weeks prior. i am not saying that i should not be drinking. i am making every effort not to and admitting my faults. what i am asking is how can a judge interviene like that and make an order based on a bitter ex. we are not in a child custody battle, we were alternating times and dates of visits.

 

[stealth2]

dude, get off the superbowl, it was not the superbowl that i was drinking at it was the pittsburg vs. jets two weeks prior. i am not saying that i should not be drinking. i am making every effort not to and admitting my faults. what i am asking is how can a judge interviene like that and make an order based on a bitter ex. we are not in a child custody battle, we were alternating times and dates of visits.

So it was really more like 6 weeks ago, yet you only have 11 days sober. You're not getting the point. What the judge is doing is looking out for the best interests of your kid. And those best interests do not indicate being in a position of being driven around by an active addict. KNOWING that an issue was being made of it, you STILL had a few drinks. You STILL have a problem. And only YOU can decide if it's worth potentially losing your kid - 'cause that is the road you're on.

And I'm sorry, I cannot fault either of your ex's or the judge for being concerned. Someone needs to be - and it doesn't seem as though that someone is you.

 

[casa]

dude, get off the superbowl, it was not the superbowl that i was drinking at it was the pittsburg vs. jets two weeks prior. i am not saying that i should not be drinking. i am making every effort not to and admitting my faults. what i am asking is how can a judge interviene like that and make an order based on a bitter ex. we are not in a child custody battle, we were alternating times and dates of visits.

"dude"? is that like "dude, where's my car" (cuz I've been drinking & driving)

hint.......*Dudette*

 

[fammy69]

sweetheart, first of all u clarly have some emotional baggage that needs to be dealt with, to attack and belittle a father(who by the way is the Petitioner and has joint legal/physical custody) is completely inappropriate. u may make ur points but don't through ur own issues into the mix. i get the impression, from reading ur other posts, that u are a post whore and think that as a women u know whats best. this legal sistem here in CA, is a joke when it comes to a father rights. i wasn't looking for ridicule, just some support.

 

[stealth2]

Go talk to a lawyer, dude. Maybe s/he can get through to you.

 

[howamidoing]

Go talk to a lawyer, dude. Maybe s/he can get through to you.

You could just die? Well, so could your son, when you were driving drunk with him in the car! Man, you should be more responsible with your son.

 

[stepmom&mom]

Hmmmm....

Well it looks to me like the OP was drunk while he was typing this post.


Anyways, you have no excuse, OP. Be a responsible MAN and don't drink and drive. Then maybe you can care for your child better.

 

[stealth2]

But it makes me wish I'd been nastier. 'Cause I can be so much more so than I was in this thread. I actually though I was being quite nice.

 

[fammy69]

stealth, i am not flaming you, i agree, very bad decision of mine. i accept the consequences, its frustrating, thats all i am saying, i don't need to be harrassed here, by a bunch of bitter women, oh, sorry about some of my spelling, i am not as perfect as most of you

 

[stealth2]

What you don't seem to understand is that bitterness has nothing to do with it, and most of us aren't. It's about the kid. You screwed up, and now you have to fix it before the judge lets you have access. That's not my fault, it's not casa's fault, it's not your ex's fault. It's your fault. The sooner you accept that and do what you need to do, the sooner you'll see the kid on the regular schedule.

 

[casa]

stealth, i am not flaming you, i agree, very bad decision of mine. i accept the consequences, its frustrating, thats all i am saying, i don't need to be harrassed here, by a bunch of bitter women, oh, sorry about some of my spelling, i am not as perfect as most of you

Have you considered that this may be a good (albeit unexpected) intervention into your backslide/relapse? Get back into the program and get a sponsor...you'll get your normal visitation returned to you and can consider the whole scenario one where "an ounce of prevention..."