I got married/want to move/ex is protesting

[profmum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WV
My son's dad and I were never married. My son is 9 1/2 now. He has seen him regularly over the last 8 years. The first year I would say no. He pays child supt on a regular basis as well.
so dad has been very involved in kiddo's life for the last 8 years and pays CS on time.

Last year for some reason he decided to take me to court for custody. However, we worked things out and things really didn't change. He said he just wanted things in writing. The papers say that I have primary custodial responsibility, share in major decisions, etc. They also say that I had to give 90 days notice if I wanted to move.
what did the CO say about permission to move?

At the time we went to court I was just moving in with my boyfriend so I didn't consider that as having to give notice.

why not.. you were changing addresses?

My boyfriend ended up cheating on me 2 months later and I had to move into my own apartment. Obviously I could not give 90 days notice.
Did you let dad know about yet another new address?

OK......I just got married on May 21st. I met my husband where I am currently living, WV. He came here from TN about 4 years ago to train thoroughbred horses. However, that didn't work out because the racing office took his stalls away from him and he could not afford to board them outside of the track at $300 per horse per month. I am also from Tennessee. I have always wanted to move back. My son and I moved there Feb 05 and moved back Aug 06. At that time, his dad didnt protest whatsoever.

ok, not the wisest decision by Dad.

NOW....I have filed a petition to move to TN again with the Family court in my county. In the instructions it says that there are 6 good reasons for relocating your child like that. One is if your spouse has already moved and gotten settled/started a good job. Two...health reasons. Three....if there are immediate family members in the area. I can't remember the other 3. My husband HAS already moved. He has found a great job on a horse farm, a modern home--rent free, utilities included;

Good for your husband, but you are too lazy too even remember what the other 3 considerations are that will cause a major disruption in your child's life?

As far as for health reasons...well, my son's dad literally drives me crazy. He makes me a nervous wreck..harassing me..it's mental harassment what he does.

Bull****!, if you think that is a legitimate health reason

And we have family members in the area..my husbands mom is there. I also have several aunts and uncles 3 hours away.

so extended family hours away and new husband's mum..not convincing enough

Now....my son's dad had his lawyer draw up papers protesting this..saying that i have exhibited disturbing behavior recently, that my son has significant ties with family and friends here, etc.

he does with HIS FATHER!
We were never married, my son has lived with me his ENTIRE life. AND the court has granted permission to listen to my son's testimony. I think he is torn about moving. He wants to live with me but he wants to see his dad.

That should clue you in right there, that moving away from his dad is going to hurt your son..

I have come up with a reasonable parenting plan i think. he can spend the entire summer, xmas break, spring break, some long weekends, etc with his dad. What leg do you think he has to stand on?

A good, strong, sturdy legal pair

What can I do? I do have several emails saying that he thinks that I am a good mom...then he'll be mean and harassing again, or hitting on me (he's engaged and has a baby on the way). I'll wait to hear from you before I say anything else. Sorry I got so windy.

Hitting you on? that is your reason?.. I am one of the few here that does not believe the relocation with one parent is always a terrible thing for the child, BUT here is a perfect example of why it is a terrible idea and is purely motivated by your selfishness...so yes, given that you state that Dad is very involved in his son's life and your reason for moving is because of your new husband of less than a month and some nonsense about a horse farm and free utilities, I sincerely hope you are not permitted to move with your son.

 

[Humusluvr]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WV
My son's dad and I were never married. My son is 9 1/2 now. He has seen him regularly over the last 8 years. The first year I would say no. He pays child supt on a regular basis as well. Last year for some reason he decided to take me to court for custody. However, we worked things out and things really didn't change. He said he just wanted things in writing. The papers say that I have primary custodial responsibility, share in major decisions, etc. They also say that I had to give 90 days notice if I wanted to move. At the time we went to court I was just moving in with my boyfriend so I didn't consider that as having to give notice. My boyfriend ended up cheating on me 2 months later and I had to move into my own apartment. Obviously I could not give 90 days notice. OK......I just got married on May 21st. I met my husband where I am currently living, WV. He came here from TN about 4 years ago to train thoroughbred horses. However, that didn't work out because the racing office took his stalls away from him and he could not afford to board them outside of the track at $300 per horse per month. I am also from Tennessee. I have always wanted to move back. My son and I moved there Feb 05 and moved back Aug 06. At that time, his dad didnt protest whatsoever. NOW....I have filed a petition to move to TN again with the Family court in my county. In the instructions it says that there are 6 good reasons for relocating your child like that. One is if your spouse has already moved and gotten settled/started a good job. Two...health reasons. Three....if there are immediate family members in the area. I can't remember the other 3. My husband HAS already moved. He has found a great job on a horse farm, a modern home--rent free, utilities included; As far as for health reasons...well, my son's dad literally drives me crazy. He makes me a nervous wreck..harassing me..it's mental harassment what he does. And we have family members in the area..my husbands mom is there. I also have several aunts and uncles 3 hours away. Now....my son's dad had his lawyer draw up papers protesting this..saying that i have exhibited disturbing behavior recently, that my son has significant ties with family and friends here, etc. We were never married, my son has lived with me his ENTIRE life. AND the court has granted permission to listen to my son's testimony. I think he is torn about moving. He wants to live with me but he wants to see his dad. I have come up with a reasonable parenting plan i think. he can spend the entire summer, xmas break, spring break, some long weekends, etc with his dad. What leg do you think he has to stand on? What can I do? I do have several emails saying that he thinks that I am a good mom...then he'll be mean and harassing again, or hitting on me (he's engaged and has a baby on the way). I'll wait to hear from you before I say anything else. Sorry I got so windy.

I, too, have a health concern!!!

I am DYING LAUGHING!!!!

And on the advice front, you DONT have any family where you want to move. Your husband does, who is legally NOTHING to your child.

Since dad has been involved with your son, why don't YOU take the parenting plan you came up with? And pay child support to dad.

Or consider divorce. Guys who live on farms are just freaking trouble. Horses make people do bad things. I know from experience.

 

[happybug]

Just a head's up. For question #2, I am pretty sure that would be in reference to YOUR CHILD'S health. The court is not too worried about improvements to YOUR health. Your stress or mental health would only come into question if it was to a point that made you unable to care for your child.

If you are physiaclly and meantally able to care for your child that is the extent your health comes into this. The benefit the court is looking for is YOUR CHILD'S health.

Oh, and have fun explaining how your new Mother In Law is a more important " Family " member than your child's father. I would like to hear the response the Judge gives you for that one.

 

[tiredofdrama]

I'm not a lawyer so I can't spout off any statutes or actual laws, but I am a divorced mother who can relate to this situation. You handled this situation all wrong. You and your husband went off and made plans that were in HIS and YOUR best interest but did not even consider that this might not be in your son's best interest or what it might mean to his relationship with his father. You may not like your son's father, but you better start to respect him and recognize that he has just as much rights as you do! Now, you have put yourself in a real mess. Your husband has already moved and your son's father doesn't want your son to go and is ready to fight you in court. Before you even considered the IDEA of moving, you should have spoken with your ex, got his thoughts on it, and if he said NO, you come up with another plan that would include staying put. 2 years ago, I wanted to move less than 45 minutes away. I wasn't even leaving the county! I did nothing until I spoke with my ex, came up with a workable plan where his time with our son didn't change, and got his permission in writing!! Not just to cover my own butt, because even though I hate my ex, I RESPECT him as my son's father. If you choose to move, there is a good chance you will lose custody. The only guarantee you have in keeping him with you is not to move. I'm remarried now and personally, if my husband got a job somewhere else, I'd be staying put. Think about your son. Not only will you be taking him away from his father (and it sounds like he is torn over that), you are uprooting him and disrupting his life, which you seem to have already done a few times already! Those are your options. Push for the move, and possibly lose custody of your child. Stay put and maintain custody and do the right thing. Is this really a difficult choice for you to make? Oh, and one more thing . . . your husband has nothing to do with this. His needs, wants, happiness, and how close his family will be means nothing to your ex, your son or the courts. The opportunity to make more money doesn't carry alot of weight either. I'd sling burgers or clean toilets rather than run the risk of losing custody of my child. You better think long and hard.

 

[wileybunch]

Amen, tiredofdrama. Very well said.

 

[tiredofdrama]

Thank you very much! I will admit that when I did want to do my 45 minute away move, I looked at this board first to see how to handle things, and in the issues I've had in the last few years with my ex, I've consulted this board. I think it helped me to look at things from a more objective point of view. I didn't always like the answers I got, but that's life. The quicker you realize that your child's happiness comes first, treat your ex how you'd want to be treated, and accept the fact that you will always be in eachother's lives (so suck it up), the better off you are.

 

[Silverplum]

Thank you very much! I will admit that when I did want to do my 45 minute away move, I looked at this board first to see how to handle things, and in the issues I've had in the last few years with my ex, I've consulted this board. I think it helped me to look at things from a more objective point of view. I didn't always like the answers I got, but that's life. The quicker you realize that your child's happiness comes first, treat your ex how you'd want to be treated, and accept the fact that you will always be in eachother's lives (so suck it up), the better off you are.

*contented sigh...*

 

[tiredofdrama]

*contented sigh...*

Does that mean I did good? You were a little scary (LOL) and to be honest, I thought about you being the judge if I were in court. Changed my whole way of thinking, and guess what, still got my son with me and everyone is happy.

 

[Silverplum]

Does that mean I did good?

Yes! YES!! YES!!!

You were a little scary (LOL) and to be honest, I thought about you being the judge if I were in court. Changed my whole way of thinking, and guess what, still got my son with me and everyone is happy.

If it wouldn't totally damage my scary rep here, I'd admit I got a teensy bit misty-eyed at that statement...

But, of course, I merely smirked. No misty-eyes for SP, no way.

 

[tiredofdrama]

Yes! YES!! YES!!!

If it wouldn't totally damage my scary rep here, I'd admit I got a teensy bit misty-eyed at that statement...

whoa. . .

But, of course, I merely smirked. No misty-eyes for SP, no way.

That's better! You were scaring me!

Hopefully, OP will listen to this board, but in the great tradition of OPs that come to this board, wanting to be told they are right and they can do whatever they want (myself included in the beginning - bitterness is an ugly emotion), we will probably never hear from her again . . . too busy packing. I hope she really felt good about that little visitation schedule she came up with for dad, cuz it just might end up being HER visitation schedule.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

I'm not a lawyer so I can't spout off any statutes or actual laws, but I am a divorced mother who can relate to this situation. You handled this situation all wrong. You and your husband went off and made plans that were in HIS and YOUR best interest but did not even consider that this might not be in your son's best interest or what it might mean to his relationship with his father. You may not like your son's father, but you better start to respect him and recognize that he has just as much rights as you do! Now, you have put yourself in a real mess. Your husband has already moved and your son's father doesn't want your son to go and is ready to fight you in court. Before you even considered the IDEA of moving, you should have spoken with your ex, got his thoughts on it, and if he said NO, you come up with another plan that would include staying put. 2 years ago, I wanted to move less than 45 minutes away. I wasn't even leaving the county! I did nothing until I spoke with my ex, came up with a workable plan where his time with our son didn't change, and got his permission in writing!! Not just to cover my own butt, because even though I hate my ex, I RESPECT him as my son's father. If you choose to move, there is a good chance you will lose custody. The only guarantee you have in keeping him with you is not to move. I'm remarried now and personally, if my husband got a job somewhere else, I'd be staying put. Think about your son. Not only will you be taking him away from his father (and it sounds like he is torn over that), you are uprooting him and disrupting his life, which you seem to have already done a few times already! Those are your options. Push for the move, and possibly lose custody of your child. Stay put and maintain custody and do the right thing. Is this really a difficult choice for you to make? Oh, and one more thing . . . your husband has nothing to do with this. His needs, wants, happiness, and how close his family will be means nothing to your ex, your son or the courts. The opportunity to make more money doesn't carry alot of weight either. I'd sling burgers or clean toilets rather than run the risk of losing custody of my child. You better think long and hard.

I like this, a LOT...
I know that if The Ex had given me more notice than 3 days(before a custody hearing, but 2 months before the actual move), and tried to work things out with me instead of presenting it as a fait accompli, I would now be much less bitter(did I just say that?), and much more likely to be accommodating in the future.

Yes! YES!! YES!!!
If it wouldn't totally damage my scary rep here, I'd admit I got a teensy bit misty-eyed at that statement...
But, of course, I merely smirked. No misty-eyes for SP, no way.

SP is correct. You did just fine.

And she's only scary in a cool kinda way

 

[Silverplum]

SP is correct. You did just fine.

And she's only scary in a cool kinda way

{hugs PSDMD} Thanks!
I'm gonna take you to lunch!

 

[tiredofdrama]

Another way of looking at things is like this:

If you hate your ex SO much and you want to keep them away from your kids, why are you doing so many STUPID things to make it easier for them to make YOU look like the bad parent and possibly get custody, giving them more time with the kids, and you less. Duh. Morons.

 

[stepmom04]

I seriously think most times the reason people move away is to alienate the kids from the other parent. I won't lie...my husband and I thought about doing that too. THen we realized...who that hurts...is the kids. I live in a sucky little town..that I hate...and I've lived here all my life. I want to move, but my children (step and biological) are more important.

IMO, take as you want, he doesn't sound like a dead beat..he wants to see his kid...he trys to see his kid....count yourself lucky that you have a parent for your child that cares enough to fight. Tell your new hubby...I've got to stay with my kid....or keep letting dad have his visitation like it is..and you pay the expense for all the travel...which will get expensive every other weekend.

 

[proud_parent]

I'm gonna take you to lunch!

Watch out, PSD. Remember when Hannibal Lecter said, "I'm having an old friend for dinner"?