I have a HUGE problem

[reportermom]

I agree with CJane, but I wanted to ask you something.

Can you look back in your calender and see how you handled October of 2008 and July of 2009?

Those two months ended the same as this month will. If you handled them the same way as you have handled planning for this trip, I would say don't worry about it, and don't let dad stress you out.

When did you let dad know about the trip? If you let him know about the trip months in advance and he said nothing....well, then he just looks petty and controlling.

Also, if you have offered him make up time and he still refuses to work, then he will look even worse if he does take it to court.

 

[LdiJ]

If he was right and this weekend isn't considered the first weekend in May then he would get two weekends in May and I would only get one. Doesn't seem right.

Not to mention, he NEVER shows up Friday at 7 like he is supposed to, usually shows up on Saturdays and that Sunday is Mothers day and per our agreement I get them that day anyways.

I get that I may have screwed up, but since he won't agree to anything and if I take the kids anyways then what is the worst that can happen?

I know you don't have a magic crystal ball, just looking for thoughts and experiences.

If you can prove that you have been handling 5th/1st weekends in a manner that would make this weekend the first weekend, and if you can prove that dad has known about this trip for a year and only just now decided to claim that the weekend of the trip was his weekend, then you might just get a slap on the wrist if dad files for contempt. Particularly if you offer him two for one makeup time.

My guess is that unless you have been held in contempt multiple times (actually found to be in contempt) that the absolute worst case scenario would be that you would be ordered to give makeup time to dad, and would get fined.

Personally, I wouldn't disappoint the children or lose money by cancelling the trip. I would take the contempt.

 

[CJane]

If you can prove that you have been handling 5th/1st weekends in a manner that would make this weekend the first weekend, and if you can prove that dad has known about this trip for a year and only just now decided to claim that the weekend of the trip was his weekend, then you might just get a slap on the wrist if dad files for contempt. Particularly if you offer him two for one makeup time.

My guess is that unless you have been held in contempt multiple times (actually found to be in contempt) that the absolute worst case scenario would be that you would be ordered to give makeup time to dad, and would get fined.

Personally, I wouldn't disappoint the children or lose money by cancelling the trip. I would take the contempt.

ALSO, Mom would have SUNDAY anyway, as it's Mother's Day. So EVEN IF it was seen by the judge as Mom interfering with Dad's time. She can only interfere with the time to the extent that it's actually HIS.

And HIS time is from 7pm Friday (should he show up and attempt to use it, which he generally does not) until whenever Mother's day starts.

Mom offering an ENTIRE weekend as make-up will go a long way towards making a judge happy by showing that she really was NOT trying to "take" anything at all.

 

[DaddyAdvocate]

If he was right and this weekend isn't considered the first weekend in May then he would get two weekends in May and I would only get one. Doesn't seem right.

Sorry, but I stopped reading right here. According to you, in September of 2009, the visitation schedule is:

...They see him two weekends of every month, rotating holidays, and two weeks out of each summer month...

And you're gonna whine that it "doesn't seem right" that you might only get 1 weekend for 1 month???

 

[Raisingmaddy]

Thank you all for your responses. Yes, we have always done it this way but I'm not sure if I have my calendars for the last several years to prove it.

I even offered him all of my weekends in May except the one including the one coming up at the end of April. He refused.

He sent me a text message a little bit ago telling me he wouldn't have a problem with it whatsoever, and the only reason he does now is because I won't let his parents pick up our children.

I don't even have proof of when I told him and how long ago it was because I told him verbally and of course the kids have talked to him about it every weekend he has had them for the past year. I know that doesn't count, but it's the way it is.

It's all about control. I absolutely know he will file contempt charges against me, no doubt whatsoever. I have NEVER even had a contempt charge filed against me before, he has but I dropped it. He is so angry with me that he has been waiting for the chance to do it just to get back at me.

 

[Zigner]

Sorry, but I stopped reading right here. According to you, in September of 2009, the visitation schedule is:

And you're gonna whine that it "doesn't seem right" that you might only get 1 weekend for 1 month???

You should have kept reading

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you all for your responses. Yes, we have always done it this way but I'm not sure if I have my calendars for the last several years to prove it.

I even offered him all of my weekends in May except the one including the one coming up at the end of April. He refused.

He sent me a text message a little bit ago telling me he wouldn't have a problem with it whatsoever, and the only reason he does now is because I won't let his parents pick up our children.

I don't even have proof of when I told him and how long ago it was because I told him verbally and of course the kids have talked to him about it every weekend he has had them for the past year. I know that doesn't count, but it's the way it is.

It's all about control. I absolutely know he will file contempt charges against me, no doubt whatsoever. I have NEVER even had a contempt charge filed against me before, he has but I dropped it. He is so angry with me that he has been waiting for the chance to do it just to get back at me.

Then let him file. You go into court showing everything that you offered, and explain everything. The worst that can happen is that you will get fined and have to give him makeup time, which you are willing to give him anyway. The best that can happen is that he will look like an idiot.

Go...have fun and don't worry about dad.

 

[profmum]

Ditto on LD and CJane's response.. as for helping the coparenting relationship, for some co-parents their anger and focus on "sticking it to you" never subsides. Always look at what is right for the children and make your choices/decisions accordingly.. for these ex's helping them become better coparent is futile.

 

[Raisingmaddy]

Sorry, but I stopped reading right here. According to you, in September of 2009, the visitation schedule is:

And you're gonna whine that it "doesn't seem right" that you might only get 1 weekend for 1 month???

Actually, he is the one who wanted that schedule. He requested it himself when we wrote up our own agreement and filed it with the courts.

ETA: He actually requested EVEN less time than he has but I insisted we put it in writing for him to have more than he asked for.

 

[mommyof3jkc]

same type of plan but...

We had the same order for 3 years for the weekends where NCP would pick up kids after school on Friday until 6:00pm on Sunday the first and third weekends but we alternated the 5th weekends. Our order specifically stated that the weekends would be determined by the Saturday date (If the 1st fell on a Saturday it was the 1st weekend, if the 1st fell on a Sunday it would be the following weekend)...We still have the same schedule yet NCP does not pick up until Saturday morning and he will be picking up son on Saturday, May 1st, as that is the first weekend in May. How many others on this board will be using May 1st and 2nd as the first weekend in May? I agree that mom should take the kids and not worry about it....I was advised by my previous attorney that when there is something questioned in a court order that a judge generally looks at how a 'typical' person would understand it. I would hope that if the father does in fact file contempt charges against mom, that the judge would figure that May 1st signified the 1st weekend but you never know.

 

[stealth2]

How other people's orders see it doesn't impact OP's situation.

 

[sometwo]

My husband had a similar situation except the vacation would interfere with mom's time. We were also going to Disney. I was going to counseling with mom and stepson at the time. She tried to deny the trip even though my husband had tried to work things out with emails for make up time.

The counselor finally said to her , are you really going to try and deny your son this trip? She said well no.

My husband had decided we would go on the trip regardless (even if mom had stood her ground) . Mom never took it to court and got over it. (mom was also complaining that she wasn't allowed to take her son on trips, vacations etc . There was also good reasoning for that too)

Not legal advice just opinion: Go on your trip offer him make up time through emails. He doesn't agree don't worry about it. Let him take it to court. That's what I would do if it were me anyway.

 

[Knowalot]

Too bad you don't live in California. We may have problems but judges here use both the law and their brain when it comes to children and custody. Worry about the consequences if any later. No paid for trip that dad has known about for a year should have to be cancelled. Sit in on some contempt cases in your area and then decide for yourself; people on here act like you will end up on a chain gang. What an awful dad these poor kids have. You have my sympathy.

 

[sometwo]

Sit in on some contempt cases in your area and then decide for yourself; people on here act like you will end up on a chain gang. What an awful dad these poor kids have. You have my sympathy.

I would just like to state many of these cases you can't just "sit in on" only the parties to the case are allowed in. I remember being in the courtroom many times for little brother's case but years into it they changed it .


Secondly this IS a legal site. Which means legally she should abide by the court order. Anything else is just opinion.

 

[Humusluvr]

Secondly this IS a legal site. Which means legally she should abide by the court order. Anything else is just opinion.

Not exactly "FreeAdvice Forums are intended to enable consumers to benefit from the experience of other consumers who have faced similar legal issues."

I agree with CJane and LDiJ. Go on your vacation, don't worry too much, have the past visitations and use of visitation time, and the offer of makeup time documented, and if he files, he files. Why cancel a vacation for the kids for the argument over one day? You didn't make this malicious, like you are denying him his wedding day or a monumental day with the kids. You are taking them on vacation. You made a mistake on days, but he was notified, he's been OK until the last second...

Just wondering - why won't you let his parents pick up the kids (I didn't look at your posting history, so I was wondering)